Quotes

June 14

Mean Gene Okerlund: We are here at the just-concluded King of the Ring. I am here with the brand new World Wrestling Federation Champion, Yokozuna, and his manager Mr. Fuji. In an interview conducted earlier, you stated you would hold a celebration here in America. Why? Mr. Fuji: Why? Simple. Because my Yokozuna won WWF Heavyweight Belt right here in beautiful America, so we celebrate, Yokozuna and myself, in America. Mean Gene: Now when would this celebration take place? Mr. Fuji: Perhaps...July 4. Mean Gene: Well, wait a minute. July 4th...well, it's a big holiday. As a matter of fact, the 4th of July is America's birthday. Why would you celebrate on the 4th of July? Mr. Fuji: Why? Because America celebrates Independence Day, Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji celebrates with America. Mean Gene: Where would this celebration take place? Mr. Fuji: Ah... perhaps beautiful landmark in America. Historical! Historical landmark in America! Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Mr. Fuji. You've got to be kidding me.

August 2

Vince McMahon: What a victory for the 1-2-3 Kid, Razor Ramon at ringside adding insult to injury to the SummerSlam match-up. I'll tell you what, this is gonna be something extraordinary. Ted DiBiase, very, very upset. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Well, you've made an enemy now out of Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, and Money Inc. What you do, McMahon, is your business. When you get into the ring... Vince: Speaking of business, what's this man doing here? Bobby: WAIT A MINUTE!! Vince: He has no business here. Bobby: DO YOU KNOW? DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?! Do you have any idea who... Do you have any idea who that is?! Jimmy! Jimmy! [removes his headset and jumps into the ring] Vince: Jim Cornette. Don't get carried away. I've never seen Bobby Heenan so delighted. What is this?! [Bobby and Jim Cornette share a delighted hug in the ring] Oh, look at this! It's a reunion! Bobby Heenan and Jim Cornette from Smoky Mountain Wrestling! Bobby: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe this! I do no

November 7

At this time, obviously conspicuous by his absence, is the “Macho Man” Randy Savage. And I’d like to announce, unfortunately, that Randy Savage has been unable to sign a contract with the World Wrestling Federation—not unable to, rather to come to terms with the World Wrestling Federation for a new contract. But Randy, I know you’re out there listening, and on behalf of all us here in the World Wrestling Federation, all of your fans, and certainly me, the number one fan, I’d like to say thank you for all of your positive contributions to the World Wrestling Federation. Thank you, Randy Savage, for all the wonderful memories for so many years here in the World Wrestling Federation. We wish you nothing but the best. God speed, and good luck.

November 28

Vince McMahon: Alright, let's take you back to the Survivor Series, if we may. An unbelievable, stellar performance, singlehandedly, almost annihilating everyone else on the other team until Shawn Michaels decides he wants to get into the ring. And of course, we know what happened after that. I would suggest that was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. Diesel: Well, you know, we had a strategy where everybody was gonna go in on the Teamsters. We were gonna show what we had as a team. Somehow, when I got in, Shawn decided I would stay in. And when I started to run out of gas–or should I say diesel–Shawn decided it was time to stay in a little bit longer. I Jackknifed Razor Ramon; now Shawn Michaels wants to tag, and we all know how much Shawn loves the spotlight. Don't we? Vince: Oh, yes we do, we definitely know about that. But he didn't exactly get what he thought he was going to get. As a matter of fact, we last saw him in his automobile getting out of town. Diesel: Y

February 19

Vince McMahon: Well, we said it was RAW! Jerry "The King" Lawler: What?! Razor: You know...I've been hearing so much about...the return, of the "great one"; the legend from the glory days is back. He's our new president, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper. Jerry: He's been knocked senseless, McMahon. Razor: Well Piper, I heard you say one time...that you got six kids. And that makes you "Hot Rod". "Well, Razor...Razor, he loves the little kids." I love the kids, and Piper, you like me, you from the streets - different neighborhoods, same streets. I don't want my kids watching this kind of stuff on TV! Jerry: What's he saying, McMahon?? Razor: So Piper, the only thing missing, chico...is make a match! I want Goldust, anywhere, anytime! And Goldust! And Goldust, everybody knows...that you want me! You think I'm sexy? You think I'm hot? You right! So Piper, ooh, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper...okay, big shot, I challenge you, you the, uh...matchmaker...make me a match. Goldust, let's have a date. YEAH!! Vince: Ra

May 27

Vince McMahon: Alright, standing by, a very unhappy Ted DiBiase. Mr. DiBiase, you're not very happy at all with the latest turn of events, are you? Ted DiBiase: [with Stone Cold Steve Austin] No, I'm not happy at all, McMahon. To say that Savio Vega's victory last night was a fluke, is an understatement. I mean, the lights were out. Who knows how many times Savio Vega touched the turnbuckles. What I'm saying is, there's no way on his best day Savio Vega defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin... Vince: Well, you were counting on Savio being your chauffeur; that did not happen, and Savio Vega was victorious. Now, the rematch has been signed for tomorrow night, and again, it's going to be a Caribbean Strap match, and I would suggest that you still want Savio to...well, that provision, you still want to challenge him, do you? Ted: I want to sweeten the pie, McMahon. Vince: Sweeten the pie? Ted: Savio Vega, you keep that stipulation in there, 'cause you're gonna be my chauffeur. And I'll tell you

November 11

Vince McMahon: Notwithstanding the bravado, do you feel like a hostage? Do you feel like a hostage in your own home? Brian Pillman: Hah. Steve is a dead man walking, because when Austin 3:16 meets Pillman [draws and slides pistol on camera to everybody's shock] nine-millimeter Glock... Kevin Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God! Pillman: ...I'm gonna blast his sorry ass straight to hell!!

January 20

Bret Hart: There's something I gotta say! Lawler: What's he doing out here? Bret Hart: There's something I gotta say to you! [Points at Vince] You know, when I decided to come back to the World Wrestling Federation, you promised me that I would get an opportunity to fight for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. You put me in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin and said that if I could beat Stone Cold Steve Austin, that I would be the number one contender for the World Wrestling Federation Championship belt. Now don't you think it's just a little bit convenient that for some stupid reason, Shawn Michaels finds himself out at ringside announcing in my World Championship match with Sycho Sid? I don't think it was any kind of a coincidence either. So Shawn Michaels jumps up and sticks his nose in my business and costs me the World Wrestling Federation Championship Belt with blatant interference. The Boy Toy costs me the championship and they go, "Oh that's okay. Don't worry

January 20

You gonna get me a piece of equipment that works, son, or do I have to whip your ass? Bret Hart, you can sit there and bellyache and complain with the best of them, son. Ever since you came back, you ain't done nothing but cry! You sit there and talk about how Vince screwed you, how everybody screwed you, how I screwed you. The bottom line is, son, when the going gets tough, the Harts get going back home! Knock it off! Go on back to Canada, son, because the only person you can possibly beat is your wrinkled up old man in his little old basement. You talk about being jerked around, I've been jerked around for seven years, and then I get here. I'm supposed to face Sycho Sid tonight and some guy, a 350-pound buffoon that calls himself Gorilla Monsoon the commissioner says, "No, no. Sycho Sid is at home with a concussion." Sycho Sid may be at home with a concussion and an ice pack on his head, but he's also got a yellow stripe running right down the middle of his back. As far as Gorilla Mo

February 13 (Thursday RAW)

Vince McMahon: I know you're just as disappointed, more so than anyone else, that you're not defending the WWF title against Sycho Sid, or for that matter whomever would have been stacked up against you. And no one has taken on more challengers, no one in the history, who has ever won this championship belt, has ever had the schedule, has ever had to endure the kind of schedule that you have so readily taken upon yourself. Shawn Michaels: Well there's uh, one thing about me is I can't do anything halfway and I, and I come here and I hear the people and they chant uh, Sid's name or they chant Bret's name or they chant a lot of peoples' names, and one thing's for sure, you're going to have all of that in the future, um, and that's what I want for the World Wrestling Federation fans. In spite of, uh, what people may think about me, what I've always wanted for all these people is, is for them to have a good time and to enjoy themselves.

February 13 (Thursday RAW)

Ladies and gentlemen, SHAWN MICHAELS!

March 3

Vince: Your response? Do you show any remorse, whatsoever, for your actions? Steve Austin: The only remorse I got is that I didn't hit him harder with that steel chair! Bret Hart runs around talkin' about everybody's screwin' him. Hell, for the past seven years, I've been screwed, and it's the same old song! How come when Shawn Michaels hurts his knee, you make a video out of him? How come when Shawn Michaels gets sick, you tell the world that he's got the FLU?! Well, when I went to the Final Four, I was sick as a dog, and I had a blown out knee! Let me ask you a question: How many one-legged people can go 25 minutes with 3 of the top wrestlers in the world? NONE! Stone Cold Steve Austin went out there, and did just that! And I ain't making fun of no one-legged people, I'm sittin' here just tryin' to make a point. As far as I'm concerned, I truly am the World Wrestling Federation Champion, and can't nobody tell me different! Not you, or ANYBODY! As far as the Submission Match, it's a b

March 17

Jim Ross: We're back here ladies and gentlemen, a few more moments and Vince McMahon is going talk to a very, obviously a very consumate Bret Hart. Vince: Bret Hart, you've got to be terribly frustrated. Extremely frustrated over what has just happened. Lawler: WHOA!! Bret Hart: FRUSTRATED ISN'T THE GODDAMN WORD FOR IT!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! Jim Ross: We apologize, ladies and gentlemen. Bret Hart: YOU'VE SCREWED ME, EVERYBODY'S SCREWED ME AND NOBODY DOES A GODDAMN THING ABOUT IT! NOBODY IN THE BUILDING CARES, NOBODY IN THE DRESSING ROOM CARES, SO MUCH GODDAMN INJUSTICE AROUND HERE, I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE!! Jim Ross: We apologize ladies and gentlemen. Bret Hart: EVERYBODY KNOWS IT! I KNOW IT! EVERYBODY KNOWS IT! I SHOULD BE THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! Lawler: Get him out of the ring! Bret Hart: EVERYBODY JUST KEEPS TURNING A BLINDS EYE! YOU KEEP TURNING A BLINDS EYE TO IT! I GOT THAT GORILLA MONSOON, HE TURNS A BLINDS EYE TO IT! EVERYBODY IN THAT GODDAMN DRESSING ROOM KNOWS

March 17

Steve Austin: Conspiracy my ass Bret! All you want to do anytime you go in the ring is cry like a baby! I tried to go out there and help you and you threw it all away because you're a loser! It could have been you and me for the championship at WrestleMania, but you blew the whole damn thing because you're a loser! At WrestleMania, you will quit and one of these days when it's you and me for the title, you're looking at the next champ. AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! Bret Hart: [As Austin begins saying "At WrestleMania,...] You know why they call you Stone Cold? Because your stones are so cold, you won't come out here and step in the ring with me myself! You always got to jump me from behind! You haven't got the guts to come out here! COME ON!! Everybody knows whether it's Sycho Sid, [Sid comes out] If you think for one second that that belt belongs to you, you are wrong! It is my belt. You know it, I know it and everybody in this building knows it! Sid: I don't know shit,

March 17

Vince: Bret Hart has snapped! Bret Hart thought for sure he would be the WWF champion and there's no conspiracy! Bret Hart, ladies and gentlemen is talking about a conspiracy. There is no conspiracy at all, only in his head and it's sad that a man as great as Bret Hart has resorted to this! This is not what we've talked about! This is not the legacy of Bret Hart! Not this! Not this bawling! Not this whining! Not this crying! Lawler: You're right! He's snapped McMahon! He's lost it! Get him out of here, drag him out! Vince: OH HE JUST HIT, HE JUST HIT HALL OF FAMER PAT PATTERSON!! THAT DIRTY ROTTEN SON OF A...!!

March 24

Vince: Ladies and gentlemen, joining us now, yes, from the ultimate fighting war... world, rather, yes, it is war, for sure. There is Ken Shamrock, and Mr. Shamrock, in your officiating last night, firstly, why did you stop the match? Ken Shamrock: Well, you know, I was in the match, and Steve Austin was in a great deal of pain even throughout the whole match. I asked him several times; he did not respond. As far as I could see, he was unconscious, I had to stop the match in order to protect his body because he was in severe, severe shape. So that is why I stopped the fight. Vince: Alright, but you did not hear him say the words, "I quit," did you? You did not hear him say the words, "I quit," did you? Ken: No, the words weren't said, "I quit," but when a man goes unconscious and he cannot protect himself properly, that is why I was hired to do this match: was to make sure one man won. There was no cheating around, there was no holds here. And therefore, when Steve Austin passed out, h

March 24

First of all, I wanna apologize. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Germany. I'd like to apologize to all my fans over in Great Britain. Actually, I like to apologize to all my fans all over Europe. All over Japan and the far east. I like to apologize to my fans in the middle east. All the way as far down as South Africa. And I especially like to apologize for all my great fans in Canada.

March 24

Vince: You did Bret, that's what you threatened. Bret Hart: I got Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon on their hands and knees begging me to come back. "Don't quit! Think of your fans." Well, I thought of my fans and I came back. And they come up with this idea for the Final Four. The winner of the Final Four will get a World Wrestling Federation title fight at WrestleMania 13. That sounds good to me. So I accept, I came back. Then all of a sudden, your champion, your hero, Shawn Michaels comes up with this life ending, career ending knee injury and he forfeits the title so he can go home and find his smile. But that's okay, you people think that that's just fine. I see people in the audience crying for that. You talk about me crying. So I go into the Final Four with the outcome now being that whoever wins the Final Four will now be the World Wrestling Federation Champion. And who won the Final Four? I did. Right in the middle of the ring, I defeated three other guys in one night. I defe

March 24

Shawn Michaels: Yo, Hitman! Let's get one thing perfectly straight. You can come out here and say whatever you want about me. Everyone does. And you don't have to explain to me or the World Wrestling Federation that you would never give up the WWF title because no one knows better than me or the WWF that it takes a hand written note from the lord almighty to take that belt from you. But Bret, what you don't understand is just because I come out here and choose to live my life openly and freely instead of putting a facade like you does not make a you a better man Bret. I am well aware of my faults. I can admit them up and down the line. And as far as Steve Austin is concerned, Bret, I was there last night. He didn't give up, alright? Now I'm no fan of Steve Austin but he passed out and even you have to admit somewhere in there, there's gotta be some of the old Hit Man left, even you have to admit that he is one tough S.O.B. Now Bret, I have tried and tried and tried to take the high roa

May 19

Jim Ross: What do you think the biggest misconceptions are that the WWF fans have as it relates to Mankind? Mankind: That I'm a... bad person. Jimmy, there's plenty of good reasons to hate me. I just don't want people to hate me for untruths, impartial truths, and rumors. You see, when I was a kid, I played Cowboys and Indians. Now who were the good guys? The cowboys coming over the hill, to rape, pillage innocent women and children. I was always the Indian, Jimmy. I always stood for the underdog. If that makes me a bad person, standing up for what I believe in, then I guess you got me dead to rights, I'm a bad man. Mankind: I was eight years old, at Minnesauke Elementary School, playing a game of "kill the guy with the ball," which may even be an Olympic sport these days. And in chasing one of the other students, I made a leap for his legs, and the back of his foot kicked me in the lip. And I didn't know what happened. I knew it hurt, Jimmy, I knew it hurt bad. But all of a sudden, pe

May 19

Mankind: You know, I wanna tell my son, when he gets to be fifteen, not to be the guy who eats strange things. I never exactly brought it upon myself. Other people and their cliques, for lack of a better word, they would gang up on me because I was different, because I acted different, looked different. They were throwing worms at me, Jimmy. Little wiggly worms they were throwing at me. Bending down in athletic class, doing my hurdler's stretch, and there was a bombardment of worms being thrown at me. So what do you do to retaliate? Do you throw the worm back, at seven or eight people? It's not the fact they were hurting me, they were wounding my pride. They were looking at me like I was garbage. So I picked up the largest specimen, Jimmy, and I sucked it down! To show them that their attempt to hurt my pride would not be successful... I thought, Jimmy, that I had shown them. But then sure enough, the story became exaggerated as everything in life does, and it no longer became, "Well,

May 26

Mankind: It was 1983, and upstate New York, with its endless rolling fields, might be a nice place for a lot of boys. But not when Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco were in a cage in October in Madison Square Garden, that's where I wanted to be! I didn't wanna ride horses along a field, I didn't wanna fish for trout in a stream, I wanted to be where the blood and guts were, Jimmy. So I put out my thumb, Jimmy, and it took me sixteen or seventeen hours, but I made my way up to the Garden. It took just about all the money I had in the world, but I got a front row seat. And I saw the move that would change my life, when Jimmy Snuka came off the top of the cage, and I saw people stand up, and I saw people cheer, and I know I wasn't the only person who's life was changed in that arena. And I realized, Jimmy... that I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to hear people cheer for me because of some act of bravery that I committed. I wanted to hear and see people's emotions, I wanted to see children

June 30

"Well, we're gonna have to go back a few years, Mr. McMahon. About 20 years to be exact. We're talking about a little funeral home, sitting up on a hill – beautiful old trees all around – and a wonderful, wonderful family-owned funeral home. The family lived upstairs. The father was a mortician who ran the funeral home. The mother was the secretary, the receptionist. But there were two little kids there. One kid was a little red headed punk. And then there was a second kid – a sweet little kid named Kane. Now I was the apprentice at the funeral home. I worked under the red headed punk's father, who by now you properly know as The Undertaker. The Undertaker's father was a mortician of excellence. He told me everything I know. He told me the correct way to prepare a body for burial, how to do the make-up, how to deal with the families. He told me from A to Z. But while I was working on the funeral home, I've seen a lot of things going on, that shouldn't been happening.

July 7

A few weeks ago, I was told ‘America: love it or leave it.’ Well, I’ve traveled all around the world, I’ve been all over the United States of America, and the one thing that I’ve in particular looked forward to is loving leaving it!

July 7

Jim Ross: This could be damning. Vince McMahon: I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians. Steve Austin: Get your ass up, you long-haired freak! McMahon: He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind. Austin: There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! [Mankind crawls into the ring] You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team. Jerry Lawler: Whoa! Ross: Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit. Lawler: Finally Mankind gets what he wants! Ross: All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted. Lawler: He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug! McMahon: I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - [suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner] - oh! Ross: No! No! N

August 4

Vince: Well, I guess maybe that pretty much tells you something - a mixed reaction by this capacity crowd. And there is no doubt whether you did your job or you didn't do your job, but if it haven't had been for you, the Undertaker might still be the World Wrestling Federation Champion. Shawn: So let me get this straight. You, the Undertaker, Bret "The Hitman" Hart and — the best that I can tell — all of the fans of the World Wrestling Federation are dumpin' this in my lap! Vince: I don't know if that's necessarily fair... Shawn: Shut up! Because you know something? It's just like you, it's just like Bret Hart and whether anybody in this arena likes it or not, it's just like all the fans of the World Wrestling Federation to not take responsibility for themselves and pass the buck on to the Heartbreak Kid because everybody knows I don't give a damn what anybody thinks of me! Shut up! Vince: Yes, you did. Shawn: Exactly. Vince: May I ask you a pertinent question, please? Shawn: Yeah, cou

August 18

Jim Ross: Steve, I want to thank you for allowing us to come to your hotel room here, I know you've got a very busy and a very crucial 24-hour period here in Philadelphia, seeing a specialist tomorrow about your neck, but thanks for giving us a little of your time. Steve Austin: Well you're welcome for the time, but if you're here to ask a bunch of questions, you might as well start asking, otherwise I'll throw your ass out the window. And to come to the hotel room, this ain't a hotel room that I would stay at! You know, when I got hurt at SummerSlam, when I got dumped on my head, no one called me and said, "Hey, Steve, you okay?" No one ever sent a card, nothin' like that. Not that I would expect it, but at least I would have, you know, maybe a call just to see what the hell's goin' on with the hottest damn wrestler in the world, but I got nothin'! So the WWF sees fit to put me in a room like this, with all this fruit and trash like this, you want a pear? [Starts tossing fruit at Jim

September 22

Vince: What’s the matter with you?! Get ahold of yourself! Lawler: Arrest him! Vince: [To the police] Just give me a minute. Just give me a minute! [To Austin] What is the matter with you? You had to forfeit the Intercontinental title, the Tag Team title, of course everybody can understand why you’re upset. I can understand you being upset not being able to compete, I can understand that. But don’t break the law! Lawler: He already did...look at this! Jim Ross: Stone Cold's not gonna win this fight with New York City's finest. Vince: Don't you understand? Don’t you understand why you’re not allowed to compete? Can’t you get that through your head? Don’t you know why? Don’t you know that you’re not physically able to compete? Your doctors say you’re not ready. If you compete, you could injure yourself for good! You could wind up paralyzed! And the WWF is not gonna stand by and let you do that to yourself. These people don’t want you to wind up in a wheelchair! They wanna see you compete

October 6

Now that I have your undivided attention— Yes, laugh at the fat man. Go ahead! Here's your chance. Go ahead and laugh at me. Stand up, call me names, do what you wanna do. Here's your chance. The one you should be laughing at is your so-called phenom. The one you should be laughing at is your hero, The Undertaker. The proof is here. I tried to go back to The Undertaker, he wouldn't take me back. I had to do what I had to do. He slapped me around, he called me a liar. He burned me! Burned!

October 6

Shawn: [waiting for footage from Badd Blood] Now I know we don't have any brain surgeons in that truck, but this is a television studio per se. Do you think, Vince McMahon, you could get one of those idiots in your truck to send out my performance at Badd Blood? [Footage appears on TitanTron...] All right, here we go... [...not of Badd Blood, but of the MSG "Curtain Call."] Whoa. Wait a minute! Hunter Hearst-Helmsley: [both feigning shock] Oh my God, what is that? Shawn: That's not Badd Blood, that's... Hunter: That's Madison Square Garden! Shawn: That's May 19th, Madison Square Garden! Hunter: That's you, Shawn! Shawn: And that's...that's...that's Razor! Hunter: And Big Daddy Cool Diesel! Shawn: But who's that...that's you, Triple H! Wait a minute! Hey, you were a bad guy, I was a good guy! Vince: What is this? Hunter: You were a good guy, I was a bad guy! Shawn: What were you doing in there? That's...wait a minute! Wait a minute...that was supposed to be Vince McMahon's biggest day—t

October 6

This is Jim Cornette, and the views that I'm about to express are not necessarily those of anybody else but me. But they oughta be. And as a matter of fact, they probably are.

October 13

Bret: [to Shawn and Hunter on the TitanTron] Why don't you two degenerates come down here right now and step in the ring with me right now? Either one of you, I don't care! Either one of you, right now! Shawn: Is he challenging me? Hunter: Is he challenging us? Shawn: Now regularly, regularly I would take him up on his challenge. But you know why I'm not gonna? You know why I'm not gonna? I'll tell you why. Because the last time I took him up on a challenge was WrestleMania, and I beat his ass for that stupid piece of tin he's got on his shoulder; and at Survivor Series, I'm gonna take that stupid piece of tin you got on your shoulder once again. I've beaten you, I've beaten your brother, I've beat both your brother-in-laws, and I'll beat up your whole family if you get in my face one more time. Hunter: And as far as I'm concerned, Bret Hart, you want a piece of me, huh?! [Shawn holds him back] You want a piece of me?! Come on! I'll take you on, Hitman! I'll give you the worst beating

October 13

I'm Jim Cornette, and the views I'm about to express are my own, but as you'll see, they may be yours, too.

October 27

I'm Jim Cornette. I'm just wondering if there's any people that are sick and tired as I am to be the icon of wrestling. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper claim to be the icon, Shawn Michaels is the icon that can still go, Bret Hart would claim to be the icon if he wasn't too busy crying about being screwed, and Randy Savage is still "Thinkin', Thinkin'!" Well, Shawn Michaels is still the single most talented athlete inside the ring, but outside he's an adolescent obnoxious jerk who takes the tights and goes home if he doesn't get his way. Bret Hart is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, but if he'd have been screwed as many times as he claims, he'd have struck oil by now. And Randy Savage is a legend, but let's face it, how many records did Frank Sinatra sell last year? But the pinnacle of this icon garbage came at last night's cage match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper to determine—in their minds only—who the real icon is. WCW had the gall to say that this is the greatest cage matc

November 17

Jim Ross: Let's cut right to the chase here. Seven days ago at the Survivor Series, did you, or did you not, screw Bret Hart? Vince: Some would say I screwed Bret Hart; Bret Hart would definitely tell you I screwed him. I look at it from a different standpoint. I look at it from the standpoint of the referee did not screw Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels certainly did not screw Bret Hart, nor did Vince McMahon screw Bret Hart. I truly believe that Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart, and he can look in the mirror and know that. Jim Ross: I'm sure in some parts of the country right now, there's a collective groan that you're not accepting responsibility, that you orchestrated the situation, and the fact that there are people not gonna understand what you mean by, "Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart," so what do you mean by that? Vince: Well, I will certainly take responsibility for any decision I've ever made; I've never had a problem doing that. Not that all of my decisions are accurate—they're not—but when

November 17

Jim Ross: This is a crazy question. Would you welcome Bret Hart back? If he said, "you know Vince, I've changed my mind. Can I come back?" Would you allow him to return to the WWF? I mean, he spit in your face, notwithstanding destroying television monitors & equipment, certainly notwithstanding the fact that he punched you. Would you allow him to ever come back to the WWF if that was an option? Vince: This is a strange business, and yes, I would. We would have to have a real frank understanding. I would want to hear Bret say, "Vince, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be selfish, I just kind of lost it there for a while." And I have no problem saying, "Bret, jeez, I'm sorry that I had to do what I had to do as well." Would I welcome him back? I also would tell Bret no more free shots. I would want that strictly from a man's standpoint, I'd want him to know that. And in the future if we're going to have problems along those lines, in the locker room or anywhere else, okay, we're going to have

December 15

Who?

December 15

Vince McMahon: Owen Hart, I know you are here tonight. You've been spotted. Owen Hart, I know you can hear my voice, wherever you may be in this arena. And I must inform you that you've been endangering indeed the safety certainly of our ringside fans with your antics as of late. Jim Cornette: McMahon's turning into Fire Marshall Bill with all this "fan safety" business. Vince: You've been crawling over ringside fans coming into the ring interfering in matches with Shawn Michaels. And make no mistake: I don't give a damn about Shawn Michaels – it's just that you're endangering the safety of ringside fans by coming in and coming out. That will not be tolerated. I know you can hear me. I like to remind you, Owen: You are still under contract to the World Wrestling Federation. And as such, I'm ordering you to appear in this ring, right now. [Owen Hart walks to the ring from somewhere in the audience to "Owen" chants] What's this all about, and who do you think you are? Owen Hart: [takes o

December 15

It has been said that anything can happen here in the World Wrestling Federation, but now more than ever, truer words have never been spoken. This is a conscious effort on our part to "Open the Creative Envelope", so to speak, in order to entertain you in a more contemporary manner. Even though we call ourselves "sports entertainment" because of the athleticism involved, the key word in that phrase is "entertainment". The WWF extends far beyond the strict confines of sports presentation into the wide open environment of broad-based entertainment. We borrow from such program niches like soap operas like The Days of our Lives, or music videos such as those on MTV, daytime talk-shows like Jerry Springer and others, cartoons like The King of the Hill on Fox, sitcoms like Seinfeld, and other widely accepted forms of television entertainment. We in the WWF think that you, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted. We also think that you're tired of the same o

December 22

Jim Ross: Remember, the European Title on the line. Shawn Michaels putting the European Title on the line here, as he will the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble in that much-anticipated casket match with the Undertaker. [Shawn and Hunter lock up and Hunter immediately shoves Shawn down] Collar-and-elbow tie-up. Jim Cornette: And reluctantly on his part, on both of them. He didn't want to put the title up either. Ross: Wait a minute. Why is Michaels just lying there? Cornette: Well, why doesn't Helmsley slow down and stop? What is it? Ross: [catching on] It's a mockery. [Hunter jumps and softly splashes Shawn, hooking his leg] We thought that... oh, here it is. Cornette: [over Tony Chimel's announcement] It was a ruse! Tony Chimel: Here is your winner and the new World Wrestling Federation European Champion: "Triple H" Hunter Hearst-Helmsley! Cornette: [cont'd] A ploy, a plot, a plan, a charade, a conspiracy, a sham! We've been conned, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flim-flammed, had the wool pull

December 29

Well, the WWF has asked me to do a commentary on the state of wrestling in 1998; I guess they figured, "Cornette's always good for a couple of laughs." Well, I'm not really gonna be too funny tonight. Because you see, I think the state of wrestling in 1998 stinks! I think WCW stinks, I think the nWo stinks, I think ECW is embarrassing, and I think the WWF stinks! And I'll tell you why. You don't have to go back any further than last week on Raw, you got a guy coming out dressed like a Christmas tree, you got a woman dressed like a reindeer, you got two adolescent mulletheads showing their butt cheeks on national TV, and having a phony match for a championship! I think it stinks! I think it's disgusting! I think nobody has any respect for wrestling anymore! Where is "wrestling"? Not "sports entertainment", but wrestling! You know, just a couple of years ago, I left my home in Tennessee and I moved to Connecticut, which is like trading a Hawaiian vacation for a bed in a cancer ward, to c

January 5

That casket looks awfully familiar [sees DX graffiti all over] Oh jeez, I'm begging for a little originality here. Okay sorry folks, I think Triple H and Chyna could no a little better than this. It's what I did last week. Ok, Hunter, Chyna, you're real funny, oohh, [gets closer to casket] I'm scared woogiewoogiewoogie. Come on out, you two. Come on, come on, oh what's the password. I forgot, the secret password, the secret password I forgot, last week, Break It Down! Ok you two, Break It Down, hello? [HHH and Chyna appear on the stage trying to warn him; Shawn finally sees them] If you two are up there, then, who's in the, who's in the casket? [gets closer to open casket and the Undertaker comes out to trap him inside]

January 12

Oh hell yeah! No more Mr. Nice Guy until after this Rumble! Jim, someone told me the other day at the airport, "Steve, if you think you can win the Rumble, give me a hell yeah!" And I gave a "OH HELLLLL YEAHHHHH!"

