Quotes

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Piper: Prue? Prue: In here, working on the chandelier. Piper: Sorry, I'm late. Prue: What else is new? You know, Piper, I would have been here to wait for an electrician myself, but you know I can't leave the museum until six. I didn't even have time to change. Piper: I just... I didn't realize how long I was in Chinatown. Did Jeremy call? Prue: No, but he had some roses and a package delivered. What were you doing in Chinatown? I through that you had an interview at North Beach. Piper: I did, but later I went to Yung Li market after my interview to get the ingredients for my audition recipe tomorrow. Prue: So that Wolfgang Puck knock-off didn't hire you today? Piper: No, but this just may get me the job. Prue: Jeremy sent you port? Piper: It's the ultimate ingredient for my recipe. Prue: Nice boyfriend. Piper: Oh my God. I don't believe it. Tell me that's not our old spirit board. Prue: Yeah, I found it in the basement when I was looking for the circuit tester. Piper: "To my three bea

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Darryl: Well, it's about time. Andy: I got here as soon as I heard. Another dead female, right? Mid to late 20s? Darryl: I've been paging you for over an hour, Trudeau. Where have you been? Andy: Oakland. Checking out a lead. Darry: What lead? Andy: One that didn't go anywhere. Darryl: You're avoiding my question. Andy: Because you don't want to know I went to an occult shop. Darryl: You hate me, don't you? You wanna see me suffer. Andy: I want to solve these murders. Someone's after witches. Darryl: Women. Andy: That women up there, I bet she was killed by an athamé. Darryl: Wrong. Double-edged steel knife. Andy: Right. That's an athamé. It's a ceremonial tool. Witches use them to direct energy. Darryl: That women didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple. Andy: Was she found near an altar? Darryl: Yes. Andy: Were there carvings on that altar? Darryl: Just do me a favour. Don't ever follow a lead without checking with me first. Andy: You want to go to occult shops? Darryl:

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Prue: I don't get it. I have checked everything. There's no reason why the chandelier should not be working. Piper: We've been talking about what to do with that spare room. I think you're right, we do need a roommate. Prue: Well we could rent out a room at a reduced rate in exchange to help around the house. Piper: Phoebe's good with a wrench. Prue: Phoebe lives in New York. Piper: Not anymore. Prue: What? Piper: She left New York. She's moving back in with us. Prue: You've got to be kidding. Piper: Well, I could hardly say no. It's her house too; it was willed to all of us. Prue: Yeah, months ago. And we haven't seen her or spoken to her since. Piper: Well, you haven't spoken to her. Prue: No, I haven't. Maybe you forgot why I'm so mad at her. Piper: Well, of course not, but she had nowhere else to go. She lost her job, she's in debt. Prue: And this is news? How long have you known about this anyway? Piper: A couple of days. Maybe a week, or two... Prue: Thanks for sharing. When does

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Phoebe: I forgot your question. Piper: I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year. Phoebe: That's disgusting. (looks at spirit board) Please say yes.

I've Got You Under My Skin

Prue: What are you watching? Piper: Nothing. Just a show. Prue: About witches? Are you worried we're gonna be burned at the stake? Piper: Yeah, right. By the way, Andy called. Prue: When? Piper: While you were in the shower. Prue: What did you tell him? Piper: That you were in the shower. Bad date? Prue: No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know. Dinner. Movie. Sex. Piper: Excuse me? On your first date? You sleaze. Prue: It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper. Piper: High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. Ooh, that bad, huh? Prue: No. Actually, that good. It was... well, we were amazing, but that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different, that we would take it slow. It just shouldn't've happened, that's all. Phoebe: What shouldn't've happened? Piper: Prue slept with Andy. Phoebe: Hello! Prue: Oh, thanks a lot, mouth. Phoebe: Wait, you were going to tell her, but not me? Family meeting! Prue: Speaking of last night, what time did you end up

I've Got You Under My Skin

Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Prue: I know, Andy. Andy: All we did was make love. Prue: I know, Andy.

I've Got You Under My Skin

A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not.

I've Got You Under My Skin

Prue: Brittany, are you alright? Piper: I'll call 911. Prue: And tell them what? That she's dying of old age at 25?

Thank You for Not Morphing

Prue: Um, hi. You must be Mr. Wyatt. Phoebe: The handyman? Leo: Call me Leo. Phoebe: Gladly.

Thank You for Not Morphing

Prue: Some of us have a job. Phoebe: Some of us have fun. Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day.

Thank You for Not Morphing

Marshall: I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance in your entrails. Victor: Oh, so you're lawyers.

Thank You for Not Morphing

Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as a break-in. Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try and steal our broomsticks?

Thank You for Not Morphing

Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash. Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?

Dead Man Dating

Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy. Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

Dead Man Dating

We’re The Charmed Ones, Prue, not The Doomed Ones.

Dead Man Dating

Prue: Phoebe, you have to save him. You can’t let him out of your sight. Phoebe: Oh, don’t worry. I waited until he went to sleep, and then I broke a key off in his door to lock him in. He’s safe ‘till morning. (silence) Hey, wait. That’s it? You’re not going to get mad at me? Prue: You were trying to do something good… and now you’re going to get to do something… wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present than that.

Dead Man Dating

Phoebe: I am so busted, aren’t I? Piper: Are you out of your mind again? Phoebe: No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe. Piper: This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.

Dead Man Dating

Piper: I've never seen anybody killed before. Phoebe: Jeremy. Prue: Javna. Piper: I mean humans.

Dream Sorcerer

Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.

Dream Sorcerer

Piper: (after trying to copy an exercise video) Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper. Prue: Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See, it says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon. Piper: Yeah. Well it's worked. She's the most desired female in America. What every man wants. Prue: That woman? Of course men want her. Men are not different from women. We all want what we can't have. Which is why we need to stop thinking about what men want and start thinking about what we want in a man.

Dream Sorcerer

Piper: So, what’s up? Phoebe: I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover". Piper: No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells. Phoebe: Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic. Piper: No. No personal gain, remember? Phoebe: How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...

Dream Sorcerer

Phoebe: You want a man who is single, smart, endowed? Piper: Employed.

Dream Sorcerer

First Guy: Are your parents terrorists? Cause, baby, you're the bomb. Second Guy: Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell. Phoebe: Uh, excuse me? Guy: When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt? Cause I know an angel when I see one. Phoebe: I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you.

The Wedding from Hell

Prue: My sisters and I, we have special gifts. Allison Michaels: Gifts? What kind of gifts? Prue: Ones you can't return. Let's just say we come from an interesting kind of family tree.

The Wedding from Hell

Rex: Prue, your, um, sister's here to see you. She's waiting in your office. Prue: Which sister? Rex: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college." Prue: Phoebe.

The Wedding from Hell

Prue: Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt. Phoebe: Did she just say shower? Piper: She did, didn't she? Piper & Phoebe: Hot water!

The Wedding from Hell

Phoebe: Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you. Piper: What?!

The Wedding from Hell

Prue: Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly? Phoebe: Well, I-I saw the thing being born. Prue: Did you see Piper? Phoebe: Yes, I saw her legs. Prue: Never saw her face? Phoebe: No. Piper: Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.

The Fourth Sister

Phoebe: Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief? Piper: Totally. Phoebe: Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched. Piper: My boyfriend, Billy Wilson. Phoebe: [chuckles] Bill-- Will-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson? Piper: You kissed him at homecoming. Phoebe: I did not kiss him at homecoming. Piper: Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever. Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then. Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts.

The Fourth Sister

Piper: So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys... Phoebe: Please. Piper: So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one. Phoebe: Absolutely. Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition. Phoebe: Sibling rivalry. Piper: War. Phoebe: Exactly!

The Fourth Sister

Piper: Hungry? Leo: Uh. Piper: Oh, it's on the house. Leo: You're big on food, aren’t you? Piper: Uh... Leo: No, that's good. You know, actually, in the Mayan culture the cook was second in the hierarchy only to the medicine man. Piper: Mayans? You know about Mayans? Well, you certainly are a handyman, aren't you? Leo: Uh, so, does Phoebe work here too? Piper: Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, she's probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now. So what'll it be?

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Phoebe: Piper, what do you really think about your boss? Piper: I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...(Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh) Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired!

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Andy: I don't know. I mean of all the things I thought you were hiding, this was actually nowhere on the list. Does this mean Piper and Phoebe are... Prue: Yeah. We inherited our powers from Mom and Grams. Andy: So, when you have kids... Prue: If they're girls...yes.

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Piper: Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move? Leo: I don't know, I'm still waiting for it to happen. Piper: Good news. Leo: How do you feel about guys who make the second move? Piper: Love 'em!

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Prue: I'm about to tell my boyfriend that I'm a wi... Phoebe: ...nner!

The Witch is Back

Melinda Warren: How do modern women keep their legs warm? Prue: We drink coffee.

The Witch is Back

Melinda Warren: "To work with One's hands is a great gift." Leo: Well ... "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear" Melinda Warren: "Owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness..." Melinda/Leo: Shakespeare. (Melinda giggles) Prue: Wasn't that fun? Okay, let's go now. Melinda: He is a treasure, Piper. Piper: Why you telling me?

The Witch is Back

Piper: Am I the only one having second thoughts? Phoebe: Yes. Prue: We don't really have any others options. Piper: But aren't we, like, raising the dead? What if she's all.. Phoebe: I read The Book of Shadows very carefully. She will come back as a real live person, flesh and blood. She will have her powers too, our powers. (Phoebe picks up a knife.) Piper: What's that for? Phoebe: Well, the spell works by blood calling blood, so it shouldn't hurt.. much. (Phoebe cuts her finger.) I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters? (Prue takes the knife.) Piper: I remember my finger got infected. Prue: (Prue cuts her finger.) Ow. Yeah, but the oath worked. Piper: And I couldn't go in the water for three weeks. (Prue holds out the knife.) Don't hand me that knife. Prue: How are you gonna cut yourself? Piper: I'm not. Phoebe: Piper. Piper: I can't stand the sight of blood. Prue: Evil b

The Witch is Back

Melinda: No, don’t...don’t rip the dress to make it fit me. Phoebe: Oh, no, no, I’m not ripping it. It’s called a zipper, see?(Phoebe zips up the dress) Melinda: Oh, a wise witch made this.(Melinda takes the dress off of Phoebe and plays with the zipper) Phoebe: Yeah, and wise witches in this century keep a low profile. You slip this dress on, you’ll blend right in.

The Witch is Back

Phoebe: You've never asked a guy out before? Piper: Not on a real date, no Phoebe: I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the 'take a chance' gene? Piper: Probably, 'cause if I remember my biology correctly it's attached to the 'can't mind my own business' gene.

Wicca Envy

Prue: Somebody must have manipulated me into taking it. Phoebe: The same way someone manipulated me into being a witness against my own sister! Darryl: Any idea about what they're talking about? Andy: Not a clue.

Wicca Envy

Phoebe: Between you and Leo, and Prue the new-hot-Wicca woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up. Piper: Don't say that! The moment somebody says that everything always goes south! Phoebe: Unless you freeze him. Ooh! I couldn't help it, it was so good!

Wicca Envy

Phoebe: Prue was right about Rex, which means I'm dating a warlock! Piper: Been there, done that!

Wicca Envy

Phoebe: Problems? Prue: What problems? Piper: Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him. Prue: Piper, you didn't? Piper: I didn't mean to...the first time. Phoebe: Oh!

Wicca Envy

Piper: I thought you guys were supposed to be shopping. Prue: Obviously. Prue: Ooh, serious business. Piper: (pulls her shirt closed) Do you mind? Phoebe: No, are you kidding? I think it's great -- as long as he's not still on the clock.

Wicca Envy

Phoebe: But why all the drama? Why didn't you just kill us and take our powers? Piper: Don't give him any ideas. Rex: No, no, no. I have seen exactly what you can do when you've been confronted directly. That's why I opted for blackmail. See, there is a special spell in the Book of Shadows that strips you of your powers forever. (He shows them the device that looks like a lantern) And this device will capture those powers. Then you'll bring them to me. Prue: Go to hell. Rex: Yeah, I'd love to, darling. I miss it terribly. And this will help me return with honours. In return, I'll give you the photo and tell the police I simply misplaced the tiara. No theft, no motive for murder, no prison. You really don't have much time. Just until the prison guards realize you've escaped. Well?

Feats of Clay

Prue: The Guardian punishes the greedy, so maybe if Clay does something selfless, it'll even the score. Piper: Good luck...

Feats of Clay

Prue: Seasons change, people don't... Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door? Prue: That's different. Phoebe: How is that different? Prue: You're my sister.

Feats of Clay

Coroner: I found someone's business card in his pocket. Buckland's Auction House. Andy: (cutting him off) Ah. Let me guess, Prue Halliwell? Coroner: Yeah. How did you know? Andy: I'm cursed.

Feats of Clay

Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now? Clay: What, can't a guy visit? Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.

The Wendigo

Piper: Handle. Handle. I don't think I got a handle. Wait, there's a long wooden spoon in the back. Phoebe: (talking to Prue) That's not gonna work. She's looking for a long wooden spoon.

The Wendigo

Piper: Oh, my God, that's a lot of blood. Prue: Hey, sweetie. Phoebe: Oh, my God! Are you okay? Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. If I pass out and I need a transfusion, I'm AB negative. It's very rare. It could be a problem. Andy: Try not to look at it. And just so you know, I'm AB negative too. Plus, I love good food. Perfect donor.

The Wendigo

Piper: Nothing. This is just the same crap I've already seen. Prue: I tried Andy's cell phone, no answer. Phoebe: We can't find anything about revearsing the Wendigo thing. Prue: Well, there's got to be something. Oh, didn't you check this at the bottom of the page? "c.f. Desiderata." Phoebe: Yeah, like we're supposed to know what that means. Prue: Well, it means "conferred desiderata." It's Latin for "look up things that are yearned for." Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so very smart. Prue: Piper. Piper: Don't Piper me. Just shut up!

The Wendigo

Prue: But we might have to confine you until we get back. So tie you down, I guess. Piper: No! Go to hell! Prue: Do we have any chains? Phoebe: I actually think I have something. (walks in with handcuffs) Prue: Where did you get the--? Never mind.

The Wendigo

Phoebe: ...besides, that's your world, I need to find one of my own. Prue: You will. Piper: Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you! Piper: Just kidding, it's a joke!

From Fear to Eternity

Andy: What would you do if you were in my shoes? Prue: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.

Secrets and Guys

Leo: Oh, well, I thought I'd tell her that, uh, you know, as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, a-and I don't know how long my work will keep me away. Phoebe: No, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again. Leo: Uh... (chuckles) Piper, um, you know how much you mean to me, and more than anything, I wish things can work out, but, they can't... and no one is more sorry than me. Phoebe: (shakes her head) Translation? I found someone I like even better. Leo: I'm completely confused. Phoebe: Look, Leo, it's not that complicated. Okay, um, just avoid the following: We can still hang out; I don't deserve you... yet; I need more "me time" before we can have "we time" (makes air quotes), and my personal favorite: It's not you, it's me. And whatever you do, do not start of the conversation with "we need to talk", other than that you'll do fine

Secrets and Guys

Phoebe: Well, that's his call. Assuming that he had a secret. Might not have. Piper: What are you talking about? Piper: What? Phoebe, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Oh, God. Don't be so silly. Phoebe: That's me, silly.

