There's Something About Mary

Warren: Have you seen my baseball? Have you seen my baseball? Student: Hey, buddy! I think I know where your ball is! Warren: You seen my baseball? Student: Yeah, you see that girl over there? She's got it. Only she doesn't call it a baseball, she's got another name for it. [Whispers in Warren's ear] Warren: [Walks up to a couple kissing] Have you seen my...wiener? Girl: What?! Warren: Have you seen my wiener? Boyfriend: What the hell did you just say, buddy?! Warren: Wiener... Boyfriend: Get your hand off my car, I'm gonna fuckin' kick your ass!

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0

Charlie: Is it the frank or the beans? Ted: I don't know. Both, I guess. Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans! Charlie: Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game and eat hot dogs. I'm talking sausage hot dogs and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up. Brenda: Hmm...a fatty who likes golf and beer. Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0

Pat: [after telling Mary that he's an architect] Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion. Mary: And what's that? Pat: I work with retards. Mary: Isn't that a little politically incorrect? Pat: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0

Ted: Look, I didn't solicit any sex, okay? This is a huge misunderstanding. I was really going out to pee, I was walking to the bushes, I tripped over this guy - and suddenly all those cops and their helicopters... Detective Stabler: Ted, Ted, it's okay, we believe you. [about the dead body in the trunk] The problem is we found your friend in the car. Ted: [smiles] Oh, the hitchhiker? That's what this is about, the hitchhiker? Oh, oh, great. This is my luck. I get caught for everything. Detective Krevoy: [pats Ted's shoulder] So...you admit it? Ted: Ah, yeah, guilty as charged. Look, I know you guys got a job to do, alright? And I'm really sorry. I did it, I admit it. You know, the guy even told me, the hitchhiker told me it was illegal. Detective Krevoy: Well, uh, can you tell us his name? Ted: Ah...no, I didn't catch it. Can we cut to the chase? I mean, am I like in a lot of trouble here? Detective Stabler: [nods] First tell us why you did it. Ted: Why I did it? Ah...I don't know. Bo

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0

Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner? You know, catch up on old times? Mary: Didn't we just do that? Ted: Oh, uh... Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!

There's Something About Mary, CC BY-SA 4.0