January 19

Vince McMahon: At this time I'd like to introduce to you a man who is simply the baddest man on the planet! Ladies and gentlemen, "Iron" Mike Tyson! [Tyson enters the ring with his crew] "Iron" Mike Tyson! Mike, it is unquestionable, an honor and a privilege to have you standing in a World Wrestling Federation ring. Mike Tyson: Well, it is a privilege to be here, man. I don't know, I've been a fan since I'm eight, nine years old and I'm just happy to be here. Vince: Well, tell me your old time favorites here in the WWF. Mike: Bruno Sammartino. Vince: Don Leo Jonathan as well? Mike: Nikolai Volkoff, man I go way back. I'm just proud to be involved in this. Vince: Alright, now ladies and gentlemen. The moment we have awaited, the big announcement, and the announcement is that on March 29th at WrestleMania in this very ring..."Iron" Mike Tyson will... [Steve Austin's music interrupts McMahon and Austin enters the ring. Several officials and execs rush in.] Hey! Hey! Mr. Austin, why are yo

February 2

Shawn Michaels: Good evening my fellow Americans. This past week, Degeneration X was informed that TSN, STAR TV, SKY Sports, and USA Network is drawing the line on standards and practices as it relates to WWF programming and Degeneration X. In the future, we need to be careful of what we do and what we won't do. Again, DX gets in trouble every time we do something fortuitously. Therefore, the following is the standard and practices that DX promises to adhere to. [steps aside for Triple H] Triple H: From the hours of nine to ten PM, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", and "hell". We will, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "bitch," "faggot", or any other sexual or racial slurs. From the ten to eleven PM hour, we will only use the words "ass", "damn", "hell" and "bitch." We will never, however use the words "shit", "fuck", "goddamn", "Jesus Christ", "faggot", or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now as it pertains to video, we promise there will be les

March 2

The Undertaker: Welcome to HELL! I am the demon who will lead you into eternal damnation. Kane, you disappointed me. Is that the best effort that you can put together at the Royal Rumble? Did you think that could destroy me? Don't you know that you cannot destroy that does not wish to perish? And you, Paul, the audacity to come out here week after week and claim responsibility for my disappearance! The fact of the matter is: all those times when I return to the world of darkness it's of my own appoint. It's a time for spiritual healing. It's a time for the truth, and I know the truth. At this trip, what I was doing was soothing the souls of my parents, because I had to explain to them why I would have to do the one thing I promised never to do. Kane... Paul Bearer: You're not The Phenom anymore! I'm standing next to the real Phenom! Undertaker: I will walk straight through the FIRES OF HELL to face you, Kane! And when you look into the eyes of your older brother, you will understand wh

March 16

"Classy" Freddie Blassie: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name. Killer Kowalski: Time has not silenced the crowd. Ernie Ladd: I never did a moonsault. Gorilla Monsoon: or walked the top rope. Pat Patterson: There were no pyrotechnics... Monsoon: No fancy, flashing lights. Blassie: We never flew through the air. Patterson: We were men of courage... Kowalski: Men of steel... Blassie: They were men without fear. Ladd: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name. Monsoon: But today... Blassie: I cheer for them. Undertaker: Kane, WrestleMania 14, I will strike down upon thee with anger and furious vengeance!!! I will deliver you to the fiery pits of eternal damnation. You will know my name as the Lord of Darkness! Little brother, I felt your wrath, now you're gonna feel mine. It's too late to turn back. The only thing that you can do now is Rest...In...Peace!!! [summons lightning bolt that opens upright casket at the stage, revealing an effigy of Kane that suddenly burns]

March 23

Mother and Father, I've done some things in my life which I'm not very proud and I'm sure there's been occasions where I haven't live up to your expectations of me. I do hope that now, you'd understand, that I've come to my crossroads. The Devil himself stands before me in the form of my own flesh and blood, of my own brother Kane. Mother, please forgive me for the sin which I'm about to commit, a sin so heinous, but its something that must be done. In the end, I only hope that together, as one we can rest in peace, a family once again - and as such is not the case, I alone am willing to serve my penance. I am willing to burn in my own damnation. I'm willing to look my destiny in the eye and go where the Reaper leads me. Please understand, he's given me no other choice. I have to fight. Just know that I love you.

March 30

Triple H: You know, a lot can happen in twenty-four hours... let's start with Mike Tyson. You know, I must have asked a thousand times, "Is he locked in? Is he with us? Is he a part of us? Are you SURE? Is it sewn up?" Heh, what I heard was "Don't worry, kid, I got it covered. Don't sweat it. You worry too much. It's sewn up. Let me make the decisions." Sean "123 Kid" Waltman: ALBANY, NEW YORK, RAISE SOME HELL, MAKE A LITTLE NOISE! First things first, I've got a little something I've got to get off my chest right now. I heard Hulk Hogan come out on television sayin' I couldn't cut the mustard. Well, Hulk Hogan, you suck, pal! So I don't think you have any room to talk about anybody cutting any kind of mustard. And Hulk, I got some... I got some more advice for ya. You'd better not stop short, or Eric Bischoff will go so far up your ass, he'll know what you had for breakfast! Triple H: Oh yeah, by the way, I got two words for ya... Kid: SUCK IT! Triple H: Yeah! Paul Bearer: Undertaker!

March 30

[patched to JR in the arena] Jesus Christ, this is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I get one phone call when you get locked up in jail and I'm sure Vince McMahon thought I was gonna call a lawyer? ehhehehh!!! That ain't gonna happen! I want you to tell Vince McMahon firsthand, I think he's a sorry, sorry son-of-a-bitch, and the last time I checked, the last time I checked, when you give someone the Stone Cold Stunner, it ain't punishable by the death penalty, so that means, Vince McMahon's ass belongs to Stone Cold Steve Austin, and next week on RAW IS WAR, he's gonna find out just how pissed off Stone Cold Steve Austin is and I can guarantee you one thing, it ain't gonna be a very fun night for Vince McMahon next Monday night and if that don't work, I'll pay his ass a house call just like I've done in the past. Vince McMahon will find out, Austin 3:16 say "I just whipped your ass," and that's what's gonna happen!

April 6

I have always taken a lot of chances in the ring and some very bad things have happened to me over the years, but I've always had the comfort of knowing that when I looked at my career, my dreams, the things I accomplished, the things I'd set my heart on... that it was always worth the pain. So people ask, "Cactus, so how's your neck?", I say, that I'll be damned, if I'm gonna let a group of SCUM like DX put Cactus Jack away.

April 13

Vince McMahon: You get to the car, ok? [slams coat onto the table] Get my bag and bring it back here. Shane McMahon: [over Vince's command] This is the dumbest decision you've ever made. Vince: It may be. Gerald Brisco: No it's not. Shane: This is the dumbest decision you've ever made! Brisco: No, it's not! Vince: [to JR as Shane storms out] And you, you go out there and do your job please, thank you very much.

April 27

Triple H: Attention! [the four stand at attention with Chyna poking her M-16 into Road Dogg's crotch. starts pacing back and forth] At ease, men. [group goes at ease. Billy Gunn has his rocket launcher tucked like an erect penis and lowers it a bit] I said at ease! [rocket launcher is lowered more] That's better. [walks to Billy] Stand up straight, soldier. Today we embark on a mission. We have seen the enemy, and he's near. So today, we're gonna go down there. DX members: Down where, sir? HHH: There [makes crotch gesture] and we will blow them out of the water. This mission, should you choose to accept it, will start at the Norfolk Scope, with [mock Southern drawl] Dubya-C-Dubya, the Rasslin' [to normal voice] and it will end right here tonight, at the Hampton Roads Coliseum, for RAW is WAR. This is your mission, [XPac makes a few unintelligible words] if you choose to accept it, ladies and gentlemen, if you choose to accept it, it will be all for one and [gestures open-palm to DX] Al

May 4

Cut this music... does anybody here know my name? Because to tell you the truth, I don't know who the hell I am anymore. At Unforgiven, I beat Stone Cold Steve Austin - no I do not have the heavyweight title, but I came real close. And for those of you who've never been on the receiving end of a Stone Cold ass-kicking, let me tell you, it doesn't feel that good... If you were to ask Stone Cold Steve Austin how he felt the next day, well he probably would say he didn't feel a whole hell of a lot better.

May 4

You've got guts enough to call me out before you? Me? The owner of the World Wrestling Federation? You've got guts enough to call me out before you and all these people? Who the hell do you think you are? Let me tell you something - sure, you hold a victory over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Unforgiven, but you didn't get the job done, because Stone Cold Steve Austin is still the World Wrestling Federation champion!

May 4

Mick: Yes, I do! Vince: That's not a punishment, THAT'S REWARD, that's what it is, a REWARD! Mick: How you figure? Vince: Because I believe that you and I are a lot alike. I believe that you recognize this as it truly is. You see, I take adversity and turn it into triumph... This match that you have with your best friend is an opportunity, and that's what I give better than anybody else in the world, opportunity... don't you see? Can't you clearly see this picture? Who've you been listening to?

May 4

Paul Bearer: I told you about it. You hear what I told him. I told the world he's my son. He is my son Jerry, it's that simple. Jerry "The King" Lawler: Cmon, so you're telling me- Bearer: He's my son! Lawler: You're telling me- Bearer: You don't believe me? Lawler: You're telling me, you're telling me you nailed the Undertaker's mother. Bearer: Well, I nailed - nailed - I [Lawler scoffs] Okay. King: Tell me how that... Bearer: Jerry, can I trust you? King: I'll tell nobody. Bearer: I was 19 years old and I was present at the funeral home. I went out on Tuesday nights to the wrestling matches like I always do with my friends, had a few beers. Coming to the funeral home, there she was in this little titty outfit. I've never been [Lawler begins to laugh] don't tell nobody. I've never been with a woman before at that point. I wasn't fat like I am now, in fact Jerry I was kinda [fixes up tie] studly. King: Oh yeah right? Bearer: I was! Anyway, I come through the door and... she took me rig

May 25

I hope you've had some fun here tonight, Austin. Hope you're real proud of yourself of what you've accomplished. How dare you have me arrested in public like a common criminal! And pour beer down the back of my neck, and then place conditions upon my release, a condition of apology WHICH I DID NOT MEAN!!! and yet, another condition that should someone interfere to stand guard while I officiate the match at the pay-per-view this Sunday to ensure that I call the match fair and square, I accept that condition too and I'll tell you why, because other than Godzilla recently being released, there isn't one WWF superstar on the roster that can intimidate me, not one!

June 1

Why don't you do it again? Why don't you do it right now [points to chair] There's the chair. Come on, come on, [as Mick picks up and they go around the ring] make my day Dude, come on... Come on, HIT ME! Come on, hit me with the chair, come on, blast me - and just think about that college education, that college fund you've got for your kids, going ppft right in the air! Come on, come on dude, hit me! Come on, what about that new house you just moved into, huh? What about it? You know the one, the 20-year mortgage? TWENTY YEARS!! Hit me, come on hit me with the chair! What about that little fund you got set aside, for your parents, you know the one! You'd go through that in no time at all. Come on, Dude, come on Dude... Hit me, Dude. [Mick Foley sits down as Vince's taunts hit a raw nerve] COME ON, HAVE SOME GUTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, COME ON, HIT ME WITH THE BLOODY CHAIR!! COME ON! Let me tell you something: the only reason I haven't fired Stone Cold Steve Austin is because he makes

June 1

Undertaker: Let's start from the beginning, some ten years ago when I first arrived in the World Wrestling Federation. Vince McMahon was known as somebody that would give somebody an opportunity, even if they were just a little different. And Vince McMahon did just that. He gave me the chance to be myself, to be the Undertaker. But you see, that's where all the giving stops and all the taking began. Shortly after my arrival here in the World Wrestling Federation I became the slayer of the dragons. Then you ask what do I mean by that? Vince McMahon knew that I would be loyal for him giving me an opportunity, so what he did is he put every giant, every freak that he knew his handpicked champions couldn't beat and he'd stick me on 'em. And I'd beat 'em, I destroyed 'em and I moved on. What I did for Vince McMahon was make his kingdom safe for himself and all of his handpicked champions. The whole time I knew that my time would come. And after I made his kingdom safe and there was no one l

July 6

Vince McMahon: What about it, Austin? Kane... Jerry Lawler: Look, look... [Kane takes off his mask to reveal it's the Undertaker underneath] Jim Ross: It's not Kane! [Austin is surprised] It's the Undertaker, it's the Undertaker... [the Undertaker makes a throat-slitting motion to Austin] the Undertaker's the No 1 contender!!!

July 27

Yamaguchi-san: Val Venis, look at me! Listen! Kaientai's gonna challenge you to a match next week. Val Venis, listen. After we win that match, I'll give you a big surprise to you! [gives mic to Dick Togo while Funaki readies a large salami roll on a wooden table. Yamaguchi-san slices it with a katana to his roaring delight.] Jim Ross: [stunned] That's, that's a pretty subtle message... Yamaguchi-san: I choppy-choppy your pee-pee!! HAHAHAA!!!

August 3

Jim Ross: What in the heck is going on here? Why did Taka do this? Taka Michinoku: [points to Mrs Yamaguchi-san] Sister! My sister!!! Jerry Lawler: What did he just say? My sister? Ross: Is Mrs Yamaguchi Taka Michinoku's sister? Lawler: That's what he's saying. Well, that explains it JR. I mean, she not only disgraced Yamaguchi-san, but Taka's entire family!

August 10

Jerry Lawler: Are you still hanging in there? Val Venis: Hello, ladies. You know tonight I come to you a humble man, half the man that I used to be, but you know, it's like they say - you live by the sword and you die by the sword. You know there's only one way to stop the mighty boa - and that's to sever it at the head. Well ladies, you better take a rain check on them new snakeskin boots, because - because - the Big Valbowski is alive and ready to bite, baby! Well you know something, thanks to a cold butcher's block, heh heh heh, and a little shrinkage, and of course my good friend, John Wayne Bobbitt, who just happened to cut the lights just at the appropriate time, the Big Valbowski is standing at full attention, cocked, rocked and ready to unload. John Wayne Bobbitt: We live on the edge - Val ordered a club soda with a slice and the bartender tried to cut us off. Lawler: John I don't want to cut you short - but I understand your ex-wife Lorena actually threw something out the wind

September 14

Val Venis: Repent? Repent for what, Dustin? Because I work hard? Or is it because I... play hard? Oh and by the way, Dustin, speaking of work, let me introduce you to my latest video, entitled, The Preacher's Wife. [TitanTron plays clip of The Preacher's Wife. A Film by Val Venis] Venis: [in video toting cigar in a hotel room bed] Hello Dustin. You know something, after you jumped me from behind last night, I was a little hurt. In fact, I even needed a little TLC. So after I got back to the hotel, I made a little phone call to the one person who could take my mind off all my aches and pains, and make the Big Valbowski stand proud once again. [Terri Runnels appears out of the blanket, implying she was giving Val head] Terri Runnels: Hi Dustin. [goes back under] Venis: and again, and again... [laughs] Dustin Runnels: [mouths off] My God... [breaks down kneeling with hands to his face] Venis: [laughs] I guess getting on your knees, Dustin, RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!!

September 28

Vince McMahon: Before I was so rudely interrupted, Undertaker and Kane, we were about to present the WWF Championship. However, if you recall, the deal was, Undertaker and Kane, you would get the title shot as long as you kept Stone Cold Steve Austin away from me. For three times, three times in less than a week, Austin has brutally attacked me!! Jerry Lawler: That's right. Vince McMahon: So let me say this, you didn't live up to your end of the deal, I'm not gonna live up to mine! [Undertaker glares at him] Jerry Lawler: What? What is he saying, J.R.? Vince McMahon: You're gonna have to fight for it! On the next pay-per-view, October 18, you two are gonna battle it out for the WWF Championship... Jim Ross: That's at Judgment Day in three weeks... McMahon: ...whether you like it or not. And by the way, since you can't seem to keep Stone Cold out of your business and mine, good, I'm gonna put him in it. Austin is gonna be the guest referee. Jim Ross: Oh my God in heaven. Jerry Lawler: W

October 5

Nurse: [to Mr. McMahon] It looks just fine to me. [to a doctor] How about you, doctor? Steve Austin: [disguising as a doctor] I'll take it from here, nurse. Vince McMahon: NO! McMahon: Get him off me! Get him off me!! Austin: [mumbles as he strips off Vince's shirt] How about your foot? [attacks Vince McMahon's injured ankle, on a cast at the foot of the bed. McMahon shrieks in pain] What do you think about that? Austin: Calling Dr. Austin--Get up, you piece of trash. Get up, you piece of sh- [manhandles Vince back to bed] Calling Dr Austin we got a emergency! McMahon: No, NOO!! Austin: [sets up defibrillator] Everybody clear [shocks Vince and stoomps on him on the floor] McMahon: [as Austin bends him over the bed and he gets an enema-like device connected to an IV drip] No! No please no!! No, help me, please! Austin: I've always known you were full of shit, Vince. You just bow down. This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me! [kayfabe jams device up Vince's butt. Vince screams lou

October 12

Jim Ross: What the hell is that? Jerry Lawler: What is that? Jim Ross: Is that...? Jerry Lawler: It's a cement truck, and it's Stone Cold Steve Austin driving it. Jim Ross: Oh my. Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the building. Jerry Lawler: What is that idiot doing? We've seen him driving a Zamboni, now he's driving around a cement truck? Jim Ross: Oh folks, this is going to get real interesting. The Rattlesnake is here. Is that going to make Mr. McMahon happy or not? We'll find out next.

October 12

Michael Cole: Stone Cold, what the hell are you doing? A cement truck? Steve Austin: You heard it. I've got an open invitation, so I don't know what you're worked up about. But what I will tell you, if I wanted to get that one-legged bastard, Vince McMahon, and tell him to get his ass out here, because what I'm going to do might create a bit of interest in the McMahon side of the family. Now get your ass out here because I've got some work to do and I want to check my equipment out.

October 12

Jim Ross: Wait a minute. Jerry Lawler: I knew it JR. He's trying to drive it right in here, then get ready to run. He'll run over us. Jim Ross: Wait a minute, there's... Lawler: Hey, wait a minute, don't run over Mr. McMahon's Corvette. Ross: I don't think he's... [sees Austin setting up the mixer's metal trough on the car] it doesn't look like he's going to run over it. Lawler: Wait a minute! Ross: Oh my God, I don't believe this. Lawler: You can't do that! Ross: I do not believe this, ladies and gentlemen. Lawler: Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon! Ross: That's one of the Corvettes in Mr. McMahon's collection. Lawler: That's a $50,000 car! No! J.R.! [cement mixture is poured into the car] NOOOO! Ross: Oh my God! Oh my! Austin is loading McMahon's car with cement. Vince McMahon: [watching it on the monitor] That's my Corvette!!!! Ross: McMahon's car is being loaded with cement. Lawler: Oh my God! Jim Ross: McMahon's prized Corvette, one of his collection, is being destroyed by the Rattlesnake.

October 12

Steve Austin: First off, I'd like to thank Mr. McMahon for the invitation here tonight. Well, I apologize to you, because I guess it must have been some mistake in the address that went to Austin 3:16 Construction Company. See, what you did, Vince, you screwed Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hell, son, it's easy to see that you submitted your own damn fate. Because you can rest assured that Stone Cold Steve Austin — as long as he's here right in the World Wrestling Federation and as long as you're here, too — I will make your life a living hell, and that's all I got to say about that! As far as this Sunday goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin, special referee... Hell, I'll be glad to put the striped shirt on, because I think I'd make a damn good referee for this match. If you think Stone Cold Steve Austin would make a damn good referee, give me a hell yeah! [audience reacts] I'll tell you this: After those two big bastards beat the living hell out of each other, you can bet your ass, that the only h

October 19

May I have your attention, please?! [crowd chants "Asshole!"] May I have your attention? I have a very important announcement to make as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation champion, as we speak. However, I assure you, that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series—as a matter of fact, I guarantee you... oh oh, there goes that word again: I guarantee you! Nonetheless, I guarantee you that on November 15 at the end of that evening we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night, at the Survivor Series, 16 WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion.

October 19

Undertaker: As you can plainly see, there has been a reconciliation made. Brother, Paul has come home to lead my Ministry of Darkness. And I'm sure that there is those who can't understand because they have no vision how I could align myself once more with such a despicable, evil, maniacal individual. Well if those aren't reasons enough, I don't guess I can explain it any better. What we have, is someone with vision. Someone who truly understands the power of the darkness. He allowed me to clear my head and refocus on what it is I'm here for. Now what we have is a beginning of a new era. And we will unleash with our Ministry of Darkness, a plague for which the World Wrestling Federation has never seen, nor will it be ever understood amongst those who do not relish in the darkness. So now, those of you, who do not declare, shall be declared! Paul Bearer: Kane, I used you boy. Ever since you were a little child, I took care of you like a pet, like a put dog on a leash. Just for special o

October 26

Vince McMahon: Against, against my volition, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here in this arena, tonight. Not only do I hold Stone Cold Steve Austin responsible for every single, reprehensible act he committed against me, I want all of you people to know, that I hold [points to audience] each and every one of you responsible as well! My God, what's the matter with you people? I've lost all faith in humanity! Where the hell are your values? Where are your morals!? Whatever happened to the Good Samaritan? Where were you in my hour of need? I'll tell you where you were: you were cheering for every act of humiliation Austin committed against me! You savored every violation, every liberty that Austin took against me, but what you enjoyed the most was when Austin forced me to go to the ring. He made me get down on my knees, he made me beg! He made me... [saddened] he made me cry! He made me urinate myself! [angry] And where were you? Where were any of you? No one came to my aid. [to stooges] Not

October 26

Shane McMahon: I don't listen to you anymore. I am an officer, more importantly, a stockholder of this company, and what you did to Stone Cold Steve Austin was wrong, Dad. You were wrong. Vince McMahon: [to the stooges] He's just a kid, he's just a kid! Shane: I just wanted to tell you personally that it was me. It was me, Dad, that hired Stone Cold back. Dad, it was me!... Hey, I guess I finally have your attention now, don't I? After 28 years, I FINALLY have your attention. I've seen superstars come, and I've seen superstars go, and why, Dad, why? Because it's always been about your ego! You said it yourself: no one's bigger than Vince McMahon, oh no! All my life, people have asked me, 'Boy, what's it like to be Vince McMahon's son? Wow, isn't that great?' And I have lied year after year after year... [gets more emotional] to protect you, to protect our family name. Well, the lying stops now! I'm tired of it!... You never cared about me! Everything—I couldn't do anything right for yo

November 2

Vince McMahon: I have it for you. [takes off black sheet] This is the WWF Hardcore Championship belt, and Mick, you've earned it. You've earned it. [Big Boss Man moves away to open a door] Mankind: [accepts title and laughs] I love it! [kisses belt] I gotta be honest with you, I love it! Vince: Just one thing. In some respects, I think I lost a son tonight... [puts hand on Mankind's shoulder] maybe I gained another. Mankind: Really? [Vince drives off] Gee thanks, Dad. [Vince stops, visibly irked. Leaves]

November 16

Vince McMahon: Thank you for that warm Kentucky reception! Last night at the Survivor Series, my son Shane and I proved that whoever it was that said 'you can't fool all of the people all of the time' was a damn fool. A damned fool is someone who insists on doing things the hard way. A damned fool is someone who embraces middle class ethics and values. And a damned fool, a damned fool is someone who doesn't pucker up and kiss the boss' ass. Now now now wait a minute, now don't tell me all of you don't kiss the boss' ass, I know you do, you probably don't just kiss it enough! Right now, I would like to introduce you to someone who certainly is no damn fool, oh no, he's not the People's Champion, he never was; he's always been MY Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation Champion - the CORPORATE Champion - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROCK! [The Rock comes to the ring] Ladies and gentlemen, listen up to the Rock! The Rock: You know Mr. McMahon, all day long the Rock's p

November 23

The Undertaker: [to Austin as Paul Bearer patches him up] I hope that you could hear me, because what you're about to experience is the worst imaginable pain and horror that you could ever endure. You see there, Austin? When one understands it, they become ageless. They become deathless. They become immortal!! [begins sacrificial oration] Satana, badala, anda ov satana [picks up trocar and prepares to stab Austin] Satana, nadala, anail, nathrak, dorthnei, diednei [knock on door and Paul Bearer answers] Paul Bearer: [sees who it is] Kane!!!

December 7

Steve Austin: For the last few months, here in the World Wrestling Federation, with the title or without, Vince McMahon has seen fit to throw everything that he can at Stone Cold Steve Austin and somehow I've always managed to scrape by. That's all fine and well, but six days from now at Rock Bottom in a Buried Alive match, in my opinion, the stakes are stacked higher than they've ever been for Stone Cold Steve Austin. Undertaker, you come out here, talk about sacrificing me, about wanting my soul, you hit me in the head with a shovel, you tried to bury me, you tried to embalm me and none of that worked... in the Ministry of Stone Cold Steve Austin, at Rock Bottom, you can bet your ass that you can expect no mercy from Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that's all I got to say about that! Undertaker: [voiceover] Austin, we've traveled down the highway to hell, and our journey has enlightened us on a few matters. One, you're helpless against my Ministry, and the other is I can take your rotti

December 28

Hello, ladies! You know something? For the next couple of days, [points to right leg] this leg will be known as Christmas, and [points to left leg] this leg will be known as New Years. So ladies, why don't y'all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.

January 4

DLo Brown: Now what you need to do, you need to back up, you two glorified ring rats!!! You need to keep your damn distance, especially after what you did to Mark Henry last week! You damn sure recognize and damn sure lucky that I'm a gentleman otherwise- [DX music kicks in and Chyna comes to the ring] Chyna: He may be a gentleman but I'm not, and I'm telling you [to Jackie] for the first time, for the last time - [to Terri whose back is to her] look at me when I'm talking to you, the ONLY TIME... [points to Mark Henry] Stay away from my man! Chyna: Next time, I'm not gonna be so ladylike! [to Mark] And I'll see you later.

January 4

The Rock: I'm the damn champ. How could you just give in so damn easy? Regardless of who it is, I'm not even ready, the Rock doesn't have his clothes, he got nothing... [Shane and Vince talk over him] Shane McMahon: He nearly broke my left shoulder. Vince McMahon: It's my son, dammit! The Rock: The Rock doesn't have his clothes. I'm the champ and then now all of a sudden, I gotta face Mankind?! Vince: It's my son!! The Rock: I know it's your damn son but dammit I... Vince: [as they all walk to the backstage] Go get ready, you're a champion! C'mon, get ready, you're a champion!

January 4

Michael Cole: DX and the Corporate Team are going at it! Jerry "The King" Lawler: Look out! [Glass shatters] What?! Oh no! Cole: Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here! Lawler: Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here! Cole: Stone Cold with a chair! [Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock] He pulled Mankind on The Rock! Lawler: [as Hebner counts] No! No! [Three count] Don't do it! [arena erupts] Tony Chimel: Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind! Lawler: [over the announcement] Oh my God, no! Cole: Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it! Lawler: No, Stone Cold did it! Cole: Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, "you can't do it"! Lawler: No! You can't do it! You can't do this!

January 4

Mankind: At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say...BIG DADDIO DID IT! Jerry Lawler: This is the blackest day in the history of the WWF!!

January 11

Undertaker: They laid me down in a grave as if it would be my final resting place, filling it with the Earth's rotting soil. They tried to destroy me, wishing I would just go away. But what is it? What have they really done? The simple minds of mortal men... they sent me back to the place that is my origin. Destroy me? The more they try, the more powerful I've become. And now, I've risen from my earthy grave and I will slay the ones I once saved. The reckoning is upon us. The day that the Ministry of Darkness seizes the land, destroys all that you hold dear, make play things of your heroes and devours your innocence. The plague of darkness is coming; an all encompassing evil from which there is no escape, no mercy, no hope. Its called the future. And in the future, I will look down upon thee and I will decide whether you are an Agent of Darkness, or are you just mere kindling for my fires. The Power of Darkness shall be offered only to a chosen few. And those that resist the temptation

January 18

Poor wretched souls. Your world is polluted with rotting souls. Seven nights past, you witnessed one of these souls become one with the power of the Darkness. Mideon - he was once a forgotten face in a vast ocean of individuals abused by the corrupt politics of your world. Now, he sees what you cannot. He feels what you cannot. Seven nights ago, Dennis Knight ceased to exist and Mideon was given everlasting life. As was all of my Ministry. Tonight, I speak a prophecy - and what I will shall be done. The sacrifices are not over. And the ceremony has been scheduled. For all who walk on the mortal side of life, take heed: On January 24th, the next sacrificial lamb will be led to slaughter, and your simple minds won't allow you to believe who the next victim will be. So attend if you dare, resist - and you subject yourself to agonising pain and extreme suffering. So until we meet again, accept the Lord of Darkness as your saviour! Allow the purity of evil to guide you!