Secrets and Guys

Piper: And looky here, miss Phoebe's diaries... Phoebe: The place where I kept all my secrets... Piper: What? Prue: The place where you kept your secrets? Piper: Phoebe, you could never keep a secret... Phoebe: Oh, that is so not true.

Secrets and Guys

Leo: In the meantime, you must help me keep my secret or I can get into trouble, ok? Piper and Prue can never know what I really am. Phoebe: Me keep a secret? Hello, wrong Halliwell!

Is There a Woogy in the House?

Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes. Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either. Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.

Is There a Woogy in the House?

I can handle it all myself. It’s me, the culinary pachyderm.

Which Prue is it Anyway?

Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that. Phoebe: Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.

Which Prue is it Anyway?

This is ridiculous. This is like, this is like the 'Parent Trap' with a B cup.

Which Prue is it Anyway?

I think I might've just found a way to take some of the Disney out of our life

That '70s Episode

Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time in the same time. Prue: Thank you Mr Spock.

That '70s Episode

Grams: It was doomed from the start. You never even took his last name! Patty: You wouldn't let me. Grams: Well that's beside the point.

That '70s Episode

Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones. Oh, well, once removed of course...

That '70s Episode

Grams: What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler? Piper: Honey, and a splash of rum.

That '70s Episode

Piper: We didn't go anywhere. We were just standing here, and the next thing we knew... Phoebe: We were just standing here. Patty: I told you to use poplar buds. Grams: It's a perfectly good spell. I mean, it moved them through time. Patty: Yeah, ten seconds.

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good

Prue: Hey, um, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep with Piper. Brendan: Why? Prue: Because Phoebe kicks.

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good

Piper: (peeks into the hall) It's clear. Greg: You betrayed us, little brother. I'm very disappointed. Brendan: Leave them out of this, Greg. Greg: You're protecting witches now?! You make me sick! Piper: Prue? Prue: Now! Greg: No, not this time. I'm ready for you. (picks up the knife) But family first. Brendan: You want me? Come get me. Paul: Greg, wait! Prue: Brendan, don't let them turn you. Don't use your powers. Paul: (to Greg) Give him a chance. (turns to Brendan) It's not too late, you can still join us. Greg: You are either with us or you are against us! Brendan: Then I'm against you. Greg: Then you will die. (he throws the knife at Brendan, but Paul jumps in front and the knife goes into him instead) Damn you, Brendan! Paul: No, Greg. (he pulls the knife out of him) Damn you! (He throws the knife and hits Greg, and both slump over dead)

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good

If you were going to lose a guy, it might as will be to the Big Guy.

Out of Sight

Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple? Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.

Out of Sight

Prue: Oops, Busted! Eric Lumen: Do you really think so? Eric Lumen: I-I..you did that! I-I..I saw that... Prue: Really? Prove it. Prue: I feel like I should be cackling.

Out of Sight

Prue: Look Andy, will you please just get her out here? Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone. Prue: Do I have to use my power on you? Andy: I'll meet you up on the street.

The Power of Two

Prue: I hate cemeteries at night. Phoebe: I hate cemeteries at day. Phoebe: What was that? Prue: Probably a zombie or a vampire. Phoebe: Great, where's Buffy when you need her?

The Power of Two

Piper: Prue, have you seen my purse? Prue: In the kitchen. Have you seen my keys? Piper: They're by the T.V. I can't find my plane ticket. Did I give it to you? Prue: Maybe you packed it. Piper: I didn't just pack it, I just saw it. Phoebe: I can't believe it. Prue: (snatches Piper's plane ticket off Phoebe.) Found it.

The Power of Two

Phoebe: I've been practicing how to call a premonition, and I did it. I saw a future event on command. Oh, and that's the good news. The bad news is... I saw you missing your flight. Piper: Oh, great.

Love Hurts

Okay, you know, you guys take for granted that I'm your innocent yellow pages. Okay, this takes work.

Love Hurts

Phoebe: Okay, it's not that easy to break me. Prue: What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers? Phoebe: It's not gonna work. Prue: What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie! (the magazines on a rack spin around and fall off) Well, class over. Phoebe: You know that was just a rumor, right?

Love Hurts

Phoebe: Okay Leo, I brought you some... You do eat right? Leo: Yes Phoebe, I eat.

Love Hurts

Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single, restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters? Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell...is a witch. Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it. Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the Commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Andy: Has Phoebe ever been wrong about her premonitions before? Prue: No. But the good news is every other time we've been able to affect the outcome. Stop the demon or warlock before... Andy: Before I get killed. Can I get that in writing?

Witch Trial

Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? Sister witches, guess what? Piper: Oh, oh. Are you nuts? Phoebe: What are you doing? Rob: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Ooh! Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Sister witches? I can't believe you said that. What's the matter with you? Phoebe: How was I supposed to know that you were gonna be here with anybody? Last I heard that you were meeting a banker friend about the loan. Is this the credit check? Piper: Are you out of your mind? Phoebe: What was I supposed to do? Say no? Look at that poor girl. Dan: Jenny? Jenny, come on. Talk to me. Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Whoa! Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay? Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose. Phoebe: I see that. [drags Piper towards the rock and starts to undress] Piper: No. Whoa, whoa, wait, what are you doing? Phoebe: When in Rome... Piper: No, no, no! We're not in Rome, Phoebe, we're in California, and it's illegal here!

Morality Bites

Phoebe: Wow, what did you buy? Piper: Doody. Prue: We weren't out of that. Piper: No. I stepped in it, again. That man has turned our frontwalk into a puppy minefield. Phoebe: I can not believe that guy still lets his dog do his business right in front of our house. Prue: Well, we've left notes. Piper: Yes, and that left no where. Phoebe: Yes, well, I've had it. Next time I catch him in the act I'm gonna get him a piece of my mind. Piper: That couldn't be. Phoebe: Oh, I hope it is. Piper: That's them. That's the guy and his dog. I can't believe it. Prue: That is so rude. He's just gonna walk away. Phoebe: Then don't let him. Use your magic. Piper: Uh? Phoebe: Well, if you can't teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner? Just think on the money we'll save on carpet cleaning alone. Prue: Phoebe, we can't use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson. Phoebe: Why not? It's for the greater good. I mean that's our job, right? Think of it as a community service. We will do a w

The Painted World

Piper: What? Prue: We were talking? Piper: I know. About a man in a painting. Listen to this one. "Hallway near club entrance too narrow"? Prue: I thought that we had discussed your code violations. Piper: Well, I keep finding more. The plumbing, the electrical, the heating, it...none of it is up code. Prue: Stop. You’re obsessing. Piper: Well, it runs in the family. Prue: I don't obsess. I think... intensely... anyway, I can't really help it. I mean, we've seen so many bizarre things, why not a man in a painting. Dan: Ok, then, um, I'll tell you what I can do. I'll check out the code violations. See how serious they really are. If you'll help me with the promise I made Jenny. Piper: Deal. Wait... Uh, what's the promise? Dan: She needs help with a paper. It's for a bio class, something with the human reproductive system. Piper: You mean sex? Dan: It's just way too awkward for me to talk with my niece about. Piper: Yeah, huh...Sure, not to worry! I have plenty of experience. Dan: Really

The Devil's Music

Chris Barker: Speaking of getting off the ground, that plane trip to Paris is still on open for discussion isn't it? Hasn't that raincheck burned a hole in your pocket by now? Prue: Look I really appreciate your offer Chris Barker: It's not an offer Prue, it's a dinner request. Prue: In Paris! Chris Barker: You know what they call french bread in France? Prue: Bread. Chris Barker: Exactly! Piper: Phoebe, we can't even give our cat a vitamin, how are we going to get this down a demon's throat? Phoebe: In this. Piper: What is that? Phoebe: It's a balloon. Piper: Okay, where is it? Phoebe: Where's what? Piper: The spoonful of sugar big enough to hide that thing. Phoebe: You're looking at her.

She's a Man, Baby, a Man!

Piper: Lives are at stake Prue, innocent men are going to die. We're your sisters, Prue, we're not going to laugh. Prue: (comes out of the bathroom, dressed as a guy) How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous, I am wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places and I have a PENIS! (as Phoebe starts giggling) This is so not funny! Phoebe: Hahahaha. Dating service worker: What do you look for in a woman? Dan: What do I look for? I don't know, I'm old-fashioned I guess, I look for the girl next door. Someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match. The kind of girl that, when I leave for work in the morning, I wait just a little bit 'till she leaves for work too, just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair and great smile. Hoping that maybe, one day, she'll notice that I'm watching and she'll smile back at me. Phoebe: It didn't start happening until she sucker-punched Owen. Prue: Well you had a problem, I fixed it. Phoebe: Oh, you bet your

That Old Black Magic

Leo: 200 years ago a good witch turned evil, started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked into a cave and entombed, but unfortunately, this morning, Tuatha escaped. Phoebe: Tuatha, who wouldn't go bad with a name like that!

They're Everywhere

Dr. Stone: Did you find Eric? Another warlock: No. Dr. Stone: Not good. He's being protected by a time-freezing witch. Another warlock: And Bruce Lee's little sister. Piper: Jack's not a warlock. Prue: He's a jerk. Dan: Someday, somehow, I'm going to make it through that damn door. Prue: They really shouldn't have given us the finger. Piper: You read my mind.

P3 H2O

Phoebe: Be vewy vewy quiet, we're hunting demons! Prue: I know somebody who can see anything. Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair? Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.

Ms. Hellfire

Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to french kiss. Piper: You broke your ankle when you were seven. Come on Prue, we went to Duran Duran together, you stretched out my leg warmers. Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.

Heartbreak City

Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in. Piper: Oh would you stop that. Phoebe: Well it is a double date. Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled. Phoebe: I know, it seems to be an epidemic lately, guys cancelling on me. Piper: You know what happens when they cancel? Prue: Ooh, back to square one! Piper: Do not pass go Phoebe: And all accrued nookies credits are thrown out! Jack: There's a penalty? Prue, Piper & Phoebe: Oh Yeah! Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid? Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me? Piper: Where's the chubby baby? Phoebe: Guys. Prue: And the bow and arrow? Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats? Prue: Alright, show us something supernatural. Cupid: Drazi took my ring. It's my powers, how I get in. Prue: Get in? Cupid: People's hearts, to waken love. See but Drazi's all about hate and he's gonna use the ring to get in the same way. Piper: You're still gonna have to back u

Reckless Abandon

Prue: We have a baby? Piper: Phoebe picked it up at the police station. Prue: Okay, I thought you were going to request a job, not a kid. Phoebe: Piper, you'll be fine, don't be afraid. Prue: Yeah, Just think of it as a test run. Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby, and it was hard on Mom, and endless, and with you dropping her all the time! Phoebe: What?! Prue: Oh, moving on! Prue: I thought that babies slept. A lot. Phoebe: Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll want to get pregnant.

Awakened

Piper: Wait, you enrolled? Phoebe, this is huge. Phoebe: Hugest thing I've done since I came back home. I mean, aside from vanquishing demons, and saving the world from evil, of course!

Animal Pragmatism

Piper: Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smackdown? Phoebe: I want you all to know that I'm a vegetarian, so I've never eaten any of you!

Pardon My Past

Prue: Great party. We should do this more often. Piper: Yeah. Maybe next time we can trim the guest list by one. Prue: Piper. I had to invite Leo. He was at the club when I went to go pick up the supplies. He knew that we were throwing a party. Piper: Well, didn't you think maybe he'd feel a little awkward being here because of Dan? Prue: It doesn't look like he feels too awkward to me. Look, Piper, he's been mortal for what? A couple of weeks now? I mean, I felt bad for him. He doesn't know anybody and it's not like there's a fallen Whitelighters support group to join or anything. Piper: Prue, I'm not upset with you. I'm just… I'm…I'm upset with the whole situation. Prue: Well, Leo's just going to have to accept the fact that you're with... Dan now. You are still with Dan, right? Piper: Yes. Of course. What do you think they're talking about? Prue: You. Piper: Great. Phoebe: Hey, you guys! Give me a break, it's after midnight, I have mentors tomorrow. Piper: Sorry Pheebs. Didn't reali

Give Me a Sign

Prue: What are you guys doing here? Phoebe: We are rescuing you! From the tall, dark and NAKED man!!!! Prue: I told you to stay away. Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy. (clears her throat.) Piper: I don’t believe this! We’ve been frantic, worried sick about you thinking you’ve been kidnapped... Prue: Yeah, I was... Piper: (points to the side of the bed) Panties. Prue: Oh, oh! (She rushes to the bedside and picks them up.) Huh, thanks. Look, uh, you guys have really got this all uh—(looks at her underwear in her hand) wrong. Piper: Yeah, we know. It’s a trap. Phoebe: A tall, dark, and naked trap. Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long? I mean, how do I know he won't want his wings back someday? And then there's Dan. Who is still great. And normal. Which is good, considering I'm not. Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds. Piper: Really? We ran that long? Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan. Piper: First, I'd like to tell you how reli

Murphy's Luck

Phoebe: Stop trying to predict the future, that's my job. Piper: What would I do without you? Phoebe: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt. Leo: Piper, are you mad at me? Piper: No, don't be ridiculous. Why would I be mad at you? Leo: I don't know, that's why I'm asking. What is it? Piper: It's just, um, Dan. Leo: Oh. Never mind, sorry I asked. Piper: Um, he's-he's going to be... He's going to be very upset when he finds out... you're the one that I really love. Leo: Yeah? Piper: Yeah. Piper: That can't be right. How many swizzle sticks? Leo: (staring at her legs) Who's counting?

How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans

Alright, I'm only doing this for you guys. And if I get killed, I'm gonna haunt the both of you forever.

Chick Flick

Finley Beck: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence? Prue: That would be me. Finley Beck: You're 12. Prue: Oh, I'm good! Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on. Phoebe: We have got to do something about that COMPLEXION! Phoebe: Hello, privacy! Prue: Hello, ax-murderer! Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!?!? Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day. Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day. Prue: (after taking a picture of Piper) So, I think I'll call this, "Woman Pretending Not to Look Out the Window". Piper: (walking towards Prue with mug) How about "Girl About to Pour Hot Tea on Sister's Head"? Piper: (after drinking the potion and making a face) Mm! Tastes like ass! Piper: ... sphalt.

Ex Libris

Phoebe: Hey, hi, I'm Phoebe. Charlene: I'm Charlene. Actually we've met. We even carpooled. Metaphysics 301, remember? Phoebe: Oh, that's right and your dad is the professor of that class, right? Charlene: Yeah, dirty rat, he gave me a C. We don't get along in anything. Even metaphysics. But I'm hoping that'll change when I finish my thesis, get published, he'll finally have to take me seriously. I'll quit before I start telling you about my mother. Phoebe: No, it's okay. I've been studying here for so long it's nice to have someone to talk to. So what's your thesis about? Charlene: It's about the existence of demons in our world. Phoebe: Demons? Piper: Prue, wh-what are you doing in here? Leo: Piper, can you hand me a towel? Prue! Prue: Hey Leo, nice orbs. Piper: Bye... Bye! Prue: Ow! Piper: Let me help you, let me help you. Alright, go on, sicko. Piper: Still Phoebe, you have to take care of yourself. You have to get some rest. Phoebe: After. Piper, I did not go back to college to fa

Astral Monkey

Leo: Ever done it on a cloud? Phoebe: Does a featherbed count? Piper: (about Leo) You really think he's here that much? Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted... uh... I mean, had.

