Quotes

Ally McBeal

There's no sin in loving men. Only pain!

Ally McBeal

We're not only wired to want what we can't have, but we're also wired to want what we really don't want.

Ally McBeal

You only die once!

Ally McBeal

When guys are persistent, it's romantic, they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close.

Ally McBeal

Law and love are the same - romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection.

Ally McBeal

I like being a mess. It's who I am.

Ally McBeal

I've been dumped before, Renee. This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia.

Ally McBeal

I mean, with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts, and the hair flips aren't the most subtle. And your perfume - you could be flammable. Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel then?

Ally McBeal

Here I am, the victim of my own choices. And I'm just starting.

Ally McBeal

Maybe I'm happy and I just don't know it.

Ally McBeal

The real truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content. Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.

Ally McBeal

Whenever I get depressed, I raise my hemlines. If things don't change, I am bound to be arrested.

Ally McBeal

[about Billy] He wants to have his cake and not eat me.

Ally McBeal

Hi! I'm Ally McBeal, homewrecker. Here's my card.

Ally McBeal

Wow... I have a boyfriend.

Ally McBeal

It's official: I HATE her!

Ally McBeal

Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me. (s04e01)

Ally McBeal

Sometimes... there's no point in the truth if the only thing it will do is cause pain.

Ally McBeal

The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, Even if I'm going to bed alone.

Ally McBeal

Men are like gum anyway - after you chew they lose their flavor.

Ally McBeal

Sometimes I'm more persuasive when I lack conviction.

Ally McBeal

Uh, let the record reflect that the deponent is a fat, arrogant, overweight, bald pig.

Ally McBeal

Even if I did get past all my problems, I'm just gonna get out and get new ones.

Ally McBeal

Remember, when you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

Ally McBeal

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to.

Ally McBeal

However much I know otherwise part of me has always felt that life has no real meaning until you get to share it with somebody. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of: my life finally taking meaning or suddenly becoming void of it.

John "The Biscuit" Cage

That's the trouble I suppose in coming at people with honesty, some times they counter with it.

John "The Biscuit" Cage

I'm not going through an odd phase, I really am odd.

John "The Biscuit" Cage

The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal.

Richard Fish

[A judge has just denied his motion] Let the record show: dammit.

Richard Fish

Is that the two cents? I'd be looking for change.

Richard Fish

Objection! Your Honor, this is boring!

Richard Fish

Helping others is never more rewarding than when it's in your own self interest.

Richard Fish

Let me tell you something. I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law; the law sucks. It's boring, but it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody? Cost him everything he's worked for? Make his wife leave him, even make his kids cry? Yeah, we can do that.

Richard Fish

"Problem" is just a bleak word for challenge.

Richard Fish

She told her that you told her about what she told you. I'm in the middle and clueless. I feel like Elaine.

Richard Fish

You know, I had a great aunt once who said if you stare at a beautiful woman too long, you turn to stone. She was partially right.

Richard Fish

Camaro. Isn't that a muscle car?

Richard Fish

Er... love without sex is er... meaningless... Senior Fishism!

Richard Fish

Mmmm lesbians.

Richard Fish

The key to successful parenting is knowing when not to.

Elaine Vassal

That was with all due respect?

Elaine Vassal

A lot of people forget what they're saying in a fit of rage, so I'll be happy to take the minutes.

Elaine Vassal

Sometimes she just looks snappish.

Elaine Vassal

That was a snappish remark disguised in a soft tone.

Elaine Vassal

I'm sure she's quite stupid, and in time, gravity will get her.

Elaine Vassal

She's two-thirds of a Rice Krispie treat. She's already snapped, and crackled, and she's ready for the final pop.

Elaine Vassal

Oh, forgive my bluntness. It's a device I use to cope.

Ling Woo

It's a problem being beautiful. It's only the handsome men that ask us out because they're the only ones who think they have a chance. And handsome men are dolts. Life is unfair to us. At some point we have to face the certain reality: despite all the good the world seems to offer, true happiness can only be found in one thing - shopping.

Ling Woo

(About Elaine) This woman drips with sarcasm at my personal expense.

Ling Woo

Nelle is like a sister; when she's in pain, I throw up!

Ling Woo

I'm rich. I only go into work to wear my outfits!

Ling Woo

I am really a very funny person.

Ling Woo

He's about to take a very long moment

Ling Woo

I hope he's not going to milk this...

Ling Woo

Watch where you are going! It's bad enough that you people get all the parking spots!

Ling Woo

I think Tourettes is so cool. It would be great to be able to annoy people like that. You get to woop and twitch. Any other good ones?

Ling Woo

It's not like any of them saw me

Ling Woo

OW! I so prefer the deaf to the blind.

Ling Woo

I Object! I'm bored! As an officer of the court, I have a duty to be open and forthright. I think the witness is tedious and I'm concerned for the jury's attention span

Ling Woo

A woman hasn't got true control of a man until her hand is on the dumb stick

Ling Woo

There's nothing I enjoy more then seeing a happy couple and coming between them

Others

Ling, one of the disadvantages of having magnetism is that you bring people out, people that otherwise would go unnoticed. The fact that she can be so annoying is really a tribute to you!

Others

At the end of the day, life is just this big wall of reality that we all crash into.

Others

Why should I do anything for you? The last time I was here you called me a vicious lesbian!

Others

The younger man are trainable. If you find him attractive, if he's smart, take him home. Take him shopping! Take him into your bosom. It's not the man who makes the man. It's the woman!

Other Dialogue

Ally McBeal: You loved me. Billy: Yeah. That's the truth. So much that sometimes, when we were apart, we used to keep an open phone line at night so while sleeping I could listen to your breath.

Other Dialogue

Dr. Tracy Clark: You kissed him? You're a slut! Ally McBeal: I... I am not! I am not a slut! Dr. Tracy Clark: Oh, come on! Don't fool yourself!

Other Dialogue

Ally McBeal: Where does she come up with these things? Nelle Porter: Well, Ling wasn't editor of law review for nothing. Ally McBeal: Ling went to Law School? Ling is a LAWYER?

Other Dialogue

Ally McBeal: Love isn't always enough. Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough and you realize it's everything.