Quotes

Dialogue

Lateesha Rodriguez: Now, as a "Blactino" woman, I believe we deserve our own race category to forge an identity, Jerry. That's how I feel. Jerry Springer: Did you just say "Blactino"? Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, I did. I'm a "Blactino"-American. Chinegro Woman: Wow. Uh, first of all... first of all, you don't even look latino. You look black. You're... you're black. Second of all, I'm of mixed race, and I've struggled my whole life as to whether I'm Chinese or whether I'm black. Lateesha Rodriguez: "Chinegro"! What you are is "Chinegro"! Chinegro Woman: "Chinegro"?! Lateesha Rodriguez: "Chinegro"! There you go! Chinegro Woman: "Chinegro"?! Lateesha Rodriguez: You are a "Chinegro"! Chinegro Woman: What the [bleeped] is "Chinegro"?! Lateesha Rodriguez: That's what you are! "Chinegro" is you! Chinegro Woman: That's some bulls- [bleeped] Jerry Springer: Okay, as I understand it, you brought a mixed-race flow chart with you. Why don't we bring that out? [Crowd shouts and booes] Lateesha Rodrig

Dialogue

Claremont Williams: It's very simple. The DMV is the de facto conduit for all humanity, and every human being that we track down has a record in the DMV database. Whether it be LAPD, Social Services, the Credit Bureau, or the FBI, they all use the DMV's database as their hub. So, we have people on the inside who feed us the information. Ed: And who would know it? The gatekeepers of humanity turn out to be a bunch of sassy black women.

Dialogue

Ian Ziering: Come on, Bri. We're late, we're late. Brian Austin Green: Dude, it's fucking Mapquest. I told you, never again with that piece of shit.

Dialogue

Ed: [Upon first meeting Domino] Why would a delicate little thing like you wanna be a bounty hunter? Domino Harvey: I wanna have a little fun.

Dialogue

Bounty Hunter Seminar Loser #1: Hey, how about it? Want to ride some bounty hunter cock? Domino Harvey: Fuck you, dickhead! Bounty Hunter Seminar Loser #1: Ooh. Bitch!

Dialogue

Brian Austin Green: What background should someone have if they want to go into bounty hunting? Ed: How does jail sound?

Dialogue

Claremont Williams: Why would you use Jerry Springer as a platform for some kind of progressive race modification proposal, anyway? Lateesha Rodriguez: Well, I don't think Ted Koppel would book Lateesha Rodriguez!

Dialogue

Choco: [Domino and a wounded Ed and Choco are trapped in an elevator plummeting to an almost certain death] I love you. Domino Harvey: [Narrates] I once swore never to invest too much emotion in anyone. [In scene] I love you. [They kiss, then narrates, tearfully] I love you, Choco. Ed: [Shouts] It's a great day to die!

Dialogue

Wanderer: I know you. You're the angel of fire. Angel of fire. I know you. You burn bright enough to know there are certain sacrifices that need to be made. You see, if you don't give back the money, you all will die. And you will die contorted, and you will die unforgiven. You see, there's... there's this... this puzzle, and at the centre of this puzzle, there's a child, and this is a very sick child. [Echoing] A very sick child. But this child will be a great leader someday. Do you know the child I speak of? Domino Harvey: Yes. Wanderer: Well, you have only one destiny, and that destiny is... that you must offer your lives in exchange for the life of the child. Then, and only then, will you truly be cleansed in the blood of the lamb.

Dialogue

Domino Harvey: I want you to book us a hotel suite. Brian Austin Green: What, with my money? Domino Harvey: I want you to put it on your credit card. Brian Austin Green: Are you serious? [Domino glares at him] Okay, okay, don't look at me that way!

Dialogue

Domino Harvey: What's his problem? Ed: Latin petulance. Hold on. Give me a minute with him.

