Quotes

The Stolen Eagle [1.1]

Narrator: Four hundred years after the last king was driven from the city, the Republic of Rome rules many nations, but cannot rule itself. The city is constantly roiled by conflict between the common people and the nobility. Power is shared, and order maintained by two soldiers, old friends Gnaeus Pompey Magnus and Gaius Julius Caesar. Once, Pompey was acknowledged by all to be the greater man, but for the last eight years, while Pompey has kept the peace in Rome, Caesar has waged a war of conquest in Gaul, that has made him even more rich and popular. The balance of power is shifting, and the nobility have grown fearful - Though of noble blood himself, Caesar stands with the common people. A man like that, an aristocrat with soldiers, money and the love of the people... Might make himself king. Vorenus: Brawlers and drunkards will be flogged. Thieves will be strangled! Deserters will be crucified! Titus Pullo: [Being released, the flogging over] Is that it? I was just beginning to en

How Titus Pullo Brought Down the Republic [1.2]

Titus Pullo: [on returning to Rome]] Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke, and fuck every whore in the city! Atia: By the Five Furies, if I were not a genteel woman, I'd have you flayed and hung from a bracket at the door! Castor! Castor: Yes, domina? Atia: Fetch the dogs! Pompey: He sits alone in Ravenna with one mutinous skeleton of a legion and he dares to dictate terms to me?! Mark Antony: Caesar has many more legions than the Thirteenth. Scipio: On the far side of the Alps. Mark Antony: Winter does not last forever. Spring comes. Snows melt. Scipio: That's a threat! Mark Antony: I assure you, it is no threat. Snows always melt. Pompey: Caesar is bluffing. He wishes to appear supremely confident. Evidently, he's desperately weak, weaker than we thought. This is a last-ditch attempt to frightening us into making concessions while he still has the semblance of an army. He's weak, Cicero, dying. Cicero: Is that not when all the proverbs tell us to be w

An Owl in a Thornbush [1.3]

Brutus: Mother, you are blinded by untapped lust. I'll get you a good big Cyrenian at the market and have done with it! Lucius Vorenus: [aghast] This can only mean that the Republic has fallen. Titus Pullo: And yet, the sky is still above us and the earth still below. Strange. Vorenus: How could Mars allow such a thing to happen? Pullo: Maybe he was out having a crap and missed it!

Stealing from Saturn [1.4]

Caesar: You are a thief. A foolish, incompetent thief. But we will treat your foolishness as some species of loyalty. Caesar: I do not like to quarrel with fortune, and clearly she's taken you for a pet. Caesar: [to Octavian after having an epileptic seizure] Vow to Orcus, never speak of this. Octavian: [nodding his head yes in agreement]

The Ram Has Touched the Wall [1.5]

Caesar: They say a slave talks of bravery like a fish talks of flying. Posca: They say that, do they? How very witty of them. Octavian: Vorenus? Atia of the Julii: Is that it? Not the sullen Catonian one, I don't like him. The cheerful, brutish one. Octavian: [turning to go] Pullo. Atia: What extraordinary names these plebs have. Pullo.

Egeria [1.6]

Atia: Octavian, have you penetrated anyone yet? Titus Pullo, didn't I tell you to get that sorted? What else? Octavia: Perhaps you could arrange he kill someone. Atia: That will happen in due course. We Julii always have the needful enemies. Titus Pullo: What's your price, then? Madame: One thousand. Titus Pullo: Gerrhae! I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers! Madame: We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be. Titus Pullo: All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire, or I'll know the reason why! Atia: Well this last news from Greece cannot have improved your appetite. Mark Antony: Hardly. Atia: And is it really so bad? Caesar always finds a way to win. Mark Antony: Pompey's gathered ten men for every one of Caesar's. Arithmetic has no mercy. Newsreader: This month's public bread is provided by the Capitoline Brotherhood of Millers. The Brotherhood uses only the finest flour: true Roman bread for true

Pharsalus [1.7]

Caesar: Our men must win or die. Pompey's men have... other options. Caesar: Try to avoid bloodshed this time. Posca: Wait a while, and Pompey can shave you instead.

Pharsalus [1.7]

lf l had known what wretched company and rotten food l would endure, if l had known what an old fool is Pompey, l would never have left Rome.

