Sugar & Spice

Jack: There are only three things I want in life. To, one day, become a senator of this great state (crowd cheer)... I wanna lead the mighty Lincolns to victory in the homecoming game (crowd cheer)... And I wanna go to the homecoming dance with Diane West. (Crowd gasp... then cheer!) Hannah: Oh my God, I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch!

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hannah: At church camp this summer, I'm pretty sure I had my first orgasm. Kansas: Hold up, any sentence that starts with "at church camp" ain't leading to the big O. Cleo: That's not true. Those pictures of Christ all sweaty and bare chested on the cross always made me kinda hot.

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0

Lucy: Holy Shit! You just became a statistic. Kansas: Oh my God... I'm not the first. Hannah: When are you geting married?

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0

Kansas: How much do you need for an abortion? Hannah: What? No, not an abortion. My church can arrange for you to go to Oregon and take care of a sick aunt for nine months. Then they find your baby a good home. And you come back a little dazed and puffy, but everything's fine. Please Di, don't be a whore and a murderer.

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0

Kansas: Come on Cleo, we're not gonna waste this weeks question to the netherworld on Conan. Hannah: Who made up the one question a week rule, anyway? Kansas: It's in the bible, so just shut the hell up.

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0

Diane: But we went hands in on this. You're breaking the National High School Cheerleading Association's pledge of allegiance and conformity. Lucy: I'll turn in my pom-poms after Christmas.

Sugar & Spice, CC BY-SA 4.0