Apocalypse Not

Are you telling me evil called good and good answered?

Be Careful What You Witch For

Piper: Dan is back in town. Leo: So? What am i supposed to go. Just hide out till he decides to leave again? Piper: So, what am I going to tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's going to expect a reaction from me. Phoebe: How about, 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac. '. Piper: Where you off to? Prue: Lunch date with Dick. Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to duty date. Prue: Yeh, well. all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put more balance in my life. Piper: Yeh, but you don't need Dick! Phoebe: You know, we keep saying that, but what does it really mean? Genie: You're probably a little upset right? Piper: No, I've moved past upset and right to pissed off.

The Honeymoon's Over

Phoebe: If Piper ever comes back, I'm going to kill her. Leo: Piper! Piper: This is so not happening. Leo: Listen to me, Piper. I told you, I've thought this whole thing through. Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet? Prue: Okay any mass vanquishing spells? Phoebe: You're the one who's been studying the book. Prue: Why are you picking on me? Phoebe: Because I'm scared and we're outnumbered. Piper: So, why did you do that to your hair? Phoebe: To change my luck. Phoebe: Okay, what was that all about? I didn’t even get to bitch at her.

Magic Hour

Leo: I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Piper: Can't you possibly be the bearer of a big hug? Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken. Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't. Piper: And neither were hearts. Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm? Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f... Grams: Fine. Prue: What love can't conquer, we will. Cole: You better be careful or a guy might think he's been followed. Piper: You better be careful or a girl might think her sister's getting a really cheesy pick up line. Cole: 1329 Prescott Street. (He holds out the bag of books. Phoebe looks confused.) On the receipt. In the bag. (He looks for it.) It was there. That sounded much better in my head. Phoebe: They gave you our books and you thought you'd drop them by. Cole: That wasn't so hard when you said it. I actually need the ones I bought, so if you don't mind I... Phoebe: Of co

Once Upon a Time

Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff. Phoebe: Sure, why not? Piper: (to Prue) Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa... Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this? Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio, what's your excuse? Prue: Okay. So, it's kinda late, and, ummm, we're all a little bit tired so how about we finish this up tomorrow? Phoebe: Now look what you did, you went and turned Prue into the middle child. Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist. Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats. Piper: I'm done. Phoebe: What does that mean? Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? (walks around Phoebe) I going now. ...I'm going now. Phoebe: I think she's on strike. Kate: Thistle says that if you really believe in fairies, there's something t

All Halliwell's Eve

Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch? Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on. Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink? Piper: Yes. Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she? Piper: Yes. Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games. Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement. Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time. Phoebe: Thanks. Piper: Nice costume. Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits. Leo: Mine too. Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you? Piper: Flee! We're not in Kansas anymore! Prue: From what they're wearing it looks to be what the 16...1700's... Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, oh, 15 minutes. Eva: This doorway would have told us if you were evil. Piper: Huh! Where can we get one of those? Piper: [referring to the elders] Oh, leave it to them to zap first and give instructions never.

Sight Unseen

Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present. Prue: Already done. Darryl: Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the United Nations? Piper: What are those? Prue: A way to always be prepared. Phoebe: These are very large contraceptives, Prue. Phoebe: I'm bummed for you Piper, but I've got to tell you, Leo is looking fine! Piper: I thought you said you didn’t see anything. Phoebe: I didn’t… at least nothing good! Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!

Primrose Empath

Phoebe: I have a date with Cole. Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing. Phoebe: It's a lunch date! Prue: So? Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu. Piper: Sometimes being magical takes the magic right out of things. Prue: What's your last name? Vinceres: Misery. Prue: In that case, would you like some company? Phoebe: So...how about those Niners? Cole: What? Phoebe: The Niners. The Forty-Niners. The football team. You don't follow football? [to Leo and Piper] He isn't human. Cole: (coughs on his water) Check! Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but... Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it. Piper: Premonition? Phoebe: Intuition. Leo: We'll help you out. Prue: No, no, no. I'll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head. Piper: Wait, we have couple issues? Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice! Piper: Here he is. Vinceres,

Power Outage

Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole "staring off into space aimlessly" thing that you've got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent. Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue. Cole: (to himself) I'm sorry but we have to stop seeing each other, okay. Why? Because, because I have to kill you that's why. Smooth. Phoebe: This is important, he wants to have the talk. You know, are we a couple, are we a one-nighter, are we friends, are we friends that had a one-nighter...? Prue: What is your problem? Piper: You are. Get your own damn club and keep your paws off of mine! Prue: Okay, whoa, obviously somebody needs a Midol. (Andras peeks inside the kitchen) Piper: And I am so sick of all of your stuff laying around. If you can't put your equipment away, then I will! (grabs a lens and throws it to the floor, just as Andras infects Prue with rage) Prue: (does a slow burn) Who the hell do you think you are?! (grabs a blender and smashes it on the fl

Sleuthing with the Enemy

Prue: Pig's feet. Piper: Yecch. Prue: Ecch? Piper: Yecch. Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh, but you can't touch a pig's foot? Piper: I'm a vegetarian. Prue: Since when? Piper: Since now. Prue: Who are you? Krell: I am Krell, a Zotar. Prue: Hi, I'm Prue, a Scorpio. Krell: Just the thought of working with you two turns my stomachs. Piper: Stomachs? Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him. Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you. Phoebe: Works for me! Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done? Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.

Coyote Piper

Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends. Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you? Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question? Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend. Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think? Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question. Prue: Wow, you only scored a four, that is just so sad. Justin Harper: Excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list. Prue: Right, So I got an F, but dude, you got an F-! Justin Harper: Ouch! That's a bad high school flashback. Terra: What kind of witch can't vanquish a demon without her sisters? Piper: What the hell kind of demon has a panic a

We All Scream for Ice Cream

Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so... Piper: He's still staring at me! Phoebe: That’s not staring, that’s flirting! Piper: You say tomato… Phoebe: No! I say relaxo! Piper: Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys? (Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the other end of the bar). Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward rejection all by myself. Caleb: Hi, I'm Caleb. Piper: Piper. Caleb: I'm sorta new in town and I'm looking to meet someone... (Piper looks away uncomfortably) someone special? (Piper gives him a blank stare) I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your... Piper: Fiance. Very large, very jealous, fiance. Caleb: Really? Does he ever come here? Piper: Hahaha, yeah! All the time. Caleb: So he-he-h

Blinded by the Whitelighter

Phoebe: What she needs, we can't give her. Natalie: What happened? Prue: Piper froze ya. Natalie: S-she what? Prue: (laughing) Yep. Leo: Piper, what are you doing? Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge? Leo: She's not in charge. Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate. Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy. Phoebe: Who's Natalie? Piper: She's a f... Leo: (interrupting) Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence. Piper: Hm. That's not what I was going to say. Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Natalie: You must prepare yourselves for battle. Mentally, physically, spiritually, sartorially... Phoebe: I'm sorry, what? Piper: She doesn't like our clothes. Natalie: You need clothes that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless... fearless attire. Prue: Okay, then

Wrestling With Demons

Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn? Prue: [about Tom] I know that demon...I dated that demon! Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous. Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives. Prue: [walking in] What are you babbling about? Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would. Often. Leo: I sorta... kinda lost the wedding ring. Darryl: I've got a great ring guy downtown if you need one. Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mom's ring. I gave it to him, so he could give it back to me at the perfect, romantic moment! Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already. Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out... Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring. Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer. Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like "your hair looks great. Cole's no

Bride and Gloom

Prue: You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement. Leo: That he can tie a bow tie? Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding? Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books? Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question? Prue: Because Prue doesn't want both her sisters not speaking to her. Prue: Can I have my lipstick back, Piper? Piper: What lipstick? Prue: The lipstick you borrowed last night. Piper: Wasn't me. Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with another Piper! Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book. Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look. Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here. Piper: But it does have possibilities... Leo: Piper! Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was... [she blinks into the kitchen.] Leo: Piper? Piper: In here, somehow... Leo: You blinked. Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that. Leo: Nope, you did i

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a Whitelighter. Prue & Leo: What?! Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her Whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea. Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out. Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead. Victor: Hm. Leo, I think it's time to come clean. Leo: You do? Victor: Yeah. I need to talk to you about something, man-to-man. Leo: Man-to-man. Victor: Well, from one mortal to another. Leo, it's not easy being married to a witch. Leo: No? Victor: That's why my marriage to Piper's mother didn't work out. It wasn't because I didn't love her, but because I wasn't prepared for what was to come. Leo: Well, I think I'm prepared, sir. Uh, I mean, Victor. Victor: Well, don't get me wrong, Leo. I want this marriage to succeed, that's why I'm warning you. But there are dangers out there worse than demons and warlocks. You do know about them, don't you? Leo: Yeah, sure. V

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Victor: Look, my point is, if you wanna... Leo: Uh oh... Victor: Wha? Leo: Uh... (gulps) I have to go. Now. Victor: Go? Leo: Yeah, and I don't think you're gonna like the way I have to go, either. (smiles awkwardly at Victor and orbs out)

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Cole: You have to hold my hand. Prue: This sucks already. Victor: Leo! You lying little piece of-- Piper: Okay, Dad. Not now. Stay with Phoebe. We'll be back. Victor: Wha-? Phoebe: Well, don't get mad at me. I've been shot.

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Prue: Hi. What am I? A potted plant? Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon? Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life. Phoebe: He's right. Victor: How can you be so sure? Phoebe: Because he loves me as much as I love him. Bartender: What'll it be? Prue: Moonshine Bartender: A what? Cole: She means a whiskey. (to Prue) You watch too many old movies. Prue: And you would be confusing me with Phoebe. Cole: Ha, not a chance. Cole: Still think you should have worn that pretty little red dress drying on the line. Prue: Yeah, it was a prostitute's dress. Not exactly the kind of impression I wanted to make. At least I'm not wearing some dead guy's clothes.

Just Harried

Grams: Is this the biggest arch you could get? Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah. Grams: Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory. Phoebe: And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic. Grams: Oh, my dear, sweet child. Prue: Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers. Grams: I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family. Inspector: Ah, you stick your tongue down her throat but you don't know her name? TJ: That against the law? Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired. Phoebe: Piper, you have to stay positive. You know what? I have Celine Dion "Behind The Music" on video cassette. Would you like to watch that? Piper: Would you like to get <i>slapped?</i> Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her

Death Takes a Halliwell

Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky. Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes. Prue: Oh, all hail the queen! Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed! Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and.. Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family. Phoebe: Hehe... you said wife! Phoebe: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud! Phoebe: Pardon the potential understatement of a cliche, but you look like you've seen a ghost. Piper: It’s just so bright. Leo: Of course it’s bright. It’s supposed to represent the light of eternal love. Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off? Prue: Hi. Need a little help? Cole: What are you doing here? Reece: How did you get here? What the hell's going on? Seeker: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed wi

Pre-Witched

Grams: (Flashback) Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture? Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill. Prue: Black hair? Piper: Bad breath? Prue: Uh, I think I killed him. Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers.) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk? Prue: Excuse me? Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'. Prue: Because we must be the only ones strong enough to kill him. Piper: And he knew where to find us. What are we in the Warlock's Guide to San Francisco? Phoebe: Saved by the meow! You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Kit in the same way or get undressed in front of him, for that matter. Phoebe: Oops. I think I just killed the warlock again. Piper: Phoebe! Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old

Sin Francisco

Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less wicca wonder, more Prue. Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I'm searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that. Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl! Phoebe: Oh my god! It's the coffee maker I wanted. Prue: Phoebe it's just the carton. Phoebe: Oh. See I need you, you just protected me from making a fool of myself. Prue: Now there's a full time job. Piper: Leo, you're a genius, what would we do without him? Prue: Oh, I dunno. I guess our lives wouldn't be the smooth running carefree existence that they are today. Prue: The three of us can handle the box. Phoebe: Are you sure? Prue: Yes! Go. Although you might want to change into, oh I don't know.. clothes, an actual shirt? Prue: A-a-are you drinking in the middle of the day? Piper: Well, I was a little

The Demon Who Came in from the Cold

Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off. Leo: We have to. Prue: We've been in tighter jams than this before. Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it. Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon. Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your basic kick, freeze and magical move. No offence intended. Piper: Some taken. Prue: Alright, look. This whole voting together thing would be really, really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe your guys votes should just count as one from now on. Piper: Bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with ya. Phoebe: They'll track your shimmer. Cole: Not if we meet in the mausoleum. That's the second safest place I know. Phoebe: What's the safest? Cole: With you. Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to maintain stock portfolios? Piper: Wouldn't it be nice to s

Exit Strategy

Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Elysees. Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed. Leo: Well, great, except that we're not. Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.) Leo: Where did you get that? Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya? Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924. Piper: No, you weren't. Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school. Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate. Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years

Look Who's Barking

Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life. Prue: Wow, I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim. Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that. Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever. Piper: Yes I can. Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you. Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them. Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there? Prue: I think that you're barking up the wrong demon. Piper: So what do we do, wear earplugs? Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog. Piper: What else did you expect? Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls) Easy! Piper: Honey, watch your orbs. Phoebe: This

All Hell Breaks Loose

Piper: Ok, I think we made it. I'm sure we made it. You think we made it? Prue: I don't know. Phoebe: I think he would attack by now if we haven't. Dr. Griffiths: Who? Who would attack? Why don't you tell me what's going on? Phoebe: Because we're busy trying to save your life. Dr. Griffiths: From who? Prue: Ah, unfortunately, we're not pretty sure. Piper: That's because Phoebe didn't give us enough time to figure it out. Phoebe: Well, I didn't have a lot of time. I mean, I can't control how far in the future my premonition takes place. I saw the attack, we kicked butt, what more do you want? Piper: I'd like to know more about who we're up against. Prue: Ok, Phoebe, maybe you should check the Book of Shadows, see you can find anything else about this demonic hitman, OK? Dr. Griffiths: Excuse me? Demonic? Piper: And how to vanquish him, that will be a good thing to know. And do not exined trap with the Cole potion thing. Because the only one we conserve about saving, right now, is oursel

Charmed Again, Pt 1

Phoebe: Piper? Piper: Prue? Phoebe: Sweetie, it's four o'clock in the morning, what are you doing? You're bleeding. Piper: I don't understand why magic can't fix this. And why we can't bring Prue back. It's not like we haven't cheated death before. I don't understand why this time isn't any different. Phoebe: Because Leo can't heal the dead, Piper. You know that. Piper: There's other magic, magic that we've used before. It's like the book just deserted us and deserted Prue, and I don't understand why. Phoebe: We lost our sister. How can we ever understand that? We have tried every magical way to bring her back. But we can't. She's gone. I just thank God that I didn't lose you too. Now, we have to get some rest, Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral. Paige: I'm so sorry for your loss. Phoebe: Thank you. How did you know Prue? From work? Paige: No. Just from around. You know... Phoebe: Have we met before? Paige: No, I don't... I don't think so. Anyway, my condolences.