Pharsalus [1.7]

Cicero: You may do as you wish. As for me, I intend to go from here and surrender myself to Caesar. Cato: [outraged] Have you no dignity?! No honor?! Cicero: Some little, I hope. Not as much as you, of course. Scipio: [sympathetic] Caesar will kill you. Cicero: That may be. I'm not afraid to die. I'm tired. I want to go home.

Pharsalus [1.7]

Vorenus: His hands trembled, sir. His clothes were dirty, there was water in his eyes -- he is broken. I saw no need to apprehend him. I'd like to add that Legionary Pullo took no part in my decision, sir. Caesar: You saw "no need." Do you not see that Pompey may be broken like a Dacian catamite and still be dangerous?! If he is still living, he will be a standard around which our enemies will gather. As long as he can propped on a horse, he's dangerous! But you saw no need to apprehend him?! Vorenus: I did not, sir. Caesar: [furious] AND WHO BY THE SONS OF DIS GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SUCH JUDGEMENT?! Vorenus: Sir, I am aware I have not done my duty and I respectfully ask your pardon. Caesar: My pardon, he asks. I ought to have you scourged and crucified! [long pause] In future, you will remember that it is I that offers mercy. No one else. Clear? Vorenus: Clear, sir. Caesar: Dismissed. Mark Antony: I don't like to disagree with you, but you're being far too lenient with him. He le

Pharsalus [1.7]

It didn't seem possible to lose, it's always a bad sign.

Caesarion [1.8]

King Ptolemy XIII: [presenting the head of Pompey Magnus] We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything, and... Gaius Julius Caesar: [furious] SILENCE! Gaius Julius Caesar: Shame on the House of Ptolemy for such barbarity. Shame. Pothinus: But... you are enemies. Gaius Julius Caesar: (shouts) He was a consul of Rome! Gaius Julius Caesar: A consul of Rome, to die in this sordid way - quartered like some low thief? Shame! Gaius Julius Caesar: Where is the rest of him?

Caesarion [1.8]

Gaius Julius Caesar: Pompey's murderer? Pothinus: Alas, he has run away. Gaius Julius Caesar: Find him. In the meantime... [motions to Posca, who produces a scroll and hands it to Pothinus] These instruments tabulate the money that was borrowed by his majesty's illustrious father, Ptolemy XII. In the name of the Republic, I have come to collect. Posca: Seventeen thousand, thousand drachmae. Pothinus: Seventeen?! Absurd! Four, perhaps. Posca: The tabulation includes all moneys borrowed from Pompey and other agents of the Republic now... unable to collect. Pothinus: That is not just. Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's law. Pothinus: Roman law. Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman? Pothinus: One thousand apologies, forgive us. Ptolemy XIII: There! There's for your payment. Theodotus: [stepping forward] So sorry! Gaius Julius Caesar: His majesty forgets he's a vassal to R

Caesarion [1.8]

Caesar: I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I think I can handle a small boy and a eunuch. Caesar: It's only hubris if I fail. Vorenus: Pullo, report to Princess Cleopatra and do whatever she tells you! Pullo: [exhales] Gods, that was something, let me tell you... Vorenus: I don't want to hear about it! If you're wise, you'll never speak of this again. Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too! Cicero: You should have no ill conscience, we only did what we have to do. Brutus: No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children. Marc Antony: If I ever again hear your name connected with murmurs of treachery, I will cut off these soft, pink hands and nail them to the senate door.

Utica [1.9]

Scipio: Where there's life, there's hope. Cato: (sad smile) I think, if anything, we have disproved that proverb, old friend. Titus Pullo: [on Vorenus' toga candida] You look like laundry!

Triumph [1.10]

The Roman people are not crying out for clean elections. They are crying out for jobs. They are crying out for clean water, for food, for stability and peace.

