Quotes

Dialogue

Dave: How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero? Marty: Boy, I don't know. Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible, dipshit. Dave: What, putting on a mask and helping people? How's that impossible? Todd: That's not superhero, though. How is that super? Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That's just hero. Marty: No, it's not even hero. It's just fucking psycho. Todd: Hmm. Dave: Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers. Todd: Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist. I thought you mean like, "How come nobody does it in real life?" Dave: Yeah, Todd. That's what I meant. Marty: Dude, if anybody did it in real life, they'd get their ass kicked. They'd be dead in like a day. Todd: A day. Dave: Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it. I just can't figure out why nobody does. Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes, you'd think one would give it a try. [Todd and Marty just give Dave looks of disagreement] Je

Dialogue

Damon: So, have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday? Mindy: Can I get a puppy? Damon: [in disbelief] You wanna get a dog? Mindy: Yeah, a cuddly, fluffy one. And a Bratz Movie Star Makeover Sasha. Mindy: [laughing] I'm just messing with you, Daddy. Look, I'd love a Benchmade Model 42 butterfly knife. Damon: [in relief] Oh, child. You always knock me for a loop. You know what? Mindy: What? Damon: I'm gonna get you two. Mindy: Two? Damon: One balisong. Two balisong. That's what you get.

Dialogue

Mindy: You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass. If you see the clip he's actually pretty good. Damon: Good at getting his ass... kicked. They should call him Ass-Kick, instead. [laughs sarcastically] Mindy: That doesn't even make sense.

Dialogue

Dave/Kick-Ass: [panting] I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear! Big Daddy: Good move, Ass-Kick. Let's keep it that way. Hit Girl: [shows cartridge in her hand] You know what this is? [Dave shakes his head] It's all the cartridge crap that comes out of your gay little taser when you fire it. You do know the police could've traced this right back to you if they found it? But lucky for you, I picked it up. Dave/Kick-Ass: [in relief] Thank you. [walks over to claim the stuff from Hit-Girl; Big Daddy takes it from his hands] Big Daddy: Let's call it insurance. Makes it easier for us to take your word. See, we like you, but we don't trust you. Hit Girl: Don't take it personal, though. We don't trust anybody. Big Daddy: I rerouted your IP adress. Finding you was way too easy. Dave/Kick-Ass: [stammering] Oh, shit. Shit, I hadn't thought…my God, I…I owe you. You know what? I'm thinking of just shutting my site down anyway. Quitting. I mean, this is…it's fucking insane. I'm in way over my hea

Dialogue

Marcus Williams: You owe that kid a childhood. Big Daddy: I'll tell you who owes her a childhood: FRANK D'AMICO!

Dialogue

Huge Goon: Everything is under control. [grabs the bazooka] Red Mist: Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, you dumbass!

Dialogue

Frank D'Amico: [fighting Hit-Girl] Ruin my business, huh? Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll?! [picks up gun] God, I wish I had a son like you. [points gun at Hit-Girl] Time for a family reunion. Dave/Kick-Ass: Hey! [Frank looks up to see Kick-Ass holding a bazooka] Why don't you pick on somebody your own size? [blasts a bullet at Frank, causing him to crash through the window and the bazooka bullet explodes, finally killing him]