Charmed Again, Pt 2

Leo: It's kind of hard to heal myself when I'm knocked out. Phoebe: Leo, how is possible for an angel to even get knocked out? I mean, you are, after all, technically dead. Leo: Three years together, and now you're asking these questions? Phoebe: Well… Piper: I think the more appropriate question is, how does a whitelighter get somebody knocked UP? (Phoebe lets out a giggle) Leo: What's that supposed to mean? Piper: What do you think it means? Leo: If it's about Paige, I swear, the Elders had no idea that she even existed, or that she was your sister. Phoebe: Sister witch. Piper: Half-witch, half-whitelighter. Let's not forget that little surprise. (She helps Leo with the ice pack). I still can't believe that Mom kept that secret from us. Phoebe: Well, it sounded like she didn't have much of a choice. Piper: We're her daughters. She could've found a way to share that information with us. (The doorbell rings) That better not be another long-lost relative. Paige: Let's just say, when I w

Hell Hath No Fury

Piper: Okay, turn left up here. And can you step on the gas a little? Phoebe: Off the gas! Off the gas! Cole: Does somebody else want to drive here? Phoebe: Two witches and a half-a-demon does not the power of three make. Leo: Piper, I can't help you unless you talk to me. Piper: It hurts to talk, Leo... it hurts to breathe...so unless you know some way of how to bring Prue back, I don't wanna talk right now. Phoebe: Instead of teaching Paige how to be a witch, we're out hunting for every Tom, Dick and Beelzebub in San Francisco. Cole: If it's the Source, I'll just ask him to come back later. Phoebe: Piper, Cole's right. We have a system for fighting demons and it's worked pretty well for the last three years. Piper: I think, uh, Prue being killed counts as a pretty big glitch in the system. Cole: She has no regard for her life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson cubed. Leo: I said I'd talk to her. Phoebe: Guys, guys. Who is Charles Bronson? Phoebe: Never mind. Piper: Evil got the

Enter the Demon

Piper: Okay. After mixing your potions, what's the best method to preserve unused sea slugs for future use? A) Pickle them, B) Sugar them, C) Smoke them, D) Freeze dry them. Paige: Well now, you see, if I had extra sea slugs, I'd let those little suckers go right on back into the ocean. Piper: Paige, don't be make me the wicked witch of the northwest. I didn't ask for this big sister gig and frankly it sucks. But since I'm on a roll, you should get rid of that lollipop habit because it's going to rot your teeth. Paige: Next up, some powered toadstool. Bam! Let's kick it up one more notch. Leo: Whoa, what are you doing? Paige: You know, just preparing for the Source. Leo: Oh, is he coming over for dinner? Mason: He said that if he doesn't hurry up and make you a social worker, you'll probably quit and start your own agency. That or end up in jail. He wasn't sure which. Piper: I smell something witchy. Paige: My God, what did you have for dinner? Phoebe: Kung Pao Chicken. Sorry. Yun Lo:

Size Matters

Piper: Okay, well like it or not, there have been a lot of changes lately, and this is hardly the biggest. Phoebe: Ooh, speak of the devil/whitelighter/witch. Phoebe: It's not fair, you shouldn't carry the financial burden. Piper: I will worry about the source of our income, if you worry about the Source of all evil. Phoebe: Damn it! I am only going to say this once, the real world better start showing me some respect otherwise I'm going to stop saving it every week! Leo: What happened? Phoebe: I just had the worst job interview for a position that a monkey could fill, provided that the monkey could explain why it needed flexible work hours. Piper: It's okay, P3 doesn't exist anymore. Piper: Are you siding with Paige now? Leo: Hey, there's no sides. And, yes. Piper: Do not go into that house. Did you hear me? I said do not go in. It is like talking to a wall! Leo: She's got the Halliwell hearing. Piper: Well, speaking for my Great Aunt Sylvia, who collect Hummells. When they have a har

A Knight to Remember

Phoebe: Look at me. I look like a drowned rat! I need my blow dryer. Piper: Pretend you’re camping. Phoebe: I hate camping. Piper: Phoebe, we can’t just schedule vanquishes. Okay, demon attacks don’t usually fit into the day planners. Glen: Can’t you just be a little late? Paige: I already am a little late. Glen: Can’t you be a lot late? Leo: Yeah, she's home... She's just a little, indisposed at the moment. Piper: Wait, you watch? What are you, like a peeping angel? Leo: Wha.. I didn't see anything Piper: Ahh Leo: Alright just a little but how else am i supposed to protect her Phoebe: But we could do something about it if we were together, you know, if we lived together 'cos that’s when we’re the strongest. What do you say? Paige: Are you two out of your freakin’ minds? Piper: Don’t people storm out of the house when they’re angry...? Phoebe: The Evil Enchantress? Paige: That's it! That's the evil witch, the one who kills the Prince, after he gets her pregnant, of course. Piper: Of co

Brain Drain

Phoebe: You're changing the subject. Piper: No, I'm ignoring you. Phoebe: Generations of Halliwells have fought demons and had kids. It didn't stop them, why should it stop you? Piper: Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is none of your business? Phoebe: Oh, that's besides the point. Cole: (quietly) What's not supposed to be here? Phoebe: Piper, I think that was Paige's chair. Piper: (satisfactorily) Yeah, I know, it was ugly. Paige: What the hell happened? Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked! Piper: Evil hiding in plain sight, I use this spell with all my might, to stop your changing form and shape, this vanquish deals your fate. Orderly: It doesn't really rhyme does it? Sorry. Piper: I'm gonna be sooo happy when I vanquish your sorry ass. Piper: Let go of me so I can blow him up. I'm gonna blow you up! Piper: Leo! Leo! Paige: Will you stop with the Leo Leo, you're driving me crazier than I already am. Phoebe: Ahh! Piper: What? What is it? What did you see? Phoebe: I saw

Black as Cole

Paige: So I hear you and Leo are thinking about having a baby. Piper: Where did you hear that from? Paige: From Phoebe. Oh, did I just break some sort of sister confidentiality clause? Piper: No, you didn't. And no, we are not. Keep flipping. Phoebe: We have to stop meeting like this. Cole: Marry me. Phoebe: What? Paige: You were a demon and a lawyer? Insert joke here. Sykes: Belthazor, we meet at last. Belthazor: But not for long. Phoebe: What do you want? Sykes: The same thing you do, only I call him Belthazor. Phoebe: Well, just because you're not a demon anymore doesn't mean we can't live in sin. Paige: A demon who likes to kill witches. Well, that narrows it down to about every page in the book. Piper: We have one clue. We know he likes to use an athame. Paige: How does that help? Piper: Well, it means he has hands. Keep flipping.

Muse to My Ears

Phoebe: Where are you going? Piper: P3 Phoebe: At 9 in the morning, don't club kids sleep in? Piper: Corporate party, big money, total nightmare. Phoebe: Uh, what if there's an attack? Piper: At 9am? Don't demons sleep in? Piper: Great, well, I say the only good Source is a dead Source. Paige: Who's going to kill us? Piper: No one. Paige: That's new. Paige: Who's attacking us? Piper: No one. Paige: Right on, I get the weekend off. Piper: See now that is the spirit. Phoebe: So, I was thinking, since you're the potions master, isn't there something you could whip up? Some kind of protection potion, maybe? Piper: Pheebs, if there was such a thing as a protection potion we'd be mixing it in our morning coffee. Phoebe: This is perfect. We need a theme. You're an artistic, creative type. Paige: A theme? Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion. Piper: Me peeved, you annoying. Piper: Now that I know what we're up against I can practically taste the potion. I don't know what

A Paige from the Past

Cole: I went from all powerful demon to mere mortal overnight. Phoebe: You are not mere. Baby, you are anything but mere. Cole: Next to the Charmed Ones, I'm a potted plant. Phoebe: Am I the world's biggest bitch or what? Piper: Nah, too easy. Leo: No, Clyde ignores them. There's only one way to get Clyde down here. (to Clyde) Clyde! Get your butt down here you fetid worm from the bog of eternal stench! [to Piper] You gotta make him mad. [to Clyde] Your mother was a chunky substance from a gin cesspool! And she smelled bad too! Phoebe: (to paige) You haven't told us and we've been dying to know. What happened in your past? Paige: I found out that I wasn't responsible for the accident. Piper: Of course you weren't. Phoebe: Then what's wrong? Paige: It just makes me sad that my parents will never see us, or what I've become. Leo: Actually, that's not quite true. Piper: Uh, Leo? Leo: Let's just say that I owe Clyde now. Paige's Mom: We know who you are honey, what you've become. Paige's D

Trial By Magic

Phoebe: I can't sleep because I miss Cole too much. If he doesn't come home soon, I'm going to turn into a vampire. Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny. Piper: I don't think you understand.. Paige: I understand that I also pay rent here! Piper: There is no rent. Paige: It's an expression. Piper: No it's not! Paige: Well it should be! Juror: Hey, I got a premonition. We'll be outta here in time for lunch. Piper: Look out Nancy Drew coming through! Phoebe: I'm gonna need a few things. A sage stick, five white candles and... Juror: A magic wand. Phoebe: No, incense. I'm gonna summon the dead. Juror: Ooooh. Paige: Aah! Piper: What, demons you can handle, but not rats? Aah! Paige: Right back at you. Phoebe: What are you doing? Juror: Looking for wires. This is some kind of trick. Phoebe: Did you find any? Piper: I don't think it's a good idea if your boyfriend stays here. Paige: He's not my boyfriend. Sometimes he's my boyfriend, but mostly he's just my really good friend. Pa

Lost and Bound

Phoebe: What good is being a witch if I can't just twitch my nose and make the laundry fold itself. Cole: Which witch can do that? Phoebe: Samantha Stephens. From Bewitched. Cole: I'm getting more human by the day. What would you say if I became really human, and got a job? Phoebe: If thats the criteria for being really human then I am in big trouble. Cole: Phoebe we're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo and you accepted while I was bleeding to death. Phoebe: It's just, becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha, she was married to a human, Darrin. Darrin completely suppressed Samantha's magic, completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it was just that's the way it had to be. Cole: And this was one of your favourite shows? Phoebe: She went from being Samantha to Mrs. Darrin Stephens overnight. Cole: Well, that won't happen to you. Phoebe: Won't it? Cole: No. You'll become Mrs.

Charmed and Dangerous

Piper: A demon? What kind of demon? Phoebe: One with a half a face. Piper: Yuck!! Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that Last Will and Testament kick? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid. Piper: No, it's very very responsible. Prue did it, and thank God she did 'cause if she didn't we'd still be dealing with lawyers. No offense. Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past. Cole: Well, one step at a time. First we vanquish the Source, then we'll worry about putting Pandora back in it's box. The Seer: Even now I can see the void where your demon half used to exist, it craves to be complete again. Paige: Oh, my God! The Source: Not quite. The Source: Say hello to Prue for me. Paige: I don't understand, if we got our powers back, where did the Source go? The Seer: Into the void. Phoebe: For Prue. Piper: For Prue. Leo: What do you say we go home and get started on our future? Piper: What do you say we go home and sleep, and we work on that future tomorrow night.

The Three Faces of Phoebe

Piper: Maybe you're right, maybe you do need the book. What good is being a witch if you can't use a little magic when you're hurting. Phoebe: I cannot believe that you're suggesting that. What about personal gain? Piper: Well, just word the spell properly, avoid it. You should know how to do it by now. Just be pure, ask your heart for the answer. Just don't tell Paige, I just don't want her thinking she can do it too. Paige: I hate it when you're right. Piper: Really? See, I usually like it. Piper: This demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting. Phoebe: I can explain, you are dreaming. Piper: Dreaming? Phoebe: Yes, dreaming. And you are going to wake up in your room and everything is going to be fine. Little Phoebe: I'm ten, I'm not stupid. Grams! Piper: Wow, I do not miss that. Cole: Who are you? Old Phoebe: Maybe this will refresh your memory. You bastard. (slaps Cole across the face.) Phoebe: I cast a spell to hear my heart's desire. And I guess

Marry-Go-Round

Phoebe: And for my two beautiful bridesmaids, whom I chose because they're my best friends in the whole wide world. There's a bonsai tree for balance and harmony, and a dreamcatcher so all your dreams will come true, just like mine have. Paige: This is so great, tarot cards! My deck is totally trashed, this is perfect. Phoebe: That's just incase you need psychic services while me and my new husband are busy getting busy. Leo: What is a wedding without a bachelor party? I've got poker chips, corn chips...I have chips! Paige: This is Phoebe and Cole's tarot reading. They were lovers in the past, despair fills their present, but this is their future. Piper: Oh, please, this looks nothing like Death. Prue met him, I know. Piper: Phoebe, let's not blow this out of proportion Phoebe: My wedding dress could double as a circus tent, I think things are already out of proportion. Phoebe: Don't think I don't know how you really feel about Cole. Paige: Ugh, I have been nothing but nice to that dem

The Fifth Halliwheel

Phoebe: To marriage. Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary. Phoebe: To Piper and Leo's marriage, may ours be as successful as theirs. Piper: Yeh, see that still didn't sound like it was about us. Cole: You can't go yet Paige, we haven't gotten to the good part. Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening. Cole: I was with the entire family. Have you lost your mind? The Seer: Forgive me, but it was imperative that I have you here now if my ritual is to take effect. Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor. Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order. Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order. Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige? Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paychequ

Saving Private Leo

Piper: I'll go get the book and brush up on my ghostbusting. Paige: No, no. I'll go do it. Piper: You just said you were late for work Paige: Yeah, but he's a ghost, who knows where he came from, what era. He's like a piece of manhunk history. Phoebe: Cole wants us to get our own place Paige: What, you mean move out? Phoebe: Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do. Piper: We didn't. Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not normal. Woman: What's going on? Who is that? Piper: My hero.

Bite Me

Paige: You know what Cole, just bite me. Phoebe: So what's going on, is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what? Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new source! Paige: How many have you had? Rowan: I don't keep track. Faces all fade away, it's the taste you remember. Paige: And what was I, fast food? Piper: Maybe this is more than just being run down. Maybe you're pregnant. Phoebe: That is funny. Actually, it's not so funny.. I went to the drugstore, I got a test, a peed on a stick and I anxiously awaited the results in two minutes. Piper: And? Phoebe: And, it was negative, thankfully. Piper: Yeah, well, mine was too. Phoebe: I left the manor, not the family. Piper: Manticore? Phoebe: Bites, but doesn't fly. Piper: Phoenix? Phoebe: Flies, but doesn't bite. Piper: Chupacabra!

We're Off to See the Wizard

Piper: We only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon. Paige: If it looks like a demon and walks like a demon. Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband! Phoebe: I'm pregnant. Piper: You're what? Paige: Oh my God, from Cole? Piper: Well maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source, the old one is dead. Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass. Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right. Phoebe: You're lying, I can see your wisdom teeth. Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth. Piper: (After she blows up a demon.) What an idiot, doesn't every demon know by now, who's house this is? Paige: Alright, what's the plan? Piper: We learn from his mistakes. Wizard: Not mistakes. Miscalculations. Wizard: Please, Merlin was an over-rated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have ever heard of. Paige: Does Harry Potter count?

