Quotes

January 13

Triple H, that is enough! Is this what you get off on? Making fun of me? How much more, do you want from me? First, you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there and you take away my dignity then Monday night, in what should have been the greatest night of my life when I was reinstated on RAW is WAR, you take me and you ruin my shirt and you ruin my face and I'll be honest when I stepped onto the shower and I let the cold water run down on my head and I looked down at the pool of blood as it swirled down the shower drain, I started thinking a little big about what Mankind was. Well, Mankind is an entertaining son of a gun. Mankind is a pretty damn good author, Mankind is one tough SOB and Mankind is one hell of a fighter. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a streetfight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden because you are without a doubt, The Game. You are the best in the busine

February 24

Chris Jericho, the Rock says that tag-team wrestling really isn't in his repertoire, but tonight, the Rock will team with you as long the Rock can get that Olympic goof to know his role and shut his mouth! But then again, the Rock could care less about Kurt Angle. The only reason he would pair you is to get his hands, on the Big Show. Big Show, the Rock says this: He's heard your complaints, he has seen your footage, and the Rock says you are absolutely right. The Rock says you're right, the Rock's feet did touch the ground first and you are right the Rock did call you a jabroni, and you are right, these people - the Rock's people - boo your candyass! [Rocky chants] Well Big Show, you wanna know why they boo you? You know why they don't treat you with the respect that you think you deserve? Well you see the Rock has a little bit of video footage of his own. The Rock has some video footage of the one thing you think you do best so the Rock says roll the footage. [clip of Rock mocking Bi

April 27

The Rock: The Rock promised that Stone Cold was gonna be here tonight, and the Rock is a man and a half living up to his word, and always keeps his promises! Now all night long, the Rock has thoroughly enjoyed watching all your candy asses get confused, get paranoid. The beer, the rattlesnake, the only regret is that the Rattlesnake didn't bite one of you in your candy asses! Shane McMahon, beating up the cardboard cutout of Stone Cold. Real tough. Triple H, beating up the Stone Cold lookalike in a bathroom! Well, who do you think the Rock is? The Rock doesn't dress like Stone Cold, The Rock doesn't talk like Stone Cold, the Rock doesn't even look like Stone Cold... but [gestures to Smackdown screen] HE looks like Stone Cold. [Austin appears on screen] Stone Cold Steve Austin: Hell, I understand you jackasses have been looking for me. Hell, I'm at the parking lot, I've been here in out all night long! Now there seems to be some concern over whose side Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna b

May 11

Now, I understand, that there are a number of you... [hears "Asshole!" chants] I understand that there are a number of you... I understand that... I understand that some of you feel as though that the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, last Monday on Raw, just wasn't fair to Chris Jericho. I understand that many of you feel as though, since the McMahon-Helmsley Faction made Chris Jericho compete on three different occasions, defending the Intercontinental title until he lost it, that it just wasn't fair. Well, that's just too damn bad. Because, if you don't think it was fair Monday, you're probably the same kind of people who wait in line, you wait forever in line, like sheep all lined up, you wait in line, waiting your turn, and then you'll see someone like myself, very aggressively cut in the front of the line, and you'll say, "Wait a minute! That's not fair!" And what about the parking lot, we've all been there. There you are, patiently waiting for your little parking space, and it suddenly

May 18

Jerry Lawler: [whispers] Gerald Brisco is the Hardcore Champion. Michael Cole: [whispers as well while Brisco is elated and is given the belt without speaking] You gotta be kidding me! Lawler: Gerald Brisco has the Hardcore Title, so get them to tune in the music. It will wake up Crash. [Brisco and the referee try to sneak out] Gerald Brisco is - [but the referee stumbles on a chair, which wakes up Crash. Brisco scrambles] Cole: Wait a minute! Crash Holly: Where's my belt?!? Hey you... [to ref] come with me [to Brisco] hey!!! Lawler: [as Crash and the ref chase Brisco] Look at this! Cole: King, Gerald Brisco had the Hardcore title from Crash while he was sleeping [Lawler laughs] and the chase is on!

May 25

Vince McMahon: I'm not looking for trouble tonight. I'm not looking for trouble, I've had enough for one night. You don't even know what's happened here to me, all right. Look, I know we've had our differences in the past, I understand that and you should know, I know you're angry with me but the Undertaker, wait a minute, the Undertaker, he's the reason why you're not the WWF Champion. The Undertaker himself disqualified you for outside- it was The Undertaker's fault, that's why you're not the WWF Champion, but wait a minute, I know you're still angry with me, and this is what I want: just to show you there's no hard feelings, I want you to take the night off, Rock. I want you to take [Rock looks at Vince laying hand on him] Rock, settle down, please just take the night off that's all I ask. No hard feelings, I don't want anymore trouble, not tonight, okay? Please. The Rock: So the Rock's got the night off? Vince: The Rock's got the night off, okay? I mean it's about time. The Rock: N

August 3

Triple H: You're embarrassed? Trish Stratus: I know, you know what, I hope things work out between you and Stephanie. HHH: [angered by what she just said] Hope that things work out between me and Stephanie? I'll tell you what, this whole thing is your fault. It's your fault that I haven't talked to my wife in three days. It's your fault she won't speak to me. You know what Trish, you know what you can do? You can do me a really big favor. [points arm far away] Get away from me. Get out, just get away and don't come back. Stay away from me. [shoos Trish off] You're bad news!!

October 5

Mick Foley: When I headed down to the ring on Monday night, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking If it was anybody else interfering in matches, they'd be gone and out of the WWF. And I'm also thinking about 1991 and 1992, Steve Austin and Mick Foley splitting a 20-dollar room to save a few bucks, riding in a little crapbox car to save a few bucks so I'm thinking maybe I'd just try to save face with the boys, maybe I'd give Steve Austin a little fine, a little slap on the wrist, thinking by this point in your life, you've saved enough money that no amount of fine I give you is gonna mean a damn anyway. But then what you did Steve, you went and you put your hands on me and all of a sudden my decision changed because you left me no other alternative but starting now, until we find out who ran you over, to suspend you indefinitely! Steve Austin: Well, then I want to ask you one time, Stone Cold Steve Austin to Mick Foley, to reconsider. Foley: When I said that you've left me no other a

October 12

Steve. [taps on the window] Steve. Steve, I just want to talk to you. [taps] Steve. Come on! [Austin rolls down window] Steve, you can't do this. You can't sit here and run down Rikishi. Do you hear that cop's saying? You'll go to jail! Hell he ain't worth it, he ain't worth it to you running him down. [closer] Steve, you've got to listen to reason! You got to -[Austin glares at him; JR steps back] All right easy.... [leaves]

November 30

Kurt Angle: Mick Foley, you have finally lost your mind! A Hell in a Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honor, and class. I'm not a cheater! I'm not the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completely barbaric! It's true! Mick Foley: Yeah, yeah, it's true, it is true. You were really on a roll. It is barbaric, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you and in some ways, all of these men, have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it at Armageddon there will be hell taking place inside that cell until there is one WWF Champion and one more time, on more time, if anybody gets physically involved tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny tonight, then I will STRIP YOU of the WWF title - and I will strip you right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota! [Angle is highly distraught] Triple H: [to Angle] Wow, sucks to be you doesn't it? [to Foley] You

July 12

Allow me to introduce to you the greatest WWF Champion of all time. Allow me to introduce to you the man, who'll lead Team WWF into Invasion. Allow me to introduce you to the man, who'll lead the Undertaker, Kane, Jericho and Angle into Invasion. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Stone Cold Steve Austin! [Austin heads down to the ring] You know Stone Cold, they say that since WrestleMania, you've changed. You maybe have. They say, that since WrestleMania, you've become more selfish than ever before, you've become uncaring. Matter of fact, many individuals feel as all, you've changed so much since WrestleMania, quite frankly you've become a very proficient brown-noser. [Austin reacts] Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's what some people say, they say, you've changed and I think you have changed. As far as the WWF Champion is concerned I think you've changed for the better. But quite frankly, when we approach the single greatest threat to the World Wrestling Federation ever at Invasion,

August 9

Michael Cole: Wait a minute! Rhyno! Rhyno from The Alliance ambushing, attacking Jericho from behind! Where the hell did he come from? Tazz: Well I guess Jericho's mouth will be shut finally. Cole: Rhyno, on that steel ramp, [Rhyno suplexes Jericho on the ramp] suplexing Jericho! His back and head, bouncing off that steel! Tazz: Shut his mouth, Rhyno! Shut it! Cole: Wait a minute! [Rhyno is calling for Jericho to get up] Oh my God! What the hell's Rhyno doing? Tazz: Can you feel it Cole? Can you feel it?! [Rhyno charges at Jericho and gores him through the SmackDown! titantron] Cole: A Gore! Tazz: YEAH! Cole: A Gore! A Gore through the screen! Tazz: Y2J just got Gored into the next millennium! Shut his mouth! Cole: Rhyno with that devastating Gore through that video screen, and onto the steel behind, and Jericho grimacing in pain! Tazz: That was amazing! I don't hear Jericho yapping now, do I?

September 13

Vince McMahon: Tonight - tonight, the spirit of America...lives...here...in Houston, Texas! On behalf of everyone here in the arena, and a worldwide television audience, we would like to extend our condolences to the victims, and the families and friends of the victims of the terrorist acts that occurred on Tuesday in New York City and Washington, DC. Our nation's leaders have encouraged us to continue to live our lives...the American way...they've encouraged us to practice and exercise our Constitutional rights. And, as such, tonight I believe this is the first public assembly of its size since the tragedy of Tuesday. Make - make NO MISTAKE about what - and make no mistake about the message this public assembly is sending to terrorism tonight. And that message, quite simply, is that we will not live our lives in fear. The citizens of Houston are NOT afraid...the citizens of Texas are, indeed, not afraid...and by God, the citizens of the United States are not afraid! For we are a proud

September 20

You know, Austin? When you threw my gold medals over that bridge a few weeks ago, you threw a piece of America into that water and I will never forgive you for that! Nor will I forgive you for what you tried to do to me tonight. Now I see you for who you truly are. You're a desperate man Austin. You don't wanna face me for the WWF title this Sunday at Unforgiven. Because when you look at me, when you look into my eyes, LOOK AT MY EYES! You know that I am the one man that in your mind, in your heart, and deep down in your soul, can beat you! And this Sunday at Unforgiven, I will walk out of my hometown the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! OH IT'S TRUE! IT'S DAMN TRUE! And I promise you that I will have no forgiveness for you!

November 1

Kurt Angle: My name is Kurt Angle. And I'd like to answer some questions I've been getting from you fans ever since last Monday night. Questions like, "Why?" "What were you thinking?" "How could you do this to your country?" Well, let me assure all of you I'm still your Olympic hero. I'm still an American hero. I'm still everything that makes this country great, and you know why? Because I'm a winner! And with Survivor Series coming up, I started to think, who else is a winner? Who do I want on my side when everything's on the line? Well, let's see. Undertaker? He's been here forever, and what has he accomplished? I've done more in two years than he's done in a decade. Kane? Kane's not a winner. He's a follower. A guy who lets the man who burned him as a child lead him around on a leash? Just pathetic! Chris Jericho? Rock? Please! Those are the two most egomaniacal, self-absorbed jerks in the history of the business. I'm supposed to put my career in the hands of these four? I don't thi

November 15

In just a few moments, at my leisure, I'm gonna call Vince McMahon out to his ring in front of his public on a television show that's owned by his grand company. At least, that is, until this Sunday at Survivor Series. I know how much you people appreciate what Shane and Stephanie and I have done. How Shane and Stephanie and I have stood up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon. And the way it is ladies and gentlemen is quite simple: the World Wrestling Federation will die this Sunday. But don't blame me for that. It's not my fault. I'm not the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by Stone Cold Steve Austin.<br>

December 6

Michael Cole: [as Rock holds down Vince] I think Rikishi's gonna give it to him! Jim Ross: Give it to him! Give it to him! Jerry Lawler: No, don't! [As Rikishi raises his mawashi to ensure Vince gets the full stinkface] He's a billionaire! HE OWNS THIS COMPANY! [screams as Rock shoves Vince's face up Rikishi's ass] Jim: Oh Lucifer's lips on the biggest ass in the WWF! Oh hell yeah! [stands up as Jerry Lawler blows a raspberry and Rock lets go of Vince] Thank God, Thank God! THERE IS... THERE IS A GOD IN THIS WORLD!! The Rock: The Rock says, On behalf of the millions, [crowd follows up "and Millions!"] the Vince McMahon Kiss-Your-Ass Club is officially closed, IF YOU SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING! Jim: How does it feel to be humiliated? How does it feel to be humiliated in front of the whole damn world?!! How do you like that?!?! Jerry: I think, I think Vince knows what Rikishi ate for dinner! [makes mock cough]

December 13

Stone Cold Steve Austin: [hearing police sirens; leaves] Price check on a jackass!!! Booker T: [sprawled at the foot of the checkout line; cries] I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you... [weeps] Ric Flair: [to Vince McMahon] I think I told you you'd enjoy the show. [slaps Vince at the back before he leaves]

December 27

Michael Cole: [observing Vince McMahon and Ric Flair in the middle of the ring] Ric Flair is a legend. 14-Time World Champion. Jerry "The King" Lawler: [overlapping] A legend? Ric Flair: [as McMahon begins to speak, "Just—"] Shut up! Lawler: Ah! Oh no. Cole: Huh ho! Lawler: [referring to Flair] And he's rude, too. Flair: On behalf on the entire wrestling world, one of the resolutions we'd like you to make this year, is if you will not come out here, week after week, continuously make an ass out of yourself. Lawler: What? What a thing to say! Vince McMahon: Now look, I don't want you come out here interrupting me! Let me tell you this: You go too far... I will embarrass you in front of every single person here in this arena. Lawler: [referring to McMahon] And he could do it! McMahon: I will knock you on your ass! Lawler: [reacts] Ho ho, yes! You big 14-Time World Champion! Ha ha ha ha ha... that would be fantastic! Yeah! Woo that! Flair: I am going to...take one moment [gestures to McMa

January 24

The WWF...is going to die. I know that. The WWF has cancer... because of Ric Flair. Flair's gonna kill it. And the kind of cancer Flair gave the WWF, is the slow, eating, kind of cancer. It's not quick. I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Me. The WWF is mine. It's mine. I created it! I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Because I'm going to kill what I CREATED! I'M GONNA KILL IT! I'M GONNA KILL MY CREATION! I'm going to inject the WWF with a lethal dose of poison. If anybody's gonna kill my creation, I'm gonna do it. [turns his chair revealing "nWo" on the back] Me...and the n...W...o...

