Quotes

Other

[Spoken/Shouted very quickly] You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!

Other

Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.

Other

You! Yah, you, Barnes. You don't look busy! Think you can handle a blue letter? This letter was sent down this morning by the big guy himself! 'At's right, Waring Hudsucker! It's addressed to Sid Mussburger! Hudsucker's right-hand man! It's a Blue Letter! That means you put it right in Mussburger's hand. No secretaries! No receptionists! No colleagues! No excuses! MUSSBURGER!

Other

No magazines. No coffee. Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger! Or did he jump out a window too?

Other

[repeated line] Let's grab a highball.

Dialogue

Sidney J. Mussburger: It's a pity to waste a whole Montecristo. Board Member 1: He could have opened the window. Board Member 2: Waring Hudsucker never did anything the easy way. Myron Addison: [crying] Yeah, but why? Why did he do it? Everything was going so well. Sidney J. Mussburger: What am I, a head shrinker? Maybe the man was unhappy. Myron Addison: He didn't look unhappy. Board Member 4: He didn't look rich. Board Member 5: Waring Hudsucker was never an easy man to figure out. He built this company with his bare hands, every step he took was a step up... except of course this last one. Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure, he was a swell fella. But when the president, chairman of the board, and owner of eighty-seven precent of the company stock drops... forty-four floors... Board Member 6: Forty-five! Board Member 7: Counting the mezzanine. Sidney J. Mussburger: ...then the company too has a problem. Stillson, what exactly is the disposition of Waring's stock? Stillson: Well, as you

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: Say, what do you do when the envelopes too big for the slot? Ancient Sorter: Well, if you fold 'em, they fire ya. I usually throw 'em out. Norville Barnes: Just got hired today. Ancient Sorter: [coldy] Terrific. Norville Barnes: You know, entry level. Ancient Sorter: Tell me about it. Norville Barnes: But I've got big ideas. Ancient Sorter: I'm sure you do. Norville Barnes: For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. [Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper] I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. [Ancient Sorter looks at Norville, confused] You know, for kids. Ancient Sorter: Terrific. Norville Barnes: So, it sees how I won't be working in the mailroom long. Ancient Sorter: No, I don't guess you will be. Norville Barnes: How long you been here? Ancient Sorter: Forty-eight years. Next year they move me up to parcels... if I'm lucky.

Dialogue

Buzz: Mr. Kline, up to nine. Mrs. Dell, personnel. Mr. Levin's thirty-seven. Mr. Levin: Thirty-six. Buzz: Walk down! Ladies and gentlemen, step to the rear; here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier. Mr. Grier: Buzz.

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: Hullo. Receptionist: Do you have an appointment? Norville Barnes: Uhh, no, I... Receptionist: Shall we look in the book, hmmm? [takes out a huge book] Norville Barnes: No, ma'am, ya see, I... Receptionist: We don't seem to be in the book... Norville Barnes: I wouldn't be in the book. Receptionish: If we had an appointment, we'd be in the book... Norville Barnes: I know but ya see I have this, uh, oh here it is. [Takes out the Blue Letter]

Dialogue

Sidney J. Mussburger: This better be good. I'm in a bad mood. Norville Barnes: Well, sir. I've got something for you from the mailroom, but first if I could just take a minute or so from your very valuable time to show you a little something I've been working on for the last two or three years. [Shows him the drawing of the circle, but sees that it's upside down and flips it over]. You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is ninty-nine percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby- Sidney J. Mussburger: Wait a minute!

Dialogue

Sidney J. Mussburger: Let's get to know one another, shall we? Let's chat man to man. Now you're from the basement, aren't you? And weren't blessed with much... education? Norville Barnes: Well, I am college graduate. Sidney J. Mussburger: But you didn't excel in your studies? Norville Barnes: Well, I made the Dean's List. Sidney J. Mussburger: Oh. Norville Barnes: At the Muncie College of Business Administration. Sidney J. Mussburger: [laughs] Oh. And your friends called you "jerk" didn't they? Norville Barnes: No. Sidney J. Mussburger: Dope? Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmoe? Not even behind you back? Norville Barnes: No, as a matter of fact they voted me most likely to succeed. Sidney J. Mussburger: You're fired.

Dialogue

Luigi: Mr. Moose-burger, I give-a you pants a nice-a dooble stitch, eh? Make 'em strong, and they look-a real sharp. Sidney J. Mussburger: No, single stitch is fine. Luigi: But the double stitch will last forever. Sidney J. Mussburger: Why on earth would I want a double stitch? To pad your account? Single stitch is fine. Luigi: Ah, what the heck. Mr. Moose-burger is such a nice man, I'm gonna give him a double stitch anyway. That's some strong stitch, you bet.

Dialogue

Buzz the Elevator Operator: [to Norville entering the elevator] Say, buddy! Where'd ya get the new duds? And say, buddy! How'd old bucketbutt like his Blue Letter? [laughs] Did he bust a gut? Did he die? Did he - [Mussburger enters the elevator] Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger, sir... Sidney J. Mussburger: Lobby. We haven't got all day. Buzz the Elevator Operator: Right away, Mr. Mussburger sir. How're you this fine morning, sir? Buzz the Elevator Operator: It's been a pleasure serving you, Mr. Mussburger. And it's been a pleasure serving you too, uh... buddy.

