Quotes

The Narrator and the Muses

The Narrator: [First lines] Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Now that is where our story- Thalia: Would you listen to him? He's making the story sound like some Greek tragedy. Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude. Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling. Narrator: You go, girl.

The Narrator and the Muses

Calliope: If there is one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades. Terpsichore: 'Cause he had an evil plan. Thalia: [singing] He ran the underworld, <br /> But thought the dead were dull and uncouth <br /> He was as mean as he was ruthless <br /> And that's the gospel truth <br /> He had a plan to shake things up <br /> And that's the gospel truth!

The Narrator and the Muses

Thalia: [singing about Hercules' fame and success] And they slapped his face on ev'ry vase. Clio: On ev'ry "vah-se."

Dialogue

Narrator: Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. [A Greek vase is shown with a picture of Hercules fighting a monster lion. Vase zooms in slowly] But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story is- Thalia: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek tragedy. Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude. Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling. Narrator: You go, girl. Calliope: We are the Muses. Goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes. Terpsichore: Heroes like Hercules! Thalia: Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him- Calliope: Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many eons ago.. [scene changes colors and the Muses start walking and singing] Back when the world was new, The planet Earth was down on its luck. And everywhere gigantic brutes, Called Titan

Dialogue

Hera: Hercules. Behave yourself. Zeus: Oh, look at this. Look how cute he is. [He blubbers at Hercules]Hah. Oh, he's strong. Like his Dad, hmm. Hermes: Whoa. Excuse me. Hot stuff coming through. Excuse me. One side, Ares. Hera: Why, Hermes-they're lovely. Hermes: Yes, you know I had Orpheus do the arrangement, isn't that too nutty? Famous feast, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself. Hera: Dear, keep these away from the baby. Zeus: He won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun. On behalf of my son, I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful gifts. Hera: What about our gift, dear? Zeus: Well, let's see here...we'll take, huh, yes, a little cirrus, and, uh, hmm, a touch of nimbostratus and a dash of cumulus. His name is Pegasus and he's all yours, son. Hera: Mind his head. Zeus: He's so tiny. My boy. My little Hercules. [He tucks Hercules in, kissing him] Hades: How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a

Dialogue

Zeus: Huh? Hera: What? What is it? Zeus and Hera: The baby! Hera: Hercules! [starts sobbing] Zeus: <big>NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</big> Panic: Now, we did it! Zeus is gonna use us for target practice. Pain: Just hang onto the kid. Panic: Hurry. Let's just kill the kid and get it over with, okay? Pain: Here you go, kid. A little Grecian formula. Panic: Look at that! He's changing. Can we do it now? Pain: No, no, no, he has to drink the whole potion. Every last drop. Amphitryon: [offscreen] Who's there? [Pain and Panic run away, dropping the empty vial. It breaks and one last drop falls into the ground] Alcmene, over here. Alcmene: Oh, you poor thing. Oh, don't cry. Amphitryon: Is anybody there? Panic: Now? Pain: Now. [Their shadows are shown as they walk and transform into snakes] Amphitryon: He must have been abandoned. Alcmene: For so many years we've prayed to the gods to bless us with a child. [Amphitryon reads Hercules' name from a medallion on his neck] Perhaps, they've answered our prayers

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Amphitryon: Hercules, slow down! Look out! Young Hercules: Oops! S-s-sorry guys! Worker 1: Hey, watch where you're goin'! Worker 2: Sunday driver! Young Hercules: [enters the middle of the square and stops] Amphitryon: Thanks, son. When old Penelope twisted her ankle back there, I thought we were done for. Young Hercules: [picks up the haystack] No problem, Pop. Amphitryon: Uh, don't-don't-don't unload just yet. First I have to finagle with Phideas. Hercules: Okay. [drops the hay on the cart which makes Penelope fly up into the sky] Oops, sorry, Penelope. Amphitryon: Now, Hercules, this time, please just— Young Hercules: I know, I know. [catches Penelope] Stay by the cart. Amphitryon: That's my boy. Young Hercules: [stays until he sees a man losing balance with a big clay pot] Demetrius: Oh, my goodness. Whoa! Young Hercules: [catches him just in time] Careful! Demetrius: [sighs in relief] Why, thank you. Young Hercules: No problem. Demetrius: Why, Hercules. It's you. Young Hercules: L