June 6

Vince McMahon: Well well well uh, may I have your attention please? Hogan, Triple H, listen up. I mean uh, seems to me we have quite a dilemma here now don't we? I mean, Hogan and Triple H going over the top rope at the very same time with apparently no conclusive proof as to who actually won. So, I ask all of you then, who should face The Undertaker at the King of the Ring? Should it be, should it be Hulk Hogan? [crowd cheers] Should it be Triple H? [crowd cheers] Well I can tell you this. I'm not about to allow some hokey okies influencing my decision. [crowd boos] But I will allow one individual in influence me, as a matter of fact, his name is The Undertaker. You see, during the commercial break, I called The Undertaker at home. But quite frankly, he doesn't give a damn which individual he faces either. Because The Undertaker looks at both Hogan and Triple H, both of you gentlemen, as losers. And why shouldn't he? I mean, let's face it, Hogan, at Judgment Day, The Undertaker defeat

July 4

Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing "America the Beautiful" on our nation's birthday, WWE's own, Lilian Garcia! Lilian Garcia: [singing] Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain majesties, above the fruited plain, America, America, God shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea. America, America, God shed his -- Lance Storm: [over Garcia's singing] Stop the music! Stop the singing! Stop all of this right now! [comes down to the ring with Christian and Test as the crowd boos] I don't mean to ruin your little birthday celebration. We've had all we can take of this America the Beautiful crap! Lilian, get out of that ring. A matter of fact, get out of this building! Christian: Get out of here! [Lilian leaves the ring as the crowd boos and chants "USA!"] Today, July the 4th. America celebrates Independence Day. Well let me ask you all a question. Do you even know why you're celebrating? Well conside

July 18

Vince McMahon: Hold on. Never before, never before have I seen such angst, such concern on the faces of WWE superstars. All I did was make one simple announcement last Monday night there'd be a new GM for Raw and a new GM for SmackDown!. I can say this, to all the superstars on Raw, if you are that concerned, as you think the grass is greener on the other side over here on SmackDown!, you are free to negotiate with the new GM of SmackDown!. Tazz: Who it is. Vince: Likewise, all the superstars of SmackDown!, if you think the grass is greener over on Raw, hey you can go ahead and negotiate with Raws new GM. I'm sure many of you thought I lost my mind when I named Eric Bischoff general manager of Raw. I'm sure you have complete control over all of my mental faculties and I know you're thinking, wait a minute, Eric Bischoff tried to put you out of business McMahon. Yeah, he tried. I named Eric Bischoff general manager of Raw because he's the best person for the job and because he is innova

August 15

Stephanie McMahon: Stupid piece of crap. [throws hairpiece as the door knocks] Come in! [Chris Benoit enters] Chris, I can't believe how my staff screwed up, and now you have to defend the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam. Now I know, that you're gonna beat RVD. I know that you're gonna keep the Intercontinental Championship right here on SmackDown!. Chris Benoit: Oh I'm gonna beat his ass. McMahon: I know you will. You're gonna make RVD tap, aren't you? Benoit: Oh I'm gonna make him squeal. McMahon: You're gonna make RVD tap just like you made The Rock tap two weeks ago! Isn't that right? 'Cause I'm gonna make it up to you, Chris. Tonight, the main event is going to be Chris Benoit versus The Rock! Tazz: Whoa ho ho! McMahon: And I want you to send a message to RVD through The Rock! I want you to make The Rock tap! I want you to, I want you to make him tap, I want you to make him, make him -- Benoit: I'm gonna make him moan, I'm gonna make him whimper, I'M GONNA MAKE HIM SQUEAL! Mc

August 29

Allow me to introduce to you, the next competitor, a legendary superstar that I just signed to SmackDown!, ladies and gentlemen, the phenom, The Undertaker!

September 12

Michael Cole: And welcome to the season premiere of SmackDown!, the only place you can see the Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle! [after Kurt poses and the pyro goes off for his entrance] And Kurt Angle on his way to the ring, set for action against Rey Mysterio, and Angle will be a part of SmackDown! next week in Colorado Springs; who knows what awaits us there! Tazz: Well, let's talk about the major media coverage for the season premiere of SmackDown!. Michael: That's tonight! Tazz: Good job! Billy and Chuck right in the thick of it! They did the Today show, the tomato, they did Howard Stern - well, they didn't really do Stern, but they were on his show; they were in the, uh, New York Post, that covers the newspaper in New York, and then the USA Today which, uh, covers America! [singing] America, America! [Michael laughs] Kurt Angle: How appropriate! We're here in "Mini"...and I have a return match with Rey Mysterio! Pretty funny, huh? Get it? Rey Mysterio being "mini" - Tazz: Good s

October 17

Michael Cole: Undertaker, we understand this is extremely difficult for you. The Undertaker: Of all the things that I've been in my life, I've never been a liar. So I've requested this time so I can get a few things off my chest and set the record straight. When I was accused by this woman of being a cheater, well I lied. I do know her. But I mean, look, I knew a lot of women like her back then. But see, that was years ago. It was a long time ago, YEARS before I ever met my wife, Sara. So to say I was surprised last week when I got to SmackDown! and here's this woman accusing me of being a cheater, surprised would be an understatement. And man I had to make a judgment call, because all I could see was my pregnant wife sitting at home watching this woman accuse me of being a cheater. Truth is, I haven't seen this woman in about seven years. I don't know what she wants. I don't know if she's been paid off by Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. I don't know, all I know is the last week of my li

October 24

Michael Cole: Inside the ring here, SmackDown! general manager Stephanie McMahon, and perhaps Tazz, she'll tell us what she had to give up to acquire The Big Show in the trade. Stephanie McMahon: Well it's already been one hell of a night on SmackDown! and we're just getting warmed up! Now I knew I made the right decision when I made the trade for The Big Show because he's already been impressive. But speaking of impressive, check out this trophy right here in the middle of the ring. Because this trophy will be awarded to the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions exclusively for you, on SmackDown!. So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the first half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, the only Olympic gold medalist in WWE, Kurt Angle! Cole: And Kurt Angle has now held all major titles in the WWE. On Sunday, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit made history, winning the tag team tournament to become the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions. Tazz: You know Cole, Kurt Angle's used to gold, he'

November 14

Marc Lloyd: Paul. Paul Heyman. Paul Heyman: What? Lloyd: I was just hoping to get a word on the physical condition of Brock Lesnar. Heyman: Why don't you ask me about the physical condition of The Undertaker? I mean, The Undertaker was thrown off the stage by The Big Show three weeks ago, have you heard one from The Undertaker, no! Brock Lesnar got thrown off the stage last week by The Big Show. You wanna know the physical condition of the WWE Champion? Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and he's been coughing up blood all week. The difference between Brock Lesnar and everybody else is, Marc, is that Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE title and he will do it this Sunday at Survivor Series against The Big Show. What Brock Lesnar won't do though, is show up tonight here on SmackDown!. And that's by doctors' orders and by my orders. [turns around and sees Big Show behind him] Big Show: If by some chance, Brock Lesnar shows up here tonight, I want you to know, that I'm calling Brock Lesnar out.

November 21

Michael Cole: And here in the parking garage of the Hartford Civic Center, there is a one-man welcoming committee for the WWE Champion, The Big Show and Paul Heyman. Tazz: Lesnar ripped of his title by his agent at Survivor Series.

December 5

Tonight, I'm involved in a fatal-four-way elimination match with Kurt Angle, Edge, and Eddie Guerrero. And the winner of this match becomes the number one contender for the WWE title. And that's all I ever wanted, that's all I've ever dreamed of. All the sacrifices that I've ever made. I broke my neck. The numbness I still have. The divorce I went through. The two kids in Edmonton, David and Megan, that I rarely see. My wife that I love, and leave every week, kiss her goodbye, and my baby boy Daniel, that I kiss goodbye every week to go on the road, to do what I do, to do what I love. To be what I wanna be, the WWE Champion. And there's three men standing in my way. Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Edge. I've been wrestling for 17 years now, and I'm gonna do everything I know and use everything I have to go through them tonight, to become what I wanna be, what I've always dreamed of being since I've been 3 years old. A champion. The champion. The WWE Champion.

December 19

Kurt Angle: Well, here I am, Kurt Angle! [crowd cheers] You know, I've been the Tag Team Champion, Intercontinental Champion, King of the Ring, NCAA Champion, World Champion, Olympic gold medalist, and once again your WWE Champion! Woo! But I'm not out here to celebrate. Actually I'm out here to get something off my chest. You see, it may sound a little strange coming from me, but it's true. It's true. You see, all my life, I've earned every title I've set out to win on my own. And this one's different. You see, I'm not so sure I could've beaten The Big Show on my own. I may have, I may not have. But there was one man who lived up to his word, and kept his promise. Then did the right thing when it counted, and I'd like to personally thank him right now. [Brock Lesnar's music hits] Michael Cole: Well it looks like Kurt Angle is gonna be able to personally thank Brock Lesnar in person. [Brock Lesnar comes out] At Armageddon on Sunday, Brock Lesnar promised to make an impact. And boy, Les

December 26

Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the general manager of SmackDown!, Stephanie McMahon! Michael Cole: And Stephanie McMahon, Tazz, has had a busy week reviewing that disturbing incident, which occurred when SmackDown! went off the air last week. It was between Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, and could have major ramifications on the WWE title picture. Stephanie McMahon: Now, you all just saw a graphic for the WWE Championship, a match between Kurt Angle and The Big Show tonight. [crowd cheers] Unfortunately, that match is not going to take place. [crowd boos] And it's all due to Brock Lesnar. See, what you all don't know is what Brock Lesnar did to Kurt Angle after SmackDown! went off the air last week. Kurt Angle will not be able to compete tonight. As a matter of fact, Kurt Angle might not even be able to compete until the Royal Rumble. But I'm not gonna sit here and explain to you all what happened to Kurt Angle. I'm gonna show you the footage later tonight. Now, as

January 16

A week ago, I was the happiest woman in the world, and married my sweetheart, Al Wilson. We were on our honeymoon, everything was so perfect. Now, Al's passed. He's gone. And despite all the jealousy, and all the interference of some of his family members, Al and I, we still fell in love. I loved Al Wilson so much. Al was a good man. He loved all that public attention. And that's why our wedding was public. And that's why our honeymoon was public. So tonight, I, Dawn Marie Wilson, will respect his wishes, and I will present to you, the public viewing of my husband, Al Wilson.

January 23

Tonight marks a very special edition of SmackDown!, because tonight, one of the greatest superstars in WWE history returns to SmackDown!. That's right ladies and gentlemen, tonight, the phenom, The Undertaker! But that's not all. Eric Bischoff wants to drop a bombshell and invite Stone Cold Steve Austin to Raw? Well tonight, I have a bombshell of my own. Ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned for a big surprise.