Long Live the Queen

Phoebe: Do me a favor. Find something that strengthens me and doesn’t taste like crap. Piper: This one duplicates my freezing power, plus it scalds the flesh, so we should only use it in a dire emergency. Paige: No! I will not scald Phoebe’s flesh! Paige: She's like Piper-lite. All the personality without any of those messy emotions. Phoebe: Relax boys. I’m here to cook, not kill. Piper: Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the Queen of All Evil. Literally. Phoebe: That's beside the point. Piper: How, how, how could you do that? How could you just let him go? Phoebe: I don't know why you're so upset, we saved the innocent, didn't we? Piper: I can't talk to her. You talk to her! Leo: Phoebe... Phoebe: Things are not as black and white as they used to be, ok? I can't just go around and kill demons anymore. Paige: Why not? We heard you just killed two last night. Phoebe: Yeah, well that was different, he was getting on my nerves. I promised Cole I wouldn't kill anymore. And killing Malick wou

Womb Raider

Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically challenged baby? Piper: What happened?! Phoebe: Well it's about time! My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago. Piper: Do not change the subject! Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?! Phoebe: Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold. Phoebe: Piper, what is going on here? Piper: I don't know, but don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic! Paige: Why me? I have nothing against that little fu... fetus. Darryl: I left four messages here. Did anybody in this house learn the magic of the telephone? Piper: (after Phoebe's baby morphs a slice of watermelon to a chunk of meat) Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to Ozzy. Piper: So let me get this straight, you summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work so we can all die together? Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly. Darryl: Where is this baby everybody keeps talking about?

Witch Way Now?

Angel of Destiny: You can choose to relinquish your magic and lead normal lives again, unaccounted, free. We'd wipe the entire slate clean. Nobody would come after you again. Well, what do you say? Piper: What do we say? Are you kidding? You can't just freeze the whole world and come in here and drop a bombshell like that and expect a quick decision. Cole: This is the Wasteland, where all vanquished demons end up. The beast feeds on their essence, their powers. Phoebe: So what are you dong here? Cole: Hanging on to our love. Piper: Okay, in case anyone is wondering, we are officially screwed. Angel of Destiny: Actually it's because of a demon that I've come to see you, which in and of itself is very rare: we angels of destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations: Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein... (with clear embarrassment) Britney Spears... Leo: Hey, did you just freeze me? Piper: No dear. The Angel of Destiny did. Cole: I'm a demon with a so

A Witch's Tail, Pt 1

Piper: Baby Book. My baby book. Oh, look how squishy I was! Leo: Hmm, you were so adorable. Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture. Leo: I'm your whitelighter, I've been watching you ever since you were a baby. Piper: Uh huh. Yeh, see that's too creepy to think about. Mylie: You have a very big underwater fanbase. Paige: That's actually the most fun I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died. Leo: Which time? Craig: Who are you people? Paige: Witch. Leo: Angel. Phoebe: Mermaid. Paige: Don't you mean Witch? Piper: Leo, she said Tidal Waves. How far do Tidal Waves travel!? Leo: Will you slow down on this magic kick. Look at your hair, it's still red from the potion you blew up last night. Paige: Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon? Cole: Too many people talking at once. Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!

A Witch's Tail, Pt 2

Cole: Wait, before you say anything. Paige: Not to say, do, because I'm about to orb your family jewels far, far away. Cole: Yeah, that would hurt. Phoebe: Okay, how? Piper: I don't know! Get in touch with your inner fish! Phoebe: Ouch! Leo: Sorry I was a medic, not a vet. Leo: Yep, a demon chased her home. Piper: Well that was nice of him. Phoebe: Will someone please get me back to the ocean before i suffocate? i need the water! Piper: (About demon) Well,i have to thank him,then kill him. Phoebe: You are holding me hostage! Paige: Yep looks like it. Phoebe: Look I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea! Paige: Well the call of the common bathtub is just gonna have to do. Piper: Oh please, please. Somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold. Piper: Okay...I've had enough. Your treatment of me is shocking. Piper: Oh look out Phoebe, he's packing a seashell. Piper: Shh! Pheobe's doing a news report in there! Paige: In the bath

Happily Ever After

Piper: I dont want my baby to turn into a guinea pig Piper: And besides, every other mother to be does not have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti when they are sent to their room. Paige: You want my advice? Piper: Not really. Piper: This is not raging hormones talking! This is a very special baby, with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now! Grams: Piper! Piper: Thank you. Leo: Don't thank me, I didn't do anything. Grams: What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot. Piper: What do you mean, didn't you come on your own power? Grams: Honey, I'm good, but I'm not that good! Paige: Oh, my goodness, don't tell me you're already interviewing nannies. Grams: Paige. You're even more beautiful than I imagined. Paige: And you are? Grams: Why, I'm your Grams of course. Come here. Paige: No offense, but, uh, aren't you supposed to be dead? Grams: Oh, I'm over that. Paige: You expect me to believe that there ar

Siren's Song

Phoebe: Death did us part, Cole. Just because you figured out a way to come back, doesn't mean that I didn't keep my end of the bargain. Piper: Paige, I don't wanna chat. I got problems here. Geez, you're like my husband with boobs. Paige: Oh my God, I can't believe he's doing the "look at at me I'm a good guy" routine on prime time. Phoebe must be thrilled. Leo: I'm sure that it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset. Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy! Piper: Kiss this bitch. (She tries to blow her up, but her powers showered her with flowers) Ohh, bad baby. Phoebe: Woman to woman. Cole was the love of my life, and I'm finally learning to live my life without him. Calling him for a favor would open a can of worms that I've worked so hard to close. Elise: Woman to woman. If you're still describing this guy as the love of your life, then the can is open, the worms are out, and you may as well use them to go fishing. Piper: Okay, van

Witches in Tights

Leo: P3's still doing great. Piper: Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me. Leo: Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed. Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers. Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too? Paige: Having sex. Piper: Oh! Paige: See this is why I don't want to talk to you about this, it's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway. Piper: Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant. Paige: Urgh, I don't want to know that either. Paige: I think I'm so busy protecting this big ol' secret of ours I guess I can't really let my guard down. How'd you do it? Piper: Marry an angel. Piper: I'm pregnant, not terminal. Ramus: Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can't kick some ass now and again.

The Eyes Have It

Paige: Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor. Piper: It wasn't the instructor, it was all those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like 'look it's Jasper's first photo and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says Jasper's first photo!' Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax. Paige: I'm just a big, dumb, fat unemployed loser. Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, dumb, unemployed loser who saves the world. Leo: Alright, you guys yell at her, I'm gonna go check with the Elders and see what they know. Elise: Dear Phoebe, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular and the money's pretty damn good. What should I do? Phoebe: Stop whining. Elise: Damn, you are good. Paige: Uh gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie? Piper: <i>The Joys of Home Birthing.</i> Strangely I'm not feeling the joy. Piper: Wow pre-natal yoga this morning and now you wanna crash a stranger's f

Sympathy for the Demon

Piper: Hi! I am off to yoga and then to the salon for a manicure and pedicure. There's a cherry pie cooling on the counter and I will be on my cell. Paige: Uh uh. Prenatal police lady. Put the mug down, step away from the coffee. Piper: It's herbal tea. I'm on a natural high today. Piper: Ah, Jinxed! I should have know this was going to happen. It's the story of my life, when everything is going great something will inevitably happen that will ruin it. Paige: A little spider did all that to you? Piper: Oh, you just wait, you will see. Cole: Please, you've got to help me. Piper: See? Miles: Hey, how long were you married? Phoebe: Not long, but we were together for two years. The beginning was great it's just the end was, uh...hell. Miles: Yeah, I had the same experience with my ex. Phoebe: Uh, no, pretty sure you didn't. Well you know 'cause you know every situation is so different. Cole: I think somebody's trying to drive me crazy. Phoebe: Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Piper: Despe

A Witch in Time

Piper: He works with numbers all day. You know how Phoebe is with math. They have absolutely nothing in common. Leo: You're right. We- we should just vanquish him. Piper: What is this?! A brothel? Piper: Oh no, they're going upstairs! Should I stop them? Paige: No, only if you want to make a total ass of yourself - but that's up to you. Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles. Piper: You guys are already getting freaky? Miles: You saved my life. Phoebe: Oh, it was nothing. Miles: It was my life. Phoebe: Yeah. Miles: I should be dead right now. Phoebe: Yeh, but you're not. That's good. Miles: You saved my life. Phoebe: I think we've been over that part. Miles: Did I thank you? Piper: Look warlocks we can handle, demonic ex-husbands we cannot. You gotta get out of here before she sees you. Miles: Your kisses kill me. Phoebe: Right back at ya. Piper: Too many spells and potions to remember, let alone defend against. Phoebe: We're dead. Piper: Again.

Sam, I Am

Piper: I gotta go home 'cos I gotta interview magical nannies tomorrow and I gotta prepare. Phoebe: Magical nannies...you mean like Mary Poppins? Leo: You're getting your first charge. Paige: Are you serious? Leo: Yeah, well the Elders aren't exactly known for their sense of humor. Paige: That is so great. I am now Paige Matthews, whitelighter-witch... I'm a hyphenate. Phoebe: Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them. Paige: That sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion Phoebe: Not when the vigilate is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand. Piper: Well, that doens't mean it's Cole. Phoebe: Did I forget to mention the scorch marks? Piper: That means it's Cole! Paige: If this is where I was supposed to find my charge, you might have told me not to wear my Jimmy Choos. Sam: A little advice, you need to work up a cover. Didn't you read the whitelighter manual? Paige: There's a manual? Piper: Is that who I think it i

Y Tu Mummy Tambien

Piper: Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly. Paige: Your pants stopped fitting you. Piper: Well, I could have gone up a size or two. I don't have to resort to maternity clothes. I just feel so- Saleslady: Adorable! I think it's you. Piper: Obviously, you don't know me very well. Look, do you have anything that will go with combat boots? Ya know, something for the mom-to-be who kicks some ass upon occasion? You know something in black. Or gray. Saleslady: ... I'll go check. Piper: Are you telling me she's going to evict somebody from their own body? That's rude! Cole: (makes guillotine appear) I can't wait to see how I survive this. Oh, can't you at least let me not die in peace? Jeric: Glad to see you're feeling so alive. Isis: (as Phoebe) It's this body. I've never felt so much power before, passion, desire. Jeric: Maybe I should leave you two alone. Isis: (as Phoebe) No. Just because the witch is in me doesn't mean there's not enough room for you too. Piper: So what? I'm unb

The Importance of Being Phoebe

Health Inspector: Rats, too. Piper: No! No, we don't have rats! Wait, they don't live here! They're just...they're just trying to ruin my life! Phoebe: You slimy, son-of-a-bitch! Cole: Phoebe, is that you? Phoebe: What are you, evil and blind? Yeah, it's me! Look, why don't you just admit you're behind this? Admit it, so I can use magic to fight you! Cole: I don't know, uh, I don't know what you're talking about. Phoebe: Look, Cole, my career is the most important thing to me. Okay, so is that your plan? To take it away from me, so that I-I come running to you for comfort? Cole: Phoebe, I love you, and I don't know what's going on... but, maybe I can help... Would you like me to kill someone for you... your-your boss, perhaps? Cole: Hey, hey, hey, hey! HEY! Phoebe: I might not be able to use magic, but... Cole: You're sexy when you're mad, you know. I can't wait until I get to kiss you again. Phoebe: Cole, I will never be with you again. I hate you. I - hate - you. Do you get that? Col

Centennial Charmed

Paige: (after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish! Leo: (reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS! Paige: I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside! Leo: Firstly, congratulations, cool potion. Paige: Thank you! (she curties) Leo: Secondly, it will never work. Phoebe: What about water birth, can we do that at home? Eva: Yeah, we could rent a tub. Piper: What am I, a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish! Leo: Well, actually dolphins aren't fish, they're mammals. Piper: Shut up! Lazarus Demon: Go to hell. Piper: I'm already there. Paige: And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kic

House Call

Piper: Alright, Sally, go meet Harry. Witchdoctor: Now where's the evil? Piper: Oh, here, there, everywhere. Witchdoctor: Ever vanquished a demon in this house? Phoebe: Oh, only about a hundred. Piper: Give or take.. Phoebe: Another hundred. Glen: Hurt, why? Wait, you thought you and I... Paige: No! no. I didn't think that at all Jessica: Glen, the minister's waiting Glen: You okay? Paige: I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologise for not being very friendly earlier, I really am sorry. Jessica: Thank you, thanks for saying that. Paige: I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette! Jessica & Glen: What?! Paige: And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic, I should get the number for a friend of mine. Glen: Paige, what the hell is wrong with you? Paige: Me? Well nothing's wrong with me, I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman! Spencer Ricks: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen baby. Oh wait, that's a woman's plac

Sand Francisco Dreamin'

Paige: Now that you mention it, I have seen my share of a certain finger while I was driving over here. Paige: Besides, everybody is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well! Piper: Why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun. Paige: Did you say erotic? Piper: (loudly) Exotic! I said exotic! Dream-clown: Who's the clown? Phoebe: Who's the fox? Dream-guy: I'm Piper's dream lover. Piper: Oh! Oh no! Listen we've never slept together in the dream, world, place... Leo: It doesn't take a shrink to figure out Piper's dreams. You wanna screw somebody else. Piper: Well at least he makes me feel sexy and not like some walking incubator. Although I guess that's what you've been dreaming about. Leo: What about me! Piper: Honey, we've got our own dreams to deal with, and the tracer. We'll deal with your Mr. Mom issues later.