January 25

Mr. McMahon: Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble! Jerry "The King" Lawler: I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again! McMahon: And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin. Lawler: Good. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here! Michael Cole: Hey! Lawler: What? McMahon: [surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you? Austin: [on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch! McMahon: You're— you're up where? Where are you? Austin: I'm in Texas. McMahon: Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't

February 15

Paul Bearer: You don't hear the fat man talk too much these days unless I have something very important to say, so I suggest you listen. And you - owner of the World Wrestling Federation, Vincent K. McMahon - bring your butt off that pedestal that you built for yourself and listen to the Lord of Darkness. Undertaker: McMahon, in time, your World Wrestling Federation will belong to me. One by one, they will all fall before my Ministry. Last night, the Bossman received just a small sample of the power I possess. Last night, Bossman, we let you go. Next time, you won't be so lucky. What we did, Mr. McMahon, is we went to the heart and soul of your Corporation and we took him out. Just to let you know that we can take anybody, any time we desire. And there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, Mr. McMahon, how can I be so confident? How can I succeed when all others have failed? It's simple. I own the key to your heart, and your soul. While you w

February 22

The battle has been joined. My agents of darkness are poised to unleash my reign of terror on the World Wrestling Federation. All in the name of my master. McMahon, you think you have problems with Austin. Oh, but your problems, they've just begun. And the audacity. Do you think you can actually eliminate me with an Inferno Match? Don't you realize there's some flames that can't be extinguished? And the Lord of Darkness is one of them. Soon McMahon, you will realize that I am your worst nightmare. And by the way, tonight, I intend on showing you just how serious I am with my threat. Tonight, if you like, you can even call it a surprise. McMahon, the World Wrestling Federation will be mine.

March 22

Jerry Lawler: [seeing Vince totally drenched] Look at Mr McMahon. That's a $3,000 suit! Michael Cole: It was a $3,000 suit! Billy Gunn: Tonight is the night when the New Age Outlaws see who is the best of the best. You see, it's called competitiveness, and that's what made the New Age Outlaws what they are today—the best tag team to ever step foot in the World Wrestling Federation. But tonight, Mr. Ass is walking out with the Intercontinental Title and the Hardcore Title. Sorry. Road Dogg: Well, don't be sorry, because the D-O-double-G lives his life all or nothing, and tonight he's gonna walk away with A-double-L. So Mr. A-double-crooked-letter, I'll see your ass at ringside. Gunn: [sotto voce] Yep, and you'll walk out with nothing like when I found you.

March 29

You know, one year ago tonight, I came back here to the World Wrestling Federation. I came back because I got a call from a friend. He said, "Kid, DX has fallen apart. Please come help hold this thing together." Well, it's been a hell of a ride! Along with the New Age Outlaws, we've kicked ass and taken names for a year straight!

April 26

Vince McMahon: I don't mean to interrupt, but, I guess maybe I do. This is not easy for me, but...what I'm trying to say...to make a long story short, I need your help. Stone Cold Steve Austin: You said— You said what? You need my help? Is that what you said? Vince McMahon: I need your help. The Undertaker has my daughter, Stephanie, and I need your help. Stone Cold Steve Austin: You got to clear this up exactly for me. What are you trying to say? Just go ahead and say something, 'cause you ain't making no sense. Vince McMahon: Well...this isn't— It's not anything personal. I know that you don't like me and I know you never will.

April 26

Vince McMahon: And the feeling is somewhat mutual, but...it's not about you and me. This is personal and it involves my daughter Stephanie. And Steve, you can help me. Stone Cold Steve Austin: With all due respect, to you and your little daughter— Hell, son, I've got a million problems of my own. So as far as I'm concerned, I really don't give a rat's ass about your problems. Vince McMahon: But Steve, The Undertaker has made...he's made some demands. He's asked for some documentation and that's all right with me, I don't care about the documentation. But he's made other demands. He's demanded that, instead of me delivering the documentation to him, he's demanded that you deliver that documentation to him, and if you do that I really believe that everything will be fine with my daughter Stephanie, and I think you can understand from my point of view as a father. Stone Cold Steve Austin: What you're saying is— What you're saying is Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin! That's what

April 26

Stone Cold Steve Austin: So if that's true...if that is true that Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, then that's what I want you to say to me. Say it to me: "Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin." Vince McMahon: Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold Steve Austin: That all sounds real good Vince, but hell, you must think that I have a real horrible memory because the last 15 months, every single night I come to work, you see fit to put my life, make my life a living hell, and I will give you credit, you have done one helluva job.

April 26

Stone Cold Steve Austin never forgets one single thing that happens right here in the World Wrestling Federation. So...since Vince McMahon needs Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'll say this. By the same token, Stone Cold Steve Austin needs Vince McMahon...

April 26

...to kiss his ass, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!!

April 26

Undertaker: Before the ceremony begins, I must address the McMahon family, I am not to blame for what is about to happen here. Vince, this rests upon your shoulders, because you did not live up to your end of the agreement. And Steve Austin, well I guess, showed his true colors as well. Paul, let the ceremony begin. Paul Bearer: Dearly unbeloved, we gather here this evening to join Stephanie Marie McMahon, in the unholy wedlock with the Lord of Darkness. Tonight, Stephanie Marie McMahon will step from the light of this evil, cesspool, mortal world, into the sanctuary of eternal darkness. Keeping this in mind, will you, Stephanie Marie McMahon accept the purity of evil and take the Lord of Darkness as your master and your spouse? Stephanie McMahon: No! NOOO!!! Bearer: Lord of Darkness, is it your intent to accept Stephanie Marie McMahon, her body, her mind, her soul, and even her breath unto yourself, [Taker lightly reaches for her neck] and allow her to bear your offspring? Stephanie:

May 24 (RAW Is Owen)

Jim Ross: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the sold out Kiel Center here in St. Louis. As you can see, WWF superstars, scores of superstars lining up to pay tribute to the life and the times of the late Owen Hart, who died last night in a tragic accident at Over the Edge in Kansas City. Vince McMahon: [narrating] Last night, a tragic accident took the life of Owen Hart. He was 34. There are no words that can express the profound sorrow felt today by so many of us who knew and loved this very special human being. Fans throughout the world shared a small portion of Owen's life through his various ring personas, but to know Owen Hart, the human being was pure joy. Owen loved this business and loved to entertain both in it, and out of the ring. He was a consummate performer, and a legendary prankster. In the extended family of professional wrestlers, respect does not come easily, and is not taken lightly. Owen Hart had that respect. He was more than just one of the boys. O

May 24 (RAW Is Owen)

Billy Gunn: If you're not down with Owen Hart, I got two words for ya... Crowd: SUCK IT!

June 7

Jim Ross: The Undertaker's on top, he got caught at the hand of the Big Show. Jerry Lawler: [as Big Show signals for the chokeslam] He said he was gonna do it- he's doing it!! Ross: The chokeslam, [Undertaker breaks through the ring] oh- Lawler and Ross: OH MY GOD!!! Ross: Right through the ring!! The Big Show chokeslammed the Undertaker all the way to hell! Lawler: What? Ross: [as Earl Hebner calls for the bell] All the way through the ring! They're both down!!! The Big Show and the Undertaker are both down! [bell still rings as Big Show kicks Undertaker before leaving the hole] The match is over! The match has been stopped! Lawler: What? Ross: The ring has been destroyed... Lawler: Look at that! Ross: ...by the damndest chokeslam I've ever seen!

August 9

Chris Jericho: Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! And I am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Federation. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Chris Jericho, your new hero, your party host, and most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a television screen. And for those of you who DO know me, well, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a! The Rock: ...After three boring minutes, The Rock says, "Know Your Role, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" How dare you little jabroni come on The Rock Show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name? Chris Jericho: I told you-- The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! The Rock says you talk about your Y2J plan? Well, The Rock has a plan of his own, and it's called the K-Y Jelly plan. Which...which means The Rock is gonna lube his size 13 boot real good. Turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK it straight up your candy ass! If you smelllll...what The Rock...is cooking.

August 23

Billy Gunn: Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen. Chyna: I don't have one. Billy Gunn: All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen. Jerry Lawler: [as Billy walks away] Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract. Chyna: Okay. Jerry: Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract. Michael Cole: Look! Chyna's got a pen! Jerry: What's she doing?! Cole: [as Chyna signs and runs away] She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship!

September 20

You know, these Dudley Boys come into the World Wrestling Federation trying to make a name out of themselves by taking on us. You know, they come out here and they spout their commandments. Well, we got three commandments too, it's real simple. #1—Thou shalt not drink our beer; #2—Thou shalt not mess with our rats; and #3—I guess Public Enemy didn't tell them, Thou shalt not cut a promo on the Acolytes!

November 8

Big Boss Man: Hold on just one minute! Jim Ross: What the hell does he want King? Jerry Lawler: Well I have no idea. Boss Man: How dare you start the grieving process without me? I've got feelings too! It pains me deeply to hear that the Big Show's dad has passed on. In fact it pains me so deeply I went out and bought a sympathy card, and I'd like to read it to you, if I could. Lawler: Sympathy card? Ross: The disingenuous... [Boss Man gets the card] Lawler: This is not good. Ross: No it isn't. Boss Man: Shut up and listen to me. With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked, I'm sorry to hear your dad finally croaked. He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms. But if I could have a son as stupid as you, I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too. So be brave and be strong. Get your life on track. 'Cause the old bastard's dead and he ain't never coming back! Ross: I am not believing what we are hearing here. Boss Man: That's exactly how I f

December 20

Hello Ladies!! You know something, ladies, you are a lot like Christmas trees. You know, you smell good. You're pretty to look at, but you never really feel special until I [makes thrusting motion] PLUG IT IN and light you up!

January 24

Triple H: Show me the proof and it's yours. [The Rock's entrance music kicks in and he appears] The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Philadelphia! Triple H, The Rock says this - seeing as he just won the Royal Rumble, it officially makes your days as the WWF Champion, numbered. Translation, at WrestleMania, The Rock is just gon' kick your monkey ass. [to Big Show as crowd chants "Rocky!"] Now, onto you. Seven feet, five hundred pounds of whinin' bitchin' moanin' [mock whining] 'Oh The Rock's feet touched the ground first [normal voice] well The Rock says it doesn't MATTER if The Rock's feet touched the ground first! The Rock says this, it doesn't matter if The Rock's feet touched the ground, it doesn't matter where The Rock's feet touched, the ground, the mat, or straight up your big fat candyass! This ain't the NFL - there is no instant replay - the only thing that matters RIGHT NOW is The Rock has won the Royal Rumble, The Rock is going to WrestleMania, and The Rock stands be

January 31

Jim Ross: [sees Snow greet some people who just came down] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute! My God, that's... that's Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko! Jerry "The King" Lawler: What are they doing here tonight? Jim: What the hell is going on here? Those four guys... Well, King, we know it's all over the Internet they thumbed their noses at their last employer! Jerry: Well, I know that. They walked out on that Ted Turner organization, but what are they doing here? Jim: I know the WWF's been negotiating with those four superstars, but they've not signed any contracts that I'm aware of. Jerry: Well, they haven't signed any contracts yet, so maybe they're just here to... They're just sitting at ringside, maybe they're here to get a bird's-eye view of the competition. Jim: Well, all I'd say that's a pretty radical strategy on their part, wouldn't you think? It was radical enough that they walked out on their last employer because it was a lousy pla

February 7

Triple H: Hell in the Cell? All right - Hell in the Cell, you got a deal - but one stipulation. Cactus Jack: You name it. Triple H: I will go through Hell in the Cell with you - BUT I WANT YOUR CAREER ON THE LINE. If I beat you at Hell in the Cell, you are finished. You retire. Your career is over, and that means YOU, Mick Foley, which includes Dude Love, which includes Mankind, which includes Cactus Jack - you are finished - you are done - it is OVER. Cactus Jack: So you want my career - you want my career! Well, let's talk about my career for just a minute. You know what I have done, Triple H, in my career? I have done it all! Three-time WWF Champion - eight times WWF tag team champion! The original Hardcore Champion! And the King of the Japanese Death Match! So I tell you once again Triple H - you want my career? I have done it all except for one thing - in 15 years that I have dedicated my life to this sport there is only one thing that keeps me awake at night and that is - I have

March 6

Michael Cole: Rock, based on your actions of earlier tonight, Shane and Stephanie have placed you inside a steel cage against Chris Benoit. [crowd chants Rocky!] The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Springfield! Shane and Stephanie, you think The Rock was just gonna sit here in the back and not reacquaint The Big Show and Triple H with their old friend, the Rock Bottom? You think The Rock was gonna do that, and did you think for one single solitary second that you solved all your problems by placing The Rock inside of a steel cage against Chris Benoit? Well The Rock says this, tonight, make no mistake about it. The Rock likes the steel cage. The Rock loves the steel cage. And The Rock says this. The Rock says this. The Rock has no hidden agenda. The Rock's agenda is open for the world to see. The Rock hides nothing, unlike you, Shane, Stephanie, Big Show, all of ya! The Rock realizes you probably got a hidden agenda for tonight's match. The Rock realizes that. But make no mista

April 17

Chris Jericho: [to Triple H] So you're telling me, Triple H, that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because that match never took place? You're telling me that I have to give up the World Wrestling Federation title because these Jericho-holics never saw me beat you in the middle of that ring for this championship? Well, I guess we can all believe that. So I guess it's also not true that your wife Stephanie has not slept with half the boys in that locker room. [Stephanie coldly glares at him] I guess that we can't believe that either. Triple H: I'm a man of my word, Earl. I will not lay a hand on you as long as you're a World Wrestling Federation referee. Oh and by the way: YOUR ASS IS FIRED! [does the Pedigree on Earl] Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: Unfair, mom? You wanna know what's unfair is you hopping on a little plane... [angry at Slut! chants] hopping on a little plane, thinkging you can come down to this ring, to the World Wrestling Federatiton and start making

June 12

Vince McMahon: We accept, we accept! You think you're gonna embarrass me?!? Huh?!?! You think you can come out here and put me in a position where you're gonna embarrass me in front of all these people, that's not gonna happen! I don't give a damn what match you make at the King of the Ring, I don't care what match you make tonight, tomorrow night, or any other night! Linda McMahon: Well, if that's the case, Vince, how about tonight? [let's sink in] If that's the case yeah, Triple H, you'll defend the World Wrestling Federation Championship... [as HHH seethes] against an opponent of my choosing. Vince: [brushes off HHH's protests] That's it? You got it! Triple HHH defends his WWF title tonight, and okay he doesn't know who his opponent is. Even so, he'll do it even it's not fair and [points at her] you know damn well it's not! Linda: Not fair? Well, if you don't think that's fair, you're probably not gonna like this either. Because there's another championship that needs to be defended

October 2

The Rock: Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa. The Rock is not done. You see, Mick Foley, the Rock is in a very giving mood as well. Now Kane, since you just wanna find things... Benoit, all you wanna do is prove things. Well, the Rock is gonna make both of you very happy men tonight. You see, before you and Kane face the Rock and Rikishi, the Rock wants you to do this - the Rock wants you to go find a very quiet place tonight. You two together, nobody else, you two by yourselves, go find a nice quiet place where you can be alone. And all your dreams can come true. All your dreams can come true - your dream, Kane, of finding things - your dream, Benoit, of proving things will come true, and this is how you do it: Benoit, when you're by yourself with Kane, pull your pants down [Benoit is blocked by the referees from coming down to the ring] go ahead Benoit, pull your pants down, and prove to Kane that you're not a woman!... and Kane, since you just wanna find things, you go ahead a

October 9

I've come out here in the past, I made wild accusations, but that’s not going to happen tonight. I promised to deliver the person, who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I will! Fortunately, my announcement will conclude what has undoubtedly been the worst week of my professional career. Unfortunately, all of the evidence points to you, Rock. It was your rental car that ran down Stone Cold, only your fingerprints, only your DNA were found inside the car. Hell, a pair of The Rock's sunglasses were found inside the glove box. And as Linda McMahon herself stated, no one else had as much to gain by Stone Cold's departure, did they, Rock? No, with Stone Cold out of the way, who sold the T-shirts, who picked up the media appearences, whose book went to number one, who showed up on television, who got movie roles? You have not fooled me, Rock, and therefore right here in Anaheim, California, in the case of who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series, Mick Foley finds The Rock..

October 9

Okay. I did it. In case, you didn't hear, I admit. I did it. I ran over Austin. And you ask, why? I didn't do it for me. No, I didn't do it for me. I did it for... The Rock! [The Rock is surprised] You see, Rock, I took your keys out of your bag that night, when I went to go check into the hotel. And when I jumped into the car, I saw Stone Cold Steve Austin standing in the middle of the parking lot all alone. And suddenly, everything flashed right through my eyes.

October 23

Kurt Angle: People, I ask you, what do you consider to be a successful year? For most people, a successful year would be maybe earning a little extra money, or getting a promotion, or maybe spending a little extra time with your families and loved ones. With all respect, that's a bunch of garbage. It's true, it's true. I know that people have obstacles to overcome in their lives. For most people, it's overcoming poverty; for some people, it's overcoming impossible odds, like having accomplished something in your life, being born in a city like Hartford, Connecticut. [Shakes Stephanie's hand] Good job, Steph. Good job. For me, it was accomplishing more in one year than most people will ever accomplish in their whole entire lives. Crowd: [chanting] ASSHOLE! Kurt Angle: [to the crowd] Would you keep it down for a second please?

November 6

Jim Ross: Stone Cold's got Rikishi. [Austin knocks Rikishi onto the apron] And Rikishi knocked to the apron with a right hand. Jerry Lawler: Run, Kurt, run! Ross: Triple H standing there and -- [Triple H suddenly hits Austin with a sledgehammer] MY GOD! OH MY GOD TRIPLE H JUST HIT AUSTIN IN THE FACE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER! Lawler: WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS?! Ross: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! Lawler: I'm in shock and I don't know it -- what are you doing?! Ross: The Game didn't come out here to help Austin! Triple H is putting on a black, Lawler: Wait a minute. Ross: A black glove, what is that? Lawler: What does that mean? [Triple H sucker punches Austin] Ross: In the head with a sledgehammer! [Triple H starts repeatedly punching Austin] And now The Game assaulting the Texas Rattlesnake! Lawler: Look out! Look at this! Get help! Someone get out here! Ross: My God in heaven! Why is this happening?! Triple H is beating the holy hell out of Stone Cold Steve Austin! Lawler: I ca

December 4

Finally, The Rock has come back to New Jersey! Just as sure as for the very first time, Kevin Kelly, The Rock stood here right in this arena and called [points at] you an ugly hermaphrodite is just as sure as this Sunday night, at Armageddon, The Rock will be at Hell in a Cell. This is gonna the most brutal match The Rock has ever been in. The dangerousest match The Rock has ever been in. The Hell in a Cell. And it doesn't matter, Kevin Kelly, what you call it. Whether it's called a Hell in a Cell, or Rage in a Cage, Painus in Uranus, the only thing that matters is that The Rock is going in this Sunday night, to do exactly what he does best - layeth the smacketh down and get back The Rock's WWF title.

December 4

[crouches down at Vince] Vince... jeez, not a good day isn't it? I mean, you've been Stone Cold Stunnered, you've been Rock Bottomed, hell you even went for the Last Ride! So I guess, there's really only one thing left to do. [pulls out Mr Socko and goes around the ring before going down on one knee. mouths off Mr Socko in tinny voice] Kiss my fat ass, Vince [normal voice] and have a nice day!

December 18

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: Stop! Stop it! Stop beating up on Mick Foley. Mick I hope you're alright because I got something that could change your life forever. I hold in my hand documents from the Board of Directors that could very well change the face of the WWF forever. These papers clearnly state that since my mother, Linda McMahon, the CEO of the World Wrestling Federation, has been deemed mentally incompetent that the Board of Directors has no other alternative than to grant full power and authority of the CEO's office... [looks at Foley] to [changes voice] my dad! [Vince's face regains color as Stephanie give her the papers] Congratulations, daddy! It's official! Vince McMahon: That's my baby girl, huh! Sorry, Linda, if you're in the hospital watching, business is business and since I now have complete and total full authority over the World Wrestling Federation, that means Mr McMahon is back! So therefore, with the power that is invested in me, Vincent K McMahon, it is my duty

February 19

Kevin Kelly: Kurt, we saw what you did to The Rock on SmackDown! and we know your history together. Talk about where this hatred of The Rock comes from. Kurt Angle: Kevin, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told a living soul before. When it comes to The Rock, I am jealous. It's true, I am. And why shouldn't I be? Do you have any idea what it's like to train for the Olympics? To put in years of your life for the privilege of honoring your country, representing the people, and then to defy the odds and actually bring home the gold, and then come here to the WWF, to a chorus of boos? While a guy like The Rock, a guy who couldn't and wouldn't represent his country, even if he wanted to, get standing ovations in every city across this country? It hurts. It hurts me right here. I am everything that The Rock is not. I'm kind, courteous, considerate, and yet he's the hero? Why is that, Kevin? Kelly: Kurt, the reality is for whatever the reason, The Rock is the people's champion. Angle: K

March 5

Jim Ross: Hello again, everybody, and welcome to the World Wrestling Federation. We're live here in D.C., I'm Jim Ross, and... Paul Heyman: They already know who you are, so tell them who I am now. Jim Ross: I'm joined by Paul Heyman. Paul Heyman: You're joined by Paul Heyman, because last Tuesday night, The Kat was released by the WWF, and her husband Jerry "The King" Lawler, to his credit, walked out right alongside with her. But where there's chaos, J.R., there is opportunity. And tonight, just like TNN threw off ECW for the WWF, the King is gone, and in his chair is Paul E., and the E is for EXTREME! How's that? Not bad, huh? Jim Ross: I don't know what I did to deserve this...

March 26

Vince McMahon: [points to monitors] Well now here's the WWF, and here's WCW, there's Jeff Jarrett, and here we have the owner of the World Wrestling Federation - and now the owner of WCW. That's right, I, Vince McMahon, I have purchased - I own, my own competition and tonight, I have the ability to address WWF fans as to what this means. I have the ability to address WCW stars as to what this means to them, and yes, I have the ability to address WCW fans to what this actually means to them as well. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a special simulcast, and let me say for sure, [puts up index finger] one man will make history, [thumbs up at himself] and that's me. Vince McMahon. Now, as far as the Jeff Jarretts of the world are concerned, you know how Jeff spells his name "that's J-E-double-F"? Well, you know what hmm I would suspect that we'd spell it a different way after tonight, that would be "capital G, double-O, double-N, double-E... GONE"! Paul Heyman: [as Vince McMahon c

April 2

Vince McMahon: In a moment, the official presentation of the WWF Championship belt. You know, but I couldn't help but earlier own detect, well, for the first time ever, I couldn't detect a few, couldn't help but detect a few boos when Stone Cold Steve Austin's name was mentioned and quite frankly... quite frankly, I don't appreciate it, but sometimes it doesn't - doesn't matter what I really appreciate. I am perplexed, though, because at WrestleMania, when Austin won the title -with a little help perhaps from Vince McMahon- you all cheered, so I don't understand, I don't understand why you wouldn't continue to cheer and support Stone Cold Steve Austin after all he's done for you through the years. I... I don't understand this, I mean after all, Austin didn't do anything that any of you don't do on a daily basis. Let's face it - I mean, with the exception of yours truly, every single person in this building has a boss - every single one of you. And by the way, you suck up to your bosses

June 18

Undertaker! Like the Diamond Cutter, you never saw it comin'! Now those of you who know me are asking yourself the question why? Why did I, why did Diamond Dallas Page go after the Undertaker like this? Well I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya exactly why. Because if you wanna make an impact in this business, you go after the biggest, the meanest, the baddest dog in the yard. And once you find that dog, if you wanna get the very best of him, you make it personal - real personal. And then, hey, you find that dog's weakness. Well Taker, you are obviously that dog. And you've been telling people for years that this ring, right here, is your yard. We'll see.

June 25

Billy (Gunn), since you're not really doing anything lately, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. If, in two years' time at the King of the Ring, I'm not defending a title or even in a match, and my very special assignment is to go to WWF New York and eat a meatball sandwich, then please just shoot me in the head.

June 25

Al Snow: [walking backstage] Did you see Tough Enough last Thursday? Hardcore Holly: As a matter of fact, I did, and Al, you did a great job, even though I should've been there to help. Al Snow: I couldn't agree more...hey, what...what's going on here? Faarooq: Hey, guys, guys, listen up. WCW, now here's a company that, when you came knocking, that wouldn't answer their door for you; here's a company that wouldn't return your phone calls; here's a company that said you wasn't [sic] talented enough to work for them. Then all of the sudden, when the wells run dry and they have to pay for those million and a half dollar homes and those brand new BMWs, those brand new Mercedes, they come running their asses here for us to save 'em. Well, guess what. This is the WWF. We all helped build this house. Now all of the sudden, they want a piece of the pie? I say hell no. Bradshaw: WCW wants to walk into our house, a house we built, a house you all built? You guys are on the World Wrestling Federa

July 9

Jim Ross: Jericho's got the Walls! [Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer enter from the crowd and attack Kane and Jericho, with Storm and Awesome joining in] Hey, wait a minute. What the hell? Hey, that's Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer! They're former ECW guys! Paul Heyman: Yes, they are! Jim Ross: What the hell are they doing here? There's security; get these guys outta here! What the... what is this?! The 4-on-2, this... there's two WCW guys... Paul, what the hell is this about? Paul: You tell me. It's Rob Van Dam! RVD! Jim Ross: Well, business is picking up here! Here comes the WWF backup! [Tazz, Raven, Rhyno, Justin Credible, and the Dudley Boyz enter the ringing facing off against RVD, Dreamer, Storm, and Awesome] And now business will change! The WWF guys are here! Paul: [pause] Yes, they are. Jim Ross: The ring is full of WWF spirit! Paul: [as the six turn around towards Kane and Jericho] WOO! Feel it, JR! Feel this moment for the rest of your life! Feel it. Jim Ross: Wait, what is this

July 9

Well, I guess now it's time, JR, that you want the truth! So, JR, tonight, I'm gonna give you the whole damn truth! I have been sitting, I have been sitting like a damn corporate sellout next to that damn pig! And I have been talking, I have been talking about WWF vs. WCW. I have been spilling my guts about this invasion. And it seems to me like everybody has forgotten the Tribe of Extreme. It seems to me like these men were too extreme for WWF vs. WCW. It seems to me that [pointing to Mike Awesome and Lance Storm] this man and this man have left Shane McMahon's WCW. It looks to me that these six men have left Vince McMahon's WWF. It looks to me like they all have joined [joined by the crowd] E... C... W!

July 9

Shane McMahon: Hey Dad, you want to know what is going on? Can't you see what is happening? I said I could never ever compete with your checkbook, but I can outsmart you and that's exactly what I've done tonight. That's exactly what we did tonight. You see Dad back in the locker room you told me that I will be personally responsible for everything that happens out here tonight. And you know what Dad, you're right. I'm personally responsible for all of this. I'm personally responsible for WCW. I am personally responsible for ECW being here tonight. Paul Heyman: How do you like that Vince? HUH!? How do you like it now!?!? Shane: And I am personally responsible for the MERGER of WCW and ECW coming together tonight! So, Dad, at Invasion, this new entity, WCW and ECW is gonna kick the WWF's ass! Oh yeah, I got one more thing for you, one more. And I am also personally responsible and privileged to introduce you to the new owner of ECW. I believe you know this person quite well. Ladies and g

July 16

Stephanie McMahon: I'm so excited for Booker T to rip off Chris Jericho's head tonight and again this Sunday, at Invasion! Paul Heyman: I love her enthusiasm [to Shane McMahon] Shane, think about it. This Sunday at Invasion Inaugural Brawl, it's our five best against their five best and their very best, Stone Cold Steve Austin, ain't at his best anymore now, is he? Shane McMahon: Now let's get down to out five best that we're in agreement. [counts on fingers] Booker T. Heyman: Right. Shane: DDP... Heyman: Right. Shane: The Dudley Boyz, and Rhyno... Heyman: GORE! GORE! GORE! [Stephanie is surprised] Shane: ...will represent us this Sunday. Stephanie: WCW and ECW. Shane: This Sunday, sports entertainment as we know it, the course of it, will be changed forever. Vince McMahon: All right guys, listen up here for a minute, please. Faarooq: Hey, hey. I'm sure y'all saw what happened here tonight. Look, they still don't damn get it. But you know what, tonight we're gonna show their asses that

July 23

Vince McMahon: Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for the WCW/ECW Alliance, for their victory at Invasion. I'd like to remind The Alliance, however, that victory was but one battle. I'm confident that we here in the World Wrestling Federation will win many battles and ultimately win the war. Jim Ross: Damn right. McMahon: However I admit the stealing of Stone Cold Steve Austin was like dropping an atomic bomb. But then again, if it's nuclear warfare you want, it's nuclear warfare you're gonna get. Because tonight, I'm gonna drop a little bomb of my own. You see tonight, I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago. Tonight, I'm gonna lift the suspension of a certain WWF superstar. Michael Cole: Uh-oh. McMahon: Tonight, tonight I'm gonna reinstate a certain WWF superstar. Tonight, I'm gonna reinstate The Rock! Cole: Yeah! All right! Ross: Listen to that ovation for The Rock! McMahon: I know, I know that just because, just because I wanna reinstate The Rock, I know t

July 30

Finally...The Rock HAS COME BACK...to the WWF!

August 27

Finally, The Rock has come back to Grand Rapids! Shane McMahon, just so the Rock understands this: The Rock supposedly doesn't care about the history of the WCW? The Rock doesn't care about history of the WCW title? Well The Rock knows damn well the history of the WCW title. The Rock knows that the title traces back to Frank Gotch, Lou Thesz, Ricky Steamboat, and - woooooooooo! - Ric Flair! The Rock also knows damn well, what in recent years the WCW title has come to... Diamond Dallas Page? Booker T? The guy from Scream 2, the dog from Married with Children, the maid from The Jeffersons! Shane McMahon, this WCW title is just like your sister, everybody gets [makes finger-petting motion] a turn!