January 30

All right, don't start that crap! I'LL WALK RIGHT OUT OF HERE! Last week, my daughter, Stephanie, said she had a, a big surprise for everybody on SmackDown!. Boy did she ever, that was a whopper. Stephanie announced the return of Hulk Hogan. [crowd cheers] I know that uh, a lot of you people were surprised and certainly, I was surprised as well because all of a sudden, there I found myself in the ring, standing next to the Hulkster himself. [crowd cheers] Even though I could tell that Hulk Hogan was intimidated by my presence, I tried to be nice to him. Although quite frankly, I made a statement that may have been a bit inaccurate. [crowd chants "Asshole"] And I would appreciate it if you people would be nice to me. Last week, I explained to Hogan that I thought Hulkamania was a lot like the recently departed Al Wilson, that they were both dead. All right. I was wrong. How do you like that? Hulkamania's not dead. [crowd cheers] But I think most of you would agree with me, my personal a

February 27

Well I got some bad news for you tonight! That's all right, because not only do I have bad news for you, also I have some good news for you. And the bad news is that tonight, The Rock, The Rock will not be here tonight. Whoa whoa whoa ho, the reason The Rock won't be here tonight is because The Rock himself has earned the right to go to whatever show he wants to go, whenever he wants to go. So therefore The Rock has chosen to leave SmackDown! and go to Raw. Now then the good news. No no no no, this is good, hang on. This is really good. That tonight, Hulk Hogan, [crowd cheers] the Hulkster himself will not be here tonight! [crowd boos] Little disappointed in that, are you? Not as disappointed as I am. Hogan is using the flimsy excuses to why he's not here tonight. He's using the flimsy excuse, [crowd chants "asshole"] Hogan is using the flimsy excuse of a family emergency. Yeah. Imagine that one, that's a whopper huh? Something to do with his son. Nick, I think that's his name. Whateve

March 6

Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Hulk Hogan! Michael Cole: We had the opportunity to run into Hulk Hogan earlier today, and Hogan was steaming! And who can blame the man? Two weeks ago at No Way Out, Hulk Hogan was screwed by Mr. McMahon in Hogan's match versus the Rock. Hulk Hogan: You guys are unbelievable, man. [the crowd cheers] You know, in all seriousness, I've got something I gotta get off my chest. You know, Vince McMahon, I've had it, brother. I am totally through with you. I'm tired of biding my time; I'm tired of playing games with you, McMahon. You know, I know you'd love it if I just walked right out of this very ring and walked out of your life, brother. I'd be gone forever. But that's not gonna happen, Vince! I'm just not going away, dude! You know, you can go ahead, McMahon, and screw me out of my match with the Rock, you can go ahead and call me a coward behind my back when I'm not around, you can run all over the whole WWE, McMahon, and say, "McMahona

March 13

Michael Cole: Earlier today, the arrival at the Mellon Arena of the challenger, the confident number one contender, Brock Lesnar. [cuts to Kurt Angle with Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin in tow] A bit later on, a somber homecoming for the champion, a concerned Kurt Angle. Tazz: You're looking at a man in a trance. Is it focus or is it fear? Agent: How ya doing Kurt? [Angle looks at him and doesn't say anything] Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a match tonight and the WWE title is on the line. WrestleMania has come early. It's Lesnar versus Angle tonight!

March 27

You damn right, Vince McMahon fears Hulkamania! You know, I've had a business relationship with Vince McMahon for over 20-some years. And off and on again, we've been the best of friends. Well you know, I realized I didn't really know the man. Oh sure, I've seen Vince do some pretty underhanded business tactics. You know I've seen him do some, you know, kind of unsavory and quite frankly, some illegal things too, brothers. But I really didn't realize how mentally twisted Vince McMahon really is. And you know, some of us out here think Vince McMahon might be a genius. [crowd boos] Well you know, maybe he is a genius. But if he is, he's an evil damn genius. You know, just last month at No Way Out, I was going one on one with The Rock, and right when I dropped the leg on The Rock for the 1-2-3, all of the sudden, the lights in the whole damn arena went out. And when the lights came back on, there was The Rock laying right where the leg drop left him, but on the other side of the ring, the

May 1

Brock Lesnar: You know, last Sunday, I went through one hell of a match. One hell of a fight with John Cena at Backlash. I like fights. Kudos to John Cena. He gave me one hell of a fight. One hell of a fight he did. But I'm not here tonight to talk about that. You see, there's something else that happened that night that really disturbs me. You see, I came out here tonight. I'm looking for another fight. Big Show. Tazz: Uh-oh. Lesnar: That's right, Big Show. I came here tonight looking for a fight with you. You see Big Show, what you did to Rey Mysterio at Backlash, gutless. That's what I call it. Gutless! So I gotta ask you Show. I gotta ask you. From me to you. Why? Why Big Show? Did it make you feel, did it make you feel better, Show? Did it make you feel like a bigger giant than you are? Seven feet two, 500 pounds? You feel like a bigger human being, Show? Or was it, Show, that you realized that Rey Mysterio had a bigger heart than you? Is that what it was? Big Show, you can run al

June 12

Tazz: Big Show's in a land where he doesn't belong, on those ropes. Michael Cole: [Lesnar punches Big Show on the top rope] And Brock Lesnar looks to take advantage. Tazz: Here comes Brock now. Here comes Brock. [Lesnar climbs the top rope] Cole: The champion... Tazz: Oh whoa. Cole: Wait a minute. Tazz: No. Cole: Oh my God. [Lesnar punches Big Show] Tazz: No! Cole: Lesnar with the, the clubbing blows to the back! Tazz: No freaking way! [Lesnar prepares to suplex Big Show off the top rope] Cole: Is he setting Big Show up for?! Tazz: A superplex! Cole: No he can't do this! Tazz: That's a 500-pound superplex! Cole: Brock Lesnar to the top rope! Tazz: No! Top rope! A 500-pound superplex! [Lesnar suplexes Big Show off the top rope, and the ring collapses on impact] Cole: A superplex! Tazz: Holy -- Cole: Oh my God! Tazz: Holy (beep)! Cole: What the hell?! The ring just imploded! The ring blew up!

July 3

Good evening. My name is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. And tonight, finally, once and for all, I will personally seal the fate of Mr. America. And tonight, I present to you a special, two-on-one matchup, in which my daughter, Stephanie McMahon, teams up with the one-legged Zach Gowen. And collectively, they will face the mighty Big Show, in what will truly be, the first-ever handicap match.

August 21

Kurt Angle: Brock, I told you straight to your face before Vengeance, friend or not, I would stop at nothing to regain this WWE Championship. [crowd cheers] And Brock, I don't apologize for beating you. Because you know something? You know as well as I do, this title is what I live for. And I thought you could appreciate that, but I guess I thought wrong. Well Brock it's like this. I didn't come out here tonight to have some elaborate revenge plan like you did with Vince McMahon. And you know why? Because I don't need some punked up 58-year old whack job billionaire to do my battles for me! I fight my battles on my own! And Brock, I will get my revenge. But I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way. By finding you and kicking your ass! It's that simple. Now Brock I know we have a match this Sunday at SummerSlam for the WWE Championship, and that's okay. Because I didn't come here tonight for a match. I came here for a fight! I wanna fight against Brock Lesnar! I wanna fight against Vince M

August 28

Brock Lesnar: Shut up and sit down, I got something to say! You see, ever since SummerSlam, everywhere I go, everybody keeps saying the same damn thing. "You tapped out". SHUT UP IT AIN'T FUNNY! People say it at the hotels, in the gym, in the restaurant, EVERYWHERE I GO! In the damn airplanes, they're telling me, "you tapped out. You tapped", I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF IT! [crowd chants "you tapped out"] SHUT UP! Tazz: Yeah shut up, he's gonna go nuts! Michael Cole: This crowd chanting "you tapped out". Tazz: Yeah he's gonna snap. Lesnar: Well I got news for ya! What happened at SummerSlam was a damn fluke. No wait, it was a mirage, that's what it was. Oh no no no! It was a miracle, that's what it was, because Brock Lesnar has never tapped out in his life! You see, I'm not a quitter damn it! No I'm not. I ain't like all of you people. Can't find jobs and if you can't find a job, you just quit looking for one. You see I never tapped out, it never happened! Well, maybe it happened but i

October 2

Eddie Guerrero: [turned off by the sheer smell] Oh Chihuahua man, eto qunni. Hoho man. [knocks on Big Show's stall] Hey Big Show! Big Show! Big Show: LEAVE ME ALONE!! Guerrero: Oh man, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you while you're in the commode. Ese man, it smells like something crawled up inside of you and died, man! Ca miho! Uy man, I guess that's what happens, Show. Big Show: What? What are you talking about? Guerrero: Hey man, I'm talking about when you put me out twice, you really think that you can bonk me out twice man, and get away with it? Big Show: Eddie I didn't do anything! Guerrero: Ese, Show, the reason you're there is because I DID THIS!!! That's right man, that's right, it was my cousin Jose you just met right now, and ate the burrito, ese. Big Show: Oh no! Guerrero: I put special sauce and I mean some real good special sauce [touches tummy] the type that makes your stomach do what it's doing right now, ese! Big Show: Oh it's killing me. Guerrero: Oh my God I

October 23

Well, well, well, well. Lookee here, it's me, Vince McMahon. You remember me, Vince McMahon, chairman of the board? Yeah, I'm sure you do. And I am proud to stand here--next to Sable--proud to stand here and say to each and every one of you, that I beat the snot right out of my very own daughter, Stephanie McMahon. Boo all you want. Hey, boo all you want, it doesn't matter to me, hell, nothing bothers me. I know where I'm going when I croak. I know where I'm going when I kick the bucket. Hey, I'm going to hell in a handbasket. I know that but I'm not dead. I'm very much alive and... well, we're celebrating tonight. Matter of fact, maybe even kinda like, I celebrated after No Mercy. After I beat my daughter, after I shoved my wife down onto the mat, I celebrated unlike all the rest of you henpecked husbands and boyfriends who do exactly as you're told. You know, how I celebrated after No Mercy, you heard the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Well, I assure you, I didn't spoi

November 6

See, this all goes way beyond the WWE title. This is also very personal. On Survivor Series night, I will have worked for this company for 13 years. And in those 13 years, Vince McMahon has screwed with me professionally and personally. Vince McMahon does not respect me. Vince McMahon does not respect anybody other than Vince McMahon. When I walk into that arena in Dallas, Texas, when I walk into that locker room, those guys in there, they show me respect. They show me respect because in return, I show them respect. Whether I wrestle against them, whether I fight them, we have a mutual respect. We're gladiators, and we go out there and lay it on the line. Vince McMahon on the other hand, respects no one. And for all the people, through all the years that Vince has disrespected, he's gonna have to atone for. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, the list is endless. And I think Vince respects his family even less than he does us. Vince is a man who disrespects his wife by flaunting his affairs for t

November 13

Kurt Angle: Listen, the next step is Survivor Series, all right? Chris Benoit: Whoa whoa whoa, what were you thinking? Have you lost your damn mind?! You picked him? Him to be my partner tonight? And to be the fifth member on our team at Survivor Series? How can we trust him? How can we trust him?! Hmm? This guy has made a career of trying to tear us down. And you picked him to be on our team? Angle: Wait a minute, Benoit. News flash! I can say the same exact thing about you. I don't like you. And I don't trust you either. And I know you feel the same exact way about me. But sometimes in business, you have to get along with the people that you absolutely detest in order to reach a common goal, and you know that! So don't give me that crap. [John Cena is behind Benoit] John Cena: You know Chris, I don't like you either. [Benoit gets in Cena's face] Angle: Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, hold on! Hey save it for tonight, save it for tonight guys. Come on, come on. Cena: Yo captive, don't sweat

November 20

Brock Lesnar: Do you have any idea what you have put me through this week? Do you have any idea what I've been going through since last Sunday? Because of you guys... no, it was you guys that lost to Kurt Angle's team last Sunday at Survivor Series. Because of you guys, I tapped out to Chris Benoit. Because of you guys, I have to listen to those people say, "You tapped out! You tapped out!" Do you realize... you don't have any idea how degrading that is! (grabs WWE championship belt) I'm the WWE Champion! Get a good look at that! Maybe someday, you'll become it if you step up to the plate! I'm the WWE Champion and I deserve some respect around here! And respect is what I'm gonna get. I've spoken to Paul Heyman to address this issue. Tonight, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, A-Train, Big Show, each one of you guys is gonna get a chance to redeem yourself for what you did last Sunday. Starting off with my first problem, a guy, no, a problem that has been messing with me this entire week, Chris

November 27

Paul Heyman: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the greatest Thanksgiving spectacular in the history of network television! [crowd cheers] Tonight, I, Paul Heyman, the general manager of SmackDown!, [crowd boos] Tazz: Well they don't appreciate him. Heyman: Hereby invite you to join me in celebrating a great American tradition. The tradition of opportunity. Because tonight, I have arranged for in this very ring, a 20-man over the top rope battle royal! [crowd cheers] Tazz: Oh! Huge! Heyman: But that's not all, because that's not good enough for Paul Heyman's SmackDown!. I told you, we're gonna celebrate opportunity. Because the winner of the 20-man over the top rope battle royal, tonight, will get the opportunity of a lifetime. Because that man will, in this very ring, tonight, have the opportunity to wrestle for the WWE Championship. Michael Cole: Someone will hit the jackpot tonight! Heyman: Because the winner of the battle royal will wrestle Brock Lesnar! [Brock Lesn

December 18

Yo yo yo yo yo. Chill chill chill.

December 18

DICK!

