Quotes

Other

Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen.

Dialogue

Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means? Ritchie Koolboy: What? Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa", cuz I don't yo.

Dialogue

Mike Dexter: Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right? Jake: [beat] Girls that used to be in high school. Mike Dexter: No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women.

Dialogue

Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook. Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time. Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go Hot Dogs! Homeboy 1: Bitch, get a life!

Dialogue

William Lichter: OK, we're gonna rendezvous here at 0030 hours, all right? X-Phile 1: Wait, William. There's gonna be drinking in there. William Lichter: Yeah, so? X-Phile 2: So what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick you out if you don't drink. William Lichter: Well, I will be drinking. X-Phile 1: But William, you could get drunk. X-Phile 2: You could get addicted.

Dialogue

Mike Dexter: Trip McNeely! Geez. You were a sexual icon! You know girls at Huntington still talk about you? Trip McNeely: Really? Which ones? Mike Dexter: You must be racking up at college. College! Trip McNeely: I wish, bro. I can't even get digits as a freshman. Mike Dexter: Shut up! Come on, you can tell me. Trip McNeely: Seriously, man. I thought college was gonna be a 24-7 orgy. Hell, that's even why I broke up with Janeen before I left. Mike Dexter: [after an uneasy pause] S-so, what happened? Trip McNeely: [sighs] College chicks are totally different, bro. They're all serious and shit. They all talk about world issues and "ecolomological" crap. They all wanna date older guys. Mike Dexter: Yeah, but... not all of 'em, right? Trip McNeely: Way it goes. Hell, I even tried crawling back to Janeen. She was all cozy with some senior. He's a pre-med. They ALL are. Guys like us... we are a dime a dozen.

Dialogue

Preston Meyers: Any words of encouragement? Exchange Student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine.

Dialogue

Reminiscing Guy: Hey Amanda. Amanda Beckett: Hey. Reminiscing Guy: Remember that time you danced with me at the sock hop? Amanda Beckett: Yeah. Reminiscing Guy: I never told you, but I had the hugest boner. And I was just wondering if maybe we could get together and work things out.

Dialogue

Mike Dexter: You remember the time that you had to make that really stupid speech, and I kinda sorta tripped you, and everybody started laughing at you in school? William Lichter: OK, yeah. Yeah. Mike Dexter: I'm sorry. William Lichter: Oh, man. Don't worry about it. Mike Dexter: Hey, it's ancient history, right? William Lichter: It's ancient history. Mike Dexter: When was that, anyway? William Lichter: That was this morning at graduation. Mike Dexter: Oh, yeah.

Dialogue

Cop: Lichter? William Lichter? Let's go. Your parents are here to take you home. William Lichter: Oh... no. Oh... my parents? They're here? They must be so mad at me! Have you seen my father? Does he have a weapon of some kind? Cop: Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried about you than anything else. You know, it's not your fault that... [reads from a clipboard in a very sarcastic tone] Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you to drink alcohol until you passed out. William Lichter: Wh-what? Cop: That's the statement we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink, took your clothes off. William Lichter: He... he said that? Cop: Unless... if you have another unconvincing side of the story you'd like to tell... William Lichter: No... no, no, no. It's what... yeah. Uh, you know. It's just the funny thing that... he finally came clean, you know? Mike, always picking on me, yeah.