September 24

Michael Cole: Last night at Unforgiven, you successfully defended your WCW title, but no rest for the weary, because tonight you will defend that title, yet again, this time against Rob Van Dam. The Rock: Finally, The Rock has come back to Columbus! [crowd cheers] You see, last night was a very special night for The Rock. Handicap match, The Rock, Booker T, Shane O'Mac, The Rock walked in to Unforgiven the WCW Champion, The Rock walked out Unforgiven the WCW Champion! [crowd cheers] But tonight is a very special night as well. You see, tonight will mark the first time, FIRST TIME, The Rock will defend his WCW title against Rob Van Dam. But that's not the only reason why tonight is a very special night. You see, on this night, 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself, came something so terrifying! So horrifying, it sends chills up and down men's bodies all over the world! Tonight marks the birth of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. And you know, Stephanie, a word of warni

October 29

Jim Ross: [after Vince McMahon knocks down his son, Shane, with a trash can]: Can Vince make the cover? [suddenly Alliance members Booker T and Test come out to the ring to attack Vince] Wait a minute, there's...there's that damn Booker T and Test! Those bastards! [The Undertaker and Kane then arrive to even the odds] And Undertaker and Kane! Undertaker and Kane! Paul Heyman: But whose side are they on? Jim: They're not on Test and Booker T's side, that's for damn sure! Kane...on the outside, [Kane and Test knock each other down with kicks to the face] and both Kane and Test are down! The Undertaker, looking for a...spinaroonie, a little ride...[Undertaker gives Booker T a Last Ride] ...a Last Ride! [William Regal then comes out and gives The Undertaker a low blow from behind] But there's - oh! - Alliance commissioner William Regal with a low blow! Coming from behind The Undertaker, [Regal then hits the Regal Cutter on The Undertaker] and Regal, taking The Undertaker down, and perhaps

November 12

Kurt Angle: I have a little story I'd like to tell. And Stone Cold Steve Austin, I hope you're listening. There was once a group of extraordinarily talented guys, who had a chance to make history. Had a chance to win it all. But it all got put in jeopardy due to infighting, backstabbing, and lack of leadership. What was once a group that had everything, became now, a bunch of losers with nothing. Of course I'm talking about the 2001 Boston Red Sox. Oh it's true! Paul Heyman: Excellent point. Angle: And Austin, when you stunned me last week on SmackDown!, it was the same as Pedro Martinez and Nomar refusing to play with their so-called "injuries". [crowd boos] And this Sunday, The Alliance has the chance to win it all at Survivor Series. And Austin, we better, because when the Boston Red Sox loses each year like they do, big deal! Because they always have next year to screw it up again! Well Austin, there is no next year for us. There is no tomorrow. If we don't win this Sunday, it's ov

November 19

Ric Flair: The explanation that I'm gonna give you all revolves around the fact that I bet on a winner last night! Woooo! Vince McMahon: What the hell are you talking about? Ric: I sat home, wooo!! on the big side of town, in that big house, and I bet on a winner last night. But [to Kurt Angle] Kurt Angle, let me just say this to you. You're a man who's got an Olympic gold medal, you got a legacy, you're an ambassador, this is no way you want to win the World title. Be Kurt Angle, be the gold medal winner, and be a man that wins by beating the best man. Vince: So you came down here 'cause its your hometown to give us your opinion. How nice, Mr Flair. Nice to see you, now goodbye. Ric: You want, you want me to just cut it to the quick right away? I bet on a winner last night, and do you know, that when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock to that consortium, that the consortium... wooo!! [takes off coat, goes on rope, makes the strut, and swings off rope before going back to Vince] The

December 10

Jonathan Coachman: Well Edge, first of all, congratulations on defeating William Regal last night at Vengeance. And if you don't mind me saying, you totally reeked of awesomeness. Edge: Thanks Coach, but I can't take anything away from Regal. He's tough, and he brought it last night. He almost escaped with my Intercontinental Championship. But you know what? He didn't. And I have a message for Mr. William Regal. [mock English accent] You don't have one of these to hold up your trousers, do ya? Have you kissed any bums lately? You bum kisser! You cheeky monkey! [makes kissing sounds, then William Regal knocks Edge out from behind] Jim Ross: Oh wait! Regal, God! William Regal: Not so bloody funny now, are you? Ross: With the brass knucks! Regal just cheap shotted Edge with the brass knucks! Jerry Lawler: Edge is out cold!

December 10

What? What? What? What? Y2J is the undisputed champion? Y2J was declared the winner at Vengeance? Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? Vince and Booker T screws Stone Cold? I said Vince McMahon and Booker T screws Stone Cold? After last night, I sat there and I thought about it and I said, "Stone Cold, there's no use in sitting there crying, whining, pissing, moaning." So I asked myself, I said, "Stone Cold, do you want Y2J or do you want Booker T?" So while I was trying to make that decision, I drove over to the Sonic Drive-In, ordered a jalapeno burger, a chicken-fried steak sandwich, a chili cheese dog with extra onions, french fries, tater tots, washed it down with one beer, two beers, three beers, a shot of whiskey, a margarita, and a Bloody Mary, and I said, "Stone Cold, why have one when you can have them both?" Booker T, you show up tonight with Vince McMahon and you got security guards. You got your guard dogs. You got your pepper spray. So you can sit up there in you

February 25

Triple H: You know, Steph, maybe it was not so much the Game that was short, maybe the field I was playing on was too damn big. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: [shocked as crowd pops] I don't know what you mean by that! HHH: You don't know what I mean? Let me tell you what I mean. Stephanie: [sees the crowd becoming more agitated] Shut up, all of you SHUT UP!! HHH: Let me tell you what I mean, let me make it a little more clear for you. You see Steph, even a 747 looks small when you're flying it [points hand at Steph's hips] into the Grand Canyon!

March 18

Good evening. First of all, let me take this opportunity to thank our millions of fans around the world, as well as the World Wrestling Federation superstars, who made WrestleMania X8 such an overwhelming success. Secondly, I would like to inform our fans, our superstars, as well as the co-owners of the World Wrestling Federation, that the board of directors has reached the decision on an action plan for the company. The board is afraid that absent in the action, the animosity between Ric Flair and Vince McMahon will continue to be counterproductive for all concerned. Therefore, we are proposing a brand extension under the World Wrestling Federation corporate umbrella, in which Ric Flair would have 100% control and authority over WWF Raw, and Vince McMahon would have 100% control and authority over WWF SmackDown!. We also proposed that one week from tonight on Raw, there be a draft of World Wrestling Federation superstars, in which each co-owner would select his respective talent that

March 25

Good evening. Tonight, we will witness the first-ever World Wrestling Federation draft. Vince McMahon will represent SmackDown!. Ric Flair will represent Raw. In the interest of time, only 20 picks will actually be made live tonight. A lottery will be held immediately following Raw on WWF.com to determine placement of all other World Wrestling Federation performers. The result of tonight's historic draft becomes effective on next week's Raw. However, because of the Triple Threat WWF Championship match tonight, neither Triple H, Chris Jericho, nor Stephanie McMahon is eligible to be drafted. And due to a contractual clause, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not eligible to be drafted either. Mr. Austin is therefore declared a free agent, able to sign with either SmackDown! or Raw. Thank you for your attention this evening and best of luck to all the World Wrestling Federation superstars.

April 1

Welcome to Raw. Tonight, Raw enters a new era. The Ric Flair era. An era that promises to be more exciting and action-filled, woo, than ever before. And tonight, I promise to do everything in my power to sign Stone Cold Steve Austin to a contract that will ensure that Stone Cold Steve Austin stays with Raw forever. And also, I have the personal honor tonight, of presenting the new Undisputed Championship belt to the reigning World Wrestling Federation champion, Triple H. Let the party begin! Woo!

April 22

Jim Ross: Austin's gotta make the tag. He's close to the Big Show. [Austin tags in Big Show] Jerry Lawler: Oh there it is! Ross: Austin makes the tag. The Big Show gets the tag, and here he comes. And look at the nWo, they want no part of... [Big Show pulls down the straps from his singlet as Hall and X-Pac get on their knees] Lawler: Oh no! [Big Show suddenly grabs Austin by the throat] Ross: Hey, wait a minute! Lawler: What?! Ross: What the hell?! What the hell is this?! Oh my God! [Big Show lifts Austin in the air for a chokeslam] Lawler: What is he doing?! Ross: My God, the 500-pounder! Big Show... [Big Show chokeslams Austin] Lawler: Oh! Ross: The big bastard just chokeslammed Austin all the way to hell! Lawler: His own partner! [Big Show raises hands with Hall and X-Pac, signifying he has joined the nWo] Look at this! Ross: What the hell is this?! My God, has the Big Show joined the nWo?! My God the Big Show! Lawler: I can't believe what I'm seeing, but JR, I think you're right!

April 29

The Undertaker: There's an old expression that goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And I guess that re, I guess that goes for you, Hogan. Because I remember your first run here in the World Wrestling Federation. I remember how these people would get up on their chairs and scream. How small children in their red and yellow t-shirts would get on their fathers' shoulders just to get a glimpse at their hero. But Hogan, back in the day, do you remember what happened when I would come to the ring? All those smiles, all the laughter would be replaced by frowns and tears. Those small kids would get off their fathers' shoulders, hide behind his legs. They would hide there in fear Hogan. Just like you hide in fear when you think about facing me. Hogan, what you have to realize is I'm not like everybody else. I'm not like The Rock. I'm not like Triple H. I'm not awe-struck by your presence, and I'm definitely not impressed with you. You know why? Because I beat you. And dee

June 17

Vince McMahon: Ever since last Monday night, the question that seems to be on everyone's mind is, is Stone Cold Steve Austin really gone? Sadly, sadly the answer to that question is yes. Jerry Lawler: Wow. McMahon: I know, I don't like it any more than you do. The other question on everyone's mind is, one day, will Stone Cold Steve Austin be back in action in World Wrestling Entertainment? Lawler: That's the question. McMahon: I sincerely hope so. Quite frankly, I really don't have the answer to that question and I'll tell you why. See, Austin has a lot of explaining and a lot of apologizing to do before he comes back. Austin, when he walked last Monday, it wasn't the first time he walked out on us. It happened once before, the day after WrestleMania, when Austin packed his bag without notifying anyone. He simply packed his bag and went home. He was scheduled to be on Raw just as he was scheduled last Monday. Austin stayed home for approximately two weeks claiming he was burned out. Al

July 1

Booker T: Tell me you're not dressed like that. Man put that thing before you get somebody eye-witted. Who are you supposed to be tonight? Goldust: [as Darth Vader, complete with breathing. touches Booker T] Booker, the Force is strong with you, but you are not a Jedi yet. Booker T: Look man, I don't know what you're talking about, but I ain't no Star Wars geek. I ain't watched a movie and never will. Goldust: [removes helmet] Booker, it's not about that. It's about last week and our splendid plan. It's about me concocting another marvelous plan tonight if you will only go over there and relax. Get your matcon and get ready.. I will be back [dons helmet] Booker T: Let me see that. [takes lightsaber toy, but gets amazed when it lights up, and makes motions and humming sounds as if he's using the weapon] I'm like, I'm about to get medieval man... OBI-BOOK KENOBI!! It don't matter whether you're a Stormtrooper or the nWo, your ass is about to get waxed by the five-time Master Jedi champio

July 8

Good evening. Based upon the fact that last week, The Undertaker defended the Undisputed Championship against Jeff Hardy on Raw and against Kurt Angle on SmackDown!, I have taken the liberty of giving The Undertaker a well-deserved night off. Furthermore, The Undertaker is preparing to welcome The Rock back to SmackDown! this Thursday night. However due to the controversy surrounding the Kurt Angle versus Undertaker match, the highlights of which you've just witnessed, and in the interest of fairness, the main event at Vengeance will now be Kurt Angle versus The Rock versus The Undertaker in a Triple Threat matchup for the Undisputed WWE Championship. Thank you.

July 15

Booker T: [in interview with Jonathan Coachman] The fact of the matter is this. Big Show, I'm 'bout to come out here and pull an Allen Iverson on yo' punk ass and show you why you don't put your hands on the [counts fingers on hand] five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time WCW Champion! Now can you dig that... [looks over and looks like he's seeing a ghost, but it's actually...] Eric Bischoff: [shaking Booker's hand] Booker T, so good to see you again, my friend. Booker T: [to Coach after Eric walks off] Tell me I didn't just see that. Vince McMahon: You know, you don't realize this but it takes a real son of a bitch to be successful in this business. So from one son of a bitch to another, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of Raw - his name is ERIC BISCHOFF! Eric Bischoff: For those of you who may not know me... my name is Eric Bischoff, and I used to run WCW. Not that watered-down version, by the way, that invaded this company... but the real deal. You

July 22

Shawn Michaels: Oh my! Jerry Lawler: Yeah you got that right, oh my! Michaels: Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the old rasslin' show, look who's back in town! The boys who were rebels before being a rebel was cool, D-Generation X! Triple H: With that said, [crowd chants "DX"] Lawler: Oh here we go! That didn't take long did it? Jim Ross: Not long at all. Lawler: These people remember DX! Triple H: You damn right. ARE YOU READY? [crowd cheers] Ross: I don't know if we are or not, but we better get ready. Triple H: I said, ARE YOU READY? Lawler: They're ready! I don't know if Eric Bischoff is ready. Triple H: Then, for the thousands in attendance, and for the millions watching at home, LET'S GET READY TO SUCK IT! Lawler: Oh ho ho there it is! [Triple H suddenly kicks Michaels in the gut] Ross: Hey wait a minute! Lawler: What?! Ross: What the hell?! [Triple H pedigrees Michaels] No! Lawler: What is this? Ross: Triple H with a Pedigree on Shawn Michaels! Good God almighty! Law

August 26

We stand here tonight on the sacred ground of the world's most famous arena, Madison Square Garden. And, you can take Bruno Sammartino, Superstar Billy Graham, Hollywood Hulk Hogan...you can combine them all and they STILL don't equal this man. And the funniest thing about it is, I TOLD YOU SO! And none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar was the Next Big Thing, and none of you would listen. I told you Brock Lesnar would win the King of the Ring, and none of you would listen to me. I told you that Brock Lesnar would destroy the myth of Hulkamania, none of you would listen to me! I told you Brock Lesnar would beat The Rock for the Undisputed title at SummerSlam, and none of you would listen to me! Well you think by now, you people would learn to listen!

October 7

Kane, I promised you that before this night was over, your life would never be the same. You said this is the happiest you've ever been in your life, huh? Well, unfortunately, some people always can't be that happy. [crowd chants "asshole" at Triple H] Let me ask you a question, Kane! How happy is Katie Vick? Yeah, that's right. I know, Kane. I know it all. Ten years ago, you killed her. That's right, Kane. You are a murderer. [Kane stands in the ring, speechless]

October 14

Kane: Katie Vick was a friend of mine, and Katie Vick is dead. But I didn't kill her. It was an accident, and I am not a murderer! See, Katie and I were friends about ten years ago. Back when I first started wrestling. In fact, she came to my first match, and she was probably the only one that cared when I was getting beat up. I cared about her too. One night, Katie and I, uh, we went to a party and Katie had too much to drink. So I decided that I should drive her home. I wasn't real familiar with a stick shift, but Katie insisted that we take her car, uh, it was dark, the road was slick as it was raining and a animal jumped, jumped right out in front of us, and uh, I swerved, swerved to uh, to avoid it, and the car spun out of control, went off the road, and uh, I broke my arm, but, but Katie was uh, Katie was killed instantly. But it was an accident! But it's something that I have to live with and, something that I've thought about every day since. So, the only thing that I have left

October 21

Eric Bischoff: And I love each and every one of you people too. [crowd boos] Jim Ross: He really means it folks. Jerry Lawler: It's sincere. Ross: Yep. Bischoff: Hey hey hey hey hey. But tonight, Big Show's going to find out what happens when you lay your hands on Eric Bischoff. And at Survivor Series, Stephanie McMahon is going to find out what happens when you try to out-promote Eric Bischoff. Now make no mistake about it, that Hell in a Cell match between Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker, it was a spectacle. Ross: Great. Bischoff: No, it was a bloodbath. No mistake about it. But it is going to pale in comparison to the match that I have in mind. You see, at Survivor Series, you're going to witness an ingenious creation. One that could only come from the mind of Eric Bischoff. Lawler: Oh boy! This'll be good. [camera shows a sign that reads "ERIC BISCHOFF SUCKS"] Hey. Bischoff: At Survivor Series, you will bear witness to the Elimination Chamber. Lawler: Elimination Chamber? Ross: Wha

December 9

Jim Ross: Welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw here in Knoxville. Raw general manager Eric Bischoff, chief of staff Chief Morley already in the ring. Jerry Lawler: What are these guys doing out here? Chief Morley: At this time, Mr. Eric Bischoff and I, Chief Morley, are out here to address two men. Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the Titantron. [Shawn Michaels appears on the Titantron] The first man we would like to introduce is the World Champion, Shawn Michaels. [crowd cheers] The other is the challenger to the World title, Triple H. [Triple H appears on the Titantron and the crowd boos] Mr. Bischoff. Eric Bischoff: Thank you, chief. You know, Shawn, Hunter, after everything that you two have been through, it's clear to me that your World title match at Armageddon cannot be just a regular match. Absolutely not. Which is why I, Eric Bischoff, have decided that your World title match at Armageddon will be two out of three falls. And that's just the beginning. You

February 3

Today marks the beginning of a new era. You see, in this industry, just like in life, everything evolves. And what you see in this ring before you is the greatest example of Evolution you will ever see. Ric Flair, 16 times Heavyweight Champion of the World, the Nature Boy, the greatest professional wrestler of all time, a living legend. WHOO! Ric Flair has done it all and has beaten them all and done with a class and a style like no one else. Take it from me: There is no one better than Ric Flair.

February 24

Jim Ross: Goldust, let's get right to the heart of the matter, how are you feeling these days? Goldust: Question is, after last week's beating, how are you feeling, JR? Jim: Well...uh, I'll-I'll be all right, but I'm a whole lot more concerned about you and...give us an update. Goldust: Well, I was electrocuted, you know, there's...you either die or you live, and, uh...happily, I lived, and-and hopefully soon I'll be back. Jim: Your good friend Booker T said that, on a recent interview, that "good ol' Goldie wasn't quite right". Uh, there's also been rumors abounding that, uh, you have some neurological challenges you're trying to overcome. How do you address those rumors? Goldust: There's been a lot of rumors for a lot of years about Goldust not being "right". As far as Booker T's concerned, he's my best friend. He's been my supporter. The fans have sup - [twitching] ooh, ooh, ooh - supported me through thick and thin. Jim: Excuse me? Goldust: Well, they've supported me. I feel good.

February 24

The Hurricane: Holy letdown! The Rock! You used to be an idol, an icon; loved by millions...and millions! And yet tonight, you come out, and you trash the people! What's up wit dat? The Rock: Who...in the green hell, are you? Oh, no you-no-no-no, don't answer that, [standing up] the Rock knows who you are! Oh yeah, the Rock knows exactly who you are! The green shirt, 'H' on your chest, green mask...why, you're the Hamburglar! Yeah, you're that cat that works for McDonald's! Go get me a cheeseburger, go get the Rock a cheeseburger, no ketchup! Ah-ah-ah, as a matter of fact, no-no, don't go nowhere! The Rock knows exactly who you are, yeah! Yeah, you're the resident superhero, the Hurricane! The Rock knows who you are, my man, yeah; don't you ever bust in the Rock's door like that again, you hear? Hey, but what's more importantly than that, let the Rock remind you of something: you ain't nothin'. You understand that? Every superhero can whip that ass, every single one of 'em! EVERY singl

March 3

Coach: Hey, Rock, what's, what's goin' on- Coach: I just wanted to get a word with you before you go out tonight- The Rock: You can't get a word with the Rock, that's not the way it works, you know that! You just don't, knock on the Rock's locker like that, the People's locker, you KNOW that! You already know that! [stammering] Hey, hey, d-do you have an *appointment* to speak to the Rock, is that it? Coach: Rock, Rock, we go back- The Rock: [stammering mockingly] Ah, shut up, Coach, let the Rock check the People's Palm Pilot! [holding up his hand] Ka-kow! [looking at his empty hand] How's Wednesday? Coach: No, We-Wednesday doesn't work for me- The Rock: Wednesday works! You and your Rock-wannabe haircut, get out of the Rock's face! Who cut your hair? Ray Charles? Beat it! Wash ya ass! [Coach reluctantly leaves. The Rock goes back inside his locker room] Rock can't be dealing with that! The Rock has got a very big night; millions and millions of the Rock's fans waiting for him! [the cr

March 31

Jim Ross: Glad you're happy about it. Folks, I'll tell you what, as long as I live, as long as I live, I'll never ver - gonna forget March 31, 2003 because, although Eric Bischoff has done the worst thing that any human being, he has, he has robbed Austin of his dreams, of his livelihood. And let me say this. And understand what I'm telling you. And I'm on record for this. Eric Bischoff is a no good, lousy, son of a bitch. Jerry Lawler: Hey hey hey! Easy! Ross: That's exactly what he is! And how he got Austin's records, I'll never know. But he's a no good bastard for what he did, for taking Austin right out of the ball game for medical reasons. He's ruined his dreams, he couldn't beat him, he can't find anybody to beat him, and this is what he's done! And he oughta burn in hell for it!

April 14

Jerry Lawler: Well ladies and gentlemen, we are ready for the great debate. You've heard of great debates in the past. There was the Lincoln-Douglas debate. There was the Kennedy-Nixon debate, but tonight, we have the Steiner-Nowinski debate. Now let me explain something here. Tonight's topic is Operation Iraqi Freedom. And in this date, in this debate, Scott Steiner will argue in favor of the operation and Chris Nowinski will argue against it. Let me explain, gentlemen, the rules. Each participant will be given their opportunity to make their case and if either one of you interrupts, they will be disqualified. Understand? Christopher Nowinski, you're up first. Christopher Nowinski: Thank you. Well first I'd like to thank my esteemed colleague for being willing to take part in this gentlemanly debate. But I brought my mask just in case. Now I would like to reiterate and expound the statements I made last week, with the contention that America is using its vast military superiority in o

May 12

Stone Cold Steve Austin: Whoa whoa whoa, stop it right there. Stop it right there. Classy Freddie Blassie got something he wants to say. Freddie Blassie: D-Von, get the table! Austin: You heard the man. D-Von get the table!!! [Dudleys prepare the table for Rico]

May 19

Congratulations, you've got Kevin Nash...Houston, Texas...June 15...Bad Blood...Hell in a Cell!

August 4

Stone Cold Steve Austin: Cut that music! Now Eric Bischoff may have made the main event at SummerSlam Triple H versus Goldberg no disqualification for the World title. Now I can't change that match, but, I can damn sure add to it. Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh. Austin: So this year, at SummerSlam, your main event will be Triple H versus Goldberg, [crowd chants "What?"] no disqualification, World title, but, also in the same match, will be Chris Jericho... Lawler: What? Austin: Kevin Nash... Lawler: What?! Austin: Randy Orton, and Shawn Michaels. Lawler: Wow! Austin: Because, the main event, the World title, will be defended, at SummerSlam, in an Elimination Chamber! Lawler: Oh my gosh, Elimination Chamber match?!

September 29

I'd like to start out by congratulating Bill Goldberg, the World Heavyweight Champion. Congratulations Bill. You've made it one week. Have you learned yet that it's a lot harder to stay on top than it is to get to the top? Have you realized yet that everybody is after you? Has the paranoia started to kick in, Bill? It should be, because you are walking around with a huge target around your waist, and everybody wants to take that World Heavyweight Championship. My World Heavyweight Championship. Now Goldberg, you've got a lot to learn as a champion. And not a lot of time to learn at it. Because very shortly, I will take back what is mine. But Goldberg, I'm gonna help you speed up the learning process. See, I was thinking to myself, God, could you imagine if I had a dollar for every time I heard somebody chant your name? You know, and then I thought to myself, I do. I do. And the thing about me Goldberg is, I'm a generous guy. I like to give. So I'm gonna take some of that money, and I a

October 20

Kane: Now Shane, I know you're here, but don't come out. For once in your life, just listen, because I think that you will find what I'm about to say very interesting. Shane, this all started with your mother. She thought she could stop me. She thought she could control me. Just like everybody else throughout my life thought they could control me. But Linda found out differently when I grabbed her by the throat, and I looked into her eyes, and I saw pure fear. And then I hoisted her up on my shoulder, and she squirmed! She squirmed to get free, she SQUIRMED FOR HER VERY LIFE! And then she started to whimper and begged, no, no, no. But I learned a long time ago, that no really means yes. Jim Ross: No means yes? Kane: So, I drove her head into that steel, and I felt her body go limp as her vertebrae compressed and yet, FELT GOOD. 'Cause you see, inflicting pain turns me on. So now, you think you're gonna stop me Shane. A burning dumpster didn't stop me. Crashing me into a tractor trailer

December 8

Mick Foley: You know, when I took over as co-general manager of Raw, I did so with the intention of making things right. [the crowd cheers] Now if, at Armageddon, Ric Flair were to become involved in the Randy Orton-RVD match, well then that certainly would not be right. So I've decided that that matchup at Armageddon needs a special guest referee... Jerry "The King" Lawler: Uh-oh. Mick: ...and after consulting with myself for several hours I've decided that that special guest referee is going to be: me, Mick Foley. Jerry: What? Jim Ross: Oh, Mick! Mick: Thank you. Now, another thing I'd like to make right, is the reinstatement to Raw of Stone Cold Steve Austin. [the crowd cheers louder] Jim: He started that petition drive last week. Mick: Last week, I brought out a petition; as of now, we have over half a million signatures saying, "We want Stone Cold back on Raw!" [the crowd keeps cheering] Jim: It was on the Internet- Mick: But we need more. So I brought out another petition, so tha

December 15

All along, I promised you that Evolution would change the face of sports entertainment. [crowd boos] Last night, at Armageddon, Evolution fulfilled that promise! Because in one night, in one clean sweep, we took all the gold. [looks at Randy Orton] Intercontinental Champion, [looks at Ric Flair and Batista] World Tag Team Champions, and World Heavyweight Champion. [raises World Heavyweight Championship] And Goldberg, all your fans, they all wanted to believe the hype. But let me explain to you like this: I'm Triple H, I am The Game, and with me, [laughs] with me, there is no hype necessary. Tonight, everybody learns to live under Evolution's golden rule. And that is, we have all the gold, so we make all the rules. [Evolution raises their respective championships]

February 16

Stone Cold Steve Austin: It turns out Eric Bischoff made a decision regarding the World title at WrestleMania, but I guess, uh, he was too afraid to come out here and tell you to your face because maybe he might piss you off. But since I don't give a rat's ass what you think, I'll come out here and make the announcement myself. So for the first time in history, the World Heavyweight Championship will be decided at WrestleMania, Madison Square Garden, March 14, in a Triple Threat match. Jerry Lawler: What?! What?! Jim Ross: Oh my god! Austin: Triple H versus Chris Benoit versus Shawn Michaels. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!

February 23

Jim Ross: Hey wait, what the hell?! Jerry Lawler: What? [Brock Lesnar is in the ring standing behind Austin] Oh my god! Ross: My god it's, it's Brock Lesnar! Lawler: Austin! Look behind you! Ross: [Lesnar lifts Austin up on his shoulders] Stone Cold up! Lawler: Oh! Ross: Lesnar! [Lesnar delivers an F5 to Austin] Brock Lesnar from SmackDown! just F5'd the hell out of Stone Cold! Lesnar's got no business being here! This is not SmackDown!, this is Raw! Lawler: What the?! I cannot believe this! Brock Lesnar F5'd Stone Cold Steve Austin! What does this mean?! Ross: What the hell is going on?! What is Lesnar doing here?! Brock Lesnar, from behind! It's Lesnar standing over Austin! My god what has, what has happened here?! What has happened here??!

March 15

Mick Foley, yesterday, WrestleMania XX, Madison Square Garden, I beat you with an RKO. I proved to the entire world that I'm better than you. But I, I don't think your family, I don't think you quite believe that. You see, so, so what I'm gonna do, Mick, is challenge you to a one-on-one match. A one-on-one match, Mick, with Evolution banned from ringside. That way I can prove to you and your family that you're nothing but a loser. And how's it gonna feel Mick? How's it gonna feel when your little son Hughie, little, little cute Hughie grows up. Not with his father as a role model, but idolizing me?

April 12

Triple H: Was WrestleMania XX the biggest stage of them all? Some have said that it was the greatest match of all time. And now at Backlash, it'll become the greatest rematch of all time. The final encounter. Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, for the World Heavyweight Championship. Three of the greatest of all time, all with something to prove. Benoit will try to prove to the world that he is more than just a one-hit wonder. Shawn Michaels will try to prove to the world that he is still the icon. And Triple H, I will prove that that World Heavyweight Championship still belongs to me. Guys, there is a reason that they call me The Game. There is only one diamond in this business, and you're looking at him. Shawn Michaels: After the triple threat match at WrestleMania XX, people said it was the greatest match in WrestleMania history. And as I walked the streets, people said, "HBK! How are you gonna top that?" How are you gonna top that? I'm the showstopper. It's what I do! Always ha

May 24

Eric Bischoff: That is it, that is enough! Triple H, Shawn Michaels...at Bad Blood, it is going to be has a.. [Triple H breaks out and attacks Shawn and the wrestlers still push to stop them] Jerry Lawler: Well. look out! He's loose! Jim Ross: Triple H breaking loose before Bischoff had to finish what he was gonna say. Lawler: Triple H is a man of his word. He said he's gonna destroy Michaels here tonight, he'll do it! Bischoff: ENOUGH!! [everybody stops] At Bad Blood, it will be Triple H versus Shawn Michaels... HELL... IN A CELL!!! Lawler: Oh boy! Ross: Oh my God, oh my- that's what Michaels wanted! Hell in a Cell!!