The Day the Magic Died

Phoebe: I thought you said you tied them up. Paige: I did, but the little flockers got loose. Phoebe: Okay, Paige, while unicorns may be very magical and cool, I'm not so sure it's appropriate for a baby. Have you seen those hooves? And how are we gonna baby proof that horn? Phoebe: You take the magical farm animals and put them in the basement Paige: You're Spanish...Andale! Stanley: My name will haunt you to your grave. Phoebe: What was his name again? Paige: I don't remember. Paige: Mmmm! Come on dead guy! Cronyn: I hate good magic...fairy tales, wishes on stars, and children who believe in Santa Claus. Mortals don't know it exists, but magic infuses all their hopes and dreams. Paige: Stand back. I think he's gonna break out in song. Cronyn: Magic must be saved. And it's up to us. Paige: Us? We're us. You're them. We don't help thems. Sorry. Cronyn: My cell phone's on the back in case your sister changes her mind. Phoebe: Cronyn, huh? Since when do sorcerers have cell phones? Cronyn

Baby's First Demon

Piper: They knew about the forcefield.They almost flew him outta the window. Pheobe: Can't they have maternity leaves for new aunties?? Piper: Hey! Hes just a baby! He's small and little and... Piper: I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on. Phoebe: Yeah well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school. Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something. Piper: After seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no Muggle. Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell? Or is it Wyatt? Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it, and I want what's best for him. That's why I'm going to say no to Potter. Piper: The demons saw the forcefield, they're gonna try and find a way around it. Paige: Well unless they can get up to Elderland, he's gonna be fine. Piper: Magical goods? My baby is a "magical good?" That is just sick and twisted. Leo: How'd it go w

Lucky Charmed

Phoebe: My date is a demon! Piper: Huh? What? That guy? But he's so hot. Phoebe: Yeah. Hot as in flames of hell hot. Look, I had a premonition. He devours his victims. I'm next. Freeze the room. Piper: Uhh! My sister, the demon magnet. Piper: I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband. Piper: Freaking ever useless Elders! Piper: Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat, but then I gotta go. Phoebe: I cannot schedule in sisterly chat. Piper: I'm telling you. You got 4 minutes and 55 seconds. Paige: My sweater shrunk. Piper: Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that. Piper: Hello, have you forgotten about the big-boob fiasco?? Paige: No, my back still hurts. Seamus: What is this, a coven or a day-care center?! Neil Giraldo: Hey, how ya been Seamus? It's been a long time. Seamus: Don't even try it Neil, I already hit you with my best shot, that's all you get. Phoebe: No, actually...nothing happ

Cat House

Phoebe: She was engaged to a warlock. Paige: Dan was a warlock? Phoebe: Oh no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber and a ghost before Dan. And actually the ghost was the best of the bunch. Paige: See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I meant to be petty and judgemental without all the info. Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the clock!! Phoebe: I was under a spell. Evil Paige: Evil? You were blonde! Phoebe: Wait a minute. You just said something. Paige: I did? Was it smart? Leo: I work, she says I'm never around. I quit my job, she says I'm around too much. Piper: We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like somebody need to get a life first. Leo: And one of us needs to be wife first. Phoebe: Oh, easy on the rhyming. No more spells. Piper: Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee? Tea? A saucer of milk? Phoebe: Very funny. Paige: A little funny. Katrina/Kit: No, I'm fine. Although, I would

Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun

Phoebe: I did something really bad! I slept with my boss! Piper: Jason!? Phoebe: No Elise...yes of course Jason! Piper: You color-coded the Book of Shadows? Paige: Uh huh. Piper: We need Phoebe! Phoebe: Hello? Piper: Ask and you shall receive! Paige: Vanquishing demons is not a sport, Piper. Piper: It is if you're good at it! Miranda: You know, Paige, we think that you need to get back to your... Miranda & Daisy: Wild side! Paige: Girls, you might just have a point. Daisy: You're right, she is the one. Paige: The one for what? Miranda: The one to help us find our new Satyr. Jason: Isn't that your sister? Phoebe: Yeah...Paige! Jason: She's one of the Godiva girls?! Phoebe: Well thanks to me, my paper's going to get an exclusive on her because I slept with Jason! Piper: Oh good, so this is all your fault then? Phoebe: Uh huh. Piper: Perfect. Phoebe: Are we back to blaming you again? Piper: Yep. Phoebe: Just checking. Piper: He is so innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie

Sense and Sense Ability

I'm telling you, it's not gonna fit. Nothing fits anymore and if he keeps growing at this rate, we're gonna have to send him off to college by next week

Sense and Sense Ability

Phoebe: Oh my God! Piper, you're blind! Piper: Yeah, Phoebe, I just said that, now could we talk about how a monkey could do that. Phoebe: What did she say? Piper: What did who say? The monkey? The monkey didn't say anything, he covered my eyes and stole my eyesight. Phoebe: I think the monkey stole your eyesight when he covered your eyes! Piper: Ugh, Phoebe, are you listening to me? That's just what I said.. ugh, you are acting like you can't even hear me. Phoebe: Oh Piper it's no use, I can't even hear you. The monkey stoled my hearing.

Sense and Sense Ability

Alright, speak and spell.

Sense and Sense Ability

You killed Aunt Pearl's couch.

Sense and Sense Ability

Paige! Piper! If you're here, I need you to come out into the open and like, flag me down or something, okay? [Paige walks in behind her. Phoebe continues to walk through the house and Paige tries to catch up with her and get her attention.] Hello? Oh, anyone? Hello!

Sense and Sense Ability

Paige: [mouths] What are you doing? Phoebe: [yells] I lost my hearing during the biggest meeting of my life! I can't hear a thing! [Paige motions to Phoebe to quieten down] What!? I can't hear you! [Paige motions again to quieten down and points to her ear. Phoebe lowers her voice] Oh, okay, okay. I need your help. Magic has got to be behind this. [Paige scratches her head and side and acts like a monkey] What are you doing? Oh, I get it! I get it! Charades! Okay, ya, ya. [Paige acts like a monkey again] You're a monkey. [Paige nods] Okay. You're a monkey. [Paige gets a ferocious look on her face] Ooh, you're an angry monkey. You're pissed, you're... PMS monkey? [Paige looks at her oddly] No, no, of course not. Okay. [Paige makes an invisible ball with her hands and throws it] Ball? [She then makes an explosion with her hands] Fireball! [She acts out the monkey again and the fireball] A demon monkey stole my hearing! [Phoebe points to her ear, Paige points to her mouth.] And your voice

Sense and Sense Ability

Piper: What about Leo? Phoebe: Oh no, did I kill the hag too soon? Piper: Oh, if she hurt him, you know, I'm going to have to revive her and kill her again.

Sense and Sense Ability

Piper: Everything okay? Paige: Better than okay. I am gonna have a love life. Phoebe: You're making a love potion? Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion. Piper: So that lovers will be stunned by you? Paige: No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me. Phoebe: You're in love with a Kazi demon'?

Sense and Sense Ability

You hear something? [Paige nods and makes a talking motion with her hand] You hear puppets?

Necromancing the Stone

Phoebe: Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up. And none of that toxic poop you do sometimes. Grams hasn't been around babies since she was alive. Piper: Grams... meet the next generation of Halliwells. (she gives Grams the baby) Baby Wyatt! Grams: Wyatt? (she laughs) That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it? Phoebe: Grams! It's a boy! (her grandmother stares at her) Look at the outfit! Paige: (in disbelief) You didn't know? Grams: Well, no, I - I just assumed it was a... what went wrong? Leo: (offended) Wrong? Grams: (backtracking) Oh well, I don't mean 'wrong' wrong, it's just that we've... (staring at Wyatt with some mistrust) always had... girls. Piper: (determinedly upbeat) And now we have a boy! Grams: Now they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner. Leo: Excuse me? Grams: Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men. Leo: But you've been married four times. Leo: (talking to Wyatt a

Oh My Goddess, Pt 1

Phoebe: Well my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed, but I still managed to sign up six people. and you have? Paige: I have none people. Phoebe: Hmm. None people. Phoebe: You and Leo are back in the saddle? Piper: So to speak.. Phoebe: Yay you! God I miss sex! Piper: I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now. Phoebe: I'm all over him.. it! I mean it. Paige: Did you get anything? Phoebe: Yeah, frost bite. Piper: Friend or foe? Phoebe: Not so sure yet. Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I? Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you? Phoebe: Ooh check out the size of that Oracle's...ball. Piper: I'm going to go see what Future Boy is up to. Piper: What are you doing? Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over here.

Oh My Goddess, Pt 2

Piper: You expect us to beat the Titans dressed like this?! Maybe at a costume party! Chris: That's not a costume. That represents your new position and power. Paige: Power? Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power? Chris: Because you are the Goddess of War. Paige: Ahh. Well, I guess that explains the pitch fork. Chris: It's not a pitch fork, it's a trident. Be careful, that's a formidable weapon. Paige: Right on. Who wants to fight? Phoebe: I'm a lover, not a fighter. Chris: You're the Goddess of Love. Piper: Naturally. Well, then that must make me the Goddess of Sanity because I find this ridiculous! Phoebe: Paige, make love not.. you know. There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, no hurdle love can't... hurdle. Chris: What the hell is this? Goddesses gone wild? Paige: Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader. Tacitus 100 AD. Phoebe: Love will keep us together. Captain and Tennille. 1970s. Cronus: Who are you? Paige: The Supremes. Phoebe: Oh my, my,

Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 1

Phoebe: All right, all right. What do you want advice on? Chad: See, there's this woman that I like, and I'd like to ask her out. But I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do? Phoebe: Well, why don't you just ask me and find out? Paige: I'm a dog-walker. The temp agency messed up. Paige: What kind of whitelighter can't heal? Chris: For the record, you can't heal either. Paige: I'm half whitelighter. How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you? Chris: Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the elders. Phoebe: Any other little surprises you'd like to share with us? Chris: No. Look, I haven't been a whitelighter very long, okay? And healing, it's big. And takes a while to learn how to do. Phoebe: Great, student-lighter. Phoebe: Oh, Piper, hi! You're never gonna believe this. I think I have a new power. It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately, like why I wanted to date Chad and why my advice has been so amazingly accurate. I know, this is huge,

Valhalley of the Dolls, Pt 2

Paige: Well that little magical whammy you performed on her kind of, um, backfired. Phoebe: You see, after you left, Piper was really... Paige: Chipper. Yeah, incessantly, increasingly, annoyingly chipper. Phoebe: What she said. Leo: Well, it was supposed to make her feel less pain. I guess with me not around to pull it back a little bit, she got happier and happier? Paige: Um, no, psychotically chipper. Leo: Paige... Phoebe: Let her go. It might seem silly to you, but it's important to her, I know. Chris: See? It helps to be an empath. Phoebe: No, it helps to be a sister. Biker: Hell's bells. What have we got here? What, is there a Xena convention in town or something? Kara: On your knees. Biker: Excuse me? I got a better idea. How bout you get on your knees instead. Kara: Who are you to speak to us that way? Freyja: Kara. Kara: You don't command us, we command you. Piper: This isn't Valhalla. You don't have dominion over men here. Freyja: Then how do you train them? How do they take

Forget Me... Not

Leo: Chris, what are you doing sitting around here? Aren't you supposed to be getting to know your new charge? Natalie: Oh, hi, Leo. Chris: Okay, look, before you get mad, you're the one who wanted me to have a charge in the first place. Remember? Leo: To protect her. Natalie: Oh, he was using protection. Chris: Yeah, I don't think that's what he meant. Piper: (to Wyatt) Okay, bud, here we go. Here we go, okay. Hey, lookie, how about this? (picks up a teddy) You like this guy? Hello. No? Pheebs, a little help here. Phoebe: We hate that toy. It's yucky and crusty and gross. Piper: Okay, then what does he want? Phoebe: That. (points at the TV) Piper: Yeah, see, I am a failure. Paige: No, you're not. We just happen to have more pressing concerns right now than the media's influence. Kaneisha (Presenter): I don't know what's happening here, I... Paige: Well, it's called magic, Kaneisha. Witchcraft, specifically. I really love your... jacket! (orbs the jacket to her) Phoebe: Wanna see more

The Power of Three Blondes

Phoebe: She's at her new temp job. Chris: She's still on that kick? Piper: It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic. Chris: Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness on a temp job? Nanny: Let me take the boy for a walk. Piper: All right. Just don't forget a hat for those ears. Nanny: I always keep the baby warm. Piper: I meant yours. Mitzy: We made the book of shadows? What, no picture? Margo: Just a paragraph. A really, really tiny paragraph. Mabel: "The Stillman Sisters: Mabel, Mitzy, Margo. Common witches known for their small-time hustles and cons. Not worth vanquishing. If they become a nuisance, try a simple spell to bind their magic." Margo: Oh. Well, at least we got an entry. Mitzy: Yeah, but look at what they think of us. Common witches, not worth vanquishing? Mabel: Is that right? Well, check what these common witches just did. We're standing in the home of the Charmed Ones. We got their powers. We got their Book, and we got... blonde, multi-

Love's A Witch

Phoebe: Trust me. The sooner you get back on the dating horse, the easier it will be. Piper: No, I know. You're right, you're absolutely right. It's just, the truth is, I'm a little scared. I mean, I was married to an angel, for crying out loud. Who is gonna compare to that? Phoebe: I know, but, Piper, you also dated a demon, a warlock and a ghost, you know. That's what you should be scared of. Piper: Super pep talk, sis. Phoebe: (while Leo and Chris are fighting) Oh, there's a lot of love in this room! Paige: Oh, she's not only butting in, she's taking sides. Phoebe: Look, Paige, it's not only what I saw but it's what I felt. Don't you think if they just tried to kill someone I would have felt some intense anger coming from them? But I didn't. Paige: I don't know. Are you sensing any intense anger coming at you right now? Leo: How was your date? Piper: Short. Leo: Short? You mean like "leprechaun" short? Piper: No, Leo, he wasn't short, the date was cut short by this. Phoebe: Okay, th

My Three Witches

Paige: Well call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll. Phoebe: You've got me, Jason Dean. I'm yours. So no more wooing. Jason: Okay, no more wooing. I guess I'll cancel our helicopter to Carmel for dinner. Phoebe: No, no, no, maybe a little bit more wooing. Phoebe: Yeah. If I had to guess, I would say it's a world of desire, but it's not my desire, it's your desire. I can feel how much you want all of this for me. Jason: Yes, Phoebe, I want everything for you including sanity. If I die, promise me you'll see a doctor.

Soul Survivor

Phoebe: I have half a mind to call Jason and complain about it, but I don't wanna use our relationship for leverage. Piper: What's the use of sleeping with your boss, then? Phoebe: Because I actually enjoy sleeping with my boss. Piper: Yeah, don't brag. Zahn: Consider yourself repossessed. Chris: You're okay? Leo: Thanks for not listening to me. Chris: Any time. Piper: What the hell is going on? Paige: Bitch later, vanquish now. (Piper and Phoebe vanquish the demon Zahn) Phoebe: I love watching lawyers explode! Piper: Can I bitch now? Richard: Does he do that a lot? Piper: Wyatt? Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that? Piper: Apparently he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little rat. Did your father teach you that? Phoebe: So not the time! Piper: You're right. You're grounded! (Piper passes Wyatt to Phoebe) Chris: I don't understand, why can't we orb? Leo: Prehistoric. Magic won't be around until there's people around to use it. Chris: Perfect. We'll just hang out fo

Sword and the City

Paige: Okay, anyway, Book, Excalibur...? Phoebe: Yeah, nothing. Nada. Paige: Really? Piper: Told you. Paige: You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has ever come across it before. Phoebe: Well, we have run across these guys, executioner demons, lower-level badasses for hire. Piper: Who hired them? Phoebe: This higher-level badass. (shows them the 'Dark Knight' page in the book) Mordaunt: The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny. Piper: Oh, crap. Mordaunt: It's drawn to you, just like you're drawn to it. Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal? Mordaunt: You will be in time. Piper: No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur. Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help. Paige: I'm your girl. I really am. We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does. Phoebe: Yeah, bu

Little Monsters

Phoebe: I sort of told him that I loved him last night. Piper: Oh, and this is bad? Phoebe: No, except I said, "I love you too." As if he said "I love you" first, which he didn't. Piper: So wait, you told him that he loves you before he told you that he loves you? Yeah, that's not good. Phoebe: I still can't believe we vanquished its mummy. Paige: Yeah, but we didn't know it was a mummy and besides, mummy tried to kill us. Chris: What? I'm being ridiculous? There is a demon in the playpen.