Dialogue

Ed: ['"About Domino] You and I walk down the street, what do people see? A couple of losers, right? We add her to the equation you know what people are gonna think? Choco: What? Ed: There goes two of the coolest motherfuckers who ever lived. Hmm? Choco: You know what? I don't know about you, man, but I'm already a cool motherfucker, you know?

Dialogue

Lateesha Rodriguez: All right, y'all, Lateesha done... Lateesha done dug herself a deep hole, and, uh, she can't get out by herself. Can y'all dig what I'm saying? Raul: Mija, we're in a hole together. We dig together. We're a team.

Dialogue

College girl: My friend Tina, she thought you were dead. Ian Ziering: Oh, really? Well, tell your friend Tina... she's a whore.

Dialogue

Bishop Goon #1: You want me to shoot 'em in the kneecaps? Anthony Cigliutti: Now, you listen to me. Hold on one second. Ask them politely where the money is. If they don't know, just tell them to start digging their own graves.

Dialogue

Anthony Cigliutti: [Answers phone] Yeah. Hello? Zoo President: Mr. Cigliutti? I'm calling from the Zeta Theta Theta house at Cal West LA. Anthony Cigliutti: Yes, yes. What is it? Zoo President: I'm sorry to be bothering you. It's a bit of an emergency. Anthony Cigliutti: What? Zoo President: Your sons have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts.

Dialogue

Howie Stein: Please, I just supply them with pussy! Lester Kincaid: I just want to get people high, man!

Dialogue

Taryn Miles: Miss Harvey, my name is Taryn Mills. I'm a criminal psychologist working for the FBI. I'm here to ask you a few questions. Domino Harvey: [Voiceover] Here's the part where I'm supposed to get all defensive and say, "Not until I speak with my attorney." [In scene] I'll tell you everything I know.

Dialogue

Ed: [Watching the Manchurian Candidate] Heh. I knew Frank. Edna Fender: Who didn't? Ed: Hey, Edna you know what, sweetheart? You got, like, seven minutes to open that goddamn freezer or I'm gonna flush that fucking arm down the toilet. Edna Fender: Fucker!

Dialogue

Sorority Hazer: [Referring to row of pledges] This is fucking disgusting! [Draws on pledge's rear] Disgusting! [Glances at Domino's breasts] Look at these mosquito bites. What's it like to have the body of a ten-year-old boy? Domino Harvey: [Leans in faux studiousness] Have you had a nose job? Sorority Hazer: No. [Domino starts punching Sorority Hazer in the face with Sorority Hazer falling to the floor with Sorority Hazer holding her nose, then Domino turns around with both fists in air to sorority]

Dialogue

Kimmie: [Into microphone] Just go in with batons and nun-chucks. Mark Heiss: [Into microphone] Use nun-chucks. Nun-chucks are good.

Dialogue

Drake Bishop: [To the Security technician] Rewind, please. Burke Beckett: [Also to the technician] Rewind the tape. Drake Bishop: Freeze the tape. Burke Beckett: Freeze the tape. Drake Bishop: Now, can you zoom in? Burke Beckett: Zoom in, please. Drake Bishop: You a fucking mockingbird? Shut the fuck up! Burke Beckett: I just...

Dialogue

Ed: [Choco walks into motel room with Ed watching an adult film] Man, they never show the cum shots in these shitbag motels. [Choco destroys the TV] Jesus Christ, Choco! I just got done paying 12.95 for this movie! I'm never gonna know how it ends! Choco: Don't fuck with me, Ed. Ed: Listen, Choco, don't go goddamn King Kong on me, okay? If you want to be alone... if you need me, I'll tell you what... I'll be in Domino's room. I'll be makin' up my own ending. Choco: Shut up! Ed: Come on, boy. I'm gonna whip your ass, and then I'm gonna whip your goddamn girlfriend's ass! [Choco aims gun at him] Do it! Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing? Over this?! Pull the fucking trigger! Choco: I will fucking pull it!