Real Genius

Mrs. Taylor: Dr. Hathaway, I saw your program on radioactive isotopes last night, and I've got a question. Jerry Hathaway: Yes? Mrs. Taylor: Is that your real hair? Jerry Hathaway: Tell me something. Is Mitch by any chance adopted? Mrs. Taylor: Why, no! Jerry Hathaway: Amazing. Mrs. Taylor: Isn't it?

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jerry Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends? Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids. Jerry Hathaway: Good boy.

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0

Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you? Mitch: No. Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy." Mitch: What is that? Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it? Mitch: No! Chris Knight: I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning... Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Mitch: No... Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream? Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet? Chris Knight: You've seen him too? Mitch: Who is he? Chris Knight: Hollyfeld. Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet? Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet? Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there. Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him. Mitch: Yeah... Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0

Recruiter: Chris, this is my assistant, Sherry Nugil, and this is Mike Dodd, designer of our new Telcom satellite. Chris Knight: [as if honored] Doctor Dodd! [Casually] Telcom...Isn't that the satellite that's raining debris all over Europe? Dr. Dodd: [sharply] Why is that toy on your head? Chris Knight: [matter-of-factly] Because, if I wear it anywhere else, it chafes. Chris Knight: I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't want you guys to think I was stuffy. You know, no fun. [Looking at Sherry Nugil] All brain, no penis. [Sherry laughs, Dodd and the recruiter look uncomfortable] I'm sorry, it was just an infantile response to authority. Recruiter: Yes. You are Chris Knight, aren't you? [examines Chris' "visitor" tag] Chris Knight: [reflectively] I hope so...I'm wearing his underwear.

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0

Bodie: He said he didn't feel like it. And I said, "You'd better!" And he said, "Or what?" And I said, "Or you're gonna be in trouble." And he said, "Jam it." Jerry Hathaway: That's a wonderful story, Bodie. I noticed you've stopped stuttering. Bodie: I've been giving myself shock treatments. Jerry Hathaway: Up the voltage.

Real Genius, CC BY-SA 4.0