The Office

My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?". Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

I said, "If Head Office try and come here and interfere, they've got me to contend with, okay? You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family. You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does."

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Gareth: I've got some photos... [opens drawer and recoils in shock] Oh, what is that!? David: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Gareth: [To Tim] Right, that is it! David: Slow down, you move too fast. Solomon's here. All part of the job. What's going on? Gareth: [taking out a plate of yellow jelly with a stapler in it] He's put my stapler inside a jelly again. That's the third time he's done that. It wasn't even funny the first time. David: Why's he done that? Gareth: I told him once that I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves. David: Yeah, you show him a weakness, he pounces, you should know about that. Oh, what is in here? Gareth: It's my stapler. David: Well don't do that! Eat it out! [To the camera] There's people starving in the world, which I hate. So, it's a waste. So... [To Gareth] How do you know it's yours? Gareth: 'Cause it's got my name on it in tippex. David: Yeah, don't eat it now. Chemicals.

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

David: "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs." Now you do not punish someone, Dutch or otherwise for having big boobs. Gareth: If anything they should be rewarded. David: They should be equal. Gareth: Women are equal. David: I've always said that.

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

You know the phrase "Slowly, slowly catchy monkey", I could kill a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ricky: You really are a couple of sad little men, aren't you? Gareth: Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He’s thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?

The Office (British TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0