June 14

Jim Ross: Gentlemen, I, along with all these fans here, totally understand the physical condition that you're in. I hope that you will totally conduct yourself in the spirit of why you were asked to be here. I must say that in 30 years of broadcasting this great game that your match last night at the Hell in a Cell will live for generations to come. But Shawn, Triple H, it's time for this to end. I am respectfully, respectfully asking you two men to shake hands, to officially signify the end of the most storified rivalry in the WWE so that you may both get on with your lives. Jerry Lawler: [on commentary as Triple H and Shawn get closer and JR distances] I don't know... that don't look good on paper, I don't think thats gonna... So much history, so much hatred between these two men, who one time were best friends, closer than brothers. I wonder who's gonna extend their hand first, I think Shawn [Shawn reaches out] You think this should happen? [Triple H moves to shake hands but Eric Bi

July 19

Todd Grisham: Randy Orton, tonight is obviously one of the biggest nights of your career. For the first time in over seven months, you're coming off an Intercontinental Championship loss. How do you regain your -- Randy Orton: Whoa whoa, hold on just a second! Do you know who you're talking to? I am Randy Orton. Okay, still a member of Evolution. Still the Legend Killer. You wanna talk about losses, Todd? Have a look at the back of my T-shirt. [turns around] Grisham: That, that's pretty impressive. Orton: Well hell yeah, it's impressive! Foley, Stone Cold, HBK, they're all on there baby! I humiliated them all, okay? And the lucky win Edge had, that's all it was was luck. To me, Edge is a fluke. Okay? His first Intercontinental title reign was one day. Mine lasted seven entire months. Okay, tonight I'm gonna get my title back. I'm gonna do it in the middle of that ring, and I'm gonna prove to everybody -- [notices Edge standing by him] Can I help you? Edge: No. But I did think you neede

August 2

Todd Grisham: Uh, Randy Orton, uh, first let me start off by saying-- Randy Orton: You know what Todd? Let me ask you a question. Do you believe in destiny? Well, I do. And I believe the reason that I lost the Intercontinental Championship to Edge last month, is because I am destined to become the youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history. Now I know what you're thinking. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar defeated The Rock in 2002 at SummerSlam for the World title at the young age of 25. But at SummerSlam this year, Randy Orton will be a very young 24. And just think I'll have accomplished more at the age of 24 than most people accomplish in their entire life. Now Chris Benoit, he's the World Champion. He's the toughest, he is the best...right now. But you see, Todd, at SummerSlam this year, Chris Benoit's gonna be like Mick Foley, Harley Race, Shawn Michaels, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. They're all the same, all of that whole list, they've all been laid down by the Legend Killer. They'

August 16

Randy Orton: You're cheering my name now, but last night, it was a different story. You all thought that I was in over my head. You all thought that I hadn't earned my stripes yet. You all thought that there was no way in hell that Randy Orton could defeat Chris Benoit, let alone, let alone survive the Crossface, the Sharpshooter, six consecutive, gut-wrenching German suplexes, but yet, I am here standing before you, the youngest WWE Heavyweight Champion in history! Jerry Lawler: Yes! Boy he's great! You thought he couldn't do it either, JR. Orton: Now, now I want you to do me a little favor. I want all the 24-year-old males to stand up. Raise your hand! Let's let yourself be seen! Come on, you're on national television! Lawler: Look, there's some! There's one. Orton: Live television, stand up! Quick, let's put a camera on these people! Can I see the 24-year-old men in the audience, please? Lawler: That is a lot of 24-year-olds. [audience members stand up] Orton: Take a good look peopl

September 20

Todd Grisham: Kane, since that horrible accident last week, everyone's been concerned about the status of Lita and your baby. Kane: Let's just say that, um, this hasn't been one of Lita's better days. The, um, doctors are doing everything that they can do, but now they're telling me that um, that there's only a 50-50 chance that they can save the baby. Grisham: Uh, Kane, we, we also had the chance to interview your opponent from last week, Gene Snitsky. And, um. Kane: Snitsky? [starts to breathe heavily in fury] Grisham: Um, yes, and uh, he actually said that he didn't think the accident was his fault. Kane: That was no accident. Snitsky hit me in the back with a steel chair while I was moving my pregnant wife out of the ring! Now what exactly did he expect to happen?! Now my wife is in that hospital bed with a 50-50 chance that our baby will live, and he says it's not his fault?! No matter what happens, Snitsky is a dead man. Todd Grisham: Doctors, now that the emergency appears to be

October 11

Shawn Michaels: You ready? Chris Benoit: Oh yeah. Michaels: Look you know I've always tried to shoot straight with you. You and I, we're out there together again tonight, familiar waters for us. And I want you to know and I'm gonna be honest. Tonight, I'm gonna do what's best for me. Benoit: What's - what's best for you? Sh - Shawn, what do you mean by that? Michaels: Look, I'm gonna go out there tonight and I'm gonna do what I always do. Show the entire world why I'm the showstopper. I wanna make sure, come Taboo Tuesday, that I leave absolutely no doubt in anybody's mind that HBK should be the man they vote for to face Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship. Benoit: Well just so you know, I'm not gonna sit back and let you steal the spotlight. All right? You want a piece of Triple H, you're gonna have to pry me off of him, because tonight, I'm gonna show all the people what the Crippler can do, and come Taboo Tuesday, by making Triple H tap out in the middle of the ring. [Ed

October 25

Jim Ross: Well ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of all of us here at the WWE want to thank everyone for making Taboo Tuesday such a phenomenal success. In all the years I've had the privilege of broadcasting for you, I've never had as much fun and it was all because of your votes. Now ladies and gentlemen, we had hoped to have Edge here live tonight. Unfortunately he has refused to appear here in Des Moines live. However, he is joining us via satellite. [Edge appears on the Titantron] And Edge, I, I think the question is, is rather obvious. Would you mind explaining to our worldwide audience and the great folks here in Des Moines, Iowa, just exactly, well, how do you justify your actions at Taboo Tuesday? Edge: Justify? That title was not Shawn Michaels' to win. That title was mine to win. Mine. You know, do I need to spell it out? Do I need to spell it out for you and all the people once again? Well I will. But it's for the last time. Here's the laundry list. I defeated Triple H in a t

November 1

Ric Flair: What happened to Tajiri is just the beginning. Last week, I repeat, LAST WEEK was unacceptable. Whether you like him or don't like him, you all need to respect Triple H. [crowd boos] He, he is your World Champion. He is the leader of Evolution. And Eric Bischoff, either you restore order with Raw or Dave Batista and I, and I repeat, we will walk back there and destroy the entire locker room! Jerry Lawler: Uh oh! [Eric Bischoff's music hits] Flair: I mean... [Eric Bischoff comes out] Lawler: Uh-oh well, when Evolution speaks, people listen. Jim Ross: Well there's our general manager Eric Bischoff. Lawler: Oh look at that haircut. Eric Bischoff: Flair, I am here for two reasons. Business and personal. On the business side of things, with Survivor Series being just two weeks away, I want to announce the Raw side of the card. [crowd chants "asshole"] Lawler: Oh no. Ross: Haircut or not, here's what we hear from Bischoff. Bischoff: For the Intercontinental title, it'll be Christi

November 22

Shelton Benjamin: Trish! [sees Trish Stratus in a towel combing her hair] Trish Stratus: Hey Shelton. Benjamin: What are you doing here? Stratus: Oh me? I was just taking a long, hot shower. And where you off to, looking so pretty? Benjamin: Monday Night Raw? I got a six-man tag match. William and Eugene need me. Stratus: But what about my needs? What about Trish? Benjamin: Oh sugar. Don't worry. You'll find somebody else. I mean, you are the biggest slut on Raw. Stratus: [scoffs] You're so uptight. You need to loosen up. And I'm just toweling. Vince McMahon: What the hell's going on here?! [sees Benjamin and Stratus and is shocked] It's a woman in a towel. I mean, this is unconscionable. Th - this is scandalous. I, I can see the, the moral fabric of America disintegrating right before my very eyes. The sexual overtones, the, the racial overtones. Benjamin: Excuse me? McMahon: Well Shelton, you, you may not realize this but, you're an African-American. And everybody knows African-Ameri

December 13

Eric Bischoff: Triple H, I asked you to come down to the ring alone. Triple H: It's all right. It's okay Eric. Evolution and I are one of the same. Evolution is a part of me. When Evolution succeeds, I succeed, and vice versa. It doesn't matter, Eric, whether it's Batista, whether it's the Nature Boy, or whether it's The Game. Together, we have more wins than both of these guys combined and above all else, Eric, the World Heavyweight Champion should be a winner. So, I just think the choice is, is pretty obvious for you, Eric. Bischoff: Interesting. That's a, uh, that's a different approach to the one you had in my office a few moments ago. Well let's talk about my choices. My first choice tonight was Chris Benoit's option. To have a rematch with the Triple Threat match tonight. Jerry Lawler: Well that's what the fans want. Bischoff: Well I thought about that and I decided that that's just not what I wanted to do. And then Edge. Edge gave me a choice. He wanted me to just hand the belt

December 27

Eric Bischoff: Hold on! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Without any further ado, allow me to introduce the special referee for the Elimination Chamber match at New Year's Revolution, the one, the only, HBK! HEARTBREAK KID! [crowd cheers as Edge reacts angrily] Jim Ross: Shawn Michaels! Look at the! [Shawn Michaels comes out] THERE HE IS! Jerry Lawler: He's back! [Triple H is in shock and disbelief] Ross: No one's gonna like this decision! Not one man in the Elimination Chamber is gonna like this at all! Lawler: You're right. You can see it on the faces of Batista, of Benoit, of Edge, of Jericho, and especially Triple H. Ross: Triple H can't believe it. Oh my God, what an Elimination Chamber it's gonna be! Six men, but only one can survive! And there is your law and order.

January 3

Jonathan Coachman: Tonight, we have already seen Batista defeat Chris Benoit, Edge take out Chris Jericho. The question is, will Randy Orton beat Triple H? Randy Orton: Tonight Coach, tonight Coach, tonight's the first chance that I've had to face Triple H one-on-one on Raw since I lost the World Heavyweight Championship. The same championship that I will regain this Sunday at the Elimination Chamber. Now, 2004, in 2004, Triple H took everything I had away from me. And now I'm gonna return the favor. In 2005, I'll take everything that Triple H has away from him. And it all starts tonight. When I beat you Triple H, 1-2-3, with an RKO.

February 21

Triple H: Can you believe this? Ric Flair: No. Triple H: It's supposed to be the biggest night in Batista's career. It's supposed to be the biggest night in the history of Evolution, Ric. This is the first night, this is where it all happens. You and I are gonna run this business, and it all starts tonight. After everything we've done for him, and tonight of all nights, he has the guts to be over two hours late? Ric: Champ, you have bent over backwards for him! You created Batista! You made him! You put him in a position to make a huge amount of impact on this industry! You did it! Triple H: I've done more than you even know. Ric: You have? Triple H: Yeah. Ric: Like what? Stuff I don't know? Triple H: You know how hard it is to get footage from SmackDown! of JBL and Big Show, and get it put into Raw? It's not easy. And do you know how hard it is to find a white limousine and get those stupid big horns put on the front to make Dave think that JBL was trying to run him over? Ric: Wait, w

February 21

Eric Bischoff: Batista, before you...you make any decisions, there's a couple things I want to say. By signing this contract, two things are going to happen. First and foremost, you remain with Raw, the flagship program, the #1 brand in all of sports entertainments, and the brand that made you a superstar. Raw is a brand that'll give your career stability, because unlike other general managers [looks at Theodore Long], my job is not in jeopardy. But more importantly, by signing this contract, it means that you'll face Triple H one-on-one for the Heavyweight Title at WrestleMania! It's the dream of every superstar in our business, to face Triple H, a man who is arguably one of the biggest names in the history of our industry. A man that, even the Nature Boy, he says it best. Ric Flair says it best: to be the man, you gotta beat that man, Triple H! [Triple H shakes his head at Batista] And this is your opportunity. So Batista, this isn't really a question. It's a simple thing. Sign the c

February 28

I came out here with an agenda tonight, to make a statement. And the reason is that WrestleMania 21 is less than five weeks away. We've already announced some of the biggest matches in Mania history. From Batista vs. Triple H for the World Championship, from Cena to JBL for the WWE Championship, Michaels has challenged Angle, Hogan's in the Hall of Fame, Stone Cold Steve Austin on Piper's Pit. Everybody wants to make an impact, so do I; everybody wants to be a part of history, so do I. I have an idea for a match to do that.

March 28

Randy Orton: Last week, last week I asked Stacy Keibler a question. Do you think that I can beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania? After I asked her that question, she hesitated. I didn't. My message was made clear, you're either with me, or you're against me. You're either with me, or you're against me! Well Stacy, since you weren't with me, you were a distraction. And I made a promise to myself heading into WrestleMania, I'm gonna eliminate all distractions. Now, I know why The Undertaker is undefeated at WrestleMania. I know why. Cause all of his opponents in the future had themselves beat before they even got in the ring. They were scared to death. They were scared to death of The Undertaker. Jerry Lawler: They were psyched out. Orton: Well that is not me. I am not scared, I've seen my future and it doesn't involve a headstone. It involves a hall of fame plaque. A hall of fame plaque, and that plaque says, "Randy Orton, third generation superstar. The youngest World Heavyweight Champ

April 4

Triple H: I admit it. Last night at WrestleMania, I lost the World Heavyweight Championship. [removes his sunglasses] But for anybody that thinks this is the beginning of a new era, you are wrong! If you think this is the start of the Batista era, you are wrong, because Batista was great one night! One night! In this ring, WrestleMania 21, the biggest stage of all time, Batista was awesome! I will admit it, he was on, but it was one night. I am great EVERY NIGHT! And that championship belt Batista is wearing around his waist, it gravitates towards greatness. And you know what that means? That means it will come back to me. It will find its way home, because I own it. Batista was good once. I own the World Heavyweight Championship, and the rematch clause is rock solid! There is no way out! It will take place. The greatest rematch in the history of this industry. Batista-Triple H 2 will take place, and when it is over, I will stand in this ring as the 11-time World Heavyweight Champion.

May 16

Jonathan Coachman: Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! Stop this match right now! General Manager Eric Bischoff has been informed about what's going on out here. So the Coach would suggest that you climb down off that ladder, Chris Benoit, and listen up. Eric Bischoff: Thank you, Coach. I wish I would've listened to you a little earlier because apparently, you two arranged for this match while I was busy attending other matters. Well, Benoit, you can get down off that ladder because I am officially ending this match right now! [audience boos] Look! Look! I never sanctioned any ECW match and I never would because ECW is pure garbage. As a matter of fact, from this moment on, I am banning ECW from Raw. Oh, listen up! It will not be chanted in the building. It will not be discussed in the locker room. And then, if I see one ECW sign in my building, I will have it confiscated! And to make my point, I'm going to prohibit anybody from the Raw roster from participating at ECW's One N

May 23

Jim Ross: We're back here live at Green Bay on Monday Night RAW, the ECW Funeral. Jerry Lawler: Take it off. Take your hat off, JR, it's a funeral, for Chrissakes!

May 30

Christian: Take a note, America. This is the response that you give to a superstar like me! [crowd cheers] Jerry Lawler: Look at all the signs. They're on their feet! Christian: Now I know that you all know about the draft lottery next week. [crowd chants "Christian"] Lawler: Lottery starts next week. Gonna last, it's gonna last a month? Jim Ross: Yes sir. Lawler: Gosh. Christian: And I've been looking over the SmackDown! roster, and it seems to me that they're missing, they're missing something. Lawler: Missing something? Christian: Check it out. They've got Americans. [crowd boos] They've got Mexicans. [crowd boos] They've got Japanese. [crowd boos] They've got Frenchmen. [crowd boos] They've got a giant. [crowd boos] They've got a st, st, stutterer. [crowd boos] They've got a dead man. [crowd boos] They've got a rapping, hip hop poser champion. [crowd boos] Lawler: These Canadians don't like anybody. Christian: That couldn't make me say "I quit" even if he forced me to listen to his

June 27

Kurt Angle: At WrestleMania 21, I made Shawn Michaels tap. Jonathan Coachman: True enough. Angle: Last night at Vengeance, well, Shawn got lucky. So I guess this series 1 to 1, and I bet my bottom dollar that each and every one of you would love to see round three of Kurt Angle versus Shawn Michaels right here tonight! Coachman: I know I would! Jerry Lawler: Oh man. Jim Ross: Obviously a great match. I'd love to see it. Lawler: Here tonight? Yes! Angle: Well it's not gonna happen. [crowd boos] You see, I beat Shawn Michaels at the biggest show of all, WrestleMania 21. I made him tap, that counts twice. So as far as I'm concerned, Shawn and I, we're through. No, I'm here, I'm here for another man. Batista. [crowd cheers] Coachman: Wow. Ross: That would be the World Heavyweight Champion. Angle: Last week, I didn't get a chance to beat Batista because surprise, surprise, Triple H had to stick his big nose where it doesn't belong in my business and ruin my match. So I'm gonna make this ver

July 11

Adam! You bastard! I'm gonna make you life miserable! And Lita, you whore, I'm gonna make your life miserable too! And the WWE can kiss my ass! [a security officer tackles Hardy] I'll see you at Ring of Honor! ROH!

August 1

Mr. McMahon: Well tonight, tonight is a very special edition of Monday Night Raw. I remember so many years ago, the very first edition of Raw was held in the Manhattan Center in New York City so many years ago in front of a capacity crowd of 1200 people. Tonight, we celebrate our 636th edition of Monday Night Raw. Jerry Lawler: Amazing. McMahon: That is a record, that is a milestone surpassing any weekly entertainment television program in history. Lawler: How about that? McMahon: We surpassed the likes of Gunsmoke, Lassie, Seinfeld, uh, Simpsons, Happy Days, you name it. We surpassed them all, and we're emanating live tonight all over the world from the sold out Mohegan Sun Arena. [crowd cheers] And perhaps the classy thing for me to do right now would be to thank WWE fans from the bottom of my heart all over the world for making this possible, for helping us achieve this milestone. But uh, rather than that, I would like to thank the one individual, ladies and gentlemen, whose vision

August 8

Jim Ross: What do you think about Mr. McMahon rehiring Matt Hardy? Edge: JR, what do I think about Vince McMahon's decision, Mr. McMahon's decision to rehire Matt Hardy? You know what? I think it's genius. Yeah. It's a moneymaking match. Here's a little known fact, though. You see, I actually went to Vince and I asked him to rehire Matt. Yeah. You see, because, with what I want to do to Matt Hardy, if I did that on the streets, what I'm gonna do at SummerSlam, I'd be in jail. You see, at SummerSlam, you're gonna witness legalized assault. Which is why I resent us being sequestered into this dressing room. You know, Matt Hardy has been re-signed to Raw and the lunatic is running around. Well, he's the one out of control, not me. But that's fine, that's cool, and Eric Bischoff wants to put security guards on the door, to protect us. We don't need the protection, he does! So I'm gonna ask them to leave, I want them to go. Yeah. I want them to get out of here, because Matt, I'm begging, I'

August 15

Shawn Michaels: Who's your daddy, Montreal? [crowd boos and then chants "you screwed Bret"] Well since all of you have been so respectful to me, I would like to return in kind. [singing] Mi mi mi mi...O Canada, how I hate this place, O Canada, I'm gonna kick Hulk Hogan right in the face...all right. I'll admit it. I'll admit I'm no singer. [crowd chants "asshole"] But what I am is the showstopper, the headliner, the main event, the icon of the WWE, yours truly, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. [crowd boos] Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I promise, no better yet, I guarantee...I guarantee Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I will give you and the WWE fans something to remember. And of course, all of you here in Montreal know that I am all about... [crowd chants "asshole"] you know I'm all about giving you memories. Survivor Series 1997. [crowd boos] I handed Canada's own, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, [crowd cheers] his most miserable defeat. [crowd chants "we want Bret"] You want Bret? [crowd cheers]

August 22

Eric Bischoff: Chris, forget about all that. Because...YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE FIRED! Jerry Lawler: What?! Bischoff: You had a job to do, damn it, and you didn't get it done! [Jericho pleads for his job] Chris Jericho: Give me another chance! I got a plan, he'll be fired! I mean come on! Don't fire me, come on Eric! Come on, we're buddies! We're friends, give me another chance! You know I can do it! Give me another chance! Please Eric! Bischoff: YOU'RE FIRED! YOU HEAR ME?! Jericho: NO! Bischoff: GET OUT OF MY RING! OUT OF MY RING! [Jericho gets on his knees and begs for his job] I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR WIFE, OR YOUR DAMN KID! NOW GET OUT OF MY RING! Jericho: Bitch you don't fire me! Bischoff: I just did! Security, get him out of here! Jericho: [security comes to the ring] Don't fire me! Don't fire me, Mr. Bischoff! Please I can do this! No! Bischoff: Get him out of here! NOW! GET OUT OF MY RING DAMN IT! YOU ARE DONE! FINISHED! GET HIM OUT OF MY RING! [the security officers grab

October 10

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Uh-oh! Shawn Michaels: You know, nobody in that locker room has known you as long as I have...you know, and I've always known that you were capable of just about anything, but what you did last week...was too much, Hunter. Was too much. Big Show: I'm telling you right now...someday, you're gonna get yours. John Cena: I don't know you, I ain't gonna judge you, but after last week, you lost some respect. Triple H: [starts to walk away but turns back to Cena] You know, if I were you, the last thing I'd want to do is get my attention, you know what I mean? John: You know me. You want some? [taps WWE Championship] Come get some! Triple H: Don't you worry. When I want some, [angrily points to title] I'll take it! Jim Ross: Come on! [Triple H grins and walks away] Now - uhh...what was the...? Damn. Linda McMahon: [rebuffing Vince's assurance that they got the situation under control] Well, Vince as your devoted wife and Stephanie, as your mother, I just simply cannot

November 14

Vince McMahon: Eddie Guerrero has passed away. Eddie was in the prime of his life, 38 years old, the prime of his career. So tonight, we celebrate the life of Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved it, he had a passion for it like no one else. Eddie loved to perform more than anything else, whether he was booed or whether he was cheered, he loved to perform for all of you. Eddie's goal every night, Eddie's goal every night was to steal the show. So tonight there's no doubt in anyone's mind that Eddie would want the show to go on and, so it shall tonight as we pay tribute to the memory of Eddie Guerrero. At this time, I would ask you all to stand in silence as we toll the bell 10 times, after which, there'll be a special video presentation. So if you would all please stand. Thank you. John Cena: Today you're gonna hear a lot of things from a lot of people. Some you like, some you don't. But the one constant you're gonna hear, the one that rings true, more truer tha

November 14

Eddie Guerrero is my best friend, and um I'm sure there's a lot of people that he knew that would be able to say the, the same thing about him. He was such a beautiful person, such a kind-hearted person, um, I couldn't find the, the right, I couldn't find the words, words couldn't describe what, what kind of a, a human being Eddie truly was. Um, I'd, I've known Eddie for just about 15 years and spent a good portion of those 15 years with him on the road. Uh, we'd laugh together, cry together, you know, fought each other, but we've, we've been up and down each and every mountain, each and every highway. Um, and Eddie, Eddie, Eddie always led by example. You know he, he was, he was the one friend that I had that I, that I could go to and pour my heart out to if I was going through something, if, if, if I had a personal issue or a personal problem, he was the one guy that I could call and, and, and talk to, and, and know that he would understand and, and he would, he would, he would talk

December 12

Vince McMahon: All right. Well as, as promised, as promised, [throws the microphone] Jerry Lawler: Well, looks like the sound man is gonna be fired tonight as well! [McMahon demands a new microphone] Oh ho! [A technician hands McMahon a new microphone] You hand Mr. McMahon a microphone, you don't throw it at him! Jonathan Coachman: You don't throw it at all. McMahon: Well as promised, last week we took out the trash! [crowd cheers] That's not some sort of bait and switch technique, not some sort of adoration. Last week, I fired Eric Bischoff's ass. And I can tell you this, Eric Bischoff is gonna stay fired. Not withstanding that, I'd like to thank Eric for his contributions and I'd like to wish he and his family a very merry Christmas. Coachman: That's very sincere. Lawler: He's a very warm man. McMahon: Now of course everyone's been asking me, Mr. McMahon, who's gonna be named the new general manager of Raw? I have some suggestions on that matter. Matter of fact, a number of individua

December 26

Last week, I watched WWE's Tribute to the Troops, and it brought a tear to my eye. Seeing the WWE superstars interact with the men and women protecting our nation really brought some things into focus. It truly made me realize how proud I am...that I didn't go on that damn trip to Afghanistan. [crowd boos] Don't even get me started on our soldiers. They sit around and complain that the people back home have forgotten them? You're damn right they have, 'cause you haven't done a damn thing since you've been over there! I mean come on! You build a couple of schools and you think you deserve a medal?! News flash, that's your job! You know who's been forgotten? Kurt Angle. You never heard me complain about waking up at 5 in the morning for ten solemn years, to win this country a gold medal in the Olympics, with a broken neck, only to come back home and hear the audience chant, "you suck!" The same audience that wants me to give up my precious time to visit a bunch of soldiers who cry about

May 1

Jerry Lawler: Let me just say this: uh, during the break, I apologized to the fans here; right now, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you, Joey Styles, my fault, just trying to have a little fun, it got out of hand! I'm sorry, come back out and let's finish the rest of this show. My bad. Come on, Joey. [the crowd cheers] Come on, Joey! Come on back out here! [as Joey marches back out into the arena] Come on. Joey Styles: You want to apologize? Like nothing happened. Like you didn't knock me on my ass in front of millions of people worldwide, and I'm gonna come down there and work with you? I'm not coming back, and now, thanks to the magic of live television, I’m gonna show the whole world why for seven years in ECW, I was the unscripted, uncensored, loose cannon of commentary! Six months ago, WWE called me! I didn’t call this company because I was looking for a job. I didn’t need a job. WWE called me, because they had humiliated and fired, again, Jim Ross. So I get JR’s spo

May 22

Rob Van Dam: Chill out, champ. In fact, savor the time you have with that title while I explain something here. See I have a shot at the championship, which is something that was not easy to come by. No, in fact, the only way this came about is because I forced it. I won the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania. Otherwise, I would never have been awarded what I deserve. So I wanna tell you something, John. I'm not gonna waste this opportunity here, where I can, and probably will, get screwed out of what I earned. Instead, I'd like to see this take place somewhere where I'm a lot more comfortable. Somewhere where the conditions work extremely well in my favor. Jerry Lawler: Wait a minute. Van Dam: I'm cashing in the Money in the Bank. June 11, at One Night Stand! Lawler: Wait a minute! Jim Ross: Wow! Lawler: He can't do that, can he?! Ross: Yes he can! Lawler: Wow! That's... Ross: He has the opportunity between now and WrestleMania next year. Anywhere. Lawler: At ECW's One Night Stan

May 29

Mick Foley: Thank you and, sure was great to see Melina right here in Tacoma, Washington! Jerry Lawler: Ha! Cheap pop. Of course he's right. Foley: That's not why we're here, is it Paul? We're here to have a little "face-off", and I wanna thank you. Because after all last week on Raw, you leveled some pretty heavy charges at me. You called me a...prostitute. Charges to which I plead...guilty. I mean, kind of. Let's face it, Paul. Everybody in the WWE does things they don't wanna do to get to the top. I mean if you tuned in to see some meta principal taking stands, well you're in the wrong damn place. You see Paul, the only difference between the ECW Mick Foley and the current WWE Mick Foley is that I traded in a lowlife, nothing happening pimp like you, for a billion-dollar pimp like Vince McMahon. I admit it. I'm guilty and I'm not mad. Where I begin to become a little bit next, is where I hear that you're assembling this little One Night Stand pay-per-view. And Edge and I, the proud

June 12

Jonathan Coachman: Ladies and gentlemen, chairman of WWE, Mr. McMahon. Mr. McMahon: Thank you, and good evening. World Wrestling Entertainment is a promotional juggernaut. It is the most successful promotional juggernaut in history, having well-established its pre-eminent brands of Raw and SmackDown!, the WWE has recently announced the recreation of a third brand, ECW, which premieres tomorrow night at 10 o'clock, 9 o'clock Central on Sci Fi. ECW's representative, Paul Heyman made it very clear at the, at the top of the show, in which Mr. Heyman stated that we have a new WWE Champion, and his name is Rob Van Dam. Not withstanding the recreation of this third brand, there, there're other things I would like to discuss with you tonight. That is, what happened to the, the chairman of the board last week here on Raw. It's one thing for me to establish a kiss my ass club. It's quite another for someone who is to join to turn that around, kick me in the guts, wrench my arms behind my back, a

July 3

Jim Ross: Van Dam pulls himself back up. But Cena's there waiting. [Cena lifts RVD on his shoulders for an FU] Cena now, Jerry Lawler: Here we go! Ross: Cena with the FU, can he do it? Can John Cena do it if he does? [Cena hits the FU on RVD] Yes! Lawler: Got him! Ross: Cena did it! [Edge suddenly comes in and hits Cena with the WWE Championship belt] Lawler: Oh no! Ross: My God! Cena - wait a minute! [Edge covers RVD] Edge with the belt! Edge with the count! [the referee counts three, resulting in Edge winning the match and the WWE Championship] Edge! Edge! Edge has just, Edge is the WWE Champion! Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner, and the new WWE Champion, Edge! Lawler: Oh my gosh! Oh ho ho ho ho! Ross: John, exactly! John Cena delivered the FU on Van Dam! Cena had the match won, but Edge used the WWE Championship title belt to dim Cena's lights! To, and snatch the title right away from John Cena! Lawler: But one thing's for sure. The WWE title is back on Raw! Thank goodness! Ross:

July 17

Hello out there to all my fans right there in San Antonio, Texas! It's me Mick Foley in the WWE Studios and I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking, "Isn't that the shirt Mick wore when he was interviewed by Katie Couric on Halloween a few years ago?" You're darn right it is, but I'm not here to talk about Katie Couric right now, or the beautiful Melina for that matter. I'm here to talk about the Nature Boy - Whooo! - Ric Flair and comments he made about me. You see, Ric was on the show last Monday actually bragging about beating me two straight falls in a two out of three falls match. You see Ric, I have a different take on things, you see I seem to remember you bludgeoned, bloody with your family in tears, which begs the question: Just what world do you inhabit Ric, where all those things can be construed as a positive!? How much worse could it have possibly have gotten!? Are you really under the impression I was trying to win the match? Because if I had been, I would

July 17

Hello everybody, it's Mick Foley again in the WWE Studios and since we're live and since nobody can really stop me, I thought I'd give a shout out to my good friend Melina. Great match on Monday, I was really proud of you. But I'm really not here to talk about a Monday match, I'm here to talk about Ric Flair's hardcore match with the Big Show on ECW. And Ric, I was impressed. I mean you got down, you got dirty, you got hardcore! You broke out the barb wire bat! You used thumbtacks, laying in a pile of them and as it turns out, you did it all in vain, Ric. Because no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how badly you wish I could grow something you could check out first hand, you get no rematch! See, three things happened at Vengeance Ric, I came, I saw, I kicked your old ass! And I have nothing left to prove to you! Now if you really want to me like Mick Foley, don't stop with the barb wire and thumbtacks. Wear a flannel on TV next week, drive a used mini-van, and sit

July 24

As many of you may know, a few weeks ago, Triple H and myself pulled a little bit of a prank on the McMahons. We told them that one Stephanie McMahon had gone into labor. And... well, that was a lie. [Looking up] Forgive me. As it would seem, however, life often imitates art. Because at this very moment, Stephanie McMahon is in a hospital in Connecticut giving birth to her first child. And of course, thankfully by her side are her father, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and her brother, Shane McMahon. But unbeknownst to them, my partner-in-crime Triple H, at this very moment, is in that same hospital.