The Spoils [1.11]

Caesar: You know I've always looked upon you as a son... Brutus: Oh dear, not one of those conversations. Caesar: Be reasonable! You're on every wall in the city with a knife at my throat! Brutus: Only tyrants need to worry about tyrant killers! And you are no tyrant! Haven't you told me so many times! Marcus Junius Brutus: I betrayed nothing. Had you told me you were to march on Rome and asked me for my allegiance, I would have given it. I would've judged you insane, but I would've given you my allegiance because I look on you as my father. Caesar: Brutus- Marcus Junius Brutus: You did not ask me for my allegiance. You demanded it at swordpoint. I betrayed nothing. Cassius: The plebs love liberty... Brutus: They would not pluck a hair for liberty. Plebs love to watch their betters fight. It's cheaper than theatre and the blood is real. Cassius: Look now. Look at that. Marcus Junius Brutus: It is a chair. What of it? Cassius: A chair? It's a throne! Marcus Junius Brutus: I believe thro

The Spoils [1.11]

[of an assassinated political opponent]I didn't know he existed until he didn't.

Kalends of February [1.12]

Atia: Why would she want to see me? She hates me! Mark Antony: So do I; that's no bar to friendship.

Passover [2.1]

Antony: I've never fucked a woman in a funeral dress before. Atia: Nor shall you now. Antony: That's a shame. It'll have to be Merula then. [Atia's slave Merula stares in shock] Come here, old girl, jump on! Atia: She'd eat you alive! Come on, this is no morning for foolery. Just get up. Antony: [grabs Atia and tries to pull her into bed] Aw, come here. Atia: Stop fooling around and get up! Antony: I'm not rising from this bed until I fuck someone. Atia: Fine, fine. Merula, fetch that German slut from the kitchen. [turns to her other slaves] And get it right or you'll be next for the King of Goats there. Mark Antony: [indicates outside] Listen. Why so quiet? A tyrant is dead. Surely the people should be happy? Where is the cheering throng at your door? Where are the joyful cries of "Liberty"? Servillia: The people fear change. A sombre mood is only...natural. Brutus: When they realise they are free from tyranny, they will be glad. Mark Antony: [coldly] The people loved Caesar. And they

Son of Hades [2.2]

Antony: You're not saying that these men paid me to put their names on here. Cicero: Oh, no... I assume they paid Posca. Vorenus: I AM A SON OF HADES! I FUCK CONCORD IN HER ARSE! Antony: Centurion Vorenus... as was. Vorenus: [lying in bed] Sir. Antony: [disgusted] Look at the fucking state of you. Pullo: It's mourning dress, sir. He... Antony: Mourning? You may well mourn. Caesar is dead, and it was you as good as held the knife. Stand to fucking attention when I'm talking to you! [Vorenus does.] You know that your name is disgraced forever? Vorenus: I do, sir. Antony: "I do, sir"? Why then are you still alive? Why have you not done your damned duty and opened your stomach? Vorenus: I would like that above all things, sir. But Dis is my master, and he will take me when he chooses. At present, he wishes for me to suffer here, on this earth. Antony: You are wrong, Centurion. Dis is not your master. I am your master, by sacred oath under the standards of the Thirteenth. [stoops to pick up

These being the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero [2.3]

Cicero: Please continue with your threats; I would hate to submit to implication alone. Mark Antony: Go on... Clerk: "You are certainly not without accomplishments: it is a rare man who can boast of becoming a bankrupt before even coming of age. You have brought upon us war, pestilence and destruction. You are Rome's Helen of Troy. But then... but then..." Clerk: "...a woman's role has always suited you best."

Testudo et Lepus (The Tortoise and the Hare) [2.4]

Cicero: Oh, how I tire of young men and their ambitions. Mark Anthony: How many dead in total? Centurion: 8,000 men, sir, give or take. Posca: 8,000?! Mark Anthony: Oh, do cheer up! You're still alive, aren't you!? Posca: I do hope so; if this is the afterlife, it is extremely disappointing!

Heroes of the Republic [2.5]

Vorenus: These are my daughters, redeemed from slavery. The eldest has been prostituted, the boy is my wife's child by another man. You will treat them with respect and kindness - or I will know the reason why. Octavian: My father died on this floor. Right there. Stabbed 27 times, butchered by men he called his friends. Who will tell me that is not murder? [Several soldiers enter the Senate hall as the Senators mutter angrily] Who will tell my legions, who love Caesar as I do, that that is not murder?! [the soldiers draw their swords. Silence falls] Who will speak against the motion? Tyro: Some willow tea, perhaps? Cicero: Henbane, more like. I've been outmanoeuvred by a child.