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Amphitryon: Son, you shouldn't let those things they said back there get to you. Young Hercules: But Pop, they're right. I-I am a freak. I try to fit in, I really do. I just can't. Sometimes.. I feel like, like I really don't belong here. Like I'm supposed to be.. someplace else. Amphitryon: Hercules, son— Young Hercules: I know it doesn't make any sense. Amphitryon: Hercules, there's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell ya. Young Hercules': But if you found me, then where did I come from? Why was I left here? Alcmene: This was around your neck when we found you. It's the symbol of the gods. Young Hercules: This is it! Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers! I'll go to the temple of Zeus and-- Ma, Pop, you're the greatest parents anyone could have, but.. I-I gotta know. Young Hercules: [singing] I am on my way, I can go the distance. I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong, I know every mile, will be worth my while, I would go most everywhere to find where I..

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Young Hercules: You sure this is the right place? [Hercules sees three nymphs laughing in the trees, then sees a goat's behind sticking from the bushes.] What's the matter, little guy? You stuck? Phil: Whoa! Hey, butt out, buddy! Young Hercules: Ugh! Phil: Girls! Stop! Stop! Come back, come back, come back. Whoa, whoa-- [the nymph he gets hold on turns into flowers] oh, geez! Whait! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [another nymph turns into a tree] Oh, nymphs! They can't keep their hands off me. Nymph: Hey! Phil: [to Hercules] What's the matter, you never seen a satyr before? Young Hercules: Uh, no. Can you help us? We're looking for someone called Philoctetes. Phil: Call me "Phil". Young Hercules: [squeezes his hand] Phil! Phil: Ow! Young Hercules: Boy, am I glad to meet you! I'm Hercules. This is Pegasus. Phil: Animals!. Disgusting! Young Hercules: I need your help. I want to become a hero. A true hero. Phil: Sorry, kid, can't help ya. Young Hercules: Wait! [He pulls the door Phil closed before him

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Hercules: Wow! Is that all one town? Phil: One town. A million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The big olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. [They enter the city.] Stick with me, kid. This city is a dangerous place. [They almost get hit by a passing carriage.] Driver: Look where you're goin' numbskull! Phil: Hey, I'm walkin' here! You see what I mean? I'm tellin' you- wackos. Man: Pita bread, pita bread, get your pita bread here! Smuggler: Hey, Mack. [he opens his coat at Phil and Hercules] Phil: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Smuggler: You wanna buy a sundial? Phil: He's not interested, all right? Come on, kid. Man: The end is coming! Can't you feel it? Phil: Yes, yes. Thank you for the info. Yes. We'll ponder that for a while. [to Hercules] Just stare at the sidewalk. Come on. Don't make eye contact. People here are nuts. That's because they live in a city of turmoil. Trust me, kid, you're gonna be just what the doctor ordered. Lumpy Woman: It was tragic! We lost ev

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Hades: Pull! Meg: Nice shooting, Rex. Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him and it doesn't even- What... are... those? Pain: Um, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing. Hades: [angrily; losing patience; temper tantrum] I got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, <big>and you… are wearing… HIS… MERCHANDISE?!</big> Panic: [chuckles nervously] Uh, thirsty? Hades: <big>GAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!</big> [blasts them] Meg: Looks like your game's over. Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him. Hades: Oh yeah... I wonder if maybe I haven't been throwing the right curves at him. Meg, my sweet. Meg: Don't even go there. Hades: See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what? Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Wonderboy's. Meg: I've done my part. Get your little imps— Hades:

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Hercules: You should have been there, father! I mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, Just like Phil told me, I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked! The crowds went wild! Thank you, thank you. Zeus: Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doin' your old man proud. Hercules: I am glad to hear you say that, father. I've been waiting for this day a long time. Zeus: Hmm.. What day is that, son? Hercules: The day I rejoin the gods. Zeus: You've done wonderfully, you really have, my boy. You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero. Hercules: But father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I'm-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm-- I'm an action figure! Zeus: I'm afraid being famous isn't the same as being a true hero. Hercules: What more can I do? Zeus: It's something you have to discover for yourself. Hercules: But how can I-- Zeus: Look inside your heart. Hercules: Father, wait!

