Caddyshack

Danny: Mr. Webb, can I ask you something? Ty: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy. Danny: Danny. Ty: Danny. Danny: When you were my age, did you ever have trouble deciding what you wanted to do with you life? Ty: [slight chuckle] No I've never had that problem, really. Why? Danny: Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand. Ty: Do you take drugs, Danny? Danny: [insincere] Everyday. Ty: Good. So what's the problem? Danny: I don't know. I don't know. Did you have to take that K'utr Preference Test when you were a senior in high school? Ty: Oh yeah, I took it. They said I should be a "firewatcher". What are you supposed to be? Danny: "An underachiever". [they both chuckle] I gotta go to college. I gotta. Ty: Oh, Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? Danny: Nah. Ty: I didn't think so. No the thing is really, uh, do you even want to go to college? Danny: In Nebraska? Besides it costs like $8,000 a year. Ty: Hold on, Danny, I lent you about $2.50 yesterday I can't foot the

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0

Sandy: [with heavy Scottish brogue]: Carl, I want you to kill all the gophers on the course. Carl: Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they'll lock me up and throw away the key. Sandy: Not golfers, you great git! Gophers- the little brown, furry rodents! Carl: We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason. Sandy: Aye! Well, do it, man! Carl: All right. Let's do the same thing, but with gophers. [Sandy storms off] It's not my fault nobody can understand what you're saying.

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0

Carl: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Angie: A looper? Carl: A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver, he hauls off and whacks one- big hitter, the Lama- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Angie: No. Carl: "Gunga galunga...gunga- gunga lagunga." So we finish the eighteenth... and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know... for the effort, you know?" And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0

Al: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat? Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off. Al: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods. Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice. Smails: Damn! Al: Okay, you can owe me. Smails: I owe you nothing.

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0

Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today? Ty: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score. Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers? Ty: By height. Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself. Ty: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0

Danny: Judge Smails, sir? Smails: Sit down, Danny. I think you know why you're here, so I'll do us the courtesy of not reviewing what happened yesterday. My niece is the kind of girl that has a certain zest for living. The last thing any of us needs now is a lot of loose talk about her behavior. Danny: I swear I didn't tell anybody anything, sir. Smails: Good, good. You know, despite what happened, I'm still convinced that you have many fine qualities. I think you can still become a gentleman someday if you understand and abide by the rules of decent society. There's a lot of...well, badness in the world today. I see it in court every day. I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. I didn't want to do it- I felt I owed it to them. The most important decision you can make right now is what you stand for- goodness...or badness. Danny: Now I know I've made some mistakes in the past. I'm willing to make up for that. I want to be good! Smails: Very good! I know how hard it is

Caddyshack, CC BY-SA 4.0