Philippi [2.6]

Cicero: What is your name, young man? Pullo: Titus Pullo, sir. Late of the Thirteenth. Cicero: Ah, the famous Titus Pullo. I'm honoured. Pullo: Likewise, honoured. Talk about famous. Everyone's heard of Cicero. Cicero: Yes. I daresay your work today will earn you immortality. Pullo: How's that? Cicero: I will be in all the history books. My killer's name, no doubt, will live on also. Pullo: [slightly disappointed] Ah, my name... thought you meant me. [looks at a fruit tree] Good peaches! Cicero: Yes, just getting ripe. There's no way I can dissuade you from your task, I suppose? I have a great deal of money. Pullo: No, sorry. Normally, I'd be tempted, but you're far too important. Imagine the fuss, I get back and I haven't done my job.

Philippi [2.6]

Antony: [To Octavian] Watch closely, boy. This is how history is made. Now, let's have some fun! [gives the order to advance] Mark Anthony: Breathe deep, boy. The smell of victory. Octavian: [disdainful] Smoke, shit and rotting flesh. Mark Anthony: Beautiful, isn't it?

Death Mask [2.7]

...Now that's an exit.

A Necessary Fiction [2.8]

From pliant virgins to learned greeks - Rufus has slaves for every budget.

Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus [2.9]

Vorenus: Sir your wife instructed me to tell you something. Antony: Oh? Vorenus: She instructed me to tell you that "you are cowardly scum". Antony: [laughs] She did, did she? And what's your opinion of that? Vorenus: It's not my place to have an opinion , Sir. Antony: Ah, tell me anyway. Vorenus: Is that an order? Antony: Yes. That's an order. Vorenus: You're no coward, but you do have a strong disease in your soul. A disease that will eat away at you, until you die. Antony: Really? Hmm... and what is this disease? Vorenus: I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Antony: No, no you're not. So how can you be so sure of your diagnosis? Vorenus: I recognize your symptoms. I have the same sickness.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Antony: Do you believe there is an afterlife? Vorenus: Of course. Antony: Well, there are people who say no. And this is all there is. Vorenus: Who says that? Antony: Learned men. Greeks, probably. Vorenus: Greeks? Antony: Mmm. Vorenus: Greeks talk a whole pile of nonsense. Antony: Fuck 'em. Vorenus: Fuck 'em.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Antony: It's a damn good sword. [Throws the sheath away, looks around the room] It's a good place to die at any rate. Could've been a ditch in Gaul. Men that knew Alexander ... once stood here. Vorenus: Good a place as any, I suppose Antony: Lucius Vorenus - iron to the end. Don't you die here with me. You get out while you can. Vorenus: I'll do that. It's been an honour, serving with you Sir. Antony: Has it? I... I hope so. [positions the tip of the sword above his stomach] Brace it there, eh? Vorenus: Any instructions or messages, sir? Antony: No. Just... tell the people I died well. I died Roman.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Cleopatra: Is he a good man? Vorenus: Define "good".

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Octavian: I was all sweetness and light with her... charm itself. Maecenas: Yes, that is your most disheartening manner. Cleopatra: [hissing into Octavian's ear] You have a rotten soul. [dies] Maecenas: What did she say? Octavian: She said I had a rotten soul. Maecenas: Ah. Well, can't argue with that.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Octavia: Today is your triumph as much as his. Mother to the First Citizen, you should be happy. Atia: [softly] Hooray. Octavia: All my life, I've watched you strive for this moment. Look at you... it's amusing, isn't it? I don't know what i shall do if you give up.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

Livia: Excuse me? Atia: Yes? Livia: Oh, I don't mind really, but it is really I who should go first. If you consult the priests, I'll think you'll find the wife takes precedence. Atia: I don't give a fuck what the priests say. I'll not let a vicious little trollop like you walk ahead of me. I go first. Livia: I take no offense, of course. You are not yourself. Atia: I know who you are. I can see you. You're swearing now that, someday, you'll destroy me. Remember that far better women than you have sworn to do the same. Go look for them now.

De Patre Vostro [2.10]

(to Caesarion) About your father...