Chris-Crossed

Piper: Paige, where have you been? You're late. Paige: I know, I'm sorry. I got tied up. Phoebe: Where? At Richard's? Paige: No, I was at work. Get your mind out of the gutter, missy. Phoebe: Hey, you're the one that orbs home to find lingerie. Paige: Two times! I did that twice. Piper: Yeah, it's about the only time we ever see you anymore. Paige: Why did I come here? To get picked on? Phoebe: Because we love you. Piper: We kinda miss you. Paige: I am not at Richard's that much. Fine! Maybe I am. But, you know, I am just an orb away if you need help. Piper: Yeah, the thing is, we just gotta be careful. Because if we stray too far away from each other, demons take advantage. We've learned that lesson the hard way a few times. Paige: I know, I know, I get it. I just really don't wanna think of us living together in fifty years. Piper: Naaah, twenty, thirty years, tops. Phoebe: We can always move to Hong Kong so I can see Jason whenever I want. Piper: How do you say "dream on" in Chinese

Witchstock

Grams: You and Paige moved out? When? Phoebe: A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything. Grams: Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things? Grams: Men are like utensils; you use them, wash them, and throw them in a drawer until you need them. Robin: And so I call upon the Crone--let evil roam inside this home. Allen: I thought you were acting strange. Robin: Allen? Are you spying on me? Allen: How could you, Robin? What about our dream? Robin: (her voice turns sinister) My only dream (she raises a fireball) is helping my warlock friend put all of you weak creatures out of you misery tonight. Paige: Robin! (Robin throws the fireball, but Paige dives out of the way) Allen: Violence isn't the answer, Robin. Let love replace your fear. I know you felt our love. Robin: Yeah, and I still got the stink of it all over me. (she raises another fireball) Phoebe: Yeah well, why Me? Piper: Cause he's not my type. Young Penny

Prince Charmed

Paige: Sensitive, but not a wuss-bag. Phoebe: And someone that is a good listener. Paige: Okay, good cook. Phoebe: Handy around the house. Paige: Good with kids. Phoebe: Gets the whole normal-life thing. Paige: Has a really big-- Phoebe: Paige. Paige: Uh. Is this the perfect guy or what? Phoebe: All right, throw it in. Phoebe: Why not take advantage of him while you can? I mean, figuratively speaking, of course. Paige: Oh, hell, literally, it is your birthday.

Used Karma

Phoebe: Je ne sais pas, pourquoi?. Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry? Paige: Okay, she's French. Bad karma. Napoleon? Piper: Probably not. Paige: Okay, what about Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France? Paige: Okay, let's see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public. Oh my God, I saw something in here. :(Reading from a book) Famous females spies: Mata Hari. Piper: Wasn't she one of the bond girls? Phoebe: Are you in charge here? Swarm King: I am. Phoebe: Good. Because I'd like to get into bed with you. Not literally. Although... there may be time for that later.

The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell

Phoebe: The whole biological clock thing, it's very real and it's echoing: tick, tick, tick, tick... Piper: Okay, neurotic people, can we get back to my neurosis right now, please? Phoebe: Sure, which one were we talking about? Piper: The one where I'm a rotten mother who's raising an antisocial child. Phoebe: Okay, you know what? I think we should help the magic school, because we can't just keep that head on our foyer table, you know? What is it, a centre-piece?. Paige: (after meeting Gideon.) Who does he think he is? Obi-Wan Kenobi? Phoebe: I need you to be honest with me. No games, no running away. Just the truth. Chris: Okay. Phoebe: Are you Wyatt's little brother? Chris: (sighs) ... Only if I can get Piper and Leo back together in time. Phoebe: There was a wolf following us Sigmund's Head: Not everybody sees what you see, Phoebe. Only those who are meant to see, see Phoebe: What have you got in there, Confucius? Piper: (to Shapeshifter Boy) Hey, watch it! I still have a mouth. I'

I Dream of Phoebe

Phoebe: I've been calling for you all week, didn't you hear me? Chris: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on mute. Phoebe: You can put me on mute? Chris: Oracles, furtune tellers, soothsayers, they all say the same thing. If Mom and Dad don't screw this month, I'm screwed. Phoebe: Okay, I'm just trying to get used to you being my nephew... I never hit on you, did I? Chris: What? No. Phoebe: Oh, thank God. Chris: Can we focus here, please? Mom and Dad need to have sex. Now, who's gonna tell them, you or me? Genie: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches. Paige: Oh, yeah? Well, when you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave. Ha ha. How do you like that? Chris: Alright, I made a little wish. Paige: You did what? Chris: Two little wishes. Paige: Oh, great. It's not bad enough I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for? Chris: For Leo to forgive me,

The Courtship of Wyatt's Father

Paige: She knows we're up to something. I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid. Phoebe: Paige, that is disgusting. Paige: Well, it's what we're trying to do, right? Phoebe: No, we are trying to romance Piper and Leo together so they can conceive Chris, our nephew. Paige: And that's different how? Phoebe: Well, because what you said is very Springer, what I said is very Oprah. Paige: Well, what ever show we’re watching, we are running out of time. Piper: What's going on? Phoebe: Maybe, maybe you should sit down, for a second. Piper: Oh! That doesn't sound good. Phoebe: No, no. No, It's good, it's good. I mean, you know it's not bad. It's a really, it's a really good thing. It's not a bad thing. I think it's a really good thing, Don't you think?? Paige: Yeah! I mean, it depends, you know. Piper: Unhu! that sounds worse. Paige: No, it's just complicated. Paige: Chris.. is your son. Phoebe: Wyatt's brother. Look I know this is huge... Piper: No, It's not huge, because it's n

Hyde School Reunion

Paula: Todd! There you are, sweetie. (notices Phoebe) Oh, and there you are. I was wondering if you'd have the nerve to show up. Phoebe: What do you mean "nerve"? Paula: Oh. You're the talk of the reunion. You know, you can fool San Francisco with your pithy advice, but you can't fool us. We all know you, sweetie. Todd: That's enough, Paula. Phoebe: So what is that supposed to mean? Paula: It means you're a fake. The only thing you were ever known for was lying and ditching and stealing boyfriends. Paige: Phoebe, are you gonna let someone with a giant helmet that passes for hair talk to you like that? Ramona: God, Paula. Just because Todd had a thing for Phoebe, you don't have to be so mean. Paige: Hey. Why didn't you just tell that chick to go screw herself? Paige: Phoebe? Phoebe: Okay, what just happened? Paige: You tell me. Phoebe: I have no idea. I was just standing here, and then I had some weird high school flashback. Paige: Yeah. Your whole body just flashed back. Phoebe: What?

Spin City

Paige: So are you happy? Piper: 'Bout what? Paige: About what the doctor said: it's gonna be a healthy baby. Piper: Of course it's a healthy baby, I've seen him 22 and walking around. Paige: Well you never know, something could've gone wrong! Piper: Oh, stop being such a worry wart, you're starting to sound like...(Chris orbs in.) Chris! What are you doing here? Paige: This better not be about demons, 'cause I am on my lunch break! Chris: No, no. I just wanted to check how it went with the doctor. Piper: Well. You'll be happy to know that you're a boy! Chris: Funny. That's not what I meant. Paige: (looking at ultrasound.) I don't see it... Piper: Oh, see it's this little thing over here... Chris: (snatches ultrasound away.) Hey! Excuse me, do you mind? (pauses, looks at ultrasound and squints.) Chris: Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt but not with me? Piper: Well I didn't have one, he had one. It was all his doing. Chris: From the womb? He had powers from the womb? That's unbeliev

Crimes and Witch-Demeanors

Phoebe: How is Piper? Have you seen her? Chris: She's good...Uh, big. You know, I keep thinking how weird it's gonna be to actually see myself being born... Chris: I think I have a new theory on who might be trying to turn Wyatt evil. Paige: Oh, a new theory. What's that? Like the third one this week? Chris: What're you keeping score now? Phoebe: She's just grumpy 'cause she hasn't had her coffee yet. Paige: I am not grumpy. (Phoebe gives her a look.) Ok, fine, maybe a little bit. But you have to admit you've had a lot of different theories lately, and none of them have panned out. Chris: That's why they call them "theories". Paige: Do we even get along in the future? Phoebe: Yeah, you're a demon. Tribunal Elder: I care too. Phoebe: Oh...well never mind then. Elder: What do you have to say for yourself Barbas? Barbas: I'm a demon. What do you expect?

A Wrong Day's Journey into Right

Phoebe: Well, let's just hope that we find him before he finds us! Phoebe: Hm... Maybe that's another one of your suiters that you've conjured for your own personal gain and pleasure. Paige: Oh, I hope so! (to Mr. Right.) No offense. Phoebe: "Use my blood", you said. "It's his blood too", you said. Phoebe: Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing? Paige: Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before. Phoebe: Yeah, well, never for myself and never a sex toy. Mr. Right: I am not a sex toy. Phoebe: Quiet, you. Paige: Well, we did it for Piper before. Phoebe: Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate. Paige: Well, maybe I am too. Chris: Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here? Phoebe: How long has this been going on? Paige: About three weeks. Phoebe: Three weeks! Paige: Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break. Phoebe: Yes, but I meant take

Witch Wars

Phoebe: Have you lost your mind? Paige: No. Another witch was killed last night. Phoebe: Oh, no. Paige: Oh, yes! And she had active powers, so I need you to go home where I can keep an eye on you. Phoebe: Paige, you're my baby sister, not my baby-sitter. Paige: Oh, that's clever. You're very clever. I'm glad that while I'm panicking, you have the time to be clever. Phoebe: Ok, it's very sweet that you're worried about me, but I am fine, and I have a lot of work to do here. Paige: Great. Do your work from home. Phoebe: I can't do it from home because Kyle Donie is not at home. Paige: Who is Kyle Donie? Is this about a guy? Phoebe: No, it's not about a guy. It's about a reporter, one who knows everything there is to know about crime and criminal investigation and since we don't have Darryl's help anymore, he's the only resource I have. Paige: Fine. (hands her the potions vials as she tells her what they are.) Explosive, acid, smoke bomb. Use them. Phoebe: Thanks, mom. Leo: (referring to

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 1

Chris: You know your time-travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling. Gideon: Googling? Chris: Never mind. Piper: (to Paige) Don't forget diapers! Lots of diapers! Paige: Piper. Hello? Piper: Where the hell are you? I'm in labour! Phoebe: Is she okay? Paige: She's in labour. Piper: Is there an echo? Piper: Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye? Phoebe: Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing.

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Pt 2

Chris: You're laughing! That's great...your nephew almost killed and you're laughing! Paige: So we're starring in a little movie called Pleasantville. Leo: Hey, I'm here now you can hold on okay? Hold on, hold on... I'm here, you can hold on. Don't give up, okay? Chris: You either... Leo: No, no, no. Please, no, no, please no...

A Call to Arms

Phoebe: Okay, you two! Stop it right now! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Paige and Phoebe pull leo and Piper apart) You go over there, you over... here. (Piper slaps Phoebe with her many hands) And keep your hands to yourself! Piper: But you're interrupting us. Phoebe: And saving life as we know it. Leo: What are you talking about? Paige: Look at your outfit. Does that look like something you normally wear? Leo: Well, no. Paige: Exactly. This is not the first time we have been hijacked by gods. So you just have to fight it. Leo: I don't want to fight it. I haven't felt this potent in years. Phoebe: Ew! Over sharing. Piper: How is his rash? Did he need oilment? Paige: I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favourite thing to check. Piper: Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt Paige: Yeah, that's because I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like I do with Chris Piper: Yeah!... Right!... Ew!

The Bare Witch Project

Paige: This is Godiva. Piper: Godiva?! Paige: As in... Lady Godiva. In the flesh, so to speak. Piper: PLEASE, don't tell me you've been vanquishing demons with the children. Leo: Well, Chris was fussy. It calmed him. Paige: It's okay, it's just a graze. Phoebe: I still can't believe an Elder attacked you. Paige:: I know, they're supposed to be pacifists, right? Piper: Have you seen Leo lately? Speaking of which. Leo! Paige: He's a little mad at me and I can't say I blame him. I did kind of mess things up. Phoebe: Well, that doesn't explain why he tried to kill you. Lady Godiva: Pardon me? Paige: I think the demon did something to the Elder, got him to free up his repressed anger somehow. Phoebe: Oh, probably wasn't breastfed as a child. Piper: Phoebe! Paige: Well, either way, we wouldn't even be in this situation, this demon wouldn't even be here if I hadn't have had the great stroke of genius to try to save school. Phoebe: So why do you think he tried to kill her? Paige: Maybe he knew

Cheaper by the Coven

Grams: Not a good time, girls. I'm busy. Paige: You're dead. Grams: Well, it doesn't mean I can't have a life. Piper: Leo! Leo: Oh, hi sweetie, how are you? Piper: Don't you sweetie me! Where are the boys?

Charrrmed!

Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you? Piper: Paige, you're obsessing. Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing! I am far too young to be old! Piper: I think I found something. Paige: Huh? Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too? Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister. Piper: Yeah, I love you too. Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello. Piper: Did you just call me a hoe? Paige: (sticks sword through First Mate.) First Mate: (turns to Captain and hands him knife, then turns to other pirate) Do you mind? Other Pirate: (pulls out sword) Paige: Aren't you supposed to be dead? Captain: He wishes. Piper: How'd you get here? Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his secrecy (Piper looks confused) Leo orbed me. Piper: (reading letter) Captain Black Jack Cutting formally invites you to Treasure Island. Phoebe: I can't answer it now, what am I gonna say? We're robbing a museum?

Styx Feet Under

Paige: Stop yelling at Death! Piper: I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit. Piper: You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it. Piper: Well, then, I won't collect anymore souls. I'll go on strike. Piper: You got it. Piper: Well, I... Piper: Yes, but... Paige: This isn't good, right? Piper: I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go. Paige: Piper. I have something to tell you. Piper: Paige... Paige: You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back. Piper: You're stalling. Paige: I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying. Seer: Hello?! I'm a seer. I knew that was coming

Once in a Blue Moon

Phoebe: Oh. Any idea what this meeting's all about? Paige: Oh, probably something to do with the kids. Phoebe: Why? Did something happen? Paige: Oh, I'm sure they've gotten kidnapped by the latest demon or something. Phoebe: Paige, that is so not funny. Paige: You got so emotional when you're PMS-ed. Phoebe: And you got mean. Paige: I do not got mean. I'm above it all. Nothing happens to me. Piper: All righty than. Phoebe: Oh, right, nothing happens to you. You're above it all. Paige: Fine, I get a little jumpy. Piper: And I get a little pissy, so watch it. Phoebe and Paige: We know. Paige: The good news is we all get over it at the same time. Piper: As long as we don't kill each other in the process, which brings me to what we need to talk about. Paige: Ah, that sounds serious. That calls for ice cream with three spoons. Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Persional gain. Paige: I know, but screw it, it's too good. Piper: Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys something for a while. Um, I just didn

Someone to Witch Over Me

Phoebe: What are we doing here? Paige: Well, he said for us to meet him here. He needed to talk to us about something important. Phoebe: Yeah, but Paige it's a fire. Paige: So? Phoebe: So we don't do fires. Firemen do fires. We do fireballs Leo: So, I don't understand. If I'm in the past...what are you doing here? Chris: I'm guiding you. Leo: So you're real? Chris: No, but I represent something that is. I died in you arms, Dad. Killed by everything that you thought was good. I'm your root pain, okay? And I'm gonna be sticking with you until you're ready to let me go. Leo: How will I know when that is? Chris: C'mon. Lets check out some parts of your life that you really need to remember Leo: Do I have a choice? Chris: Hey it's your vision quest. It's up to you. C'mon.