Dialogue

Lou: I got gas, Bennie. Bennie: Yeah...tell me about it. Lou: No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas. Bennie: Ya get the special? Lou: Fah from it... [wistles as Amy enters the diner] ...Enter the dame. Bennie: There's one in every story. Lou: Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout. Bennie: Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one. Lou: She's looking for her mark. Lou: She finds him. Bennie: She sits down and orders a light lunch. [Amy orders lunch from the waitress] How will she pay for this lunch? Lou: She looks in her purse... Bennie: No money. Lou: The mark notices. Bennie: He's not noticing, Bennie. Lou: Maybe he's wise. Bennie: He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks. Bennie: Old Faithful. Lou: Hello, Niagara. Bennie: He notices. He's concerned. Lou: She explains her predicament, and... Both: ...Enter the light lunch. Bennie: She's got other problems, of course. Lou: There's illness in the family. Bennie: Her mother needs an operation... Lou: Adenoids. Bennie: [wit

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: [calls mailroom] Good afternoon to you, this is Norville Barnes. Hutchinson: Barnes! Where the hell have you been!? Where's my voucher!? Norville Barnes: [checks pockets] Not sure where I... Hutchinson: I need the voucher! I told you a week ago it was important! Norville Barnes: Look, I'm President of the Company now -- Hutchinson: I don't care if you're PRESIDENT of the company!! I need the voucher now!

Dialogue

Amy Archer: Is this guy from Chumpsville? Ha! I even pulled the old mother routine. Smitty, Argus reporter: Adenoids. Amy Archer: Lumbago. Smitty, Argus reporter: [whistles] That gag's got whiskers on it!

Dialogue

Sidney J. Mussburger: And this is Thorstensen Finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors. Norville Barnes: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Finlandsen. You know, I studied a little Finnish back in college myself. Let's see what was that. [says something offensive in Finnish]

Dialogue

Amy Archer: Norville? What happened? Norville Barnes: Oh. Nothing, really, just the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. Amy Archer: Let me look. Norville Barnes: Sid found me the icepack. Amy Archer: Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner. Norville Barnes: Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. Amy Archer: I'm sorry. Norville Barnes: Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this. Amy Archer: Norville, there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary. Norville Barnes: I know that, Amy. Amy Archer: You do!? Norville Barnes: I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front not that everyone's buying it. Amy Archer: I believe in you, Norville. At least I believe in your intentions -- Norville Barnes: Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These f

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: You know, for kids! It has economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability! I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus and to give you gentlemen of the Board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is! Its fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant. But the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg! Board Member 1: What if you're tired before it's done? Board Member 2: Does it have rules? Board Member 3: Can more than one play? Board Member 4: What makes you think it's a game? Board Member 3: Is it a game? Board Member 5: Will it break? Board Member 6: It better break eventually! Board Member 2: Is there an object? Board Member 1: What if you're tired before it's done? Board Member 5: Does it come with batteries? Board Member

Dialogue

Buzz the Elevator Operator: Say, Buddy... Ya busy? Norville Barnes: [wakes up] Huh-whuh? Buzz the Elevator Operator: Looks like ya nodded off there! Say, buddy, ya got a minute? Norville Barnes: Buzz... Is it important? Buzz the Elevator Operator: I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on. Ya see, I don't intend to be an elevator boy forever. Take a look at this sweet baby! [shows Norville a drawing of a circle] Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly convenient, isn't it? You know, for drinks. [shows Norville a straw] This is how it works, it's these little ridges on the side that give it its whammy! See, ya don't have to drink like this nomore; now you can drink like this. [bends staw] I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get it, buddy? After me! Why, people are just dyin' for a product like this, and the great thing is we won't have to charge an arm and a -- Norville Barnes: Wait a minute! [He looks at it like when Mussburger first looked at his own invention] This is worthless. Buzz t

Dialogue

Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure, the kid's screwy. It's official. The barred-window boys are out looking for him now, and we'll see how Wall Street likes the news that the President of Hudsucker Industries is headed for the booby-hatch. Why, when the doc gets through with him he'll need diapers and a dribble cup. Well, if that's all... All Board Members: Long live the Hud!

Dialogue

Ze dingus is quite simple, really. It operates on ze same principle zat keeps ze Earth in orbit around ze sun, and which keeps you from flying off ze Earth into ze cold reaches of space where you would die like a miserable swine. Yes, ze principle is the same... except for ze piece of grit zey put inside to make ze experience... more pleasant.

Dialogue

Waring Hudsucker: [after singing She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain] Love that tune. How ya doin', kid? Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker? Waring Hudsucker: [points to his halo] Hey, how do you like that thing? They're all wearin' up stairs. It's a fad. Anyway, I hear your having some, uh, problems with the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman? Norville Barnes: Norville. Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal. Norville Barnes: Mr. Hudsucker, I must of mislaid it -- Waring Hudsucker: It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal. Norville Barnes: Oh geez sir... Waring Hudsucker: Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: "Blue Letter. From: the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To: Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding: My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond mem-memor..." Waring Hudsucker: Memories. Norville Barnes: "...of the memories of the many years that you and I have spent --" Waring Hudsucker: Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate. Go down to the second paragraph. Norville: "You have no dought been wondering why I have decided to end my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid, I have made grave errors. My vanity drove away she who could've saved me. Oh yes, I loved a woman once, Sid, as you well know. A beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of I..." Mr. Hudsucker? Waring Hudsucker: [crying] Skip this part. Next page. [stops c

Dialogue

Norville Barnes: [reading from the Blue Letter] "...the new president should be free to fall --" Waring Hudsucker: Fail. Norville Barnes: "...so he can learn and then fail --" Waring Hudsucker: Fall! Norville Barnes: "...and rise up."