Billy Madison

Billy: [drunk] Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today? Frank: October? Billy: [realizes] It's Nudie Magazine Day!!

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0

Frank: Hey Billy, who would you rather bone? Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson? Billy: Jack Nicholson now or 1974? Frank: '74. Billy: Meg Ryan.

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0

Brian: [to himself] Oh Billy, Billy boy, when are you going to find whatever it is you're lookin' for? Billy: Here's a nice piece of shit! Old man Clements hates shit! He's gonna freak, when he realizes it's shit! [goes up to the front porch of the Clements house, puts the bag down, lights it on fire, rings the doorbell, and hides behind the bushes with Jack and Frank] Oh my God, Old Man Clements hates shit! [chuckles] Frank: Shh, here he comes. [snickering] Old Man Ted Clements: [from inside] Who the hell is it? What do you want? [emerges, and sees the flaming bag] Judas Priest, Barbara! It's one of those flaming bags again! Old Woman Barbara Clements: [offscreen] Don't put it out with your boots, Ted! Old Man Ted Clements: Don't tell me my business, devil woman! Call the fire department; this one's out of control! [stamps out flaming bag, but steps on something. He lifts up his boot and smells; he realizes it's poop] Yuck! It's POOP again! Jack: He called the shit "poop"! Frank: Oh,

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0

Brian: You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes... Billy: Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank. [lifts his shirt to show "FRANK" written on the inside] Brian: Yea, well whatever, it's all my fault. I made a mistake. [looks up to see Billy lifting his shirt] What? Are you some damned moron?

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0

Brian: Billy, it wasn't just high school. Do you remember that spelling bee you won in the 1st grade? Billy: Oh, no you didn't. Brian: Rock...R-O-K. Billy: Yeah, so what's your point? Brian: R-O-C-K! Billy: The 'C' is silent, ha-ha!

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0

Billy: Okay, alright...Alright, you got it. First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels. Brian: That's some idea. You just think of that? Billy: Yeah, I did. It's pretty good, huh? Eric: Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels and its sixty one thousand employees is too important to gamble on a game like this? Brian: No. [to Billy] You're on.

Billy Madison, CC BY-SA 4.0