Quotes

Others

Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: Drop the gun, fat boy. Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: You can keep the 10 large, along with the body. But if I see you again – you motherfuckers! – well, look at him. [points to Franky Four Finger's corpse] Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [referring to the gun he sold Tommy] Heavy is good, heavy is reliable. If it doesn't work … you can always hit them with it. Chinese Victim of Bullet Tooth Tony: [after shooting Tony several times without him dying] I shoot you, you go down! Franky Four Fingers: So the Biblical scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin". It was an easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Holy Catholic Church. Oy vey. Sol: [Vinny tries to open the outer door

Dialogue

Tommy: Is he allowed to do that? Turkish: It's an unlicensed boxing match, Tommy. It's not a tickling competition. These lads are out to hurt each other. Turkish: [referring to their caravan/office] It's not good enough, Tommy. I want another one. And I want you to buy it for me. Tommy: Why me? Turkish: 'Cause you know about caravans. Tommy: How's that, then? Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which mean's you know more than me. Here's ten grand, and it would be nice to see change. [turns towards caravan] Tommy: What's wrong with this one? Turkish: [sarcastically, as he pulls the caravan door off trying to open it] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tip-top. It's just I'm not sure about the colour. Turkish: What's happening with them sausages, Charlie? Sausage Charlie: Five minutes, Turkish. Turkish: [stares at Charlie in disbelief] Hang on, it was two minutes five minutes ago! Turkish: Fuck me, hold tight. What's that? Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish. Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your tro

Dialogue

Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog, are ya, Gary? Gary: No, no, I'm not. Brick Top: However, you have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary … all except loyalty. Turkish: [narrating] It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs. Brick Top: You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam. I'll give ya that. But I got no time for grassers. Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol. Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?

Dialogue

Turkish: [narrating] If you got to deal with him, just gotta make sure you don't end up owing him. 'Cause then you're in his debt. Which means you're in his pocket. And once you're in there, you ain't ever coming out. Brick Top: I hear he's a good fighter, so I'm gonna use him. I'll be doing you a favour, boy. Turkish: [narrating] What he means is I'm doing him a favour. 'Cause everybody knows nobody takes a dive in my fights, unlike his. Brick Top: Here, Errol. I don't think he likes me. You don't like me, do you, boy? Turkish: Don't know what you mean. Turkish: [narrating] I do know I can't wait to get out of here. Fuck me, it stinks. Brick Top: I'd like my fights to finish prompt so we can get the punters out before the authorities find out. Now, play your cards right, and I'll sort you out. Turkish: [narrating] You can sort me out by showing me out. It's hard enough to make a living in a boxing world, so every now and then you gotta do something that might not agree with your princ

Dialogue

Doug the Head: What are you doing? Jewish Boy: [spits] It's a free country, innit? Doug the Head: Well, it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!

Dialogue

Franky Four Fingers: I have stones to sell, fat to chew, and many different men to see about many different dogs, so if I am not rushing you … Doug the Head: Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome … Franky Four Fingers: I am not in "roam", Doug. I am in a rush.

Dialogue

Gorgeous George: It's a campsite. A pikey campsite. Tommy: Ten points. Gorgeous George: What're we doin' here? Tommy: Buying a caravan. Gorgeous George: Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy! Tommy: Not if you're here. Gorgeous George: Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys!

Dialogue

Pikey Kid: That's a flash car, mister! Tommy: Not as flash as your bike, though, is it? Pikey Kid: Who're you looking for? Tommy: Mr O'Neill. Pikey Kid: Do you want me to go and get him? Tommy: That's a good lad. Tommy: Are you gonna get him for me? Pikey Kid: Yeah. Tommy: What are you waiting for? Pikey Kid: The five quid you gonna pay me. Tommy: Well, fuck off. I'll find him meself. Pikey Kid: Two-fifty! Tommy: You can have a quid. Pikey Kid: Well, you're a real tight fucker, aren'tcha? Turkish: [narrating] Now, there was a problem with pikeys or gypsies … Mickey: What're ya doin' here? Get out of the way, man. [babbling and speaking quickly] Turkish: [narrating] … you can't really understand much of what's being said. Mickey: You Tommy? Come about the caravan? Tommy: Mr. O'Neill. Mickey: Fuck, man, call me Mickey. Turkish: [narrating] It's not Irish, It's not English … Tommy: How are ya? Mickey: Weather's been kind, [starts babbling]. Turkish: [narrating] It's j