July 24

What has become of Ric Flair? You see I'm in a state of disbelief because I watched Raw last Monday and found it hard to believe that Ric Flair resorted to calling me "Fat Boy". Fat Boy, a name so effective he chose to use it twice and I have to admit the name hurt. Yeah, the name "Fat Boy" hurt when my brother used it on me 30 years ago. What has become of Ric Flair? You see it hurts me worse than anything just to see Ric Flair proving to the world, one of the all time great performers in our business, proving to the world that he had the creativity, the originality and the intellect of the average fourth grader. What has become of Ric Flair!? You see I thought I was going on a journey to meet the Great and Powerful Oz! And it turns out instead I see a weak and feeble man operating behind a curtain, digging into a bag of cliches because he's got nothing left to offer! "To be the man, you've got to beat the man!" "I'm a 16-time world champion!" "All night long!" blah blah blah. You mak

August 21

Jerry Lawler: [reacts as the camera shows DX spray-painted on the side] Uh oh... Jim Ross: Oh God... Vince McMahon: [violently kicks the car and screams] Dammit!! [holds his right ear as he screams and cries in anguish; Shane tries to comfort him as he breaks down] Lawler: I think it's happened. I think DX has broken Mr. McMahon!

October 9

Edge: Randy, thanks for - thanks for coming on the show, and...I'll get straight to the point. See, you've impressed me. You impressed me in 2004 when you became the youngest champion in WWE history. But, but since then, you've done absolutely nothing. Randy Orton: [standing up from his seat, shocked] Excuse me? Randy: You got two seconds to come up with a point...or I'm gonna drop you right now. Jerry "The King" Lawler: I knew it. Edge: Okay. Okay. Okay, Randy, I have a point: you see, every - every misstep, every bump in the road since you became champion, it-it can be traced back to one single, solitary moment. Do you remember?, because if you don't, I'm gonna remind you right now. [pointing at the Titantron] Roll the footage. [footage shown of Orton in 2004 celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, only for Triple H and the rest of Evolution to turn on him as Triple H starts attacking him] Do you remember that, Randy? Do you remember, you were on top of the world, you had it

November 20

John Cena: You see, you people know, just when you think it's safe to get back in the water and have a good old-fashioned fight with your local Samoan Bulldozer, big old poopy pants comes running down and ruins the party! Big Show wanting to start Survivor Series all early and stuff. But you know what? I actually agree with that. And these four men were kind enough to go to war with me this Sunday, and it just so happens that they too, would like to start Survivor Series just a little bit early! Jerry Lawler: Oh! Cena: So what do you say, tons of fun? Why don't your team Goodyear come down here and we can start this right -- [Rated-RKO's music hits] Jim Ross: John Cena obviously wanting to get some retribution with The Big Show's team. Lawler: That's not The Big Show's music is it? Ross: No it certainly isn't. Where the, I hear the music of Team R, [Team Rated-RKO consisting of Edge, Gregory Helms, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, and Randy Orton along with Melina enters through the crowd] Tea

December 4

Todd Grisham: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome D-Generation X. [crowd cheers] And gentlemen, after the footage we just saw, the question on everyone's mind is how is Ric Flair doing? Shawn Michaels: Todd, you can't and will never be able to hold down Ric Flair. He will be back. Edge and Orton, [claps] unbelievable. You two are the only ones that have managed to see past the mirage that is D-Generation X. The whole fighting the system, spitting in the face of authority, having no respect for absolutely anyone, you knew that didn't apply when it came to the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. You know about the impact he had when we were growing up. You know about the impact he had on us when we were young WWE superstars and more importantly than that, you know that in the last five years, we have come to know him as a close personal friend. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. You've now made this personal. Last week you did to Ric Flair that which you knew you could never do to us. The pain,

March 12

John Cena: There's tension in the air, I can feel it. Cause everybody here is just like me, the last six weeks of my life. I've been asking, do I trust Shawn Michaels? I've been asking myself, when is Shawn Michaels gonna betray his tag team partner and stab John Cena right in the back? We are on the doorstep of WrestleMania, and you know what? I'm sick of thinking about it! HBK, you wanna betray your tag team partner, that's fine with me. At WrestleMania, we ain't got no friends. But Shawn Michaels, you wanna stab me in the back? I ain't down with that. You wanna kick my teeth down my throat? Well Shawn Michaels, get out here and if you wanna do it, you do it right now. Jim Ross: The WWE Champion calling out the number one contender, [D-Generation X's music hits] and his World Tag Team Championship partner! [Shawn Michaels comes out] Jerry Lawler: He's asking for a backstabbing! I can't believe it! Ross: Shawn Michaels didn't have to be asked twice to come to the ring. These two men,

March 26

Edge: Welcome to a very special edition of the Cutting Edge. Now as we all know, the third annual Money in the Bank ladder match takes place this Sunday at WrestleMania. I of course won the first Money in the Bank, cashed it in, and went on to become WWE Champion. Actually, I've won ladder matches at WrestleManias 16, 17, and 21. As a matter of fact, I've won more ladder matches than all of you combined. Add to the fact that I've never been beaten at WrestleMania. And what makes any of you think you have a shot this Sunday? And, and Matt, Matt I'll start with you. Because I'm shocked that you're even on WrestleMania. [Matt Hardy takes the microphone] Matt Hardy: Oh I'm on WrestleMania. And I'm gonna be in your face. And you're not the only one with experience in ladder matches. I've won quite a few of these myself. And at WrestleMania, I'm gonna beat you up bad. So bad that you're gonna be lying flat on your back. Much like your ex-girlfriend. Edge: Okay, okay, that's it, you're done s

May 21

I regret that Shawn Michaels' wife, Rebecca, had to endure what happened last night. And this is what happened. [footage from Randy Orton's match with Shawn Michaels from Judgment Day the night before is shown, where Orton gave Michaels a concussion] And you have to ask yourself this question. Could that have possibly been the last match in the illustrious career of Shawn Michaels? You see in professional wrestling, in an, in any professional sport for that matter, an injury is like a target. It's like a great big bullseye, and I took advantage of that injury. Shawn Michaels did not listen to the doctors' opinion. Shawn Michaels was told not to come into this ring, much less compete. I did what any professional would have done. I beat Shawn Michaels. And not because he suffered a concussion. I beat Shawn Michaels because I'm the legend killer, Randy Orton.

June 18

On behalf of the McMahon family, I would like to thank all of you for your letters, your phone calls and your emails. While your sympathy was sometimes surprising, you have no idea how much it meant to me and my family. My father wanted to leave this world the same way he lived it. In the biggest way possible. Which is why the McMahon family is inviting all of you to join us next week in a special three-hour celebration. Next week, superstars from Raw, SmackDown! and ECW will join us in celebration of my father, Mr. McMahon. Now some of you might feel that Mr. McMahon doesn't deserve a celebration. Mr. McMahon was not loved. He was not sympathetic, and he was not kind. But the man you know as Mr. McMahon is the only man I have ever known as my dad. And my dad is the most important person in this world. Was. And this Sunday's pay-per-view might be named Vengeance, but vengeance will be true the moment that my family finds out who did this to my dad. I love you dad! [walks out of the rin

June 25

Vince McMahon: Good evening. Tonight, this arena here in Corpus Christi, Texas, was to have been filled to capacity with enthusiastic WWE fans. Tonight’s storyline was to have been the alleged demise of my character, Mr. McMahon. However, in reality, WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel, are dead. Their bodies were discovered this afternoon in their new, suburban Atlanta home. The authorities are undergoing an investigation. We here in the WWE can only offer our condolences to the extended family of Chris Benoit, and the only other thing we can do at this moment is, tonight, pay tribute to Chris Benoit. We will offer you some of the most memorable moments in Chris’ professional life, and you will hear, tonight, comments from his peers; those here – his fellow performers – those here who loved Chris and admired him so much. So tonight will be a three-hour tribute to one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time. Tonight will be a tribute to Chris Benoit. Edg

September 24

I just want to congratulate John Cena, on being the biggest phony in WWE history. Cena prides himself on never backing down, never quitting. But that's exactly what Cena did at Unforgiven. [clip from Orton's WWE Championship match with John Cena at Unforgiven is shown] He knew he couldn't beat me, so he went ahead and got himself disqualified. That's taking the coward's way out. That's the same as giving up. Don't let Cena trick you into thinking he lost it in the heat of battle. He knew exactly what he was doing. Cena was losing the match. He could see his one-year title reign come crashing to an end, so he took the easy way out. Now tell me, what type of champion does that? Cena, I'll give you credit, you're smart. You took all the focus off screwing me over by having your pathetic father kick me in the head after the match. [clip of Cena's father kicking Orton in the head is shown] Mr. Cena, I don't know what you do for a living. You probably live off your son like a bum. I on the o

November 5

Triple H: What the hell was all that? Shawn: I gotta be honest with you. I mean, I feel like I'm getting a little old for this. I don't know who writes this garbage, but this is the worst debacle since that whole Katie Vick years ago. Triple H: You got a good point. But the thing is, I don't think anybody writes this crap—they're on strike. [The crowd cheers] But we're not!

December 31

Randy Orton: 2007 could be summarized to three letters. R, K, O. I went from the Legend Killer to becoming a one man dynasty. And in 2008, I'm going to be more ruthless and dominant than ever. I will start this new year as the WWE Champion, and I will walk out of 2008 still the WWE Champion. [crowd boos, then Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out] Jim Ross: Well ladies and gentlemen, the number one contender for the WWE title, the very man that will meet Randy Orton for the WWE title at the Royal Rumble, Jeff Hardy has apparently heard enough of what Mr. Orton has to say here tonight. Jerry Lawler: Well I don't think this is a good idea for Jeff Hardy to come out here and ruin the moment for Randy Orton. Let's face it, Randy Orton is the WWE Champion, he is the greatest Raw superstar of 2007. He deserves a certain amount of respect. Jeff Hardy: You can talk about your year all you want man. But right here, right now, it means nothing. Dude, it's about what you've done lately

March 31

"Nature Boy" Ric Flair: WOOOO! Last night, I wrestled my very last match at WrestleMania. I will never, ever, wrestle in this ring again. [The crowd boos this] Please... please... I... I... I'm not sad about not wrestling. You shouldn't be sad about the fact that you're not gonna see me out here. You should rejoice in the fact that I HAVE HAD THE GREATEST WRESTLING CAREER IN THE HISTORY OF PRO WRESTLING! [The crowd erupts at this] And last night, even though I lost, I lost to a great, great, great wrestler and a better man! [The crowd boos at mention of Shawn Michaels] It's true... Rejoice in the fact that I have wrestled in front of more fans, raised more hell, had more fun, and loved all of you every day of my life! I swear to God! I've been teared up all day long with the thought of not being able to come out here anymore, but I'm off! I'm off, and I'm in a good place, and I love you! [As he speaks, "Thank you, Ric" chants start within the crowd] Please... Let me say to you, I wanna

June 9

Chris Jericho: HBK, I wanna thank you for coming onto the Highlight Reel tonight. It's obvious from your body language that it's not easy; you look like you're still feeling the effects from the beating you took at One Night Stand in the stretcher match. But those effects would be felt by anybody; you put on such a gutsy performance, Shawn, I mean, you showed so much heart, so much courage, you should be proud of yourself, and, I-I was - I was proud of you too, as a matter of fact, even though you lost that match, all of our fans around the world and even here tonight, they still love you! [the crowd cheers] Shawn Michaels: I, uh...I appreciate all the kind words, but, um...you got a question in any of this? Jericho: Yes, I do have a question, I'm gonna get to that, but first I wanna make a little observation. I mean, like we just heard, obviously our fans, they love you no matter what it is you do. [to the cheering fans] No matter what, right? Case in point, you feigned a knee injury

September 22

Leave it to HBK to once again attempt to rewrite history. Last week, HBK, in an effort to in his words, permanently disfigure me, and take my championship away, convinced Mike Adamle to make our match at No Mercy a World Heavyweight Championship ladder match. And then in another one of his typical multiple hypocritical lying statements that your hero HBK likes to make, Shawn claimed that he revolutionized the ladder match. And like the brainless sycophants that you are, the mindless sheep that you are, you all mindly believed what he said. Here's a news flash for ya. Just 'cause Shawn Michaels says something doesn't mean that it's true. And conversely, when Chris Jericho tells you something, you know that it's real because I am an honest man. I am a good man. And I always tell the truth. And here's some truth for you right now. I have won three separate championships in a ladder match. I have won more ho, high-profile ladder matches than Shawn Michaels has ever appeared in in his entir

October 27

Lilian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, the former World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho! [Chris Jericho angrily looks at Lilian] Chris Jericho: What happened last night at Cyber Sunday was the biggest screwjob in WWE history. Mike Adamle wanted Batista to be the champion, so he did everything in his power to make it happen, and all of you were happy to oblige him! You voted in Stone Cold Steve Austin, you couldn't picked an un, more biased referee in the entire planet! Austin changed the rules in the middle of this match. He put his hands on me repeatedly, he tried to bully me, he tried to intimidate me, and worst of all, he didn't count to three when I had the match won, and now as a result, Batista is the new World Heavyweight Champion. [crowd cheers, then chants "you suck"] If I was Batista, I would be embarrassed to call myself a champion. I would be ashamed to call myself a champion. Because Batista did not beat Chris Jericho. No, no. It took an entire army to beat me, from Bati

January 26

My name is Randy Orton. And I would like to introduce my lawyers and therapist, and the other members of Legacy, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Now the reason why I am out here is to discuss the events that happened last week on Raw. Now as all of you know, I am a third-generation superstar. The WWE is in my blood, it is a part of me. But, unfortunately, something else is a part of me. Something that I have been living with for quite some time. It's called IED. Intermittent explosive disorder. [the therapist hands him a note] IED affects 16 million Americans. It is a mental condition, where the individual, when sufficiently provoked, suffers a loss of control, resulting in outbursts of physical violence. After being slapped by Stephanie McMahon, and having my job threatened by Mr. McMahon, I had become sufficiently provoked. [returns the note to the therapist] Now you all saw my face after it was all over. I was not responsible for my actions. My therapist, my therapist can confirm that

March 30

At the age of 24, I became the youngest world champion in the history of the WWE. It was the greatest moment in my life, but it was short-lived. Because the next night on Raw, the man who was my mentor, the man that claimed to be my friend, turned on me in a fit of jealous rage. [footage from the August 16, 2004 episode of Raw is shown where Triple H betrays Orton, kicking him out of Evolution] That night, everything started to fall into place. Triple H ruined my life, so I made a vow to myself, to ruin his. But I had to wait. I had to wait until I found the talent to start a group of my own. I had to wait until Triple H was more powerful than he had ever been before, and I had to wait until Triple H found something that he cared about, more than the WWE title. And so it began, this past January, when I eliminated Triple H and went on to win the 2009 Royal Rumble. [footage from the Royal Rumble is shown] I earned the right to face Triple H and take his title at the 25th anniversary of

January 11

[outside the WWE Superstars Locker Room] When I first came to World Wrestling Entertainment, not a single person respected me. Not anyone out in the WWE universe, and not anyone in the WWE locker room. Everybody wanted to get rid of me. Nobody could stand me! They made my life a living hell. As a matter of fact, in this very locker room I got kicked out for eating a piece of chicken over a referee’s bag and spilling some crumbs.

February 22

Shawn Michaels: I am not going to take up a lot of your time tonight, because my explanation for my actions last night really isn't all that complicated. I did what I had to do, I did what I needed to do. Now I understand that what I've done isn't really all that popular with many of you but, that is something that I am willing to live with. And I've heard the, the rumors about the Undertaker possibly being here tonight and I also understand that for every action, there must be a reaction. With regard to the Undertaker, I'm not just hoping for a reaction. I'm counting on it. Because there is absolutely no one that can possib -- [The Undertaker's music hits] Jerry Lawler: Ask and you shall receive. You all wondered if the Undertaker would be here. Now we know. [The Undertaker comes out] Michael Cole: Cut the tension with a knife. The Undertaker: You wanted my attention? Now you have it. Shawn: Last year, people said we had the greatest match in WrestleMania history. Some people even sai

September 27

Edge: Well tonight folks, we have a first. Tonight, as my guest on the Cutting Edge, we have the Anonymous Raw GM. [the Anonymous Raw General Manager's laptop is in the ring] Now despite our acrimonious relationship, I actually do appreciate the GM agreeing to appear as a guest on my show. And I understand that this computer has been electronically transmitting this voice, so that's what it will continue to do, so as to keep this person's identity a secret. Now, with that being said, I think it's time to ask the first question. I, I need to ask you exactly, Raw GM, why are you such a spineless coward? Anonymous Raw General Manager's voice: Why are you such a moron? I remain anonymous to protect my identity. If people knew who I really was, it would change everything. Edge: Okay first of all, that's the worst voice ever. Se, [stammers] second of all, I thought, I thought you were Stone Cold Steve Austin, or or or, I thought you were The Rock, or maybe Shawn Michaels. Or Bob Barker. [sta

November 22

CM Punk: You thought Randy Orton and Wade Barrett was the story; you thought John Cena being fired was the story; and then The Miz, Mr. Money in the Bank, comes out, cashes in, and he tells the world that he is the true story. He is the WWE Champion. Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, the Era of Awesomeness has begun on Monday Night Raw!

February 21

Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, from one Hall of Famer to another, because in just a few moments, I am going to interview Jerry "The King" Lawler. Now for those of you who think that Jerry and I may fight, that's not gonna happen, because the General Manager has ruled if we touch one another, we'll both be terminated. But what I'm going to do is be the bigger man here. I'm going to let bygones be bygones because I am indeed a journalist. And despite what Jerry Lawler has said to me over the years, I'm going to conduct a professional interview because I am indeed the voice of the WWE. Beside Mr. McMahon in his early days, I'm better than Gordon Solie ever was. I'm, I'm better than Gorilla Monsoon. I'm surely better than Jim Ross. And I am indeed better than Jerry "The King" Lawler. So ladies and gentlemen, many of you may not know this, but I am indeed a former war correspondent and an award-winning broadcast journalist. So up next, I am going to put those journalist skills, well, o

April 11

You may to have to bear with me a little bit. I’m probably gonna ramble and not make much sense, but just please bear with me. A lot of people think that the WWE doesn't hurt. That what we do, maybe it’s done with smoke and mirrors, and I wish that were true. But anybody in that locker room, anybody who has ever stepped foot in here, laced up a pair of boots—they know that’s not the case.

June 20

July 17, 2011 will be the most historic day, not only in the career of CM Punk, it's gonna be a historic day for the WWE as a whole. Not only is July 17 the second annual Money in the Bank ladder match pay-per-view, it's the night I defeat John Cena for the WWE Championship. And now, here's that honesty I was talking about, that honesty that's probably gotten me in trouble more times than I like to admit. The brutal honesty I'm known for. July 17 is the day my contract with World Wrestling Entertainment comes to an end. That means when the clock strikes midnight, the 17 becomes the 18, Sunday bleeds into Monday, I'm leaving. And trust me when I tell you. I am leaving with the WWE Championship.

June 27

John Cena, while you lay there hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest. I don't hate you, John. I don't even dislike you. I do like you; I like you a hell lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you're the best...because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am, and that's kissing Vince McMahon's ass. You're as good at kissing Vince's ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don't know if you're as good as Dwayne though—he's a pretty good ass-kisser, always was and still is. [Turns to camera and waves] Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall.

July 11

CM Punk: You wanna have fun? Let's have fun. Mr. McMahon: [on the contract] I've got everything in here you want... CM Punk: Because my lawyers looked over your contract, Vince, and frankly, it just wasn't up to par, so I had them draw up a new one. I have it right here; my signature's already on it, all you've got to do is sign it. I...do think you should know about a couple new perks that I've added to it. You say you don't think contractual things should happen in public? Let's ask the WWE Universe—you people want this to go down in public? [The crowd cheers] You wanna hear a couple new perks? Mr. McMahon: Don't push me. Audience member: What? CM Punk: He said, "don't push me." Did you already look at this? Did somebody stooge this off? Because this is actually provision #1—[pushes McMahon in his seat] that I get to push you. Vince, I'll push you all I want..Vince, I'll kick you in the nuts and you'll smile at me and like it, and show me some respect! Because if you don't, I find th

July 11

CM Punk: I'm not gonna have you sit here and belittle me. Say I've lost sight? I've lost sight of things, John? The reason I say I'm gonna take that and walk out is because I don't fit a certain mold. Because I am the underdog, and that's exactly what you've lost sight of. Earlier in this ring, you mentioned great wrestlers like Eddie Guerrero and you said that they used to look at you and think that the kid couldn't hang. And now you stand here and look at me as the kid that can't hang. John, I was hanging off of your gangster car, WrestleMania 22, as it rolled down in Chicago, Illinois, and I stood there in a suit looking as ridiculous as [points to Vince McMahon] that man looks right now in his suit, holding a phony Tommy gun, and I said to myself someday, I'm not gonna be standing out there watching you in the ring; I was gonna be standing in the ring watching you go down to CM Punk. And now here we are in your hometown of Boston. And now next week, we'll be back there in my hometo

July 18

Relax, relax, relax, relax. I'm not gonna go on a profanity-ridden tirade. You don't need a seven-second-delay, Kevin. I'm not gonna show my genitalia. I'm not gonna talk bad about your family or your company. And I know exactly what you're about to do, and I'm okay with it. Because I'm not gonna have to go through the same things that you made Shawn Michaels go through. Shawn Michaels, the best performer ever to step in this ring. But you made him bent over backwards and for all that he accomplished, for all of his achievements, for years, all they said about HBK was that he screwed Bret! No matter how many championships he won, no matter how many times he stopped the show, he carried that burden, and it began to define him, and he had to take it with him his entire career. And you know what? I thought about that a lot last week, Vince, and I put myself in his shoes. If I was in his shoes, would I want to be the guy who screwed Bret? Would I want to be the guy that screwed CM Punk? My

July 18

Vince. Sorry I got here as quickly as I could. There was a board of directors' meeting this morning. Vince, last night we flew from Chicago here. When I got there, I received a phone-call. I got back on the jet and I flew to the office, where there was a board of directors' meeting this morning. Vince, the board asked me to come here to talk to you. They are concerned about the current situation. Can we just go and talk about this in the back, please? I tried to get out here, Vince, before you came to the ring, but I didn't make it. More specifically, the board is concerned about you. Don't get me wrong. They completely understand you have built the global empire. All of this, every single bit of it is because of you and your vision. That's a given. But at the same point in time, Vince, the board is concerned about your extremely questionable - their term, their words - extremely questionable decisions as of late. Vince, the board has asked me to come here to tell you, that they have f

August 8

Wait a minute, I'm gutless, I'm a phony, I'm gutless? Let's analyze that, who fires people around here, [points at HHH] you or Funkman [points at John Laurinaitis] over here, huh? Who, let me ask you a question, Johnny Funkman. You personally face to face, fire Vladimir Kozlov on Friday? Huh did you fly yourself to Florida to tell Harry Smith - yes, his name his Harry Smith, not David Hart Smith that he was no longer needed here, huh? Did you tell Chris Masters - somebody who has worked his ass off to get better, did you fire him face to face or did you call him up and say "hey kid, it's a budget thing. Best of luck on your future endeavors" - don't call me gutless! You have him do your dirty work! This isn't about him [John Laurinaitis] This isn't about you. [HHH]

February 27

Chris Jericho: Listen, I know you've got a big match, Champion vs. Champion, but what I have to say is a little bit more important. Before I say it, let me preface it by saying one thing. I think you're an amazing performer, Punk. I think you're very, very good. As a matter of fact, you're one of my favorites, but you're not as good as I am. You're not as good as me. You're not the best in the world at everything you do, and you know it. CM Punk: Stop. Stop. Just stop. Chris Jericho: Don't you tell me to stop, boy. I'm talking to you. CM Punk: And I'm listening, but I think everybody else is sick of listening, so I'm gonna go ahead. Look, Chris, I know how good you are, these people know how good you are. My problem I have with you is you coming out here and insinuating that I've stolen anything from you. No, I've never plagiarized anything in my life. Everything I have, [holding up WWE Championship] I've fought for and I've earned. It's right here. Chris Jericho: Oh, yeah, laugh along

March 12

Yeah, congratulations. Way to go, Punk, way to go. Congratulations on your big win. You need to enjoy them while you can. You see, you can smirk if you want to, but I see straight through you. When I look at you, I see a fraud. And I'm not talking about the fact that you call yourself the best in the world, I'm talking about you as a person. Because I did a little research this week, Punk, and I found something, a little deep, dirty, dark secret about you. You've been straight edge ever since you came to the WWE, but you've never explained the reasons why. I wanna tell all of these wannabes why you're straight edge. I wanna tell them that you're straight edge because your father is an alcoholic.

May 14

John Laurinaitis: Look at you, Show! Get up and talk to me like a man! [Big Show gets up] Show! Look at me. Look into my eyes, okay? Here we are. You decided last week to make fun of my voice? You think that's smart to do to your leader, your boss? The man in charge? Are you trying to set an example for the back so that everybody in the locker room can do the same and make fun of me? Well I'm not gonna take it. I'm demanding an apology, and I want an apology right now, and it better be good, or I'm gonna fire you. [Big Show calls for a microphone] Big Show: Johnny. I've been thinking long and hard about what I'm gonna say to you tonight. I just, I want you to know something. When I broke into WCW, I was 23 years old. This has been my life. For the past 18 years, I've seen it all. I've done it all. I even had a WrestleMania moment, finally. [crowd cheers] Now there's a part of me that can walk away with my head held high, no regrets. But the truth is, I love what I do. I love waking up

May 21

John Cena: I, I, I... I've had a lot of these matches. I've won some. I've lost some. But win, lose, or draw, every single Monday, I come out here and say, "You know what? It was great. Congratulations to my opponent. Let's move on." Michael Cole: Can't do that, can he? John Cena: What the hell happened? What the hell? What the hell? John Laurinaitis beat me. John Laurinaitis... he... he beat me. You know, you know, here's the thing, it's not how, it's not how it happened. It's why the hell would something like that happen in the first place! [frustrated grunt] Okay. You know, ever since he's been here, and all of you can attest to this, John Laurinaitis has been a selfish, power-hungry bully. And last night, John Laurinaitis got a taste of his own medicine. You guys saw some of the photos. If you were there and you watched it, we were having a blast! It was great! It was everything that it was supposed to be! That was what People Power was about! He was getting his tail whipped! I was

May 28

[mock smiling] You see this? This is me doing my job. This... this is me smiling. Smiling. It was easy making you people smile. Tell you the truth, I didn't mind doing it. But make no mistake about it, it was a calculated business decision. I made a living at it. I was a business man. I just also happen to be a giant. See, but all that's over now. Oh, that's so nice. What. That's so good. That's why I love you all so much. See, the reason I don't have to do that anymore and put on that smile is because I have an ironclad contract. [hears "Cena" chants] I have an ironclad contract with a big fat bonus, which means I'm set for life. Which means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whoever I want, and I don't have to be concerned about putting smiles on you people's faces. I'm 7-foot tall, 441 pounds. I am not an entertainer. I am a giant. Let's face it, people, there's no one in my league. There's no helmet, shoulder-pad, four month out-of-the-year NFL player. There's no toothpi

May 28

Cody Rhodes: Like I said, I respect what Christian has done, but again, he sits on the fence between classic and contemporary, in my opinion. Jerry: What does that mean? What does that mean, "sits on the fence"? Cody: Well, I'm trying to be nice, Jerry. It means he's old, old like you.