January 1

Dawn Marie: Paul, when are you gonna give me the cover of SmackDown! Magazine like you promised? [door opens] Paul Heyman: Dawn, take a walk, now! [Chris Benoit has entered Heyman's office, laughing] I uh, I suppose you're proud of yourself, huh? Chris Benoit: Well, for someone who wasn't even supposed to be in the Royal Rumble, you may be looking at the next winner of the Royal Rumble. No, no in fact, you're looking at the next WWE Champion. Heyman: Is that a fact? Benoit: That's a fact. Heyman: See, Chris, I think this, this is the time that you and I should have a man-to-man talk. Benoit: Man-to-man? Heyman: Because you see, there is a difference between me and everybody that comes to see SmackDown! live. Benoit: Right. Yeah. Heyman: They're working grunts. Me, I'm management. You have nothing, nothing that differs you between you and everybody that comes to SmackDown! because you're just like everybody else, Chris. You're a working stiff. You're a common working man. You're a worki

January 22

Josh Mathews: Mr. Heyman, now with all due respect, how did you feel last week -- Paul Heyman: Respect? Respect?! There is no more respect, Josh! There's no respect for authority! There's no respect for the English language! There's no more respect for the general manager of SmackDown!, Paul Heyman! Now is there?! And that's all thanks to that thug, John Cena and Chris Benoit. That all changes tonight, 'cause tonight is the start of a whole new SmackDown!. And I'll tell you why, Josh. I look at the leadership of Vince McMahon, who took this industry out of the dirty, smoking bingo hall and brought sports entertainment to beautiful brand new arenas. John Cena and Chris Benoit have ruined SmackDown!. They appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm gonna upgrade the demographic here. I am gonna present SmackDown! to first-class high society, an all-American network presentation, under the leadership of Paul Heyman. You know and I know that this industry was founded on the puritanica

January 29

Paul Heyman: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Paul Heyman's SmackDown!. [crowd boos] Tonight, on my show -- [Mr. McMahon's music hits] Tazz: What the hell? Michael Cole: Well we didn't expect Mr. McMahon here tonight. And he does not look happy. Tazz: Cole, can you believe the mood is about to change. The chairman of the board is power walking his way to the ring. Cole: Look at Mr., Mr. Heyman's expression. Paul Heyman looks shocked to see the, the owner of the company here! Mr. McMahon: Well Mr. Heyman. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration. Tonight was to have been a night to have seen the winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match walk down that aisle into this ring. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration for Chris Benoit in front of this crowd here in Washington, DC! [crowd cheers] That's not gonna happen, is it? That's not gonna happen, and why isn't is Chris Benoit gonna be here tonight? Unless my eyes clearly deceive me, I saw Chris Benoit being welcomed to Raw by S

February 19

I'm not even supposed to be here tonight. Paul Heyman told me that I could have the night off, but I just couldn't stay home. I have too much pride. That WWE Championship meant too much to me, I can't stay home. That championship was my life. Unlike Eddie Guerrero, who doesn't appreciate the damn thing at all. Eddie's probably, Eddie's probably gonna go out and, Eddie's probably gonna go out and pawn that thing off anyways. That's just how it is, and Eddie doesn't deserve that title. That title was everything to me. I mean, I'm an All-American kind of guy. I was a great WWE Champion and I don't understand why that you people can treat me like this. I can't believe it. I'm a great U.S. citizen. I'm an outstanding, I'm an outstanding guy. I'm an NCAA champion. I was, in my heart, I believe, the greatest WWE Champion in history. I mean, Eddie Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero is a lying, cheating, champion. That's exactly how Eddie won my title! Eddie Guerrero capitalized on Bill Goldberg! Eddie G

March 11

Orale, say hello to my little friend! Now before I have my match with Shelton Benjamin, I'd like to address Mr. Kurt Angle. [crowd boos] Orale Kurt, you're telling me that you didn't show up tonight homes, that you're not here. Do you really think I'm buying that, ese vato? I mean come on Kurt, come on out here homes! Orale vato loco! This is your chance, homes! I know you're back there, ese! This is your chance homes! What are you waiting for, I mean this is your opportunity to get rid of the Eddie Guerrero of the world. This is your chance to save SmackDown! homes. I mean come on bro, after all, I'm the only WWE Champion in the history, that encourages or sends out a message to kids to lie, cheat, and steal homes! This is your chance to play hero, Mr. Angle! Where are you ese? I get it homes. I get it. You got (bleep) ese. Yeah see Kurt, orale homes, all the talk that you do is exactly that ese. You talk. You talk about being justified. You talk about being holy. You talk the talk es

March 18

John Cena: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! Damn y'all are alive tonight! [crowd chants "Cena"] This is my home. This is where I'm from. Y'all are my peoples. Hell, I used to buy tickets for the old Boston Garden. I could only afford the cheap ones where I was sitting right behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotta kick this off real. Now is Beantown here to represent? Crowd: Hell yes! Cena: So let me hear the whole building make some noise! [crowd cheers] You see, uh, at WrestleMania, Big Show didn't think I was a fighter. I put him on an FU diet. He came out ten pounds lighter. The SmackDown! video games are only way he could me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there's some people out there, that think I disgraced this title's heritage. [crowd boos] That's 'cause your boy's causing more controversies than gay marriages. Cole, Cole, no offense bro, we still cool right? [Tazz laughs] Michael Cole: What? Cena: All right bro. All right. Plus, the FCC is crac

March 25

If you'll listen, I'll explain to you what happened last week. Because I really feel that I was horribly, horribly misunderstood. [crowd boos] Oh come on. If you'll just listen to me, you'll understand and you'll appreciate the fact that what I did was the right thing. You see, Ron Simmons, you don't understand, he's my best friend. He always has been. We've drank more beer, and we've been up more roads than most of you people ever imagine. So when Paul Heyman quit Monday night on Raw, I knew this was my chance. I knew this was my chance to get Ron's job back. I knew this was my chance to make sure that the APA stayed in business. [crowd cheers] But I'm not gonna do that. [crowd boos] Listen, I'm explaining, please! I've got a lot more than just wrestling going on. I appreciate everything that Ron Simmons has done for me. I appreciate years and years of friendship. But I've got a portfolio that has beat the stock market seven out of the last seven years! That is phenomenal. I've got a

May 6

Michael Cole: Well ladies and gentlemen, as we promised, from New York City, John "Bradshaw" Layfield. [crowd boos] John "Bradshaw" Layfield: You hear that response, Michael Cole? Do you? It's like somehow for some reason, those people there in your live audience think in some way, somehow I was responsible for what happened to Eddie Guerrero's mother? Cole: Well Bradshaw, we have seen the footage. Let's just get right to the point. Why would you engage in such despicable actions on a night when Eddie Guerrero and his family were honoring the matriarch of the Guerrero family? What prompted you to commit such an act as to manhandle a woman of her age and cause her to have a heart attack? JBL: Whoa whoa whoa right there. Manhandle? Pick your words a little more carefully. The only person I manhandled was Eddie Guerrero. I quietly, simply, and politely asked the old lady Guer -- Mrs. Guerrero to leave the ring so that I could finish my business with her little baby boy, Eddie. Cole: Brads

June 10

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! [signals intercom] Hey, let's go! [no response] Idiot! Who hired these morons [tries again and opens partition] Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now! Driver: New York City? [driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero] JBL: Hey!! What are you..? Eddie Guerrero: Órale Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, órale Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? [presses button and partition goes back up] Yeah, ha, vato loco. JBL: What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... [tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked] Guerrero: [as JBL jabbers at the back] It's time! [drives off]

June 17

Paul Heyman: So, the Dudley Boyz are the new WWE Tag Team Champions, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is thanks to the motivational skills of Paul Heyman. Now you should be happy that you got to witness that piece of history tonight, because one man did not get to witness it. That man is Paul Bearer, because Paul Bearer is in, shall we say, protective custody, which means, Paul Bearer missed it when history took a major, major turn. [footage from the previous week's episode of SmackDown! is shown] Michael Cole: This was last week on SmackDown!, and I still cannot believe what happened. Paul Heyman gave The Undertaker a choice to make; join me or never see Paul Bearer again. And in my estimation, The Undertaker had no choice, but I still never thought I would see this. Tazz: I was shocked as you were Cole. Everybody in Long Island there at the Nassau Coliseum was shocked. Everyone home, the SmackDown! fans were shocked. Right there you see, Undertaker bowing to the urn, bowing to Paul He

July 1

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Thank you. Thank you very much. As our late great former President Ronald Reagan once said, it's morning again in America! It's the dawn of a new era. The John "Bradshaw" Layfield era. And I promise to this, to all of my fans. I will become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. I know, I know how America loves a winner. And America, I will give you that love back. I will shake hands with you, America. All of my fans. Of course I prefer a, nod of recognition for no other reasons than sanitary reasons of course, I mean, shaking hands, you can get germs, and honestly you don't want your champion getting sick now, do you? And for those of you who insist on shaking my hand, I want to tell you, don't be offended by the fact that I will take out a little hand sanitizer. [rubs his hands with hand sanitizer as the crowd chants "Eddie"] Michael Cole: The Eddie chants begin here in Fayetteville. JBL: Because I want you to know folks, it's not personal. It's just per

July 22

Kurt Angle: There has been a lot of talk about my actions last week on SmackDown!. I have been called a liar, a con artist, and quite frankly, it hurts because you people have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm an extraordinary human being capable of doing extraordinary things. In case you forgot, I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck. And last week, when I saw Eddie Guerrero, who I despise, who brings shame and disgrace to this company, who was about to regain the WWE Championship, I sucked it up, set aside my pain, and did what I had to do to make sure it didn't happen. I did the impossible. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. And sure, afterwards, I regressed, my doctors told me that my actions enabled me to further damage my knee. My therapists told me that I risked permanent paralysis. But it was worth it. It was worth it for the greater good, to maintain Kurt Angle's SmackDown!. Where men are rewarded by morality. Where men, like John Cena, are stripped o

September 9

Michael Cole: Hell has broken loose on SmackDown!. Tazz: It's breakin' down in Tulsa, baby! Michael: Wait a minute!! Tazz: What the hell-? Michael: Oh, my God! The Big Show?? Tazz: Say it ain't so! Michael: He wasn't scheduled to be here for two weeks! Michael: Big Show is on the scene! The 500-pounder is cleaning house! Tazz: What is Big Show - oh! - what's he doin' here?! [as Big Show lays out Scotty 2 Hotty with a punch to the head] Oh! Michael: What a right hand! Tazz: Bodies are just flyin' everywhere! Tazz: I can see him, larger than life itself! Michael: [as Big Show grabs Hardcore Holly]: Look out, Hardcore! Tazz: Uh-oh! What goes up, Cole... Michael: Chokeslam! Tazz: ...must come down! Michael: D-Von Dudley! Tazz: SmackDown! superstars are falling hard! Michael: With one arm, Bubba tossed over the top rope! Tazz: The boss! Michael: Okay, that's right, Spike! Michael: Uh, Spike! Tazz: Oh my God! Watch out! Michael: Thanks for coming! Tazz: Oh, my God! Michael: The Big Show- Taz

September 16

Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Kidman. [Billy Kidman's music hits and Billy Kidman comes out] Tazz: Well there's one half of the former WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman. Let's take you back three weeks ago here on SmackDown!, [footage from the August 26 SmackDown! is shown where Kidman gave Chavo Guerrero a concussion from a Shooting Star Press] when Billy Kidman did the Shooting Star Press on Chavo Guerrero, and watch the knee into the side of the temple of Chavo Guerrero, and putting Chavo out of action and putting him in the hospital. And again that was from three weeks ago, [footage from the previous week's SmackDown! is shown, featuring Kidman and Paul London defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree] but then this past, this last Thursday, last week, going for the Shooting Star Press again, and this match was defending the tag team titles, and Kenzo Suzuki's there and Chavo, just like a deer in the headlights, just couldn't do it.

September 30

In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a SmackDown! moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. [clips from September 23 shown] You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. [picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show] I did what everyone here has dream

October 14

Theodore Long: Excuse me gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I've called you all here tonight because I know you all have heard the rumors regarding John Cena. But I'm here to dispel those rumors and to set the record straight. John Cena will not be here tonight, and it's questionable when John Cena will return to action. Now, I wanted to respect John Cena's request in keeping this matter private, but since it has already been discussed several days ago on Raw without my knowledge, that I'm here to let you know everything that I know. Now last week after leaving SmackDown!, John Cena was involved in a melee at an after hours club. Now among other injuries, John Cena received several puncture wounds. Now one of the puncture wounds was to a vital organ. Eddie Guerrero: Vital organ? Long: One of his kidneys. Now I talked to the doctors, and they have informed me that a tremendous amount of damage was done, but they're fighting hard, and they're fighting hard every day to save his

November 18

The champ is back! [crowd cheers] And we right here in Dayton, Ohio! And tonight, your boy's gonna win back the United States title. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito. He thinks he's the man, he got a little swagger, he got the walk, the talk, he's very cool. Thinks he's man enough to steal my chain. Sneak away with the title that y'all know means everything to me. Oh and check this one out! This dude's man enough to see that I'm taken care of at a nightclub. Taking this away from me. So tonight, Carlito, we gonna see if you man enough to go face to face with the franchise and still handle your business. [crowd chants "Cena"] You see, Carlito's been ducking me. But not as nowhere else to go boy. I'm about to put a whippin' on the Pillsbury fro boy. Walking out here talking like he's cool, but y'all people don't believe it yet. How is Carlito cool? He looks like a freakin' Chia pet. Hey you know what? I'm not cool. Because John Cena's on fire! A word of advice tonight before we fight,

December 9

Eddie Guerrero: JBL! JBL! Olare Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes, JBL: [overlap] That tire's mine, give it back!!! Guerrero: ...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, olare! JBL: You have stolen my property [to Orlando Jordan] and that is thievery. That's a felony! Orlando Jordan: It's right! It's right! Amy Weber: Who takes wheels?!? Guerrero: It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal. Jordan: I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this. JBL: It's a felony! Guerrero: Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU,

January 13

Michael Cole: The Bashams stole the damn titles! Tony Chimel: Here are your winners and the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Basham Brothers. Tazz: JBL's co-secretaries of defense are now the new WWE Tag Team Champions. Michael Cole: You gotta be kidding me! Tazz: Oh, it's a reality, Cole. Michael Cole: The guts that Rey Mysterio showed in this matchup, and he was a split-second away from winning the thing and the Bashams pulled a damn switcheroo. Tazz: Well, shades of last week, they pulled that switcharoonie last week on Van Dam, Doug and Danny, they just did it tonight, and tonight they capitalized big time by getting the tag team titles. Michael Cole: And look at Rey Mysterio, a moment away in my mind from perhaps keeping the tag team titles. Tazz: There's the switch. That was the switch right there. Michael Cole: But the Bashams with the switch and then the sit-out powerbomb. New tag team champions but you gotta give it up for Rey Mysterio. His partner injured and dragged out of th

January 27

Theodore Long: Thanks dog, for giving me the idea of this match. [Big Show is standing behind Long] Big Show: Kurt. JBL. Come on, wake up! Get up! Over here! Look over here! Kurt Angle, down and out. JBL, down and out. What was it you guys said a couple weeks ago? What was it? I love it when a plan comes together? Boys, I will be at the Royal Rumble. And believe me, I will be the next WWE Champion.