Dialogue

Mickey: The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it, for you're not welcome anymore. You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you. Gorgeous George: Nobody … Mickey: Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right? Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan. Mickey: Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels? You want to settle this with a fight? Mrs. O'Neil: Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting, Mickey! You know what happens when you fight. Mickey: Get her to sit down. [turns to face Gorgeous George] For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.

Dialogue

Gorgeous George: Get back down, or you will not be coming up next time! Gorgeous George: Oh, bollocks to you. This is sick. I'm out of here. Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump. [pulls off his shirt] You stay until the job's done. Turkish: [narrating] It turned out that the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Which makes him harder than a coffin nail. Right now that's the last thing on Tommy's mind. If Gorgeous doesn't wake up in the next few minutes, Tommy knows he'll be buried with him. Why would the gypsies go through the trouble explaining why a man died in their campsite? Not when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp. It's not like they got social security numbers, is it? Tommy "the Tit" is praying. And if he isn't … he fucking should be.

Dialogue

Sol: No, it's a moissanite. Bad Boy Lincoln: A what-a-nite? Sol: A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln. It's Mickey Mouse, mate. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth … fuck all.

Dialogue

Turkish: You put Gorgeous George into a fight with a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion? What did you expect? A grease-down and a shiatsu? Tommy: Who took the jam out of your doughnut? Turkish: You took the fucking jam out of my doughnut, Tommy! You did! Tommy: You said, get a good deal. Turkish: I fail to recognize the correlation between losing 10 K, hospitalizing Gorgeous and a good deal. How are we gonna explain this to Brick Top? That his fight isn't gonna happen? Tommy: We replace the fighter. Turkish: Oh, and hope he doesn't notice? And who the fuck are we gonna replace him with? Tommy: What about John the Gun? Or Mad Fist Willy? Turkish: You're not exactly Mr Current Affairs, are you, Tommy? [as Turkish talks about with a quick, split second shot of Mad Fist Willy going mad] Mad Fist went mad, and The Gun, [as Turkish speaks again with another quick, split second shot of John the Gun shooting himself in the head with blood splattered on the walls] shot himself.

Dialogue

Mickey: I'll tell you what, I'll do it for a caravan. Turkish: For what? Pikeys: For a caravan. Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan. Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one? Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma. Turkish: Your what? Pikeys: His ma!

Dialogue

Turkish: We've lost Gorgeous George. Brick Top: [to all] Shh! [to Turkish] You're gonna hafta repeat that. Turkish: We've lost Gorgeous George. Brick Top: Well, where'd ya lose him? He's ain't a set of car keys, is he? And it's not as if he's incon-fucking-spicuous, now, is it?

Dialogue

Tyrone: I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats. Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

Dialogue

Vinny: Oy! Sol: What? Vinny: I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get away from, eh?

Dialogue

Sol: What's that? Vinny: Heh-heh. This is a shotgun, Sol. Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent! Vinny: Yeah, I wanna raise some pulses, don't I? Sol: You'll raise hell, never mind pulses!

Dialogue

Vinny: Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot over there? Tyrone: It's too tight. Vinny: Too tight? You could land a jumbo fucking jet in there!

Dialogue

Sol: He's a natural, ain't you, Tyrone? Tyrone: 'Course I am … Vinny: A natural fucking idiot! What have you done? Sol: Yeah, Tyrone, what have you done?

