Quotes

Hank Bennett

"Are you sure there wasn't a pod next to your bed this morning?"

Hank Bennett

Sheridan: "I just ran into him in the locker room... he had just gotten out of the shower." Hank: "Oh..." Sheridan: "It was an accident... I was just looking for some sugar." Hank: "Did you find it?"

Fancy Crane

Fancy: There's got to be some way I can get [Noah and me] some money. Liz: Most people work for it. Fancy: Yeah, but that takes too long unless you can start at the top somewhere.

Fox Crane

Rebecca: "I was under the impression that you didn't like your mommy very much." Fox: "Maybe so, but I don't want her to frozen stiff like Jack Nicholson in The Shining."

Fox Crane

Julian: "You are no son of mine!" Fox: "Well, given this family's history, I wouldn't be surprised if you're right."

Fox Crane

Gwen: "What are you going to do? Just sit here drinking like a playboy?" Fox: "I have to keep my strength up. Grandfather promised me women!"

Julian Crane

Ivy: "You know, there is an old Chinese proverb that says, 'Man who talks with fake Chinese accent, man with something to hide.'" Julian: "There's another Chinese proverb that says 'Wife like you can go to HELL'."

Julian Crane

Julian: "Theresa looked delectable today!" Ethan: Really? I didn't notice." Julian: "You should check into that new laser eye surgery."

Julian Crane

Sheridan: "Beth is our half-sister." Julian: "Come again?" Luis: "Beth is Alistair's daughter." Julian: "You mean Alistair and Edna Wallace...?" Eve: "Oh, my God." Julian: "That smelly old crone?" Sam: "Happened a long time ago. You know, evidently, Edna was quite a dish in the day." Julian: "Well, she's past her expiration date now."

Sheridan Crane

Luis: "Why do you have to be such a smart-ass?" Sheridan: "When I'm around you, someone has to be smart.

Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald

Sheridan: "Aren't you freezing out here without your coat on?" Luis: "I was just gonna go out and chop some fire wood... It's one of two things you can do in this kinda weather to keep warm." Sheridan: "What's the other?" Luis: "Oh... it's a guy joke."

Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald

"Why don't you switch to tea bags from now on?"

Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald

Eve: "Is Charity having premonitions again?" Miguel: "No, it's worse. She broke up with me."

Pilar Lopez-Fitzgerald

Pilar: "...And you, Martin, you better start honoring your commitment to me and to our family and to our children, or I swear, I will chop off what you can't seem to control!" Martin: "I've never heard you talk this way." Pilar: "Because I'm not the little - desperate housewife that you abandoned any more. I've learned to stand up for myself. I'm not going to settle with you in my bed while your heart lays with Katherine. Get over her! Get over her once and for all. And never take her side over mine again.

Rebecca Osborn

Sam: "Now, I've heard enough of you ladies yelling at each other." Rebecca: "Theresa's no lady, she's a tramp."

Rebecca Osborn

Julian: "This is all Theresa's fault!" Rebecca: "Why? What did she do? Hide your Viagra?"

Grace Standish

Ivy: "You were always so good in the kitchen. I wish I'd taken Home Ec in school." Grace: "You were probably too busy cramming for "How to Be a Bitch 101:. Ivy: "You know, Grace, you're usually so passive I'd forgotten that you had any wit." Grace: "I wouldn't worry about it, because I hear that memory loss is quite common in menopausal women."

Timmy (deceased)

Tabitha: "So, you told Julian that I'm a witch." Timmy: "Timmy didn't mean to say anything bad."

Timmy (deceased)

Tabitha: "Yes, I tried, Timmy, but I failed! I failed! It's results that count. Oh. I never thought I'd see the day where I have to leave Harmony with my tail between my legs."<br> Timmy: "You have a tail?"

Beth Wallace

Beth: "Okay, okay, okay... I'm calm. And I am calmly asking you. How are we supposed to get Sheridan off the grounds without being seen?" Charlie: "Very carefully." Beth: "Of course. Very carefully. Why didn't I think of that? Very carefully!"

Ivy Winthrop

Julian: "I have wondered... how you could go so long without a man." Ivy: "With a man like you? It's easy."

Ivy Winthrop

Julian: "I'm in no mood to play "Let's Provoke Julian" today. Ivy: "Pity. It's my favorite game!"

Ivy Winthrop

Rebecca: "Ivy, Didn't you wear that last year?" Ivy: "Yes, I did. And what are you, Rebecca, some large, yellow bird's date?"

Ivy Winthrop

Miguel: "Ms. Winthrop... where did that crazy fog come from? I mean, it's like pea soup! There were all these bats flying around my head..." Ivy: "Bats? Oh, Miguel, you shouldn't drink the cheap stuff."