February 10

Kurt Angle: Listen up, guys. This is a very big night for all three of us. My road to main event in my third straight WrestleMania begins right here tonight. When I make Rey Mysterio tap in this tournament match, and I will, I just wish someone here would've soften them up last week when I asked them to. Mark Jindrak: Look... Angle: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no excuses. Nonetheless, when I beat Rey Mysterio tonight, I'm going straight to the finals at No Way Out, baby, and thanks to my boys, you guys made sure there wasn't a winner in the Undertaker match, which means I don't have a semi-final match. I'm going straight to the finals. You guys make me proud, I love you guys. Luther Reigns: Look, Angle, what we did last week, that was nothing. I'm sick every time Undertaker's name being mentioned around here, all these punks bowing down. Well, Luther Reigns, he don't bow down to nobody. Angle: You damn right. Reigns: Hell, even that looney tune Heidenreich, he got a whacked out when he

March 3

Michael Cole: And look at this! [JBL whacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt] JBL with the championship off the skull of John Cena! The referee never saw it! The damn champion with the title off the skull of Cena! [Orlando Jordan crawling to Cena to cover him] Orlando Jordan crawling toward the cover! Not this way! [the referee makes the count] Not this way! Dammit! Tony Chimel: Here is your winner and the new United States Champion, Orlando Jordan! Michael Cole: You gotta be kidding me! This whole "Cabinet leaving" garbage was a damn joke! Tazz: Hooked us! Hook, line, and sinker! Hooked everyone, you, me, everybody here! JBL, like it or not, the man's a damn genius! We thought he split the arena! We thought he left! Michael Cole: Uh-uh. Tazz: A new United States champ? Wow! Michael Cole: A masterful plan, hatched by the champion, JBL, to take the United States Championship from John Cena. JBL and his Cabinet, with a diabolical scheme tonight, to take the title from Cena. Orlan

March 10

JBL: Every single week! Every single week, we have done something so freakin' awesome that we have to come out here and let you relish in our greatness! And this week is certainly no different. I never get tired of this. This week, we're gonna celebrate a man who exemplifies what the Cabinet stands for: greatness, dignity, courage, respect. A man who, last week, single handedly, by himself, one-on-one, mano y mano destroyed John Cena! That man is your United States Champion, the greatest athlete in SmackDown! history, Mr. Orlando Jordan! Crowd: [chanting] CENA! Michael Cole: The "Cena" chants begin. JBL: I understand Virginia is a little backward, but you're chanting for the loser. Chant the winner's name, OJ. You see, because there's a lot about OJ you don't know. OJ grew up with many brothers and many sisters. OJ grew up in the inner city. OJ realized at a young age that he could be like you people out here and that he could be paying to see me. OJ didn't want that, so he did the rig

March 24

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Now Teddy Long, I want you to explain to him the rules you made last week are still in effect. If you touch me, you lowlife SOB, you lose your chance to face me at WrestleMania! Tell him Teddy! Tell him! Theodore Long: That's right, JBL. Now Cena, if you lay a hand on JBL, you will lose your opportunity to face JBL for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. Tazz: That's not fair. Long: But however, JBL, if you physically provoke John Cena, then he has the right to retaliate. Michael Cole: Now that is fair. Long: Now, now what that means if you strike John Cena, then John Cena can strike back. Ya feel me? So it is time for the debate. Now there are three questions, and the first question is for you, JBL. Now, what makes you believe you're more qualified to be the WWE Champion? JBL: First of all, Theodore, I would like to thank you, and I would like to thank all of SmackDown!, and I would like to thank all of the great fans rig

April 7

The champ...is here. JBL, Wrestling God, longest running WWE Champion in the last decade, has survived the Triple Threat match, the Fatal Four-Way match, has beat The Undertaker, beat Eddie Guerrero in a steel cage, and then again in a Texas Bullrope match, survived The Big Show in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. But the champ is here. [crowd chants "Cena!"] I'm supposed to be a thug. I don't talk like a champion. They say I don't, I don't fit the dress code, but I think I'm doing alright. It's been said that I'm not a superstar because I'm putting myself on the same level as the people I fight for. This one's good. I have no respect for this business and I have no respect for its championships. You see, when I uh, modified the United States Championship, apparently, wrestling traditionalists and JBL got a little offended. Well I got news for you. Take a look. Take a last look at your [holds WWE Championship] coveted prize, because if you think what we did to the U.S. title was disresp

May 12

You know...all over the country, people have been asking me, "Why, Eddie, why? Why did you do to Rey Mysterio, what you did to him, last week?" Plain and simple, I gave him what he wanted. He wanted a fight, I gave him a fight! I gave him the fight of his life! And do you think that makes me happy?? [looking at Rey's bloody mask which he kept from the previous week] DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME...HAPPY?! I didn't want to do it, Rey, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO IT?! Por qué? It's your fault!! Es tu culpa, Rey! [the crowd starts an "Eddie sucks" chant] I never wanted to lay a hand on you! And look what you made me do! But you know what, Rey? Blessings come in disguises, ese. You see, I realized something last week, homes. My eyes were open. And I realized what you were doing. And not only you... [standing up and addressing the audience] ...ALL of these people. [the crowd boos] I realized, that each and every one of you, were living vicariously through me! You were stealing my passion, my love,

May 26

This is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. You see, at Judgment Day, not only did I lose to an inferior man to me, Booker T, but I was also embarrassed by his gutter-(bleep) wife, Sharmell. And I am ashamed of that. It was a joke. But it's not the only joke going on around here. Apparently Vince McMahon was sitting in his office one day, and he asked himself, how can I flush a bunch of money down the toilet and disgrace everything that wrestling stands for? I know. Bring back ECW. Now that's a freakin' brilliant idea. [crowd chants "ECW"] ECW can kiss my (bleep). See people, I know wrestling! I eat, sleep and breathe wrestling, and ECW is not real wrestling. ECW is garbage! Oh I know, I know firsthand. I was at an ECW event after I won an Olympic gold medal back in 1996, and it was so horrible and disgusting, that I left halfway through the event and vowed that I would never return again. But it looks like I'm gonna return one last time. That's right, I'm gonna buy a bunch o

June 9

You know everyone knows where I stand with Sharmell and Booker T. But Tazz, I want to know where you stand with ECW's One Night Stand. Are you gonna side with me and the WWE? You know, the company that signs your paychecks and puts food on the table? Are you gonna side with the ECW and let your foolish pride get in the way? That's an easy answer, Tazz. But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you until the end of the evening to make up your mind.

June 16

Undertaker! Undertaker! Undertaker, you've just been RKO'd. You better get used to it, because the legend killer is officially on SmackDown!.

June 30

Theodore Long: Last week, I made this SmackDown! championship match a six-man elimination match! Well, with The Big Show being drafted to Raw, you lose one and you gain one, playa. So the sixth man for this match will be the latest draft lottery pick. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Christian! [Christian's music hits] Michael Cole: Christian?! Tazz: Christian? No! Cole: Captain Charisma? Tazz: [Christian comes out] Yeah there he is! Oh wait a minute! Christian! Cole: Got a shot at the SmackDown! championship here tonight on his first night on SmackDown!.

June 30

Theodore Long: JBL, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news for you, playa. Michael Cole: What? Long: Now, the bad news is, even though you won the match, you are not the SmackDown! champion. Cole: What?! Tazz: What the hell? Long: You know something playa? Recently, I found out that there's no need for a SmackDown! championship. Now the good news is, that you have earned the right to be the new number one contender to this man. Now ladies and gentlemen, everybody get ready to show your love for the final draft lottery pick and World Champion, Batista! [Batista's music hits] Tazz: What the hell?!! Cole: Oh, my! Tazz: Is this a joke? What the hell's going on here? Cole: No, it's not a joke! He's the, the, the latest draft lottery pick! Tazz: Where is he? I'll believe it when I see it [Batista comes out] and oh my God, I believe it! Holy...I don't, this is great! Cole: SmackDown! has hit the jackpot! Tazz: Holy cow! Cole: The World Heavyweight Champion has come to SmackDown!.

July 14

Thomas Whitney (Muhammad Hassan's attorney): My name is Thomas Whitney, Esq., and I am the legal counsel for Mr. Muhammad Hassan. Mr. Hassan has authorized me to read this statement on his behalf. Mr. Hassan has endured so much emotional distress as a result of the vitriolic hatred he has encountered over the last week. As a result, he has chosen to take a leave of absence from SmackDown!. I'd like to remind you that Mr. Hassan is as American as each and every one of you. He has the same rights and privileges under the First Amendment, including freedom of expression. And it is a sad day in America, in which someone like my client has found me to retain an attorney to protect his fundamental rights to freedom of speech, and freedom from discrimination. Like all other Americans, you should not be prejudiced against Mr. Hassan or his manager, Khosrow Daivari. Therefore, my client will never again appear here on SmackDown!, until such time as he defeats The Undertaker at a pay-per-view, i

August 4

Randy Orton: WrestleMania 21. It was supposed to be my night. My time. I was supposed to beat the biggest, baddest legend ever. I was going to beat The Undertaker. But fate intervened, fate decided to intervene, and that didn't happen. Well guess what? Fate repaid the favor, and I'm standing before you on SmackDown!, able to get what I want. Able to get what I deserve! Able to get what I need. I need to beat The Undertaker. Now The Undertaker's been with the WWE for fifteen years. Fifteen long years, and he's achieved legendary status. The Undertaker is a legend! Oh, but guess what? I'm the Legend Killer. All the victims of The Undertaker, they were great. They were great men, but all the victims, all the men that I've defeated in this ring, all those men have been legends. At WrestleMania 21, The Undertaker took away any chance at my immortality. So I've decided to take away everything possibly that I could take away from The Undertaker, and that started last week on SmackDown!, when

November 18

Batista: If I know anything about Eddie Guerrero, I know that he would hate to see me in this ring crying like a little baby. Well, Eddie I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I just...I just can't believe you're gone. [starts crying] I've been thinking all day, you know, I really don't know what to say. I don't even know if I'm the right man to be out here to be speaking about Eddie, but...I want you to know two things about Eddie. The first thing is he loved his family. He loved his family. Now Eddie had a lot of demons, he had a lot of troubles in his past. And Eddie fought his way back from Hell to win back his family. And I respect the hell out of him for doing that. The second thing, you guys already know this, but I wanna make it clear. The second thing is Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved this business, he ate, he breathed, he slept, he bled this business! And no matter how much pain he was in, when he stepped through that curtain, all the pain, it just went away. And he

December 2

Randy Orton: I didn't come out here to brag about what I did to The Undertaker. I don't need to. I'm, I'm not an arrogant man. What I did to Undertaker speaks for itself. [points to the SmackDown! titantron that was destroyed and is covered with tape] Any of you here coming to this arena thinking that there's just a small chance you might see Undertaker rise from the ashes, WELL GUESS WHAT, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! It's over, he's done! His legacy is dead. I killed him. I KILLED THE UNDERTAKER! [crowd boos] The only true phenom now in the WWE...is me. And I deserve something for what I've accomplished. I deserve the World Heavyweight Championship. You think I don't? Do you disagree with me?! [crowd cheers] You disagree with me?! Well guess what, the one man that three years in a row was the sole survivor at the Survivor Series match, you're looking at him! The youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history! You're looking at him! A third-generation superstar! Guess what, you're looking at h

January 20

Daivari: Well, I told you what was gonna happen out here. We'll be screwed up. But Kurt, I should have said, you were the one that was gonna get screwed. I am now the manager of the World's Strongest Man, and next World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry. Michael Cole: What? Tazz: What the hell is going on here? Daivari's Henry's manager? Michael Cole: Oh my God. Tazz: I never saw this coming. Angle got...I...I...did he get double-crossed here? Is Daivari now manager of Mark Henry? Michael Cole: I'd love to know what the hell happened, but the bottom line is Daivari is managing Mark Henry. Tazz: Daivari knows Kurt Angle so well, Cole. Michael Cole: Well, nine days away from the Rumble, the #1 contender Mark Henry ended up himself as a serious threat but now with Daivari added to the mix, Kurt Angle's reign may be in trouble. As Daivari said, this is screwed up.