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Guide: On your left is Hercules' villa. My next stop is the Pecs and Flex gift shop where you can pick up the Great Hero's 30-minute workout scroll "Buns of Bronze." Phil: At 1:00, you got a meeting with king Augeas. He's got a problem with his stables. I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals. Hercules: Phil? Artist: I told you, don't move! Phil: D.G.R., the Daughters of the Greek Revolution Hercules: Phil? Phil: At 3:00, you gotta get a girdle from some amazons. Hercules: [dropping club and shield] Phil, what's the point?! Artist: <big>YAIEEEEE! THAT'S IT!! (I QUIT!)</big> Phil: Keep your toga on, pal. [Artist throws the paints on Phil, making him look like a clown and leaves] What do you mean, "what's the point?" You wanna go to Olympus, don't ya? Hercules: Yeah, but this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. [throws Scar to Phil] Phil: [wiping the paint off his face with Scar] You can't give up now, I'm counting on ya'. Hercules: I gave this everything I had. Phil: Liste

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Hercules: Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay, Meg: Mmm. Hercules: and then that, that play, that, that Oedipus thing. Man! I thought I had problems. Panic: Psst! Stop foolin' around! Pain: Yeah. Get the goods, sister. Hercules: I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun. Meg: Yeah. Neither did I. Hercules: Thanks, Meg. Meg: Oh.. Don't that me just yet. Oh! [She falls into Hercules' arms] Hercules: Oops, careful. Meg: Sorry. Weak ankles. Hercules: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while. [carries her on a bench and they sit down] Meg: So, uh, do you have any problems with things like.. this? [She stretched her leg and holds her foot right before Hercules' face] Hercules: Uh..... Meg: Weak ankles, I mean. Hercules: Oh. Uh, no. Not really. Meg: [moving closer to him] No weaknesses whatsoever? No trick knee? Hercules: Uh— Meg: [moving even more close] Ruptured... disks? Hercules: No. I'm I'm afraid I'm, uh.. fit as a fiddle. [He finally stands up fro

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Meg: Oh. what's the matter with me? You'd think a girl would learn. [singing] If there's a prize for rotten judgement. I guess I've already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history been there, done that! Muses: Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden, honey, We can see right through you Meg: Oh, No Muses: Girl, you can't conceal it. We know how you feel and who you're thinkin' of? Meg: Oh-no, no chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no Muses: You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh? Meg: It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love Muses: Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo Meg: I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out... Muses: Ahhh.. Meg: My head is screaming get a grip, girl. Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart, oh Muses: You keep on denying. Who you are and how you're feelin'. Baby, we're not buyin' hon, We saw you hit the ceilin'. Face it like a grownup. When you gonna own up that yo

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Hades: Hey, what's the buzz, huh, Meg? What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain? Meg: Get yourself another girl, I'm through. Hades: I'm sorry. Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something. Meg: Then read my lips. Forget it. Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? <big>I OWN YOU!!</big> Phil: Oh. I got another horn here... Hades: [to Meg] <big>YOU WORK FOR ME!</big> Phil: That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month. Hades: If I say, "sing", you say, "hey, name that tune" If I say, "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter" you say— Meg: Medium or well done. Phil: Oh! I knew that dame was trouble. This is gonna break the kid's heart. Meg: I'll work on that. Hades: I'm sorry... You hear that sound? That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever. Meg: I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him. Hades: I can't bel

