ALF, season 1

Willie: This is the way it began that extraordinary night; the night "he" came. Let me just shut this thing off. What's that noise? Oh, my gosh! It's the infrared radio band. I've locked in to something in space; a pulsar or a satellite. Hello? Hello? This is K726XAA. Can you read me? They're answering but I don't recognize the language. Kate: Why don't you just shut it off? Willie: I, can't, I can't control it. It's locked in on the signal. Kate: Willie, what's that? Willie: Oh, my gosh! It can't be. Kate: The lights! What happened to the lights? Brian: Daddy! Daddy! What's that thing in the sky? Lynn: What's going on? Willie: It's closing in fast. I think maybe we'd better- [the spacecraft crashes into the garage as the Tanners look up to see the pilot unconscious in the canopy; revealing it is ALF] We have a visitor.

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Brian: Here he comes! here he comes! Kate: Brian stay with me, oh my gosh, it's hairy! Willie: Let's put is over here. Kate: Not on the couch! Willie: Lynn, clear off the coffee table. Quick it's heavy! Brian: Heavy and hairy! Lynn: I can't believe it. What do you think it is? Brian: A real alien! Kate: Willie, Willie what is it? Willie: I don't know. Brian's right. It's an ALF. Kate: What? Willie: And ALF and A.L.F. that's short for alien life form. Brian: Can ALF stay in my room? Kate: No, this thing is not staying in. It's not staying. Brian: Why not? E.T. got to stay. Kate: E.T. was a movie, this is real! This is on our coffee table! Willie: This is incredible! Truly amazing, after all those years of wondering and hoping that it might be possible to contact alien life, I had it happen. It's a miracle. It's a fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Kate: We've got to get rid of it! Willie: Absolutely, we don't know anything about it. It could be dangerous, it could be diseased, it could be

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Brian: Do you get Sesame Street where you live? ALF: No, and frankly, I don't get it here, either. Woman on TV: If you said, "It was the cow riding on the subway", you're absolutely right! ALF: Brillant! This and the letter "I" in 1 day. I gotta get something to drink. Brian: Me too. [he and ALF go get something to drink] Kate: Where are you two going? Brian: We've got to get something to drink. ALF: We're parched. Kate: Okay, but no soda pop, and nothing to eat before dinner. ALF: Yes, ma'am. Brian: Yes, ma'am. ALF: Geez, what's with the warden? Kate: I said no soda pop. Brian: It's not soda pop, it's beer. ALF: [burps] You're about out of Coors! Kate: What? Give those to me! [puts beer on top of the TV] ALF: Hey, careful. His is still full. Kate: Now you just listen to me, ALF. I will not allow this kind of behavior in my house. This boy is only 6 years old, he is not to drink beer and you are not to drink beer. I don't know what it's like on "Mork", or whatever planet you come from.

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

ALF: So, the droid says to the cranble, "To tell you the truth, I'd feel even better if she lived another 6 light years away." [laughs] Willie: I think that really wasn't using 6 light years away. ALF: I guess you had to be there I was. [laughs] Kate: You know, I hate to be a black cloud but what are we gonna do with ALF when Lynn has her pajama party next week? Lynn: Oh, that's right. ALF: Hey, no problem. I wear a size 5 but nothing with feet in it. Oh, I've got a zillion of 'em. Here's another one you won't like. Look, these 2 space travelers are going through Andromeda, see and they run into a space patrol. He was a rookie, now remember this it's important for the end of the story. Anyway, while they're travelling.

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

Delivery Man: Pizza Barge! 1 super Sicilian, that's me. Here's your pizza. Sorry we couldn't leave it by the tree. It's against company policy. Raquel: I don't understand. Delivery Man: Well the last time we left one by a tree, a squirrel died. Raquel: No, I mean I didn't order a pizza and I refuse to pay for it. Delivery Man: Lady, it's already paid for, house account. Raquel: [grabbing pizza box] Oh, well in that case. Delivery Man: [holding out hand] What about my tip? Raquel: [gives a dime to the delivery man] Here is this enough? Delivery Man: Oh, sure. In some states I can still make a phone call! Raquel: In some states I can still make a phone call.

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0

ALF: [voiceover] And then it happened. I was sitting on the bed and when it happened. He came into my life. [a man comes in through the window] At first I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it soon dawned on me, Santa probably wouldn't smell like cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill up his bag with stuff that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff. But I knew I had to do something. I realized for that moment I was the man of the house. Excuse me, sir. May I have a word with you? Burglar: Who said that? ALF: I did. Can you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong. Burglar: It must be one of them talking dolls. ALF: Oh, yeah? Ever have a talking doll rip out your voice box? Raquel: [gets scared as Willie comes] Oh, Mr. Tanner, thank God you're home! This evening has been a nightmare. Willie: So I heard. [picks up the stick as Kate and Lynn come home] No! No! Mrs. Ochmonek. Raquel: I don't know what's going on here? I hope the police get here soon! Kate:

ALF (season 1), CC BY-SA 4.0