February 24

[clears throat] Please, please. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to come out here and say, "I told you so." But I told you so. I'm gonna compete for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania. Rey Mysterio is not. All of Rey's hopes, dreams, fantasies of having a storybook victory over me were shattered. It didn't matter who was cheering for him and it didn't matter who he dedicated his match to. I had destiny on my side. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I had destiny on my side, a destiny, my destiny, that will be fulfilled at WrestleMania when I become the World Heavyweight Champion. Now, Kurt Angle, you're lucky, man, because that's what it took, luck, to beat the Undertaker at No Way Out and all the luck in the world couldn't help you at WrestleMania when you step in the ring with me! And when I become world champion, I will take my rightful place at the top of this business. A business that my family built. You see, my grandfather was the greatest wrestler of his generation. My father was the

May 12

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Comesta, amigos? You got it all wrong, folks. I came out here to applaud Rey Mysterio, our World Champion. You see he's a typical, tough Mexican fighter, who has, whoa what you call it? Machismo. Last week, he promised he would take on all comers. And indeed he did. He took on the world's strongest... [crowd chants "619"] Michael Cole: The "619" chants in honor of Mysterio. JBL: I'm surprised you know the numbers in English. [crowd boos] Last week, Rey Mysterio kept his word, and took on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry. [chuckles] And lost. [laughs] I guess Mark hadn't heard of machismo. Well this week, YOU, YOU WANNA THANK ME! If it hadn't been for me, Rey Mysterio would've been squashed like a cockroach underneath Mark Henry! This week, we'll see if he keeps his word again, and takes on all comers, or if Rey Mysterio is el polio, a chicken. We'll see if Rey Mysterio takes his little inner tube and goes back to Mexico. But we all know our little underdo

May 19

Michael Cole: Oh...oh, my God! Tazz: What the hell-? Michael: You gotta be- Tazz: What, no! Michael: It's Kane! It's Kane! It's Kane! Tazz: No! No! Michael: JBL, you sick bastard! Tazz: What are you - what is going on?! Michael: You gotta be kiddin' me! What the hell is wrong with you?! Tazz: No! Michael: Kane! Oh my God, this is gonna be a massacre! [Kane enters the ring and immediately attacks Rey; the bell rings to start the match] Kane, beating the hell out of Mysterio! Tazz: You gotta be kid - I, I'm...I'm shocked! Michael: JBL, what the hell is wrong with you?? What the hell is wrong with you?!? JBL: You shouldn't upset Kane, you know what Kane hates when you say that! He shouldn't upset the Big Red Machine! This is Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger all rolled into one, except for the fact he's a living, breathing human being, and he is a walking, talking stud!

May 26

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: We just witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day! [crowd chants "you suck"] Rey Mysterio is still the World Champion. [crowd cheers] But I challenged him to take on all comers. I appealed to his machismo. Well Rey, oh Rey! If you're still a man of your word, and you'll still take on all comers, then I'm gonna prove it was a fluke on Sunday! Come out here right now with your World Championship and let's do it right here! [Rey Mysterio's theme hits] Michael Cole: Oh ho ho! The World Champion, as he proved Sunday, is a man of his word! [Rey Mysterio comes out] A standing ovation for the man who's still living his dream, successfully defending the World Championship Sunday at Judgment Day. Tazz: I don't know how Mysterio did it on Sunday but he did it. He left Phoenix with the World Championship. Rey Mysterio: JBL, you're right. I did say I would take on all comers. And I took you on at Judgment Day. And I beat you! JBL: You sarcastic little pun

July 28

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: I don't get it, Michael, what keeps Rey in this match? This stupid machismo thing! JBL: He may not be in it any longer! Michael: Rey Mysterio trying to reverse fortune here! Trying to shift balance and he does, kick to the midsection! Mysterio, a suplex! JBL: I know what keeps him in this match! JBL: No! Michael: Look at this! JBL: It's the spirit of Eddie Guerrero! JBL: No, no, no! [as Rey hits the third suplex] I've seen this from Eddie Guerrero, I've seen this from Rey Mysterio; I am sick of it!! [as Rey does Eddie's shimmy] Enough is enough!! No! JBL: No!! Michael: ...with a little bit of Eddie in him! [as Queen Sharmell climbs the apron on the other side and tries to distract the referee] And look at Queen Sharmell up on the apron! [suddenly, Chavo Guerrero comes out through the crowd and grabs Rey] Hey! Who the hell-? [Chavo throws Rey onto the barricade behind him] Who the he-? JBL: Oh, my God! Michael: Is that Ch-? It's Chavo! It's Chavo again! What th

August 4

Michael Cole: I can't wait to hear this. Nothing this man can say will convince me what he did to Rey Mysterio in the past two weeks was right. John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Where's your objectivity? Let's listen to what he has to say. Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Chavo Guerrero. JBL: And why are you surprised? Why does Kasparov play chess? Why does Clemens pitch? It's in his DNA. It is in Chavo's DNA to be a Guerrero. I've known three generations of Guerreros; you cannot trust a Guerrero. Lie, cheat and steal, remember, Michael? Michael: Oh yeah, I remember. That's their motto, the Guerrero motto. JBL: Don't look down on it, Mr. High-and-Mighty. Michael: Eddie Guerrero made that phrase famous. JBL: And this is his nephew. Chavo Guerrero: People want to know why I screwed Rey Mysterio, why I betrayed Rey Mysterio. But first, I want to know: what is betrayal? Is betrayal stealing from another man? Is betrayal stealing his name from him? Stealing his blood? Because that

September 1

Michael Cole: Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah! It's the Miz's debut, next on SmackDown!. The Miz! JBL: I'd rather have a root canal than sit here and watch Miz, the wrestling gods must hate me. Michael: We are back on SmackDown!. It's the debut of the Miz! JBL: Jerry Brisco is rolling over in his grave and Jerry's not even dead!

October 27

Chavo Guerrero: You're looking at a man, and you're looking at a family who finally has some peace in their lives. I suck? No I don't suck. I'm a Guerrero, and Guerreros don't suck. We finally have peace in our lives, because Rey Mysterio is no longer around. And he's no longer around because I, I put an end to his career, and not only did I put an end to his career, I crushed his leg, and I made him say "I quit". And I wanna see him say "I quit" again. Roll footage from last SmackDown!. [footage from the previous week's SmackDown! is shown featuring Chavo Guerrero attacking Rey Mysterio's knee in an "I Quit" match, forcing Mysterio to say "I quit" and lose the match] Michael Cole: Well, this is last week on Friday Night SmackDown!, a number of times, Chavo driving that steel chair, the punishment continues. John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Listen to him scream. Listen to this. Chavo: You can boo all you want, 'cause you're exactly like Rey Mysterio. Selfish. Because none of you wanted my fam

November 3

Rey Mysterio: Two weeks ago, in Los Angeles, this, this is what happened to me. [footage from the October 20 SmackDown! is shown from the "I Quit" match between Chavo Guerrero and Rey Mysterio] Michael Cole: It was the "I Quit" match between Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero. And it was an absolutely relentless, an absolutely brutal assault at the hands of Chavo. Rey Mysterio trying to hold on John, before he uttered the words I never thought Rey would utter. John "Bradshaw" Layfield: I never thought he would, I never thought his Mexican machismo would let him say the words that he is about to say. [back to Mysterio] Wow. Mysterio: I guess, that's what happens in our business right? As a result of that, I now need to have surgery on my left knee. But you know I wanted to come out here personally before I have surgery and speak to all of you from the bottom of my heart. [crowd cheers] I ain't gonna make no excuses. I'm gonna be straight up with you guys. I quit that match because of the p

December 22

Five days ago at Armageddon, I was appalled, horrified at what transpired in front of me. Teddy Long, for his own amusement, for his entertainment, brought back a match that had been dormant for seven and a half years. An inferno match. There is a reason we don't have inferno matches for the last seven and a half years. You see, it looks really good on paper. Somebody gets burned. Until you realize somebody gets burned. A human being was set on fire at Armageddon. Where pictures in the Bible describe Hell as human flesh burning and people screaming in pain. That is what happened. Hell was brought to MVP at Armageddon, and every single bit of it was Teddy Long's fault. This is what Teddy Long did to MVP. [clips from the inferno match between Kane and MVP at Armageddon are shown] Look at this. He put him in the ring with a monster, Kane, and Kane set him on fire. That folks, is not entertainment. That is a human being burning! That is flesh rotting and burning off a human corpse! Right n

March 2

Batista: Last week, I explained what I did at No Way Out. And I, I really just wanted to make the point that I am here to compete. When The Undertaker chose me as his WrestleMania opponent, I was honored. It's gonna be a privilege to share the ring with the Deadman. I was honored. I, I was honored. I know why he chose me. The Undertaker, he's a competitor. He's a fighter. He's proud. He brings it. He comes to compete. And he chose me. He doesn't wanna be in there with a pushover, he doesn't want an easy match. He chose me. Then, he chokeslammed me. The point is, I am here to compete. Now we both know where we stand. Now we know it's gonna be war. Now we know at WrestleMania 23, Batista versus The Undertaker is gonna get ugly. I can say this without a doubt, it's gonna be the match of my career. But I wanna say this, I wanna stress this. I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Undertaker. But I will not be intimidated. Therefore, at WrestleMania, [The Undertaker's gong sounds and

May 11

Michael Cole: Wh-whoa - Edge- JBL: You gotta be kidding me. No. Michael: No! No... JBL: No, come on, Edge, no, not this way! No, damn it! No! Michael: I can't- Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed that Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank championship match; so therefore, this is an official championship match for the World Heavyweight Championship! Michael: This is not happening! Please tell me this is not happening! JBL: It's brilliant. It's brilliant, Michael. Michael: The referee had no choice- JBL: He's spent! Michael: The referee had no choice but to make this match official. Edge has cashed in the Money in the Bank he won on Raw Monday night. [suddenly Undertaker tries to sit up, much to Edge's shock] And Undertaker- JBL: You're kidding me. Michael: The beaten Undertaker! [Undertaker collapses back to the mat] Undertaker tried to sit up; he couldn't quite do it! After the assault by Mark Henry, the battle in the steel cage, but perhaps Edge is second-gu

June 8

Edge: Now I know what you're all thinking. Now I know what you're all thinking, but fear naught, just because I'm hosting The Cutting Edge, that doesn't mean that you won't see me in action here tonight. See, as I understand it, Vickie Guerrero's gonna have a - an announcement for a double main event a little later on tonight, and for your people's sake, let's hope I'm involved. John "Bradshaw" Layfield: True. Edge: But on to The Cutting Edge and, you know I bet you people think I couldn't outdo myself, because my guest last week was Batista. [crowd cheers] Oh no, but my guest tonight is bigger than that. That's right, I I I, I outdid myself, my guest tonight actually asked to be on The Cutting Edge. And, and his wish is my demand. See, my guest tonight is the chairman of the board of World Wrestling Entertainment. My guest tonight is Mr. McMahon! [Mr. McMahon's entrance hits and Mr. McMahon walks slowly to the ring] Michael Cole: Well there is the man who's going through mood swings g

June 29

On a recent edition of Raw, the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, the facts of this horrific tragedy involving Chris Benoit were not known at the time. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit's name in this program. On the contrary, this show is dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This marks the first step of the healing process whereby WWE performers will now do what they do better than anyone else in the world: entertain you.