Dialogue

Tyrone: I didn't see it there. Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as though it's a packet of fucking peanuts, now, is it? Tyrone: It was at a funny angle. Vinny: It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you!

Dialogue

Avi: Did he have a case on him? Doug the Head: Yes. He had a case. Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers, Doug! Doug the Head: Avi, I'm not telepathic. Avi: Well, you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you have any idea why they call him Franky "Four Fingers", Doug? Doug the Head: No, I have no idea. Avi: Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug! And I'm not talking about his fucking foreskin either! [to his aide "Rosebud"] You got a toothbrush? I'm going to London. [into phone] You hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London! Doug the Head: Avi! Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck! [Doug sheepishly complies] I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm, sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats. Doug the Head: We've got sandy beaches &hellip

Dialogue

Tyrone: Look, are we gonna rob this bookies or what? Sol: Yes, big man. Tyrone: What are we waiting for, anyway? Sol: We are waiting for a man with four fingers, carrying a briefcase, Tyrone. Tyrone: And why's that? Sol: Because the deal is, the Russian gets the case, we get the money. Tyrone: What's in the case? Vinny: Oh, for fuck's sake, Tyrone, just concentrate on the steering wheel.

Dialogue

Sol: How you doing, Vince? Vinny: I would be a lot better if you stopped using my name.

Dialogue

Female Bookie: All bets are off. Sol: I'm not in here to make a fucking bet! Female Bookie: 'Preciated, but [pointing at board] all … bets … are … off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money, can there? Sol: I ain't fucking buying that! Female Bookie: Well, that's handy, 'cause I ain't fucking selling it. It's a fact.

Dialogue

Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: Give me the stone. Vinny: [pointing] It's in the case. Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: What? [takes out his earplugs] Vinny: It's in the case! Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: You put the stone in the case? Then open the case and give me the stone. Sol: The only man who knew the combination … you just shot. Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [in russian] Ёб твою мать. [pronounced "yob tvoyu mat", meaning "fucked your mother" or "motherfucker"]

Dialogue

Turkish: What brings you two here? Run out of pants to sniff? Errol: That sounds like 'ostility, doesn't it, John? John: And we don't like 'ostility, do we, Errol? Errol: No, we don't, John. Turkish: You take sugar? Brick Top: No, thank you, Turkish; I'm sweet enough. Brick Top: I've got a bare-knuckle fight in a couple of days. I wanna use the pikey. Turkish: All right, of course. Brick Top: Of course fucking of course. I wasn't asking, I was telling.

Dialogue

Brick Top: He's been quite a busy little bastard, that Turkish. Errol: I think you've let him get away with enough, Guv'nor. Brick Top: It'll get you in a lot of trouble thinking, Errol. I wouldn't do too much of it.

Dialogue

Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol? Errol: I know a lot of tits, Guv'nor. But I don't know quite any as fucking stupid as these two. Brick Top: John? John: I can't help, Guv. Errol: Ah. Tyrone. John and Errol: [simultaneously] You silly fat bastard.

Dialogue

Tommy: What's coursing? Turkish: Hare coursing. They set two lurchers – they're dogs, before you ask – on a hare. And the hare has to outrun the dogs. Tommy: So, what if it doesn't? Turkish: Well, the big rabbit gets fucked, doesn't it? Tommy: [pauses and thinks] Proper fucked? Turkish: Yeah, Tommy. Before zee Germans get there.

