Scrubs, season 1

J.D.: I'm waiting for someone. Janitor: Door's broke. Every fifth time or so it don't open. J.D.: Maybe there's a penny stuck in there. Janitor: [suspiciously] Why a penny? J.D.: I don't know. Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there? J.D.: No! I'm just making small talk... Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Dr. Cox: Why does this Gomer have to try and die every day during my lunch? J.D.: That's a little insensitive. J.D.: [narration] Mistake. Dr. Cox: The man is 92 years old. He has full dementia. He doesn't even know we're here. He's inches away from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched. Carla: Aww, that is so sweet. Dr. Cox: Yeah, it is. J.D.: What about his subconscious? Dr. Cox: [whispers in the patient's ear] Eisenhower... was a sissy! [sarcastically jumps back into a defensive crouch, then resumes glaring at J.D.] I think, by the grace of God, we're gonna be OK. Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're definitely not allowed to talk.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Turk: Oh, come on, Carla, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me. Carla: Well, you're a surgeon. So, you've got the god-complex, the cockiness, the whole "married to the job" thing. You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it. You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there [points at his crotch]. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told "no." So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite. [walks off] J.D.: I'd go with the "god-complex"... but it's hard to choose, you know, they're all so good.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Will: This is a strange resort, man. I mean, the wheelchair service is great, but that suite I rented, there was another person in it. And for some reason the bellhop gave me an enema. J.D.: Yeah, he's new here.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Elliot: Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox: I'm hoping, for your sake, there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me. Elliot: I feel stupid, but, sending me to Kelso like that—well, I'm not sure, exactly, what you were trying to teach me. Dr. Cox: The value - and this is important - of leaving me alone.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Dr. Cox: I want you to spread the word, missy. I've... had... enough. The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them. And you, you neurotic one-woman freak-show, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel! Elliot: So, you're telling me I have to pick my battles. Thanks, Dr. Cox. [Walks off] Dr. Cox: [confused] You're welcome.

Scrubs (Season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0