September 21

Batista: Yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, you have no, no idea how good I feel. I'm all dressed up, got my new suit on, got my new shoes on, bam! I'm in Hotlanta! And I am once again the World Heavyweight Champion! Yes! This Sunday, at Unforgiven, I was fortunate enough to overcome the former, let me say that again, the former World Heavyweight Champion, The Great Khali, and my good friend, a man who I respect very much and I was proud and privileged to compete against, Mr. 619, Rey Mysterio. Yes sir. Yes sir. Rey, you're my brother, I love you, and you will be World Heavyweight Champion again. I know it in my heart. But for right now, for me, The Great Khali will exercise the rematch clause in his contract. So as it stands, it will be The Great Khali versus Batista at No Mercy. In what he calls a Punjabi Prison match. [Mark Henry's music hits] Michael Cole: Well ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed silverback, the world's strongest man, Mark Henry, who John, Sunday at Unforgiven, gave the re

November 2

Batista: I grew up a pretty poor kid in Washington, DC. Getting in fights all the time, had to fight my way out of a lot of bad situations. And WWE, same thing. Been in fights A to Z. Street fights, cage matches, you name it. Been there, done that. But this past Sunday, I did something, I accomplished something I thought I might never do. I beat The Undertaker. I, the rivalry between The Undertaker and myself, it's, it's been a war. He's won one, I've won one, we got two draws, in my book, that makes us even. Which is perfect for tonight, since we are tag team partners. So this is what I wanna say. We're not, we have not settled our differences by any means. But Undertaker, tonight, I've got your back and my question is, I'm wondering if you've got my back. 'Cause if you don't [The Undertaker's gong goes off and The Undertaker appears] The Undertaker: You can rest assured, I got your back. Because you still have the one thing that I want. Batista: Are you saying you want a rematch? Don

December 7

Theodore Long: I just wanna know one thing. Can I get a holla holla holla? [crowd cheers] John "Bradshaw" Layfield: We're moving on up. Long: Well, I want you to know it is great to be back here on SmackDown!, playa. Now as we all know, that general manager Vickie Guerrero is incapacitated at this time. So I want you to know I was happy to make the announcement for the main event at Armageddon, because I was called in for service at the last minute. Now the main event at Armageddon, a triple threat match. Edge versus the phenom, The Undertaker, versus the World Heavyweight Champion, Batista. And I want you to know that this triple threat match is going to be unlike anything that you have ever seen before. Now think about this. Three of the best competitors here in the WWE, they're gonna be going at it for the World title. And speaking of titles, that brings me to the United States title. So I have decided that at Armageddon, MVP will be defending the United States Championship against

January 4

Vickie Guerrero: Now Teddy, this is far enough. Stop. Good evening, and happy new year! Welcome to the first Friday Night SmackDown! of 2008. I just want to set the record straight, that if Batista or Undertaker so much lays a finger on your World Heavyweight Champion, their chances of regaining a championship will go up in smoke. Now, I've been consulting with the love of my life, and in the spirit of competition, I've decided to make a beat the clock challenge. Now, tonight's winner of the beat the clock challenge will go one on one with your World Champion at the Royal Rumble. Now among the participants tonight will be the man who loves to fight, Finlay, Rey Mysterio, Batista, and The Undertaker. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure to introduce to you, a man of extraordinary credentials, a keen sense of fairness, and oratory skills that are par excellence, please help me welcome, SmackDown!s new color commentator, Jonathan Coachman! [Jonathan Coachman's music hits] Micha

August 22

Triple H: So let me get this straight now...at Unforgiven, it's gonna be the Championship Scramble where, 5 men are gonna get in the ring to try to capture the WWE championship; it'll be myself, MVP... Triple H: Shelton Benjamin... Triple H: Brian Kendrick... Triple H: ...no no no no, not just any Brian Kendrick, THE Brian Kendrick... Triple H: ...and the enigma Jeff Hardy. [the crowd cheers] Now here's the trick - they can get in the ring and they don't have to beat me to become champion; they can beat any one of them, and the last one to catch a fall, in the 20 minutes, walks out the WWE champion, now...those odds don't favor me very much, they practically guarantee that the title will change hands. But I just wanna let these guys know one thing before you all go out and start celebrating, buying yourself a Rolex or a, a fancy new sports car to celebrate your big win of becoming WWE champion, here's the thing you gotta understand, guys: the fifth guy in that ring...the fifth guy in t

February 13

Um, you know it's been a weird, a really weird time for me lately. I kinda feel broken, kinda feel, you know, left alone. I kinda felt like doing bad things to bad people but something doesn't feel right. Matt Hardy is my brother. I mean, we made it here to the WWE together. We've won championships together, we've lost championships together. I mean come on, a big brother's someone you're supposed to be able to look up to, he's supposed to be a role model. He's supposed to have your back. And evidently with Matt, that's not the case. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but whatever it is, it's messed up. At the Royal Rumble, I mean it used to remind me of good times, I mean when we were kids we watched it every year. But now all it reminds me of is betrayal. All it reminds me of is a chair shot to the head and a broken dream. Matt whatever's going on inside your head man, you should know better than anybody how I roll man and I'm the type of person that moves on. I don't live in the

May 15

Josh Mathews: Well Jeff, congratulations on your victory, it now appears that you have all the momentum heading into your championship opportunity this Sunday at Judgment Day. Jeff Hardy: Edge is a creature of habit. If you watched him over the last, uh, few months, you'll notice he wins a title on a pay-per-view. A month later, he loses the title. He wins a title, he loses the title. It's a pattern. [to the fans] You're the greatest! [crowd cheers] At Backlash, Edge won the title again. At Judgment Day, he will lose again. Josh, it won't be just for me. It's gonna be for each and every one of these people who supported me through thick and thin, always believed in what I stand for, and that's being me, Jeff Hardy!

July 10

Are you proud of yourself Jeff? I could have been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve faking an eye injury, leaving me in the ring to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in the first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eye patch mocking me, I wanna show you something Jeff. This is Polymixin B Sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription. From a doctor. Now, I know, you know a thing or two about prescription medication. What I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. Unlike you Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you wanna imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight edge lifestyle? Jeff, you've got two strikes. You how many I have? Zero. Jeff you know how many times I've b

July 24

CM Punk: I've, I've come out here tonight to challenge you. Challenge you, the WWE universe, into seeing things my way. And to learn how to just say no. See, because the people who cheer for Jeff Hardy are just slaves to the vices associated with his "living in the moment". I feel bad for you, I really do. You, you walk around almost blind, and you wear your prescriptions proudly on your sleeve, like they were badges of honor. And what was it the doctor told you? Just take one every four hours right? Aside from myself, there's not a person in this arena who hasn't abused prescription medication or taken a recreational drug. And I know, trust me, it's hard being straight edge, it's hard to live a straight edge lifestyle. It's extremely difficult to be me. But what concerns me now is that none of you realize how much more difficult it is to live the life that you all live. I'm positive nobody in here takes into account the long-term consequences of alcohol on your liver. See and you chee

August 28

CM Punk: I told you so! [crowd boos] I told you all that I would beat Jeff Hardy at SummerSlam, in case you were too intoxicated to remember, let me show you how I did it. [highlights of Punk beating Hardy in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match at SummerSlam is shown] I've never felt more alive in my entire life than I do this very moment, and I'm positive that none of you weak people in attendance tonight have ever felt this way, because you take shortcuts. Oh, believe me, I feel every ache and every pain of every table, ladder and chair that Jeff tried to use against me to stop me from getting back my World Heavyweight title. It was the most brutal match of my entire career. But it's that pain that makes me feel so alive. And naturally, I haven't taken a thing for it. [crowd chants "Hardy"] Unlike, unlike you people and unlike Jeff, who had even forced with the symptoms of a small headache, you reach, you reach right for your medication, but you don't, you don't just reach for the reg

April 2

Matt Striker: What a way to kick off the first SmackDown after WrestleMania! Todd Grisham: Once again, Edge's spear proves fatal. Todd & Matt: Oh! Todd: It - it's Jack Swagger, the Money in the Bank ladder match winner! Matt: Inside that briefcase is a contract for a championship match at any time and - Jericho's out, Todd! Todd: This- Matt: Oh, yeah! Matt: Yeah! Todd: He's called for a referee! Jack Swagger's cashing in his contract right now! Matt: The bank of the All-American American is open and it's cash deposits only! Todd: Where's the referee? Matt: Here he comes! The real big deal, we're gonna have this now, awesome! Todd: This is it! The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line! Matt: The contract is being cashed in! [as Chioda hands the briefcase to the timekeepers on the outside] This is gonna be for the world's heavyweight championship! Todd: Swagger like a caged lion right now! He can't wait! "Ring the bell", he says! Todd: Swagger is having a fit! This is his moment!

June 4

Theodore Long: Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I must inform you, that over the Memorial Day weekend, The Undertaker was found by his brother Kane, in a vegetative state. There is an ongoing investigation looking into who, or what, was responsible for this brutal, heinous attack. Kane: Open the coffin. [The Undertaker's druids open the casket, revealing it's empty] In all likelihood, the most feared, dreaded, respected force in the history of the WWE, The Undertaker, [crowd cheers] my brother, will no longer walk amongst us. Gone are the endless nights when The Undertaker would strike fear into the hearts of those in his presence. Gone is the face of darkness, his brilliance EXTINGUISHED by an act of cowardice. Gone is the specter that was beloved and admired by millions of creatures around the world. Gone from the WWE is its most iconic figure. And gone forever are the bonds of brotherhood. My brother will rise from the dead no more. Gone is The Undertaker. But soon

January 28

Todd: Cody, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about the injury you sustained last week. Cody: Go ahead. Todd: Could you...turn and face the camera? It's a live interview. Cody: No, no-no! We're not shooting my face, Todd, not even you; not...not my face. After what Rey Mysterio did to my face, I may never be able to...show myself in public, ever again. [the crowd cheers] And I have it...I have it on good authority that Rey Mysterio didn't even wanna win that match, he wasn't concerned with winning that match, why else would he have kept his knee brace exposed? He wanted to...to bash my face in. And he succeeded! Because not only do I have a deviated septum and a broken nose...but I'm going to require extensive reconstructive surgery. Doctors have told me that...I am not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. [the crowd cheers again] So, not only...not only has Rey Mysterio shattered my face...he shattered my dreams of headlining WrestleMania. I don't understand...why would anyone w

February 3

Mark Henry: [confronting Theodore Long] I'm the most dominant talent on this program. I'm the big fish! I'm your meal ticket. So what I'm gonna need you to do, is I'm going to need you to take me out of this Elimination Chamber match and put me in a match for the World Heavyweight Title tonight with Daniel Bryan. [crowd boos] Theodore Long: And if I don't? Henry: So you're trying me now? Give these people what they want, you hear 'em. Give me what I want. Give me what I deserve. Long: Let me tell you something right now. [repeatedly pokes his finger into Henry's chest] I don't know who you think you are. You understand? But I'm gonna give you half your wish! First, I'm taking you out of the Elimination Chamber, and second, there will be no World Title match for you tonight! Ya got that? [crowd boos] Henry: You don't get it, do you? You're replaceable. Just like John Laurinaitis was on Raw. You have got to do the right thing. I'm not asking you. I'm demanding. [flips Long's tie in his f

May 18

You like that, don't you?! I can't hear you! You like that, right?! You like it when somebody makes fun of their boss! Since I'm the general manager of Raw and SmackDown, I've been tough but fair! I've sometimes been generous. I've been benevolent. But you don't get it, do you? I work hard for you, the WWE Universe, and it seems like the harder I work, the more you like the crap all over me! Now, I'm not gonna blame John Cena and CM Punk for their actions. I'm gonna blame each and every one of you. You support what they do! You support what they say! It's your fault! I detest each and every one of you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! And if this is my last night on SmackDown, I want all you inmates to remember the last thing I say: you can all go to hell!

May 25

Now, the Monday before Over the Limit, I was fired. Now, a lot of you people know what that's like, but I've never been fired before. So, like most of you, I wasn't too proud to beg for my job. But, see, the difference between me and those of you that have been fired, you don't love what you do. It's just a job. I love what I do. I'm a 7-foot 440-pound giant that loves dominating people. Now, when I lost my dream job, I didn't know what to do. I had no visible means of supporting my family. I became very despondent. I couldn't speak. I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe. I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by all my so-called friends in and out of the ring. I felt betrayed by each and every one of you. Not one of you! [audience boos] Oh, yeah. Not one of you. Not one of the superstars in the locker room. Not one member of our production or technical crew came to my defense. After all the years and all the things I've done, that's what I get? [hears "You sold out!" chants] I sold out. Is

June 15

Look, I have no reason to lie about whether I punched Vince McMahon in the face last Monday on Raw on purpose or not. I have no reason to lie. If I came out here and said, "I did it on purpose," no idea, I might get fired but I would still get paid millions of dollars to stay at home and do nothing. So because I don't have to lie, I'm gonna tell you all the truth. Even... even when I was in WCW, I never really was allowed to reach my fullest potential because I was never allowed to outshine the so-called faces of the company. You know Hulk Hogan, Sting, Ric Flair, whatever. When the chance came and I finally became a free agent, everyone gave me advice. Everyone says, "You've got to go to WWE. You've got to talk to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon can make you the biggest star in entertainment both literally and figuratively." So, I came to the WWE. I talked to Vince McMahon. So, I talked to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon says to me, he says, [mimicking Vince McMahon] "You know, you gotta..

February 14

She never said this will be easy. "They will lie to you," she said. "They will try to denounce you," she said. "They will try to steal your gift," and she was right. Sister Abigail always spoke the truth, and so do I. So when I tell you that I knew this day would come, I am not telling you a lie! And on this day, in this moment in time right now, this very second, I can truly say that I have [holds high the newly-won WWE Championship] the whole damn world in my hands.