Dialogue

Turkish: Well, do you want to do it? Mickey: That depends. Turkish: On what? Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Ah, not the rouge one, the rose. Turkish: It's not the same caravan. Mickey: It's not the same fight. Turkish: It's twice the fucking size of the last one. Mickey: The fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it. Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich. Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant … Mickey: Save your breath for cooling your porridge. Now look: She wants the Hector-2 roof lights, uh... the stylish ash-framed furniture and the scatter cushions with the matching shag pile covering. Mickey: Right. And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue. Have I made myself clear, lads? Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey, yeah. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague. Tu

Dialogue

Turkish: Okay, I reckon the hare gets fucked. Mickey: What? Proper fucked? [laughs all round]

Dialogue

Tommy: Who's proper fucked now, then? Tommy: There's something very wrong about this. It was us who wanted to buy a caravan off of him. Turkish: Well, why didn't you "bust a cap in his ass", then, Tommy? Mind you, you'd do more damage if you threw it at him. Tommy: What, you sayin' I can't shoot? Turkish: No, Tommy, I wasn't saying you can't shoot. I know you can't shoot. What we're saying is that six pound piece of shit stuck in your pants would do more damage if you fed it to him. Tommy: You saying the gun don't work? Turkish: You've tried it? Turkish: Whoops. Tommy: (annoyed) I wanna see that sneaky fucking Russian.

Dialogue

Avi: Six times? Doug the Head: In one sitting.

Dialogue

Avi: So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"? Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

Dialogue

Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookie's got blagged last night. Avi: "Blagged"? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the fucking language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

Dialogue

Bad Boy Lincoln: What has he got a tea cosy on his head for? Sol: [sarcastically] To keep his head warm. Bad Boy Lincoln: Well, what happened to him? Sol: He got shot in the face, Lincoln. I would have thought that would be obvious. Bad Boy Lincoln: What'd you do that for? You mistake him for a rabbit? What'd you want me to do about it? Vinny: Sort it out. Bad Boy Lincoln: I'm not a fucking witch doctor. Sol: But you are a bad-boy yardie, and bad-boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies. Bad Boy Lincoln: I create the bodies. I don't erase the bodies.

Dialogue

Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you? Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now, is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now, do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a

Dialogue

Brick Top: What do you think, Errol? Errol: I think we should drip dry 'em, Guv'nor. While we've got the chance. Brick Top: [exasperated] It was a rhetorical question, Errol. What have I told you about thinking?

Dialogue

Bullet Tooth Tony: All right, Mullet? Mullet: Hey Tony! How you doin', mate, all right? Bullet Tooth Tony: Oh, nice tie. Mullet: I heard you weren't about much these days, Tony. Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins. Unlike yours, Mullet. Mullet: Do me a favor, Tone … Bullet Tooth Tony: I will do you a favor, Mullet. I'll not get out of the car and bash the living fuck out of you in front of your girlfriends. Mullet: Got to make it worth my while, mate. Jesus, Tony, you know that. Bullet Tooth Tony: Comfortable, Mullet? It seems sadly ironic that it's that tie that got you into this pickle. Now, you just take all the time you want. Mullet: What the fuck you doing, Tone?! Bullet Tooth Tony: Driving down the street with your head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing, you pinarse? Mullet: Slow down, Tone! Bullet Tooth Tony: You been using dog shit for toothpaste, Mullet? Mullet: Slow down, Tone. Slow down, Tony! Bullet T

Dialogue

Bullet Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in … Boris the Bullet-Dodger? Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger? Bullet Tooth Tony: [gives him an odd look] Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

Dialogue

Vinny: What do you mean, replicas? Sol: They look the shit, don't they? And no one is going to argue. I've got some extra loud blanks just in case. Vinny: Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?

Dialogue

Avi: How do we wanna get rid of him? [talking about Boris in the carboot] Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to shoot him? Avi: It's a little noisy, isn't it? Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to stab him? Avi: That's a little cold-blooded, isn't it? Bullet Tooth Tony: [annoyed] Do you want to kill him or not? Rosebud: [in the backseat, taking the blade out of his jacket] I'll cut him. I got a blade. Bullet Tooth Tony: Yeah, that's the spirit.

Dialogue

Vinny: Do they fire? [while holding a Replica gun] Sol: Of course they fire. Vinny: But how'd you know, they're replicas. What do you know about replicas? Vinny: What the fuck are you doing, Solomon?! Sol: Well, you wanted to know whether or not they worked! Vinny: I didn't mean try it in the car, Sol, you arsehole!

