Bad Moms

Amy: [after catching Mike with his pants down in front of the PC] Oh, my God, are you...? Mike: No, no, no, I was just checking my prostate. Amy: You know, I've always wondered what kind of porn you like. Mike: Why won't this fucking window close? Amy: [Sees Sharon naked on the screen] Oh, my God, that's a giant bush! Sharon: Uh, who the hell are you? Amy: I'm his wife. Sharon: Oh, shit.

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0

Kiki: Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too? Carla, Amy: No. Carla: You're batshit crazy. Amy: Yeah. Carla: And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0

Amy: Do you know what I hate? Carla: Mmm? Amy: There are so many fuckin' rules now. Kiki: Yes, God. Amy: "Don't punish your kids." Kiki: "Don't say no to your kids." Carla: Yeah. "Go to your kid's baseball games." "Tell your kids you love 'em." "Don't fuck the janitor at your kid's school." I mean, what the fuck is this? Russia? Amy: We're killing ourselves, trying to be perfect, and it's making us insane. In this day and age, it's impossible to be a good mom. Screw it. Carla: Yeah. Amy: Let's be bad moms. Carla: Oh, I'm in. Amy: Right? Kiki: Oh, my gosh, okay. This is exciting. I'm in! Amy: Yes! To bad moms. Whoo! Carla: To bad moms!

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0

Amy: Have a great day at school! Oh, wait, wait, wait! Your lunch! [hands the kids their bags] Jane: [gasps] Thanks, Mom. You're the best mom ever! Amy: Aw, I love you, guys! Gwendolyn: Is that Arby's? Vicky: I love their hot fish sandwich. Gwendolyn: Hey, Amy. Hi. Hey, we're having a PTA meeting today to discuss the upcoming election at 2:00. Will we see you there? Amy: No. Gwendolyn: Oh. [Amy roars off] That bitch is playing a dangerous game.

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0

Amy: I caught Mike having an affair online with a woman, and I guess it's been going on for like 10 months. Carla: Oh! Did you drive a spike through his nuts? Amy: [laughs] No. Here's the truth. Our marriage has been over for years. I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Kiki: Kent and I have sex every Friday night after Blue Bloods. Kiki: I find Tom Selleck's work to be extremely erotic. Carla: I feel like everything that comes out of your mouth is a cry for help.

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0

Gwendolyn: Are these store-bought donut holes, Amy? Amy: What? No. Gosh, no, I made them by hand and then I put them in the weird plastic container. Vicky: Oh, thank God. 'Cause we do not allow store-bought holes. Gwendolyn: Seriously, Vicky? Amy: Oh, come on, Gwendolyn. Who cares what food people bring as long as it raises money, right? Stacy: Oh, did she just... Oh. She did. Hit her with it, G. Gwendolyn: Well, you see, I care, sweetie. I don't... I don't know what's been going on with you, I mean, with your weird outbursts and your terrible style, but it ends now. Okay? I run this school, and no one takes a class or kicks a ball or plays a fuckin' clarinet without my say-so. And I can make life a living hell for you and your dirty little children. Do you understand me? Amy: Wow, Gwendolyn, I genuinely think you should just relax a little bit, I mean, have a donut hole. They're delicious. They're from a gas station. They're... Mmm. Gwendolyn: You have crossed the line, little girl. A

Bad Moms, CC BY-SA 4.0