March 13

Welcome to Friday Night SmackDown on Fox. I'm The Game, Triple H, and I would like to personally welcome you to the WWE Performance Center. This 30,000 square foot amazing state-of-the-art facility with its seven rings and its world-class strength and conditioning and medical is designed to bring you the WWE superstars of the future. This is the athletic hub of the WWE. On any given day, there are a hundred athletes from all over the world training here, putting their heart and soul into everything they do, with the ultimate goal being the ultimate privilege of performing for you. Everybody from Sasha Banks, Bayley, Asuka, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Baron Corbin, they have all walked through these doors. And tonight, they will return to the Performance Center. Not to train, but to do what they have been trained to do better than anyone else on this planet, and that is entertain you. Now, this show will be different from anything you have ever seen before. So, sit back, relax, and if you

June 26

How about that, hmm? The Undertaker's final match. It just happened to be 30 years after his first match. But you guys know why they call it a boneyard match? Huh? Because that's exactly what the Undertaker is: an old bag of bones. The Undertaker's just a shell of what he used to be. I mean, he's supposed to have some storied 30-year career. Wow. Do you know how many of those years the Undertaker spent kissing the ass of a certain family? Do you know there actually used to be a club around here called the "Kiss My Ass" club? And the Undertaker, well, he was the founding member. I mean, really, a 30-year career. Nobody does that. It's impossible. Unless, unless, unless, unless you're coddled and protected by the owners. It's exactly what he was. Protected for 30 years. Undertaker, you've been stealing money from this company for the last 20 years. And you know what else, I think you're a selfish son-of-a-bitch because you've been holding superior athletes, like myself, down for a very,

April 9

I went to WrestleMania VI; Hulk Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior. And that night, I-I knew what I needed to do with the rest of my life. A-and when I dream things, I HAVE to manifest them. That's the way things work in my world, and-and some of you may relate, but a lot of you won't because common sense isn't very common. And I did... I became a WWE Superstar. A Superstar who accomplished everything. Everything... but ending my career on my terms. Now, some of you will also say "Well, isn't that enough?", and if you have to ask "Isn't that enough?", then you have NO idea the mentality it takes — to see the heights that I've seen... to fight back for your career for 9 years. See, I didn't walk away from this: I had this ripped away from me! I didn't try to forge another career off the back of this; THIS IS ALL that I wanted to do! And I fought... and I ripped my career right back outta fate's hands. I didn't come back for some "Greatest Hits" tour; to be a shell of my former self. I came

October 22

Ladies and gentlemen, no single individual can come out here and hold this show hostage or cause the kind of chaos we just witnessed. Make no mistake, Brock Lesnar's actions were completely unacceptable, completely irresponsible. And not just the property damage, he endangered our crew, he endangered our officials, he endangered his fellow superstars, and worst of all, Brock Lesnar endangered the WWE Universe, and that cannot happen. I cannot allow that to happen, not on my watch. Therefore, I have the unfortunate duty to inform all of you that due to his actions tonight, I am indefinitely suspending Brock Lesnar.

October 29

Brock Lesnar's actions last week were disgusting, reprehensible, and, if I'm being honest, an act of total cowardice. How dare he lay his hands on the heart of his corporate engine. I give every piece of myself to this company and I will not...I will not be disrespected. That cannot, will not happen again. I called Mr. Lesnar earlier today and I informed him over the telephone that due to his actions, in addition to his suspension, I'm hereby fining him the sum of $1 million. Thank you.

December 17

Roman Reigns: Chicago, you see, I said this before, and I thought I made it very clear. I don't like it when my cousins lose. You know that, right, Jey? But we're family, and we can get through anything because we're blood. [Turns to Paul Heyman] But you... you're not my blood. And you should know better than anybody that I can't have people disrespecting me, because if you disrespect me, you disrespect our entire family. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I thought I already asked and I figured I knew the answers to already, but...can I trust you, wise man? I took a week off, and it's like... I didn't see nothing, but I know everything that happens around here, and last week, you seemed a little shady to me. So let's get this straight. I wanna know this. Did you know Brock was gonna return at SummerSlam? Did you know Brock was gonna be at Madison Square Garden? Did you know Brock's suspension was gonna be lifted? [hears "You screwed up!" chants] Oh, you're damn right he screwed

February 4

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm here tonight to serve as special counsel to your Tribal Chief, the reigning, defending, undisputed, uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns.

May 20

Roman: Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man. Paul: Yes, my Tribal Chief. Roman: Tell them why. Paul: [taking the mic] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the

October 7

Maxxine: What is going on here?! I'm so over this! Max, what were you thinking? LA Knight: Do NOT call me that name again. I gave you and them gold and y'all turned into trash! You think I'm just gonna hang out here and be something I'm not? Nah, nah! What I'm not: Max. What I am, who I am: LA Knight, yeah.

October 21

Michael Cole: Sami Zayn, who I say is doing his best Greg Hirsch impersonation, if you watch Succession. Wade Barrett: I do, indeed. I'd say he's more like Tom, if you ask me. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't trust either of them.

June 16

Roman Reigns: I know what they want. They want answers, Jey. So what's it gonna be? Are you in, or are you out? Jey Uso: You tell me, Uce. Hey, it's either gonna be him [pointing at Paul Heyman], or it's me. Roman: Alright, listen. When you're Tribal Chief, you can pick anyone you want to be to be your wise man. This is my wise man. He's not the Bloodline's wise man, he's not Jey's wise man, he's not Jimmy's wise man. No, he's my wise man. He's here to help me as I lead. That's what you don't understand. I was only meant to get us to the promised land; you're meant to keep us here. You understand? You're meant to keep us here. You're meant to keep us at the top of the mountain. Jimmy Uso: [entering the arena and ring] Yo, yo. The problem isn't your brother, Jey. The problem is our cousin. Yeah, let's get right to it. Let's get right to it, Uce. You say you're a leader, and you say he's grooming you. But in reality, he's using you, bro. Yeah. Look at me. You actually believe this garbag

August 25

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This past week, we lost two beloved members of our WWE family: Hall of Famer Terry Funk, and the one and only Bray Wyatt. Tonight on Friday Night SmackDown, we will honor their legacy and celebrate their lives. The lives of two incredible men who have touched all of us with their passion, their creativity, and their spirit. Please join us for a moment of silence in our traditional ten bell salute.

November 3

Solo Sikoa: John Cena. I'm pissed off I gotta wait till tomorrow to fight you... but I got orders from the Tribal Chief. And those orders was to give you this microphone so you can say goodbye to them [points to the WWE Universe] while you still can. Because come tomorrow, [extends his thumb] you won't be able to. [holds out the microphone to Cena, who slowly takes it] John Cena: [raspy voice, not impressed] That's it? Do you realize who you're in the ring with? We've been waiting for you talk for over a year, and that's all you bring to the table? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, man, I can do this with half a voice, and it's only gonna take 90 seconds to cook ya. I'm gonna say goodbye. I'm gonna say goodbye, but I'm not gonna say goodbye to them. I'm gonna say goodbye for them. We all know the only reason you got a job here is because of your cousin. And we all see you, homie, walkin' around, thinking you're some big, badass enforcer, when you're nothing but a bargain, basement Taz ripoff! So do m

December 22

Corey Graves: I'll let you in on a little holiday mythology, KP: every time a table breaks, an angel gets its wings. I didn't just make that up, either. Kevin Patrick: [as Bianca Belair slams a gift box onto Iyo Sky's head] What's in this present? Corey: Nothing. Ask Justin Timberlake.

December 22

Michael Cole: [as Michin hits a senton bomb on Iyo Sky] Senton through the table! Corey: Hallelujah! Holy crap! Where's the Tylenol?

January 6

Nick Aldis: Oh and one more thing... Paul Heyman: Don't touch me!! [walks off] Aldis: [slows him down] Hey hey, when he's done celebrating [refers to Roman Reigns lording over Orton], tell him congratulations. Heyman: Now why? Aldis: 'Cause he just earned himself a Fatal Four-Way match with all three of these guys at the Royal Rumble. [smiles, taps Paul on the arm and walks off, leaving Heyman visibly shocked]

June 21

CM Punk: Paul. Paul Heyman: Yes? Punk: What's the favor you wanted to ask of me if I do you this favor? Heyman: [comes to Punk distressed] Take me with you! [The Bloodline is shocked] Punk: Solo, Solo, I acknowledge... [Solo mouths off "say it"] the fact that I don't see the Bloodline standing in front of me, I see a bunch of fake-ass Usos, and [points to Solo] a phony cosplay Tribal Chief! Cody Rhodes: Solo, you fashion yourself the head of the Table right? Solo Sikoa: Damn right, damn right! Rhodes: I've already beaten one head of the Table. So why don't you leave your family backstage, Kevin and Randy won't accompany me. We settle this here, we settle this TONIGHT!

June 28

Kevin Owens: Hey, Bloodline! If you thought we were gonna wait until Money in the Bank, you're even dumber than you look. Randy Orton: Hey, Kev, check it out. The Bloodline has been crawling up my ass for over two years. They put me on the shelf for 18 freaking months. So at Money in the Bank, we put The Bloodline down for good. Cody Rhodes: The Bloodline looks in this ring and you know what they see? They see three victims. I don't see three victims. I see one of the most dangerous men on the planet, somebody that's headlined Wrestlemania. I see my friend, Kevin Owens. And I see a 14-time world champion, a first ballot Hall of Famer, a man who's responsible for me standing here, The Legend Killer, Randy Orton. And here's what else I see: I see a sold-out world's famous arena, Madison Square Garden. You see, magic like this or crowd like this, I should be defending my WWE Championship here tonight against a worthy credible opponent. Instead, I'm fighting a war with The Bloodline, I res

July 25

Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and most globally recognized icons in the world. A man I grew up watching, was fortunate enough to share the ring with, and like so many of us, were honored to call a friend. The truth is, he captivated millions of people and inspired them around the globe. We would not be standing here right now, all of us together, if it was not for him. So please, help us honor him now, as we give a ten-bell salute to Terry Bollea, the one, and the only, the immortal, Hulk Hogan.

August 1

John Cena: Cody Rhodes, I told you that I was exhausted, and that a match at SummerSlam would be too difficult for me. You didn't listen. You assaulted me. You forged my signature, and you forced me into one of the most dangerous matches in WWE on one of its grandest stages for its biggest championship. I only got one thing left to say to you. [pauses briefly] Thank you. 'Cause that was just the boot in the ass that I needed. For 25 years, day in and day out, I have forged a reputation off of hard work, honesty and respect. And I now realize that, five months ago, I flushed it all down the toilet, chasing false glory when I bought into somebody's crazy idea to make shocking TV. And we did. We shocked the world. We made great TV, but then the dust settles. And then everybody goes back to their normal lives, and the people that were supposed to be on my team, they left. And they left me alone, trying to pretend to be something I'm not. I want to leave here with this. [holds up the Undisp

September 5

Becky, this is the situation I wanted to avoid, because you know, I know, everybody knows, I would never put my hands on a lady. Thankfully, I got somebody who will. [AJ Lee's music kicks in]

September 26

Drew McIntyre: You know, it just occurred to me when I walked out here, this is the same arena I returned to WWE in 2017. I sat right there at Takeover. It's the same arena I beat Randy Orton in front of a bunch of screens for my second WWE Championship right there. [points to the middle of the ring] And it's the same arena I should have walked out for the first time in front of live fans as WWE Champion, but I'm not champion… because of Cody Rhodes. I had Cody beat on Saturday. I could see it in his eyes. Everybody could feel it, but Cody was one step ahead, wasn't he? He's a master Chess player. Think back to the match. Exhibit A: The referee took a full six seconds to finally count a pinfall I had! Exhibit B: I had Cody dead to rights for a Claymore. I was gonna put his head right through the announce table 'cause that's the only way you're gonna take down Super Cody, and what happened? The referee got between us, and why? Why? Is it a DQ? It's my match to throw away, but let me ask

March 6

Drew McIntyre: Nick, I've had a chance to calm down since Elimination Chamber. Now, let's be reasonable. I'm the face of your brand. We had an agreement when I won this title. There will be no rematch for Cody unless he wins the Rumble, unless he wins the Chamber. He won neither. So make this right. Nick Aldis: Make this right? McIntyre: Make it right. Aldis: Reasonable? I'll tell you what's unreasonable, is you looking me in my eye and telling me time after time that you were gonna let things happen the way they should and leave it alone, and you couldn't do it. So you went back on your word, I went back on mine. So now, it's time to put up or shut up. Defend the Championship tonight... unless, of course, you want to forfeit the Championship. McIntyre: [attempts a small smile] Forfeit the title? It always feels like Drew McIntyre against the world, doesn't it? I've beat Cody before. I'm gonna beat him tonight because the only way he'll take this title from me is prying it from my cold

March 13

Drew McIntyre: Aldis! Aldis, you can take that contract and shove it up your arse! [to a fan] Move! [climbs over the barricade] Hey, you see what happened last week?! [stands on the commentary table] My damn title was stolen from me! You couldn't help yourself, could you, Nick?! You had to make sure your golden boy Cody Rhodes got the title match before WrestleMania! You're gonna get out here right now, and you're gonna make this right! I'll stay here all night long-- Nick Aldis: [walks out; interrupting] Let me explain this to you in plain English. There is nothing to make right. Part of being Champion, as you well know, is defending the Championship, and I made you do that in a fair one-on-one contest. A contest in which, by the way, you head-butted a referee, and it still didn't go your way. And now you're out here playing the victim again. Drew, you're looking for somebody to blame. What you should be really looking at are the consequences of your own actions. [steps into the ring]

March 27

Jacob Fatu: Yadada mean?! Crowd: [cheering; chanting] Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu: I'm limping, busted open, cracked ribs, and it's all got to do with one person. It got to do with you, Drew, huh? What the hell? What the hell is wrong with you, huh? You tried to take me out? You tried to end my career, huh? You tried to take food of my fam-- Man, you tried to take food off my kids' table, Drew! What, you thought kicking my teeth down my throat was gonna keep me down? What, you thought hitting me in the head with the title was gonna keep me down, huh?! You thought hitting me with the car, pulling me out through the windshield and banging my head on the car until you see blood, you thought that was gonna hold me down?! Hell, you thought throwing me off the side of a building was gonna hold me down, huh?! HELL NO! <big>HELL... NO!!</big> [winces at the pain in his ribs] Crowd: [chanting] Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu: Hey, Drew, you did all that, but I'm still standing. I'm st