Dialogue

Tommy: You shouldn't drink that stuff anyway. [looking at the milk Turkish is drinking] Turkish: Why, what's wrong with it? Tommy: It's not in sync with evolution. Turkish: Shut up. Tommy: Cows have only been domesticated for the last eight thousand years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to dairy products yet. Turkish: Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading? Tommy: Let me do you a favour. [takes the milk off Turkish's hand and throws it out the window and it hits a car behind them followed by screeching tires and a loud crash] Both: [look at each other] Whoops.

Dialogue

Bullet Tooth Tony: You. Want a knife? Avi: Me? No, not me. I wouldn't know what to do. Bullet Tooth Tony: It's a knife, for God's sake. What's you used to keep you fork company for all these years? The sharp side, the blunt side. What do you want, a lesson?

Dialogue

Avi: [after coming to, and being told to get out of the car] What about Rosebud? Bullet Tooth Tony: You can take him with you, if you like. [looks back at Rosebud, who drove a sword through his chest during the crash, and is now stone dead] Which bit do you want to take?

Dialogue

Turkish: He's left the door open. Tommy: Shouldn't think that a good idea. Should we go in? Turkish: I don't wanna go in there. He's a dangerous bastard. Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations. He's got as many of these nuts [grabs his balls] as he has those nuts. [points to his head] Tommy: I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him. Turkish: [acts surprised about Tommy's confidence] My God, Tommy. You certainly got those minerals. Well, come on then. Before zee Germans get here. You just tell him who's in charge. Tommy: Er, Boris. Tommy: [wheezing] Fucking hell... Turkish: You certainly told him, Tommy. Boris "the Blade" Yurinov: [in Russian] … со мной? Ну что будете теперь делать? Что? ["With me? So what are you going to do now? Huh?"]

Dialogue

Sol: I don't want a fuss, and I don't want to put a bullet in your face, but unless you give me exactly what I want, there will be fucking murders. Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name? Vinny: Shoot him. Bullet Tooth Tony: [mocking] Ooh. Vinny: Let … go … of … the … gun! Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you're obviously the big dick. And that, on either side of you, are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls. Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer. Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second tho

Dialogue

Avi: Tony. Bullet Tooth Tony: What? Avi: Look in the dog. Bullet Tooth Tony: (What) You mean, "look in the dog"? Avi: I mean, open him up. Bullet Tooth Tony: It's not a fucking tin of baked beans! What d'you mean, "open him up"?! Avi: You know what I mean. Bullet Tooth Tony: That's a bit strong, isn't it?

Dialogue

Sol: You ain't from this planet, are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sitting in a car … that's worth less than your shirt? Vinny: [looks out window] Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend, "Desert Eagle point-five-oh". Sol: What have they got to do with anything? Vinny: They're both staring straight at me. Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. Now, out the car. And leave the water pistols behind you.

Dialogue

Vinny: Give me the case! Avi: [contemptful and fed-up] Fuck you. Shoot me. Vinny: I will! I'll shoot you! Boris: Pass me case, or I shoot you. Avi: You know what? Fuck you too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doing me a favor, you Russian fuck! Go ahead! Boris: [to Vinny and Sol] You! Drop guns! Vinny: [to Boris] Fuck you! You drop the gun! Boris: [takes aim] Okay … Bullet Tooth Tony: [from another room] Avi? Pull your socks up!

Dialogue

Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi? Where's the case? Avi: [on the floor face-down] Put the gun away. Bullet Tooth Tony: What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here? Boris: Fuck you! Bullet Tooth Tony: Where's the case? Boris: [groans] You piece of crap … Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris. Boris: I'll show you … now …! Boris: Fuck you! Boris: Almost had it … Bullet Tooth Tony: [annoyed] For fuck's sake … Bullet Tooth Tony: [contempt] Fuck you, an' all. Bullet Tooth Tony: [exasperated] You lucky bastard!