July 30

CM Punk: "WrestleMania moments" are what most everybody in the locker room always talks about, everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. But last week, I had myself a Raw moment; it was a Raw moment that was bigger than most people's WrestleMania moments. But before I get into why I did exactly what I did to the Rock, I wanna shed some light on something. I want to bring to your attention the way Raw 1,000 went off the air, I was uncomfortable with. I...it left a bad taste in my mouth. The way the 1,000th episode of Raw went off the air was with Jerry Lawler saying, and I quote, "CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe." Michael Cole: Cat got your tongue, King? You did say that. CM Punk: I don't get it, Jerry. I mean, I'm used to really bad, overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary, but...that was horrible, even for you. How do you jump to such a conclusion? I mean, if anything, it was you who turned your back on me because the last time I checked, the Rock was not the WWE Univ

September 3

The Miz: You know, he can make all the excuses in the world, but let's face it—Heath Slater needs to start turning his career around. Now Zack Ryder, on the other hand, look at him. This guy does everything, he goes above and beyond. Social media guru—this guy is on YouTube with his Z! True Long Island Story, he's on Facebook, he's on Twitter, he's interactive with his WWE Universe, and that's why they love him so much. Michael Cole: Yeah, well, what about Heath Slater? Come on, he's the "One Man Band!" The Miz: I got a song he can cover. How about Beck's "Loser"?

September 10

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you noticed that Jerry Lawler hasn't been active in the last couple of matches. A little bit earlier tonight, Jerry passed out here... passed out here at ringside. Um... [trying not to tear up] Jerry collapsed and was... was helped to the back. He was stretchered to the back to the locker room area. We understand now that Jerry is receiving medical attention as we speak. They are performing CPR. And again, this is not part of tonight's entertainment. This has happened. And again, Jerry Lawler collapsed here at ringside tonight, and they're performing CPR as we speak back in the locker room area. We'll have more information as Monday Night Raw rolls on tonight.

September 10

Bret Hart: Let me ask you this, John Cena: what are you gonna do to finally shut this phony little punk up? CM Punk: "Phony"? "Phony"? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the people. Did you call me a phony? Bret: A phony little punk. John Cena: Hitman, let me handle this one. Yes, he called you a phony. Does that irritate you? Does that make you wanna come down here and maybe do something about it? If that's the case, I'm calling you a phony too. Two things happen at this point—you either stay up there, or you come down here. And there's forty feet of distance and three ropes between you and the worst decision of your life. CM Punk: Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is. It's quite ironic, the biggest phony in World Wrestling Entertainment history decides to point his finger and cast judgment on its champion. Well, John-Boy, I don't need your judgment, and I don't need your permission. I do what I want, I do what I decide, and right now I've decide

November 26

Michael Cole: Dean, Seth, Roman, been my pleasure to known you guys for a while now and worked with you down in the developmental territory in NXT. And it seems a bit odd though to be conducting this interview tonight under these circumstances. It was eight nights ago at Survivor Series, many people say that you came... Dean Ambrose: Many people? Who are these people? Michael, if you got a question to ask us, just ask. Michael Cole: Okay. Are you three working directly for WWE Champion CM Punk? Dean Ambrose: Nope. Michael Cole: Okay. So if you're not working for Punk, then why are you guys here? Seth Rollins: Now that's the question, Michael. That's the question you should be asking. You see, we sat down in NXT and we saw things clearly. Crystal clear, actually. You see, everybody around here has to answer to the likes of the Vickie Guerreros and the Booker Ts. And Vickie and Booker, they have to answer to the Board of the Directors. And Board of Directors ultimately has to answer to t

January 7

The time has come to tell you all something very personal. You see, I keep my ear to the ground, and I hear everything everybody says, and for the past year and a half, the words "pipe bomb" have been completely misunderstood and misused. It doesn't seem anybody in the Universe understands what it means, anybody in this company doesn't understand what a pipe bomb is. Basically, what a pipe bomb is, in its truest form, is the truth. It's honesty. You boil it down, and the essence of a pipe bomb is exactly what all of you lack—honesty. Seems the perception of me is someone who was a little disgruntled, sat down on the stage in Las Vegas, and aired his grievances and said "pipe bomb." I became the Voice of the Voiceless, and then maybe my ego was like a runaway train and I suddenly bitched and moaned and complained about respect and how I didn't get enough of it. And then I turned my back on the people.

January 7

So I stand here on the first Raw of 2013 your WWE Champion, and I promise you in one years time, I will stand in this ring on the first Raw of 2014 still your WWE Champion. What fuels me is your constant disappointment in your self-appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me, and now The Rock has come back, but it's not gonna change the fact, that I am the WWE Champion. And I'm not gonna let The Rock tear down everything that I fought so hard to attain, no no no no no no no..... not at all, no, in 2011, when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn't just beat Alberto Del Rio, I beat the system. And every time after that, when I beat one of your superheroes, and I don't care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, any of the litany of Superstars that I defeated, I wasn't just beating them, I was beating all of you. And for 414 days, that's exactly what I've done. In your face, jerks. I have beaten

January 7

The Rock: The Rock had to hear it all. The Rock wanted to wait until you said everything you had to say, so the Rock knew exactly the kind of man he's dealing with at the Royal Rumble. And now it's become crystal clear to the Rock. You are straight up delusional. You keep mentioning that number 414. 414 days you've been WWE champion. That's incredible, incredible. The real number, it ain't 414, Jack. The real number that haunts your dreams is 20. 20 excuses running around your mind right now. 20 hairs standing up on your straight edge scrotum. Because you know, you know in 20 days you're gonna be defending that WWE Championship against the Rock which means in 20 days you know, the Rock knows, they know, in 20 days, time's up. Crowd: [chant] Cookie Puss! Cookie Puss! CM Punk: Be the puppets that you are. He got you chanting about ice cream the same way I did a year and a half ago. Congratulations. They still don't get to win. You don't get to win. The Rock: They don't get to win? They d

January 14

Late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear.

January 14

Vickie Guerrero: Are you kidding me?!?! How dare you do that to me?! How dare you?!? The Rock: Hold on Vickie, don't go anywhere, cause we wanna sing you out. We'll sing goodbye properly [audience joins in] "We said biatch, you look horrible tonight." [Vickie slowly walks out] Houston, Texas, that is one horrible-looking beeyatch.

April 8

Josh Mathews: How does it feel to be the new World Heavyweight Champion? Dolph Ziggler: You know, Josh, I have been too damn good for too damn long. Now I knew, I knew I just needed the right time and the right place, and I found it tonight. Now I know it's the day after, but this...this is my WrestleMania moment! I'm the showoff, 'cause I'm gonna take my new championship, shine it up, and show it off. It's about damn time.

July 8

I have no followers, I have only brothers and sisters, all in the name of cause. People are sheep, you understand me? They can't lead themselves, they need to be lead. People buy and sell fear. They worship war, they crave war. But I'm not afraid of their wars. I created war! And I think it's time for the masses to wake up, wake up, WAKE UP! Wake up and look at this lie they're living in man! The world is deteriorating between their toes, and they do nothing about it. They only stand there, they whisper and wonder but never do anything about it! But I've seen it all in my dreams and in my thoughts, and above everything else, I understand. This is not the beginning, it's the end. We're here.

July 15

Paul: You know what I'm looking at right now? I'm looking at an empty ring because in my world, you don't exist. Try this one on for size—am I lying? In 2005, WWE had no vision for you. CM Punk was a figment of Paul Heyman's imagination. And what did I do? I took you in, I befriended you, I taught you, I trained you, I martyred my entire career for you. And then we reached the holy grail together. We were the reigning, defending WWE Champion for 434 days. We were the longest-reigning WWE Champion of the past 25 years. We came within an inch of breaking the Undertaker's streak at WrestleMania. We, CM Punk, we were the best in the world. And here's part of the equation you seem to forget about—without me, there is no we. Without Paul Heyman, CM Punk, you're not the best in the world. Crowd: [chanting] CM PUNK! Paul: And all you want, all you crave, all you need in your life is the WWE Championship. You took my best friend away from me, and I took your chance at the WWE Title away from yo

July 29

[to Kane] I heard you like to call yourself "the Devil's Favorite Demon." But you, sir, are NO DEMON! And the Devil? No, man...shh, shh, shh. Kane, I'd like to let you in on a little secret now. You ought to be careful who you say those things in front of, because you never know [whispering] who might be listening. FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!!!

August 26

OMG, you guys, I just watched last night's episode of Total Divas, and it was insane. Oh, my gosh. The Bellas were dealing with their obvious daddy issues, the Funkadactyls broke up and got back together again, Natalya's fiance isn't much of a man...and the other two were also there. It was great, it really was, and...it was the end of the world, and it's only Sunday nights on the E! Network!

September 9

Michael Cole: What is your problem with the cast of Total Divas? AJ Lee: My problem with the cast of Total Divas is that they're the cast of a reality show. They are not here for this title. Michael Cole: [back to the match] The Rear View by Naomi. If she connects with that on Sunday... AJ Lee: This is what is reality, this championship. And you know what? All week long, these girls have been Tweeting about me, talking about me, yelling to .com, crying and screaming. You know why? They're complaining and IMing their every single thought because they know I'm right and I'm getting to them. JBL: Is that how fights start nowadays, you Tweet each other? AJ Lee: For them, apparently; I said what I had to say to their face. Jerry: So you have no desire to go on that reality show and really mix it up with those girls? JBL: It's certainly a big hit. AJ Lee: I have the date I won this title tattooed on the back of my neck. This is all I care about. Jerry: So...any other tattoos? AJ Lee: I think

October 21

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It's an execution live on WWE pay-per-view, as "The Best in the World" CM Punk straps me into the electric chair, puts the poison into my veins, lines me up in front of the firing squad and pulls the trigger himself! For the first time ever — and for the first time ever again — it will never, ever happen...as a non-participant actually gets locked inside of a cell with a man who does not spend his night fantasizing about the Divas. CM Punk spends his night fantasizing and obsessing about the massacre he wants to inflict upon Paul Heyman. CM Punk wants to take me down, take me out, DRIVE ME AWAY from WWE forever!

December 9

Randy Orton: Better than anyone, I know what you are capable of; but I also know what you're not capable of. Remember years ago, when you were making a name for yourself, you claimed you had ruthless aggression. Well, if you had it then, you don't have it anymore because if you did, you would've put me in the hospital last Monday night on Raw. But you didn't. You couldn't do it, you didn't have the stomach, and you're gonna regret that decision for the rest of your life after this Sunday. Crowd: [chanting] YES! Randy: Meanwhile, I am the greatest Superstar of this generation or any other! Just look around you! Look at these men in this ring! Look at Mick Foley back there! Hey, Mick! I took years off of his career. I took years, literally years off of his life! Where's HBK? [Shawn waves from behind Triple H] Showstopper Shawn Michaels, Mr. WrestleMania, I've embarrassed him on multiple occasions. And there wouldn't have even had to have been a screwjob in Montreal if I was competing 16

December 9

John Cena: It's funny. I couldn't help but notice you said the word, "work." A little example, for one second. [Brings Daniel Bryan front and center, to the cheers and "YES!" chants of the Seattle crowd] Tell these people your name, please. Daniel: My name is Daniel Bryan. John: We'll get to know you a little bit more. Daniel, where are you from? Daniel: I'm from Aberdeen, Washington. JBL: Wherever that is. John: Was either your father or your mother ever a Superstar, Hall of Fame, WWE Superstar at all? Father or mother, either one. Daniel: No, my dad's a log scaler actually. JBL: What? John: So since you've been here, you've have to...work for everything you've got. Daniel: Yes. Crowd: [chanting] YES! John: [back to Randy] You hear that? The reason they cheer for him is because he works and he earns it! A guy like you has been given every single thing in the WWE!

December 30

Bray Wyatt: [to a beaten-down Daniel Bryan] This is where our story ends. I have no mercy left to give! It could've been different, it could've been better, it could've been perfect! No, this is your fault. I'm gonna punish you. I want you to open your eyes. [Pulls Daniel by the hair] Open your eyes and look at your dismay! Open your eyes, Bryan! This is the end. Daniel: You're right. Bray Wyatt: Say it again. Say that again. Daniel: You're right. Bray Wyatt: Say it again! Say it again! Get up and say it again! Say it! Crowd: [chanting] NO! Bray Wyatt: [indicating the mic] You want this? [Bray hands it to Daniel] Say it! Daniel: You're right. You were always right. No matter how many matches I won, no matter how loud these people cheered for me, you were always right. The machine...the machine would never let me win. No matter how loud you people chanted. You chanted "YES!" in every building I've ever been to, and they don't care. I'm yours. Let me join the Family. Bray Wyatt: Remember

March 3

Paul Heyman: [on the Chicago crowd chanting "CM PUNK!"] I believe he deserves louder than that! Fans: [chanting] CM PUNK! Paul: I came here tonight to tell the story of a Paul Heyman guy. A Paul Heyman guy that was never truly wanted in WWE; a Paul Heyman guy that they thought was too small to main-event WrestleMania; a Paul Heyman guy that didn't have the right corporate look; a Paul Heyman guy that had too many tattoos; a Paul Heyman guy that would rebel against the current system, against the authority, against the first family to such a degree that they didn't want him in WWE from day one, and they don't want him in WWE right now. I came here tonight to tell you the story of a Paul Heyman guy that had the balls to say what nobody else had the balls to say. I came here tonight to tell you about a Paul Heyman guy that was born in, raised in and still lives in Chicago. My name is Paul Heyman, and, ladies and gentlemen, this is my pipe bomb about CM Punk...who is not here this evening.

March 10

Bray Wyatt: [to Hulk Hogan and John Cena] I have always been fascinated with pride. It is my favorite sin. It has the power to blind even the strongest men, even those who claim to be immortal. Hey kids, take your vitamins and say your prayers! All praise be to the virtue of hustle, loyalty, and respect, as if they can do you any good. John Cena: Do you even listen to all that weird crap you're saying? You just said pride was the fall of man, and then you follow up by saying when I look at you, I should see a god. I look at you and I don't see a god. I see a homeless dude that spent too many years [singing] wastin' away again in Margaritaville, lookin' for his lost shaker of salt.

March 10

The Yes Movement is live tonight right here in Memphis, Tennessee! Now earlier tonight, Stephanie McMahon came out here and "apologized." Did any of you think that was sincere? [The crowd chants "NO!"] Yeah, me neither. And you see, The Authority wants to scare me into falling in line. They want to scare me into coming out here and apologizing for something I should've done a long time ago, which is kick Triple H in the face. Well, you see, Hunter, you can't have it both ways. If you wanna be COO and be all corporate and come out in your suit and tie and all that kind of staff, that is fine. But if you wanna lay your hands on me, if you wanna send people down here to beat me down, if you wanna Pedigree me, if you wanna get my face, and you expect me to back down, I am not going to. I AM GOING TO FIGHT!

March 10

Triple H: Alright Daniel, congratulations. You got your own little Occupy Raw Movement. I am sure all of the other dirty little hippies and trolls that live under the bridge with you are very happy for you. And while I'm happy all of you can have a moment, now this is the part where reality comes crashing down on all of you. You all... that includes all of you have about 30 seconds to get out of our ring before we call security and have you all arrested. I'll give you to 30; talk amongst yourselves. [The Movement chants "NO!"] That's it, get out of your system, is that all you got?! Come on, I know the fat guy right up front does not have much more in him. I can see him sweatin', come on. Give it to me, chubby, come on. Aw, you petered out, didn't ya. That's too bad 'cause your 30 seconds of glory are up, you losers. SECURITY! Daniel: Wait a second, Hunter. You ask us to leave? What do you think if everybody here in this colosseum just walks out to the parking lot right now? We can set

March 10

Stephanie: I have enough of this. Don't you disrespect my husband! Don't you disrespect my family's name! My great-grandfather, my grandfather. When I was born, this place became mine! IT IS ALL MINE! AND I DO OWN YOU! I DO OWN YOU! GET OUT! I SAID GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! Daniel: You see, Stephanie, they are saying No! They are saying No! We are not leaving until we get what we want. And Hunter, you know exactly what we want. A match between you and me at WrestleMania XXX. Go ahead, Hunter. Give us what we want and we'll give you your show back. It is simple as that. You guys like to lay out ultimatums, I'm laying out an ultimatum too. You don't get your show back until we get what we want. Triple H: You wanna know what the truth is, Daniel? Truth is, I actually like you. I actually saw something in you. So, you know what? I took it upon myself to try to protect you. To protect you from everything that would happen when you were successful. You would be run out of here, so I tried t

April 7

Paul: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and it is the greatest privilege of my career to serve as the advocate for the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar! The conqueror of the Undertaker's Streak, a streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century. A quarter of a century that ended in three seconds at the hands of the conqueror, Brock Lesnar! Crowd: [chant] BULLSHIT! Paul: I understand how you feel. You're in shock, which shows me your lack of intelligence, because we hate to say we told you so, but ladies and gentlemen, WE TOLD YOU SO!!! My client stood before you with a shirt. Now, here it is, and I know how difficult it is for you to read, but it says, [pointing across Brock's shirt] "Eat, sleep, break the Streak"! And you had the temerity to doubt the strategy of the greatest manager in sports-entertainment history, Paul Heyman, or the physical credentials of the most dominant athlete in WWE ever, Brock Lesnar! Hey, let's get one thing straight. Brock Lesnar is not here to p

April 7

Speak to me, Warriors! As I thought about what I was gonna say this evening, it's been hard for me to find the words. [Pulls a face-paint mask out of his pocket and puts it on] Well, then, you shut up, Warrior, and let me do the talking. No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breathe their final breath, and if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them bleed deeper and something than larger than life, then his essence, his spirit will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back, I see many potential legends, some of them with Warrior spirits, and you will do the same for them. You will decide if they live with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make t

June 9

Dean Ambrose: The Shield was untouchable. We will go down in the history books as one of the greatest groups in sports entertainment ever. We dominated WWE, we beat everybody, including Evolution. But we weren't healthy. We had a cancer inside of us, little did we know. And that's cancer's name... that cancer's name was Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns: Seth, you committed the most unforgivable sin. You're the scum of the earth! There's things you don't do in life: You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't piss in the wind, and you don't ever stab your brothers in the back. But you're only part of the problem. The other parts are Randy Orton and Triple H. Randy Orton, he runs around here and he thinks everybody owes him something. He thinks he's the face of the company. When I get my hands on you Randy, you're gonna be the ass of this company! Dean Ambrose: Ooooooh. Roman Reigns: We're gonna have our own Game Of Thrones. BELIEVE THAT!

June 9

Michael Cole: Seth, Welcome. It's been a lot of...a lot of talk over the last week about why... Seth Rollins: Michael, let me let me stop you before you get started here because I don't...[crowd booing] Look I don't get it. I don't understand what all the controversy you talking about is all about. I mean are we just talking about what I did last week? Is that the whole deal? Because to me, that wasn't a big deal. I was just doing what was best for business. What was best for MY business. The Shield Michael. The greatest faction in the history of WWE, created by me. You don't think I have the right to destroy my own creation? It takes an architect, a mastermind to put together a faction like the Shield. Do you think Dean Ambrose is in anyway responsible for that? Dean Ambrose is a lunatic. Given a week to his own devices, he's face down in a ditch. And Roman Reigns...the golden boy...you'll never see anger and fury in a man like you've seen in Roman Reigns. But without someone to harne

July 7

Paul: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm the one behind the 1 in 21-1. I serve as the advocate for Brock Lesnar, who conquered the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. I am also pleased and proud to represent... Cesaro: Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, you can't talk to those people in English. They're French Canadians. But they don't speak French. No, they speak Quebecois. The French can't stand them, neither can the rest of Canada, et tout le monde sait que les Québécois sont pourris.

July 21

Everybody listen. I need you to pay attention to what I am about to say. This is exactly what I have been talking about. You cannot move ahead by shaking hands, kissing babies, singing and dancing like a puppet! You cannot move ahead by always doing what you're told. Now...this is our time, this is our place. It is time for us to find focus. It is up to us to find order. Together, it is our time to find purpose. Because we do not ask any longer. Now...we take.

July 21

[to Triple H] Mr. COO, you...you know how much respect I have for you, sir. I...I hate to point out the obvious, but "Plan A" just...just isn't working with Randy Orton, not while Roman Reigns is around. And...I mean, "Plan B," I like "Plan B," Seth Rollins is great, but every time Seth Rollins is gonna try to cash in that Money in the Bank briefcase, Dean Ambrose is going to stop him. Which is why, Triple H, I think the Authority has the uncomfortable decision right now to agree with me that you need to make the dangerous choice of implementing "Plan C."

July 21

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and my client, BROCK LESNAR conquered the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania! Which is why, at this moment, my client hereby officially announces his intention to conquer John Cena and take the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam. Now, my client officially acknowledges this divide that permeates through the WWE Universe. There are those who wear their green t-shirts and their pump-up sneakers, and they scream with great passion their love and adulation for their hero by saying at the top of their lungs, "let's go, Cena!" And there are those who offer the contrarian opinion, and whose mommies don't tuck them into bed at night, and they will say with great fervor and passion, "Cena sucks!"

August 11

He's a 15-time Champ, and he likes to have his fun.

August 18

Paul: Um...ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm the one behind the one who conquered the one who thought he was the one to beat the 1 in 21-1. Last night at SummerSlam, my client didn't just beat, didn't just victimize; my client conquered the titleholder, which affords me, Paul Heyman, the opportunity to proclaim myself the advocate for the brand new, reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World, Brock Lesnar! Brock: I love it when you say that. Say that again please. Paul: Brock Lesnar! Now, I have been in this industry in one form or another since I was 14 years old, and I have never in my life seen a superstar take an ass-kicking the likes that John Cena took last night at the hands of my client, Brock Lesnar. Now, we're not just talking any superstar; we're talking a top superstar. And not just any top superstar; we're talking the top superstar. The top superstar of a generation. And just to put this into historical perspective for you, Dw

October 20

John Cena: What are you doing? Dean: Doing some research for our match tonight. See No Evil 2 starring Kane; this guy is sick, twisted, sadistic. John Cena: This is...this is what you do? This is your plan? This is your strategy, movie night? Dean: See, me and you are kinda like a comic book movie. It's like Superman teaming up with Batman. You stand for truth, justice, and the American way, nice American square jaw on you. I like to beat up scumbags. I've been known to wear a cape. But really, we just don't mix. John Cena: What are you even... we have a match tonight, and the three people in that match are gonna do whatever they can to take both of us out of commission before Hell in a Cell. How are we gonna handle it? Dean: Relax. This might surprise you, but even though I am undefeated in contract-on-a-pole matches, handicapped street fights are my specialty, so here's how we're going to handle it. We're gonna throw punches at anything that moves, and if they insist on taking us dow

December 8

[accepting the Diva of the Year Slammy] Okay, so, three years ago, I promised all of you I would redefine the term "diva," and I am very proud to say that I sure have done that. You can be a nerd, you can be a tomboy, and you can still be the longest-reigning Divas Champion of all time. So I hope that means that next year, this award is won by Bayley or Sasha or Charlotte or Emma or Paige. Any of those girls can be next in line for the throne, but I'm not done being queen. And Sunday, I will take back what is mine, and I will become the four-time Divas Champion.

March 9

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and all day long they've been trying to get me to preview this video but instead I decided to come out here live and watch this video along with every single one of you. Mhm, okay. So Roman Reigns makes some interesting points to which, ladies and gentlemen, I shall retort "Here comes the pain". The reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World: BROCK LESNAR! Now, I understand what a fan-pleasing video that was, but to my client, that was nothing short of sheer propaganda. If it came out of the tail end of a bull, it wouldn't smell any different. [mocking] "Oh, Roman Reigns was the stand-out in NXT who went on to become the badass of The Shield, where he was also a stand-out, and then he defeated 29 other WWE Superstars at the Royal Rumble to become the #1 Contender, and even defended his right to main-event WrestleMania when he beat Daniel Bryan at WWE Fastlane. Yaaaay!"

March 30

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the most non-PG ass-kicker of the PG era, BROCK LESNAR! So let's talk about it, let's get it out of the way. What happened last night at WrestleMania? My client, as we told you he would do, laid a beating on a Samoan badass the likes of which no one had ever seen before at WrestleMania. My client took his hands, put them on the #1 challenger for the World Title and did nothing but suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex, suplex him right through the canvas! [The crowd chants, "Suplex City!" which draws a laugh from Brock] Or, as my client Brock Lesnar said, "Suplex City, bitch!"

March 30

You know, I...I actually just spoke with Stephanie McMahon before I came out here, and I...I'm feeling kinda jet-lagged, to be honest, and...and my foot kinda hurts a little bit from Curb Stomping you and Roman Reigns last night. So...I'm a fighting champion, and I'm going to give you your rematch, just...not tonight.

March 30

(after Lesnar attacks J&J Security, and F5'd Michael Cole, as well as a cameraman) Your actions have consequences! You're suspended indefinitely! GET OUT OF MY RING!

March 30

(being interviewed by Renee Young backstage afterwards about Brock Lesnar's actions) You know, Brock Lesnar will get his rematch when I say he gets his rematch but, Brock Lesnar, actually, I-I think I need to hit Brock Lesnar where it hurts. I don't think suspending him is enough. Actually, I think I'm gonna have to fine Brock Lesnar. I'm gonna have to fine him for all o-of the damage, all of the property damage, the emotional distress of these employees, you know. And if Brock Lesnar thinks for just one second that he can go back to MMA as he announced on SportsCenter, he just signed a contract with WWE. And you know what that means, Renee? That means I own that son of a bitch. (leaves)

July 20

I stand here tonight a relentless, remorseless, cold-blooded, vengeful grim reaper. Streaks are made to be broken. That is the painful truth, but Lesnar, you had to continuously, week after week, month after month, remind everyone of your greatest accomplishment. Now, I say, enough! You have taken what once was smoldering ashes, and turned it into a raging inferno. Last night was my true resurrection. You see Lesnar, you can't kill what won't die. Unleashed forces will now set our careers toward new destinies. And I will challenge your mortality. I will conquer what has yet to be conquered. In the end, just like all living things, be it man, or beast, you will rest in peace!

September 21

Charlotte, she's so nice. This is all so nice. And you know what, you won the Championship yesterday, and this whole celebration is for Charlotte. But let's just think about who really made this possible, and that's me! No, shut up, Becky, shut up. This is patronizing. "Oh, I love you, daddy" and "oh my gosh, I wouldn't be here without you." Yeah, yeah, yeah, you sound like you just been inducted into the bloody Hall of Fame is what you sound like. Yes, I won the Championship too. You won it, so what? I won it on my first day. I won it twice. And you know what? Here's a little secret, champ to champ: title reigns end. And Nikki's going to get her rematch and she's going to bring her little hippie sister and her little third wheel and they're going to take that back and the Divas division is going to go back right where it was. There is no revolution, Charlotte! You are just a placeholder. No, no, no, Becky back off. You know what? You're never going to be a Divas champion. You know why

November 9

Triple H: I just want to take a moment to acknowledge a great champion. I want to take a moment to acknowledge The Man, Seth Rollins. See, when Steph and I chose Seth Rollins as the future of the WWE, we had extremely high hopes for what that future would be, and Seth Rollins exceeded all those expectations. Crowd: [chant] Thank you, Rollins! Triple H: That's right. Thank you, Seth Rollins, for giving back to us the faith that we had in you. Because every obstacle that was put in front of him, every opponent, Seth Rollins made his way through and retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. But on his way to becoming one of the greatest WWE Champions of all time, tragedy fell upon Seth Rollins. In Dublin, Ireland, Seth blew out his knee. And while Seth Rollins is still The Man, Seth Rollins, right now, is no longer the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. [Mixed cheers and boos from crowd] That creates an interesting opportunity. Who is gonna step up? Who is gonna fill that void?

November 9

Triple H: [on the displayed Championship] Looks good, doesn't it? See, as of this moment, Seth Rollins is no longer the World Heavyweight Champion, and as you know, as the whole world knows by now, there is a tournament taking place that starts tonight to determine who will be the brand new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. And to me, that seems unfair. That seems unfair that Seth Rollins is no longer the World Heavyweight Champion, and it seems unfair that, while you earned the right to be the #1 Contender, it seems unfair to me that you just go back to the bottom of the pile and get thrown into this tournament and have to earn your way back up. It's terribly unfair, and the reality is, it doesn't have to be that way. It could be a lot easier. It could be a whole lot easier. You see, it could be that you don't have to enter that tournament. All those other guys could step into this ring and do battle just for the right to fight you at Survivor Series to see who becomes the WWE World Hea

November 16

If I win the WWE Championship at Survivor Series, I'm gonna turn this whole place upside-down! We're throwing all the rules out the window! Ain't gonna be no more suits, ain't gonna be no more ties. More action, less talking! I want more pyro, I want breakfast for dinner, we're gonna replace Michael Cole with a fish tank. We're throwing all the rules out the window. This Sunday at Survivor Series, I make the entire WWE the Ambrose Asylum.

