The Lobster

Loner Leader: We dance alone. That's why we only play electronic music. Trainer Waiter - Shooting Range: It's no coincidence that the targets are shaped like single people and not couples. The Limping Man: Hello everyone. My mother was left on her own when my father fell in love with a woman who was better at math than she was. She had a post graduate degree I think, whereas my mother was only a graduate. I was nineteen at the time. My mother entered the hotel, but didn't make it and was turned into a wolf. I really missed her. I found out she had been moved to a zoo. I often went there to see her. I'd give her raw meat. I knew that wolves liked raw meat, but I couldn't figure out which of the wolves was my mother so I used to give a little bit to each of them. One day I decided to enter the enclosure. I really missed her and I wanted a hug. I climbed the fence and jumped in. All the wolves charged at once and attacked me; all but two who stood motionless. My guess is that one of those

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0

Hotel Manager: Now have you thought of what animal you'd like to be if you end up alone? David: Yes. A lobster. Hotel Manager: Why a lobster? David: Because lobsters live for over one hundred years, are blue-blooded like aristocrats, and stay fertile all their lives. I also like the sea very much.

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0

Loner Leader: Where were you? I was looking for you. David: I was masturbating behind those trees over there.

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0

Loner Leader: Can you imagine why I brought you to this quiet place today? David: No. Loner Leader: Because I think it's the perfect spot for your grave.

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0

David: [as the Biscuit Woman screams in pain in the distance] What happened? Heartless Woman: She jumped from the window from 180. There is blood and biscuits everywhere. David: I hope she dies right away. [he pauses] On second thought, I hope she suffers quite a bit before she dies. I just hope her pathetic screams can't be heard from my room, because I was thinking about having a lie down, and I need peace and quiet. I was playing golf, and the last thing I need is some woman dying slowly and loudly.

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0

Loner Leader: Do you love her? Campari Man: With all my heart. Loner Leader: How much do you love her? On a scale of 1 to 15. Campari Man: 14. Loner Leader: 14 is a very impressive score. He loves her very much indeed. Who do you think we should kill? Who will be able to live on their own better? [pause] You. If this woman dies, do you think you will manage on your own or will you get involved with someone else? Campari Man: No. I can live alone, she cannot... I like sitting in the room. Relaxes me. Calms me. I like it a lot. I can definitely live on my own.

The Lobster, CC BY-SA 4.0