Zombieland

Columbus: [voiceover] Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. [the cameraman picks up the camera, and the White House is revealed to be destroyed] And there are no people here. [a zombie jumps up, attacks cameraman, and eats him; notices camera] No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland. [zombie belches; the whole world is shown with local fires] It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shitstorm. And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? It's because of my list of rules. Rule #1 for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. [overweight man gets taken down and eaten by a zombie] Poor fat bastard. But as the infection spread and the chaos grew, it wasn't enough to just be fast on your feet. You had to get a gun, and learn how to use it. Which leads me to my second rul

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0

Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap? Tallahassee: Back east, yeah? Columbus: Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing? Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year. Columbus: There are no penguins on the North Pole. Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0

Columbus: Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story? Tallahassee: No. I knew a guy way worse at that than me.

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0

Columbus: Hey, for fuck's sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. "Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues." Well get over it! We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me. Tallahassee: Whoa. Columbus: I know.

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0

Columbus: [about Tallahassee] Don't worry. He grows on you. Wichita: Really? Columbus: No, it gets worse.

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0

Little Rock: No Twinkies. Tallahassee: Shit! Fuck! Wichita: See, I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's, but nobody ever listens to me!

Zombieland, CC BY-SA 4.0