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Hercules: Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Hey, Phil! What happened to you? Phil: Kid, we gotta talk. Hercules: Oh, Phil, I just had the greatest day of my life! I-I can't stop thinking about Meg. She's something else. Phil: Kid, I'm tryin' to talk to ya! Will you come down here and listen? Hercules: Aw, how can I come down there when I'm feeling so <big>UP!!</big> [jumps up into clouds] Pain: Gotcha! Phil: Ah, very nice! What I'm trying to say is— Hercules: That if it wasn't for you, I never would have met her. Oh, I owe ya big time. Little guy, I do. Phil: Will you just knock it off for a couple of seconds? Hercules: Rule #38, Come on, Phil, keep them up there, huh? Phil, I got two words for ya: Duck! Phil: Listen to me! She's— Hercules: A dream come true? Phil: Not exactly. Hercules: More beautiful then Aphrodite? Phil: Aside from that! Hercules: The most wonderful— Phil: <big>SHE'S A FRAUD!</big> She's been playing you for a sap! Hercules: Oh, come on, stop kidding around. Phil: I'm NOT kidding ar

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Hades: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who… put you… down there?! Titans: <big>ZEUS!</big> Hades: <big>AND NOW THAT I SET YOU FREE, WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU ARE GOING TO DO?!</big> Titans: <big>DESTROY HIM!</big> Hades: Good answer. Lythos: Crush Zeus! Hydros: Freeze him! Pyros: Melt Zeus! Stratos: Blow him away! Titans: Zeus! Hades: Uh, Guys? Titans: Huh? Hades: Olympus would be that way. Lythos: Zeus! Hydros: Freeze him! Hades: Hold it, bright eye. Cyclops: Huh? Hades: I have a special job for you, my optic friend. Hermes: Ah. Huh? Lythos: Destroy Zeus! Hermes: Oh, we're in trouble! Oh, big trouble! I gotta-- [he zooms to Olympus] My Lord and Lady, the Titans have escaped. And they're practically at our gates! Zeus: Sound the alarm! Launch an immediate counterattack! Go! Go! Hermes: Gone, babe. Ares: Charge! Apollo: On to battle! Zeus: [throwing lightnings at Lythos in vain] Yee-hah! Ares: [getting sucked in by Stratos] You windbag! Hades: [watching this] Boo

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Pain: Hup, two, three, four, come on, everybody! I can't hear you! Hermes: Oh, oh! Zeus: [being frozen from one side and burnt from another] I swear to you, Hades, when I get out of this-- Hades: I'm the one giving orders now, bolt boy. And I think I'm gonna like it here. Hercules: Don't get too comfortable, Hades! Apollo: Hercules! Hercules: This oughta even the odds! [He breaks the chain by which the gods were chained] Hermes: [Hitting Pain and Panic] Yeah, Hercules! Thank you, man! Hades: Get them! Hades: Whoa! Hey! No! Get him, not me! Him! Follow the fingers! Him! [Ice storm from Hydros who was trying to hit Hercules freezes Hades] The yutz with the horse! [Hercules opens the stone block and releases Zeus] <big>GAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!</big> [breaks out of the frozen block] Zeus: Thank you, my boy. Pain: Nice horsey! My intentions were pure! I really was attracted to you. Hephaestus: Throw! Zeus: [He catches two bolts of lightning.] Hah! Now watch your old man work! Lythos: Uh-oh. Hades

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Meg: Wonderboy, what-- why did you— Hercules: Huh. People always do crazy things when they are in love. Phil: Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Whoo! [Pegasus picks him up and brings along] Apollo: Three cheers for the mighty Hercules! Hermes: Oh, yeah! Flowers for everybody! Oh! Hera: Hercules, we're so proud of you. Hercules: Mother. Zeus: Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero. Hera: You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman. Zeus: For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home. Meg: Congratulations, Wonderboy. You'll make one heck of a god. Hercules: Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of. But... a life without Meg, even an immortal life, would be... empty. I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong. Hermes: Hit it, ladies! Muses: Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops A star is born! It's the time for pulling out the stops A star is bo