November 16

Michael Cole: Ladies, this is what the WWE fans are trying to figure out here. I mean, I was with you guys when you were at your NXT tryouts. You guys bonded, and over the last couple of years, you've become the best of friends. But what the WWE Universe can't figure out is where it all went wrong. What happened to the friendship between you two? Paige: First of all, this is no friendships, Michael. When you're a true champion, there is no room for emotion or friendships. So I had to teach Charlotte that the hard way, and I intend to do so again this Sunday when I take back my Divas Championship. Charlotte: It must be exhausting being this bitter and angry all the time. Paige: How have I been all angry, Charlotte? I don't even look that way. Charlotte: What happened to you, Paige? What made you like this? You know, I didn't get into this business to make friends. But when I started at NXT, forget the fact that we came from the same background. I can't even believe I'm about to say this

February 8

Daniel Bryan: [on the YES! chants from the audience] So, just now, I was able to close my eyes and feel that. Like, literally feel it in a way that I've never gotten to feel it before, because when we're here, we always have to keep our eyes open. But just that experience, literally, I'm never gonna forget it. Crowd: [chants] NO! Daniel: I know, I know, I didn't want to shave my beard either. But the thing is, is that I wanted to cut my hair, and once I cut my hair, I looked really silly with this giant beard. And this is just my one cheap plug, is that I cut my hair for an organization called Wigs 4 Kids, and one of the nice things about them is that they make wigs for kids who have had cancer, and they don't charge the families at all for that, so...if there is anything worthwhile that comes out of what I'm saying tonight, that's it right there. Crowd: [chants] NO! Daniel: Trust me, I don't want to be doing this any more than you want me to be doing this. But the truth is, I've been

May 23

You know what I remember growing up? I remember Christmases, I remember birthdays... [miffed at "What?" chant] If I - if you "What? me one more time [chant], that's fine because Dad you know what I remember Mom saying? [pause] That Daddy's always with you. You weren't ever there, because I always had to watch you on television, but actually Dad I fully understand why you weren't there because all those years, I couldn't understand why you weren't there, you know Mom had to rub my head because I was crying, but now I get it you know why? Because I'm the WWE Women's Champion. I've never been more powerful! I've never been more confident! Dad, and now I understand, you know what it felt like to be The Man. I'm The Woman! [sighs] That's why I finally have the courage to say to you, Dad... [points away] GET OUT OF MY RING! [Ric is not moved] What, are you hard of hearing? I said, get out! [Ric softly asks, Why] Do you know what it's like to walk into a room and just say "Hey look, that's Ri

June 20

Dean Ambrose: Oh, boy, last night was a long night in Las Vegas, and I'm not even talking about the stuff I don't remember. There was an incident with a security guard at the Hard Rock, there was this whole Cleveland Cavaliers celebration party thing. [A few boos and cheers from the crowd] I don't know, I don't like those guys anyway, don't look at me. They were freakishly tall and it weirded me out, I don't know. I think I had my foot ran over by a cab. Oh, yeah, and this other thing happened where I had to climb a 15-foot ladder and win the Money in the Bank ladder match! I think, at some point in the night, I almost got bitten by a dog. I mean, it was a long night. Oh, yeah, and then, this other thing happened, where I cashed in my Money in the Bank contract on Seth Rollins, and I became the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion! Audience: [chanting] DUDE! Dean: Oh, I kinda like it. I don't care, you can call me whatever you want, but you call me Champion! I've been chasing this for tw

March 6

I understand why Chicago likes these two. Enzo and Cass remind them of the local baseball teams. Cass is like the Cubs: it may take a hundred years, but he might be a champion. Enzo's more like the White Sox: if he ever becomes a champion, you can be guaranteed there's a scandal involved.

April 3

This is my yard now. (people heavily boo loudly)

June 19

(When asked if he attacked Enzo Amore) You're damn right I did it! Do you have any idea what it's like teaming up with you, Enzo? You just constantly run your mouth about God knows what every single minute of the day. You even ran your mouth to Conor McGregor. Do you know how many times I've wanted to slap you right upside your head? How many times I wanted to knock you out myself? But I didn't do it because I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody behind that curtain doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody in the back doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. And I put up with your crap. For years, I put up with your crap every single day until finally, I snapped. And I have to admit, it felt damn good when I attacked you from behind. You all right? And I would have snapped your little neck like a twig if I wanted to, but I didn't because I wanted to watch you suffer. For all the years of crap I had to put with in NXT! In Tampa! Here on Monday Night Raw! For

October 23

You know what's funny? The way you all react to the manner in which I introduce my client, Brock Lesnar, because someone has a problem with the word "undisputed." Someone wants to dispute the fact that Brock Lesnar is the champion in World Wrestling Entertainment. This same someone, who's over on SmackDown Live has barely survived the title challenge of Randy Orton. This same someone has barely survived the title challenge of Shinsuke Nakamura. This same someone is sitting up at night, plotting and planning, trying to figure out how to barely survive the potential title challenge of AJ Styles. Meanwhile, right over here on the flagship show Monday Night Raw, Brock Lesnar has eaten through the single most stacked heavyweight division in the history of WWE. That fact is undisputed.

October 22

Roman Reigns: I feel like... I feel like I owe everyone an apology. For months, maybe even a full year, I've come out here and spoke as Roman Reigns, and I said a lot of things, you know. I said that I'd be here every single week, I said I'd be a fightin' champion, I said I was gonna be consistent, and I said I was gonna be a workhorse, but...that's all lies. It's a lie because the reality is, my real name is Joe, and I've been living with leukemia for 11 years. And unfortunately, it's back. And because the leukemia is back, I cannot fulfill my role, I can't be that fightin' champion, and I'm gonna have to relinquish the Universal Championship. Audience: [chanting] THANK YOU, ROMAN! Roman: Thank you. But you all know the deal. You all know how life is. Life is not fair, it's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. And right now, the best thing for me to do is to go home, to focus on my family and my health.

October 22

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and tonight, my thoughts and my prayers are with the champion of a man you know as Roman Reigns. It is humbling to me amongst the members of that locker room tonight and to have been in the presence of such courage and such greatness. And when I go home tonight and I have to explain this all to my children, what I want my children to understand about this show, this presentation, this business, this industry that we all love is, what you witnessed tonight, as much as you witnessed that courage, what you witnessed was sacrifice. Because what Roman Reigns did tonight was, he sacrificed his career aspirations because, as he said, he couldn't fulfill the obligations of being the Universal Champion, because to everyone that walks through that locker room, the title deserves the best that any champion has to offer it.

December 3

You may all be seated, thank you. Now, I apologize for the drastic measures I have taken tonight, but you can't be too safe in a dangerous slum like Houston, Texas. Now, I need these measures, not just to protect me from you people, and whatever diseases you may all be carrying, I need these measures to protect me from that madman, Seth Rollins. [removes his gas mask] Because last time I was in this ring, I was viciously attacked by Seth Rollins, unprovoked. Well maybe just a little provoked. Over the last couple weeks, I have said some things just to try to trigger Seth, and I must admit, I was a bit surprised for a guy who fancies himself as "the architect". A man always in control of himself, his situation, his emotions, it was pretty easy to rile him up. Because Seth Rollins, the truth is, is just like all of you people, NEEDY, needy and emotional. Seth always needed something. He always wanted something from me, just like all you people. Stickin' your phones in my face everywhere

January 29

Becky Lynch: Look at this. The Man is back on Raw. Ronnie, I told you I'd find a way back to you again. Now, for about a year now, I've been hearing about this "baddest woman on the planet," but the last time I came to your show, I dropped you right...[points down to the left] there. And even after that, you never came looking for me to prove that you're the baddest. So, Ronnie, I've come looking for you to prove you're not. Audience: [chanting] BECKY! Becky: And you've heard about this, but last night, I won the Royal Rumble match. And unlike Seth Rollins, I don't need much time to think. I choose you. Michael Cole: Oh yeah! Audience: [chanting] YES! Becky: And at WrestleMania, I am going to break your mystique, I am going to take your title, and I am gonna kick your ass in front of the whole world. Audience: [chanting, as Ronda Rousey motions for a mic] KICK HER ASS! Ronda Rousey: I want the whole world to hear this. First off, how's your leg? Huh? 'Cause unlike you, I want my oppone

February 25

[drags Ric Flair out of his locker room] Hey Hunter, do I have your attention now? [takes off sunglasses] HUH!?

April 8

You know, I... I... I really thought coming out here tonight would cure what ails me. All it did was reinforce what I've realized over the past nine months. It genuinely seems like you miss me. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, I honestly did not miss any of this or any one of you. Yeah, so it turns out WWE is a super, like, toxic environment. [Sarcastic laugh] It's not because of the McMahons, and it ain't because of the other WWE Superstars, it's because of this audience and your ugliness!

May 27

Seth Rollins: Let me explain something to you. See this right here? [Points to the WWE Universal Championship] This is my life, Lesnar. Yeah, I see that. Shut your mouth. This is my life, this is what I work for every single day, what I sacrifice for every single day, and you come out here and you make a mockery out of it. And not because you walk out here with your stupid little beat box. No. You make a mockery out of it because you are a joke. Yeah. That's not the joke, you're the joke, and I'm not afraid of you. I stomped your head into the mat at WrestleMania, and I can do it again right here, right now. Paul Heyman: [referring to the Money in the Bank contract] Mr. Cone, page 8, paragraph 27, section B: "the parties mutually agree that the winner of the 2019 Money in the Bank contract, in his sole discretion"—that's Brock Lesnar—"picks the time and the place to challenge for either the WWE or Universal Heavyweight Championship. The aforementioned challenge shall take place at any

November 11

Walter: You wanted the best? Well, here we are. My name is Der Ringgeneral, Walter, and I am the WWE United Kingdom Champion. We are Imperium, and we are here to restore the honor of our sport! Because that mat you're standing on with your dirty feet is sacred to us! And just because you're not in the United States, doesn't mean you're safe from NXT Takeover! Seth Rollins: Ohh, is that so? Well, Walter, look, I know who you are. I saw the little stunt you and your gang tried to pull on SmackDown when you took out Heavy Machinery. Well, look, I appreciate the fact that you came down here and challenged me man-to-man, and I appreciate the fact that you think you are the United Kingdom's best. And that little title you got around your waist, it says you might be right. So let's find out. I accept your challenge! Now get your ass down here so I can burn it down!

May 11

Becky Lynch: Tonight is... is no ordinary night for me. I'm torn between joy and sadness 'cause I'm... I'm at a place in my life where things are about to change, and I needed to do something about it. So I asked the decision makers to raise the stakes for the Money In The Bank ladder match, and they did just that. Becky: [on the Money In The Bank briefcase sitting on a table in the ring] It is yours, you're right. Asuka, you have beaten me when nobody else could. You have been the best wrestler in the world for a long time, and this is why I am so glad that this is happening to you. 'Cause the match last night, it wasn't what you thought it was. It wasn't for an opportunity to win the championship. It was for so much more. And I know you haven't been able to unlock this 'cause there's a combination. [She opens the briefcase, revealing the Raw Women's Championship] The match last night was actually for the Raw Women's Championship. Now, I can't fight anymore, but you can. You are the c

January 3

Brock Lesnar: Before we get this party started tonight, I'd like to give a big shout-out to my good buddy Roman Reigns. He's probably sitting at home, more than likely, tuned in to Monday Night Raw, tuned in to the new WWE Heavyweight Champion, the real champion, BROCK LESNAR!!! Get well soon, buddy. Now...South Carolina...acknowledge me. Paul Heyman: If you think it's interesting out here, you should see the things that go on behind the scenes in WWE, like when I negotiated for Brock Lesnar to be a free agent—allegedly did that in advance. And then Saturday at Day 1, when Brock Lesnar showed up looking to win a title from a champion, and one champion simply could not make it, but the other champion... the other champion was in a Fatal 4-Way. And what... what's better than a Fatal 4-Way, than a Fatal 5-Way featuring Brock Lesnar! So all the behind-the-scenes machination, and the strings were pulled, and Brock Lesnar gets to enter the Fatal 5-Way.

April 4

Cody Rhodes: So, what do you guys want to talk about? It has been 47 days since the abrupt news that I was a free agent. Amongst that, I chose to remain silent, and I heard stories, defamatory whispers, theories that surmised to be nonsense. Everyone thinks the decision to return to WWE was difficult. It was not. It was simple, really. The star that left them in the dust. The man standing here now, having signed a multi-year agreement with World Wrestling Entertainment. And if there was... Crowd: [chanting] YOU DESERVE IT! Cody: If there was a glimmer of doubt, a shred of trepidation, the moment I rose up in front of 70-something thousand fans, the moment I made the walk at a WrestleMania and defeated one of the best superstar wrestlers in any era, that being Seth Rollins, that doubt was eradicated. I’m an avid reader, and I stumbled across this quote. It said, "a man often finds his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it." So, if you’ll humor me, let’s all take a look at the Tron, i

April 4

Roman Reigns: Wise Man, why don't you go ahead and explain the Bloodline's success. Paul Heyman: The single longest-reigning tag team champions in the history of SmackDown!, the Usos! The largest box office receipts in the history of SummerSlam; who was in the main event? Roman Reigns! The largest box office receipts in the history of Survivor Series; who was in the main event? Roman Reigns! The first billion-dollar-grossing year in the history of sports entertainment; who was on top as the main star all 365 days of that year?! [The crowd starts answering] Romain Reigns! The single biggest, largest-grossing box office in the history of the Royal Rumble; who was on top? Roman Reigns. The largest crowds in the history of WrestleMania Weekend, 58% increase on Peacock from last year, and the largest-grossing commerce facilitator in the history of WrestleMania; who was on top? [with the crowd] Roman Reigns! Roman: Wise Man always has this saying, it's, "what's good for Roman Reigns, is good

June 6

Byron Saxton: [continuing an ongoing conversation] We obviously saw Cody Rhodes defy the odds last night, so, uh... Byron Saxton: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! NO! Corey Graves: NO, YOU-- DAMN IT, ROLLINS!! Byron Saxton: WHAT-- WHY?! COME-- Corey Graves: Son of a bitch...! Jimmy Smith: UNBELIEVABLE! Face to face a second ago! Corey Graves: This is disgusting - this is despicable! Rollins, you're a-- [grunts in frustration]

September 26

You have tried to finish me over and over again, but I always come back! Even if it takes me nine years, I come back! And I got to come back in Edmonton, in my country! You see, I don't quit. So, Finn, I'm gonna challenge you… at Extreme Rules. For the first time ever, Edge vs Finn Bálor… in an "I Quit" match!

January 30

You know, it's been awhile since I've been out here without my Latino Heat, my Dom-Dom, and the Judgment Day crew, but I really just wanted all the attention on me. Two nights ago, I disrupted the status quo. I did the unthinkable. I went the distance. I came in here at #1 and overcame and outlasted 29 other women to win the Royal Rumble Match. And now, I get to choose whichever champion I want to face at WrestleMania.

October 30

My entire career - my entire life - I have fought people like The Judgment Day. People who think like The Judgment Day. People that think that all that matters is power. And as long as you're chasing power, you can do whatever you want. You can be as ruthless as you want, as cutthroat as you want. You can rule with an iron fist. You can oppress, whoever, whenever, as long as it's in the name of power. So, that's fine, if that's the name of your game, fine, but understand that if that's your game my name is not Sami Zayn; my name is rebellion! My name is resistance! And I will fight The Judgment Day, whether it's one on one, two on one, three on one, four on one, five on one, as long as there is a breath of air left in my body... I will fight! I will fight The Judgment Day, and everything you stand for until The Judgment Day is no more!"

November 6

Adam Pearce: ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I'm tired of the games, every night, every week! You four wanna play games?! You four wanna play games?! You wanna play games? We're gonna play games in Chicago, at Survivor Series, IN WARGAMES! Michael Cole: HELL, yeah! Let's settle this the right way! Two rings surrounded by a steel cage! The Judgement Day! Rhodes! Rollins! Jey Uso! Sami Zayn! [Damien Priest jumps Jey] AND THE BRAWL IS BREAKING OUT AGAIN!!

November 27

CM Punk: Looks like hell froze over. And when I mean "hell froze over," I mean this is me, standing in a WWE ring on Monday Night Raw with a live microphone in my hand. I don't mean that, apparently, a Blackhawks fan is universally loved inside the Predators' barn. [Crowd boos] Okay, I'm sorry, I had to. You guys understand that, I gotta be me. Right? Crowd: [chants] WELCOME HOME! CM Punk: I've come back to this familiar place, and I didn't know how I was gonna react, and I didn't know how it was gonna go, but it has made me feel like my old self because this is where I belong. This is home. And I've been gone for over ten years, and over ten years, you people never forgot me, even when maybe I wanted to forget me! And that's powerful. You are all powerful. A bunch of continents, countless countries, arenas all over the world, the people watching at home, the people in the building never stopped chanting my name. Crowd: [chants] CM PUNK! CM Punk: The voiceless found their voice, and I

December 11

I thought I was in a sullen mood, and then I come out here and I see all of these signs and I hear all of these people. The truth is, I have a huge decision to make. We, if I may, have a huge decision to make, and I’ve been thinking about it all week. And the reason I’ve been so consumed and worried about it is because I love you guys. But the truth is, this town and this building specifically hasn’t always historically been kind to CM Punk. I walk back here through the hallways, there’s a lot of ghosts, ladies and gentlemen, and I’m doing my best to face them head on. A lot of people might not know this, but I debuted in this building. Yeah, was anybody there? I had Mickie James on my arm. True story: we walked down that ramp, we got into the ring, and it was so good. I went back and they said, "we’re sending you to Louisville, Kentucky; have fun in OVW." And gosh, I didn’t want to go, but while I was there, I embraced being uncomfortable, and I learned how to love it. Exactly like wh

December 11

Seth Rollins: Cleveland, Ohio, CM Punk, welcome to Monday Night Rollins. I hope you know how incredibly fortunate you are to even be standing in this ring right now. But can you just do me one... one little favor, just one thing, please? Don’t you dare call this place your home. You abandoned this place ten years ago. Not only did you abandon it, but you also actively tried to tear it down. You spent ten years slandering me, slandering every single person back in that locker room, and then you want to walk back in here, and call this place your home? This is not your home; this is my home! CM Punk: Are you done? That's your one pass to stand here and speak to me disrespectfully without me coming after you. I have never asked for anything to be handed to me. And I’ve always done things stubbornly the hard way, and I’m here to do that. Adam Pearce, where you at? We’re making things official; we might as well make it official. CM Punk is entering the Royal Rumble. And when CM Punk wins, m

January 1

Cody Rhodes: So, San Diego... what do you want to talk about? I have the privilege of being the first superstar of coming to this ring and officially welcome you to a special Day One episode of Monday Night Raw. It's a new year. Folks like to talk about their goals, where'd they like to be in 2024, but admittedly, I'm a little stuck. And what I've gotten stuck on is Shinsuke Nakamura. Fans: [chanting Cody's name] Cody! Cody: This should be over and Shinsuke, I'm going to give you the opportunity to finish it tonight. So go ahead, bring your poison mist. Bring your poison words. Whatever makes you feel like you can stop me from where I need to be. Because this ends. And this ends right now! Shinsuke Nakamura: Cody, Cody, Cody. [Smirks evilly. In Japanese] I never thought it would be so easy to get into your head. And to become the author of your final chapter. I have whispered the plot in your ear... pushed your character to the brink page-by-page. I have blinded you, so you cannot see

April 15

Rhea Ripley: So obviously, you guys know what's going on right now, yeah? After the attack last week from Liv Morgan, I've now been told that I'm stuck on the bench for quite a few months. I've also been invok... I've also been told, informed, whatever, I don't care. I'm flustered, okay? I'm angry right now. I'm pissed off right now! You know why? Because I have been told that I need to vacate the one thing that means the most to me: my Women's World Championship. Crowd: [chanting as she lays the belt down] THANK YOU, MAMI! Rhea: Revenge Tour. This is all because your stupid little Revenge Tour, Liv! Are you kidding me? Because your Revenge Tour, Liv. Are you bloody killing me right now. You know, I could've actually had some respect for you if you decided to go face-to-face. But instead, you decided to blindside me like the coward that I know you are. And I understand, because I would've dropped you exactly where you stood!

April 15

Cathy Kelley: I'm standing by with Liv Morgan. And as you know, earlier tonight, Rhea Ripley was forced to vacate the Women's World Championship. The crowd here in Montreal not pleased by that announcement at all. Is this the conclusion of your Revenge Tour? Liv Morgan: You know, Cathy, I can't even lie, I'm a little bit confused by that reaction. I feel like I'm walking around back here, and everyone is mad at me, and for what? I'm not the bad guy here. Where was the sympathy for me when Rhea literally tore my shoulder out of my socket and put me on the shelf for 8 months? Oh yeah. There wasn't any of that. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a shoulder for a shoulder. This is karma at its very finest, so Rhea got exactly what she deserved.

September 23

Joe Tessitore: Spear! Could this be the moment?! Could it be?! For the first time ever, could Jey grab gold?! [Jey Uso hits the splash on Bron Breakker] Oh my, Wade! Here it is! [The referee counts three] Go ahead and Yeet! He did it! Samantha Irvin: Here is your winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Main Event Jey Uso!!! Joe: How do you not love this?! A veteran who waited, whose identity was always tagged as "he's a twin, he's part of a tag team." [Jey exits the ring and enters the audience] And after 14 years, finally a singles champion! He is taking it to the people! They are celebrating! Jey Uso is the Intercontinental Champion!

November 25

Xavier Woods: Kof', what the HELL was that out there?! You're wrestling like garbage! Are you gonna HELP me at some point?! Kofi Kingston: I'M wrestling like— if I was garbage, what were you?! You talkin' about "help" you? Have I not done everything BUT help you? That's all I've ever done! Did I not give you MY Intercontinental title shot a couple of weeks ago for YOU? Matter of fact, when you were King of the Ring, I was on bended knee, fluttering your damn cape! I did that for YOU! And what did you do with those opportunities, by the way? You fumbled the title shot, and you fumbled the crown! [the audience is stunned in awe.] There's a reason that E and I never let you call the shots, man... [there are audible "OOOOOOOH" from the audience.] because you're too RECKLESS out there, man! You take too many unnecessary risks— Woods: "Unnecessary ris"— Kofi: —just like you did out th— Woods: SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK FOR A SECOND!!! "Unnecessary risks"? I remember when you were too terrified

December 30

CM Punk: You can recognize the pioneers because of the arrows in their back, I was the first one through the wall and I got bloodied for it, you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. I love the place I worked, I just hated the guy in charge and he loved you. And in situations where you should have had my back, all you did was shoot arrows in it! Seth Rollins: Me? Punk: And then I leave, and lo and behold, he shows his true colors, and he stabs Roman Reigns in the back. And now he's dressed like an idiot, trying to play victim in a situation that he created. Seth Rollins: You know, I've never said this to your face, maybe, once upon a time, you were a pioneer. What you have become is a cancer, you are a cancer to that locker room, [points to his head] you are a cancer in my brain, you are a cancer to this business and cancer does not cure itself, the only way to defeat it is to cut it out. So, in one week, you bring your fist full of arrows, I'll bring my eyes of fire and my heart full

March 24

No, tonight, you get to find out how I make you pay for the abuse you have put me through. For 25 years, I have listened to your lies and your noise, but I didn't waste that time being mean like you, no I paid attention. You make this so easy, while you were chanting profanity at the top of your lungs, I've been paying attention, I've been learning from you, quizzing you, studying you, testing you, prodding you, rewarding you for playing along with your stupid, childish, curse-ridden nursery rhymes. And in doing so, you have told me every single thing about you, you know nothing about me, I know more about you than you, and the truth is, your life is sad, because this, is the best it's gonna get, this is all you have. But to me, you have been nothing more than an experiment, you have been rats in a cage. Oh, you don't believe me? Pick out any moment in my career and I'll tell you what I learned from you, when I bled, you thought I was tough, when I spoke, you were inspired, when I was

March 31

Cody Rhodes: John, I didn't expect to say this: maybe you're right. Maybe I was chosen. But you know who chose me? They chose me. [points at the crowd] Can you say the same, John Cena? Or was it one guy in an office who chose you who's not here anymore and we don't talk about it? [Crowd roars] Oh yeah, let's go ahead. Strip everything away from me, right? I don't know who I am? Who the hell knows who they are? I know this: I'm Cody Rhodes. I'm a wrestler like my father before me. And if anybody is a company creation, it's you, John Cena, and not me. Gosh, everyone's so terrified of you on the mic. I'm not, because I know you've got more dick in that promo, than you do in your jorts. You wanna make fun of me for appearing like I'm 16, taking public speaking lessons? Well, you're the one who hangs out with Zac Efron and wishes he was 16. And what a softball, thank you, John. What a softball you've thrown me saying you created all of this, you created me. John Cena: Just like all these pe

July 28

Gunther: Okay, everybody calm down, because last week was a clean victory for me. [crowd boos] Because I went toe-to-toe on the microphone with the supposedly best talker in the business, supposedly the best in the world… Crowd: [chanting] CM Punk! CM Punk! CM Punk! CM Punk! CM Punk! Gunther: Yes, you figured it out, against CM Punk. And what I did was, I walked down that aisle, stood in front of him, looked him straight into the eye and told him what's going to happen at SummerSlam, and I left the Voice of the Voiceless speechless. Crowd: [chanting] You tapped out! You tapped out! You tapped out! You tapped out! You tapped out! Gunther: I might have, but at least I'm not running out of things to say about CM Punk, don't you worry. Last week, I met CM Punk and I said that he doesn't deserve to call himself the Best in the World. I made CM Punk understand that he will never be the World Heavyweight Champion, and most importantly, I made CM Punk shut the hell up. Crowd: [chanting] CM Pun

November 10

Joe Tessitore: Oh, tripped up. Dom's lining him up for a 619 and delivers it! [Dom climbs to the top turnbuckle] Wade Barrett: Right to the jaw of Cena, and this is the big finale for Cena here in Boston! [Dom delivers a Frog Splash...] Joe: Frog Splash! Myst-- [...only for Cena to catch him...] Ohh! Cena rolls right through with Dirty Dom in hand!! [...hoist him up on his shoulders and deliver a thunderous Attitude Adjustment] AA for the win! [Cena covers Dom and the referee counts to three. The bell rings and the crowd cheers wildly] Alicia Taylor: Here is your winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: John Cena! Joe: The empty spot on the mantle place is filled! John Cena's a Grand Slam Champion!

November 10

Thank you so much, Boston! Because of you, tonight, THE CHAMP... IS... HERE!!!!! [he raises the Intercontinental Championship in the air, and pyrotechnics explode]

November 10

Rey Mysterio: Congrats. [referring to Dominik Mysterio] He really needed that ass-kicking. John Cena: Ah, he's a good kid. I hope it was a good lesson. Rey: I'm sure it was. Cena: Thanks, Rey. Rey: Congrats. Cody Rhodes: Congratulations, Champ. John Cena's last night in Boston? Wouldn't have missed it. Cena: [shakes Cody's hand] Class act, Champ. Thank you.

November 17

Joe Tessitore: Remember, it was a count-out victory that Maxxine Dupri had over Becky Lynch. [as Jessika counts, Becky starts to undo the top turnbuckle] And as she does that, she's undoing the top-- [AJ Lee's music hits, and she comes out] Oh, no, are you kidding me?! This place is gonna explode! AJ Lee! Wade Barrett: Well, we haven't seen AJ Lee since WrestlePalooza, when she beat Becky Lynch in mixed tag! Becky Lynch has been talking trash online ever since, watch out! [Becky turns around, and Maxxine jumps off the top turnbuckle, delivering a crossbody] Joe: High-flying crossbody! Maxxine Dupri! [Maxxine covers Becky and Jessika counts to three. The bell rings and the crowd cheers] Oh, my!!!! [Maxxine quickly rolls out of the ring and meets up with AJ] Wade: We got a new champ! Alicia Taylor: Here is your winner and NEW Women's Intercontinental Champion: Maxxine Dupri! Joe: It happened! It happened right here at MSG! [Jessika brings the Women's Intercontinental Championship to Maxx

January 12

Adam Pearce: [approaching Bron Breakker] Where the hell are you going?! We're not done talking! You haven't even learned a damn thing and now you're putting your hands on me?! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! Who are you listening to?! You ain't learning a damn thing, putting your hands on the boss! So guess what? You can have some time to think about it because YOU ARE SUSPENDED INDEFINITELY!!! [Bron Breakker angrily turns around as Bronson Reed holds him back] Indefinitely! Paul Heyman: [to Reed] Go, get him out of here. [turns to Pearce] That... was a very big mistake. Adam Pearce: YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT IT WAS! THE BIGGEST MISTAKE HE EVER MADE IN HIS CAREER, THANKS TO YOU! Paul Heyman: Oh, I don't mean him. I meant you. Mr. Pearce, Mr. General Manager, respectfully... Adam Pearce: Respectfully? Paul Heyman: ...from my vantage point, you put your hands on him first.

February 2

Bron Breakker: Adam Pearce, you want to ruin my moment in the Royal Rumble?! [The rest of the Vision comes out and tries to calm Breakker down] You want to... No! No! Adam Pearce needs to get his ass to this ring right now! No, no! Hey, Paul, we're not talking anymore! You want to ruin my Royal Rumble?! I'll ruin your entire show! Screw Monday Night Raw! Screw you! [Paul Heyman takes the mic and speaks while the rest of the Vision continues trying to calm Breakker down] Paul Heyman: Okay, first of all, first of all, this is not Bron Breakker's fault. This is Adam Pearce's fault, and each and every single one of you know that! You put Bron Breakker number two in the Royal Rumble! I've already told you that number two is worse than number one, and if you didn't hear me say it, google it, bitches! I'm not here to educate you! Number two, Adam Pearce has to approve every single visa for someone to go over to Saudi Arabia, and he doesn't know who The Masked Man is? My ass! Adam Pearce, this