Quotes

Dialogue

Jack Horner: But you gotta get the people in the theater. You know, you need the big dicks, the big tits... Amber Waves: Uh oh, here we go. Jack Horner: How do you keep them in the theater after they've come? The beauty and the acting. No, I understand you've got to get 'em in the theater. You know, you've got to get the seats full. But I don't want to make a film where they show up, they sit down, they jack off, and they get up and they get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea to make a film where the story just sucks them in. And when they spurt out that joy juice, they've got to just sit in it. They can't move until they find out how the story ends. You know, I want to make a film like that. And I understand, they have to make films...I've made them myself, you know where there's a few laughs, everyone fucks their brains out. And that's fine. But it's my dream to make a film that is true and right and dramatic.

Dialogue

Jack Horner: The Colonel here puts up all the money for our films. It's an important part of the process. Eddie Adams: Great. Colonel James: I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock. Eddie Adams: Well, I don't know, I guess so. Colonel James: May I see it? Eddie Adams: Really? Colonel James: Please! [stares as Eddie lowers his shorts] Colonel James: Thank you, Eddie. Eddie Adams: No problem.

Dialogue

Young Stud: [sobbing] This is TWICE in two days that a chick has OD'd on me! Colonel James: Well, do you think this means that maybe ya oughta think about getting some new shit? Whaddya think? Young Stud: [contritely] Yes, sir.

Dialogue

Eddie Adams: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know? Jack Horner: Yeah? Eddie Adams: I was wondering if you had any ideas. Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me. Eddie Adams: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp. Jack Horner: Tell me. Eddie Adams: When I close my eyes, I see this thing. A sign. I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign...it just blows up because the name is so powerful. It says, "Dirk Diggler." What do you think? Jack Horner: I think...that's a great name.

Dialogue

Jessie St. Vincent: I could die of starvation before I get something in my mouth. Dirk Diggler: [as Brock] You still hungry? Jessie St. Vincent: Starving. Dirk Diggler: [unzipping his pants] Why don't you feast on that?

Dialogue

Floyd Gondolli: This is the future. Videotape tells the truth. Jack Horner: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape. I'll tell you something else. I will never, ever loan out any of the actors that I have under contract. Floyd Gondolli: Wait, Jack, I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people fucking on film. But I don't want to win an Oscar, and I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I like simple pleasures...like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. Call me crazy, call me a pervert, but there's one little thing I want to do in this life, and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game. Amber Waves: I miss my two sons,

Dialogue

Jack Horner: Alright, you didn't know how old she was, and you just brought her back to your place, that's all. You didn't do anything. Colonel James: No. Jack Horner: You didn't do anything, right? Colonel James: No! You know me, Jack. Jack Horner: Alright. Colonel James: It's just...they found something else at the house. Jack Horner: What? Colonel James: Well, it's just...it's my fucking weakness, Jack. They're so cute. They're so small. They're so adorable. Jack Horner: [disgusted] Ah, Jesus... Colonel James: I don't touch them, Jack! I don't touch them in any way! Now you think I'm an asshole. Now, I love you, Jack, you know that. Now, there's just one thing I wanna know. Are you gonna be my friend? Are you my friend, Jack? Jack Horner: Alright. [puts the phone down and gets up to leave]

Dialogue

Dirk Diggler: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright? Record Producer: No. You don't get the tapes until you've paid. Dirk Diggler: In our situation, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Reed Rothchild: Look, we cannot pay for the tapes unless we take the tapes to the record company and get paid. Dirk Diggler: Hello? Exactly. Record Producer: That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it. Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP, whatever. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, all right, but the magic that is on those tapes. That fucking heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that. Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed

Dialogue

Amber Waves: What are you looking at? Jack Horner: I'm looking at you. Amber Waves: You're staring. Jack Horner: You know what I'm staring at? I'm staring at the foxiest bitch in the whole world.