The War at Home

I only have one simple rule for dating my teenage daughter: if she sees your penis, I'll cut it off.

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

My dad had it easy. In his day, if you brought home a paycheck and didn't beat your kids, you were father of the year.

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Hillary's been moody and crying since she was 12. Where have you been?

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Vicky: (to Dave about Larry) Okay, so one time he wore women's clothing. Dave: One time we know about. Vicky: Remember, last year, he wanted to be a rock star? He quit guitar lessons after two weeks. You know, it's possible that this whole cross-dressing thing is just an experimental phase. Dave: Well, why doesn't he just experiment with drugs like every other teenager?

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

When I was a kid growing up, my father's philosophy was "Do as I say, not as I do." Well, when I became a parent, I swore I would do better with my kids. So my philosophy is, "Do as I say - not as I hope you don't know I do."

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

It's true. Parents that use drugs have kids that use drugs. So there's an important lesson here. Don't have kids.

The War at Home (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0