Charmed Noir

Piper: Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the G silent? Paige: They're dicks. Kyle: (giggles) Dicks? Paige: No, like private eyes, detectives. Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now. Leo: (to Phoebe) Try and block her path. Kyle: You were saying? Paige: Thanks, guys, could you be any less subtle? Kyle: Looks like your sisters agree with me. Paige: Don't gloat. Miss Donovan: Lord of the Rings? Gnome: Historically inaccurate. Miss Donovan: Harry Potter? Gnome: Filled with juvenile delinquents. Miss Donovan: Even The Wizard of Oz? Gnome: Disparaging to little people. Munchkins being persecuted. Filth! Paige: Oh, come on, seriously? Miss Donovan: It is the same story with all the books. None of them deserve to be banned. Gnome: I suppose you want another naked Godiva riding out of the book again. Paige: Is that what this is all about? Godiva? Miss Donovan: It's just an excuse and he knows it. He's using it to push his own agenda which is to stifle freedom of speech. Gnome: Now that's wha

There's Something About Leo

Leo: Piper, you can't walk out on this. Piper: You're right. We should orb.

Witchness Protection

Phoebe: Wait. Are you saying that you've been living in our house as an Avatar, and you haven't told us? Leo: Look, I'm the same old Leo. Piper: Only not. Is this how you went from psycho crazy guy to happy-happy guy? Because you became an Avatar?

Ordinary Witches

Paige: What? What's going on? Piper: Oh, you know, nothing. Your boyfriend tried to kill my husband.

Extreme Makeover: World Edition

Kyle: Hey. I let myself in, if that's okay. Paige: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Sure. Of course. Hey. How are you? Kyle: So, what's going on here? Paige: Just scrambling. We've been quite a rule knocking off this demons thanks to the Avatars. Kyle: The Avatars? Paige: Yeah. They've been great helping us to find these demons. Kyle: Are you an Elder? Zankou: Hardly. Zankou: You said something about the vanquishing potion? Kyle: How'd you know about that? Paige: I guess so. Leo: What about Zankou? Piper: I think I know how to find him. Phoebe: Will you give me a lift? I wanna make sure I get my last column in. Paige: Last column? Phoebe: Well yeah. How much advice can a world with no conflict need? I may be out of the job. Paige: You okay with that? Phoebe: I've got better things to look forward to. Elise: Are you leaving us? Phoebe: I'm sorry? Elise: The grass is greener. Kind of a goodbye column, isn't it? Phoebe: No. Not necessarily. Elise: Phoebe, I've been doing this a long time, I know h

Charmageddon

Leo: Good. I mean that's normal. You don't want to go around just having it all be glossed over, you know. Paige: No. But still... I am happy for him. I mean, he is in a better place. And the thing is, he would really want me to enjoy this new world. Leo: Well, he died trying to stop it. Paige: Well, that's why I owe it to him to be happy. Phoebe: What's the matter Zankou... chicken? Kyle: Hello Paige. Paige: Kyle? Kyle: Careful. That used to mean a lot to me. Paige: Is this really you? Kyle: In the flesh. More or less. Paige: I saw you die. Kyle: That's right, you did. But as you know, sometimes it doesn't end there. Paige: Are you a whitelighter? Kyle: Feels kind of weird.

Carpe Demon

Drake: Look, it says I can be vanquished with the Power of Three. Paige: (shocked) Drake: What? Paige: You touched it. You touched the book! Drake: Oh my God, so I did. That must mean I'm good! (touches book with elbows, rubs hands all over pages.) Paige: (smacks him and gives him a look.) Would you quit it?!

Show Ghouls

Leo: It's not the shopping. It's this whole world vacation thing. I just think we should stay here and wait for the Elders decision on me. Piper: Absolutely not. That's precisely why we should be going. Look, we're all together, we deserve a vacation. And we're not gonna sit around and wait for the other pattini to drop, so that's that. We're going. Leo: But what about the travel and the cost? Piper: Oh, for God sakes, Leo! We're orbing. Leo: Okay, well, what about Phoebe and Paige? Piper: What about them? Leo: Well, they made us this big send-off dinner last night. Piper: Oh, please. They ordered pizza. Leo: Right. And we're not helping with the clean up. Piper: Wow, if that's the best you got, you really do need a vacation. Leo: But... Piper: Arresto! Look, Phoebe and Paige just remade the world. I think they can handle the kitchen. Now, unless you have any more objections...Leaning Tower of Pisa, here we come! Drake: Listen, odds are, the Count, he's possessed my body right? And unt

The Seven Year Witch

Cole: (To himself) Stubbornness definitely run into this family... (to Piper) You've tried going upstairs twice, out the door three times and through the wall, five...make that six times, but hey, you haven't tried the chimney yet. Piper: (turning to Cole) What are you exactly? Ghost? Demon? Poltergist? Nightmare? Cole: None of the above. Piper: I don't know what's worse: the fact that I'm dying, or that apparently, I get to spend my last dying moments on earth with you.

Scry Hard

Have you gone crazy again?

Little Box of Horrors

Phoebe: I'm feeling a little... Piper: Bummed? Yeah, I know. Nina, or Katya I'm assuming, said that it was the first wave of sorrow from the box.

Freaky Phoebe

Paige: I'm not just anybody, okay? I am a Charmed One. I ran Magic School for a year, and I'm a Whitelighter. Hello, triple-threat. Where are you going to find somebody with that kind of experience? Mitchell: Good. You can use it to help your next charge. Paige: Toast? Leo: Yeah, it helps calm the butterflies. Paige: You've been a whitelighter for sixty years and toast is what you got for me?

Imaginary Fiends

Future Good Wyatt: Hey, this is Chris? My gosh, he's so small... Hey little brother. Is this before or after he swallowed the marble? Piper: Marble? What marble? Phoebe: Easy on the future information. Future Good Wyatt: Of course, you're right. Piper: No, but really...what marble? Wyatt: Ok. But, until we find out why magic brought me back, we can at least try and enjoy the moment, right? Piper: How do you become such an optimist? Wyatt: From you, mom (Paige laughs) Paige: Ha!! You must turn over a new leaf on the future... Piper: Don't count on it!! Piper: Ok, fine! Then you wouldn't mind ID'ing the demon so we can keep you happy and healthy. (Wyatt is reluctant and wants to keep arguing) Piper: Don't make me ground you!! Wyatt: all right, all right... Piper: Are you telling me that our child is evil? again?!! Future Wyatt: Enough! (The demons stop) Leave my family alone. (Fires a powerful energy blast that throws the demons back then disintegrates them, overturning other objects in

Something Wicca This Way Goes...?

Phoebe: Those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night. Piper: Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs. Zankou: You can't take them head on. It doesn't work. That's how demons die. Not this demon, not this time. Paige: I don't think we're getting out of this one, girls. Zankou: You can't stop me now. Paige: Oh yeah? Piper: Watch us. Piper: Wasn't there a confidence spell in the Book of Shadows? Phoebe: Yeah. Remember, we cast it on that waiter at Quake? Piper: Wow. Quake. That was a long time ago. Darryl: Well all right, all right.

Still Charmed and Kicking

(about a fireball the demon Elkin is holding.) Doesn't that burn your hand?

Malice in Wonderland

Piper: Last year you had a premonition that you would have a daughter which means that this year you have to have a little sex and get pregnant. And since Dex, which coincidentally rhymes with sex, could be the father! Phoebe: GOD! Paige: Witches don't wear costumes. Billie: So the conical hat and black cape are everyday wear?

Run, Piper, Run

Piper: They think I'm somebody else. Phoebe: Well, you are somebody else. Piper: I know, but I'm not a fugitive. That's not the alias that I picked, at least not intentionally. Billie: Can't we vanquish him? Piper: We don't usually vanquish humans. Piper: I think the only way to save Maya is to get him to confess to the murder somehow. Paige: Oh, that happens before or after hell freezes over? Maya: Sorry I kicked you in the face. Billie: Well, I'm sorry we almost got you killed. Piper: Hurry, get the mattress. Paige: What if it doesn't work? Piper: Well, then it was a bad idea. Paige: Mattress! Paige: Don't worry, we'll have you out of that unflattering color in no time!

Desperate Housewitches

Leo: Knowing how untrained and untethered magic could lean to disaster, the one in Atlantis, being a prime example, The Elders knew they needed to nurture young magic. The Elders knew they needed to nurture young magic... Billie? Billie are you listening to me? Billie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, untethered magic, Elders, yeah, yeah, yeah... that. Leo: Okay. Listen, if you're gonna take over the fight for the greater good I really don't think it's a bad idea if you... know the history of good magic. Listen, Paige wanted me to teach you something good and I think you kinda make me look bad. Billie: Oh, come on, you could be teach me tic-tac toe, she woundn't care. She's just happy you get me of her back for the day. Leo: Okay, so... The magical community knew it needed a place to nurture young magic so the Elders created Magic School. Piper: Yes, but that was before I realized our son was going to be humiliated in front of his entire class! Billie: Oh, that happened to me all the time. Only made

Rewitched

Billie: I was just trying to help Phoebe: How is this helping? Billie: I didn't mean for you to get married! Phoebe: Well you know what? I did, and I cannot believe you used magic when we specifically told you not to. Billie: I thought you just meant demon magic not innocent magic! Phoebe: Oh, really and (pointing at dress) this is innocent?! Billie: Well, you look fabulous! Phoebe: Oh you know what, don't try and butter me up with the compliments missy! Piper: (running in) Are you out of your mind? What did you do now? Billie: Do I have start from the beginning again? Piper: I can't believe you did this with Agent Murphy watching our very move? Phoebe: Skip down, I already went through that with her Billie: I still don't know what I did was so bad Phoebe: (flashes engagement ring) THIS! This is what's bad! Piper: Wow! That's Huge! Paige: Is this what we've been reduced to? Loveless sex? Pimping? Piper: Yes. Piper: Hi, how's it going? Uh, by any chance, is Agent Murphy in? Secretary: W

Kill Billie Vol. 1

Phoebe: I'm pregnant. Paige: (as she collapses onto a sofa) Dex? Phoebe: No actually, it was some guy that I met at the pumping station ... Yes, of course it's Dex! Piper: Great! Witch vanquishes demon, film at eleven. Billie: But the press doesn't even know who I am! That's why I'm the perfect girl for the job. Plus, I wanna do it. Paige: Why do you wanna do it? Billie: So I can show you guys that I can. Come on! Please? I know I can do this. Piper: Fine, but if you get caught on tape I will vanquish you. Paige: Speaking of those problems, I think I have figured out a way to get the press off of our broomsticks... (Three rats crawl next to a wall behind Piper) Holy- We have rats! Piper: Yeah, they're everywhere, get used to it. So what's this big solution? Paige: Where did they come from? Piper: The San Francisco Chronicle, uhm... Daily News and the Inquirer. I found them nosing around the garbage. Paige: So you turn them into rodents? Piper: Well, I could've blown them up.

Battle of the Hexes

Billie: Hey, check this out. Phoebe: (turns to Billie, then back to the boxes and then quickly back to Billie again) No, no! Billie: Uh, what just happened? Phoebe: We're screwed, that's what happened. Phoebe: Typical. Piper has the car, Paige orbs... Does anyone think that Phoebe needs help? No, of course not. Why? Because it's all about them! Piper: (talking about Agent Murphy) He can't make us do this on a weekly basis, it's boring. Phoebe: Well... if he does, we'll just turn him into a frog or something... Phoebe: I'm very busy too. I have dates, lots and lots of dates. Piper: Are you trying to get pregnant again? Phoebe: No, I'm tryling to find love. Phoebe: He's got case files for us. Paige: What are we, Charlie's Witches? We don't work for him. Phoebe: Apparently he seems to think that. Especially reminding me over and over, he bailed us out of our little jam. Piper: That's blackmail. Phoebe: No, that's your taxpayers dollars at work.

Hulkus Pocus

Piper: See, this is what a Krychek demon is supposed to look like. Phoebe: Well, maybe the one you guys were following was just a bigger one. Piper: No, this wasn't just bigger. This was like going from you to Schwarzenegger. Phoebe: That is so weird. Piper: Yes, scary weird. Piper: Oh, good, you found the skis! Leo: Yeah! But, they're kinda old, though. Maybe we should just rent new ones, you know? (He drops the skiing boots) Ah! Damnit! Piper: Watch your language. Wyatt is picking up everything we say lately. Phoebe: I'm gonna get some more coffee. You guys want anything? Piper: No, thanks. Piper: You okay with those? Leo: Yes, I got there. Listen, why don't we finish packing? I wanna miss traffic, okay? Piper: I know, I'm gonna. I just, I need to talk to agent Murphy first about this demon of his. Leo: Piper... Piper: What? I- I can't just let it go. Can I? Leo: Yes, you can. C'mon, when are we the last time had weekend together, alone? Piper: I know, and I promise, nothing is gonna

Vaya Con Leos

I have to lose you to save you.

Mr. and Mrs. Witch

Billie: What is going on? Phoebe: Piper, what do you put in the food? Piper: Food was in the food, thank you. Phoebe: Bu-but, how do you explain this?! Piper: But don't look at me. She's the one who said assassins! Billie: It was a figure of speech! Piper: Well, apparently not!

Payback's a Witch

I have enough to do without worrying about who you're torturing in the attic!

Repo Manor

Phoebe: Anyone down here? Big box on high heels. I need some help. Piper: Just a sec. Ah, sorry, do you need help? Phoebe: Well, I did. Now I just need a sec. Piper: Okay, well since I have you... Phoebe: Um...Piper, I'm kinda running late. I have to go sign the loan docs and I wanna stop by the condo before work... Piper: Loan docs? Wow, I didn't realize this was moving along so quickly. But, you know I've been so focused on getting Leo back. Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Piper: But, I have made a list of seers and oracles and anyone that might be able to foresee who we have to fight in order to get him back. Phoebe: Great, ok. Call me if you find anything. Piper: Well, I was thinking...I was thinking that maybe you should take my Jeep, because in my car hold so much more than yours does, doesn't it? Phoebe: Right. Piper, are you sure you're okay with me moving out? Piper: Yeah, of course I am. I mean we can't be roommates forever, that's just weird. Phoebe: Ok, well. Here I go. Paige: Oh, wh

12 Angry Zen

Piper: So I take it that you guys heard about chicken. Dog: Rooster. And yes, we sensed it. Dog: Go! Protect the staff! Piper: What about my house?! Dog: Only the staff matters. Go!

The Last Temptation of Christy

Phoebe: That is so sweet. Simon: But you are not half-whitelighter, which is requisite for my future mate, so sorry to disappoint you. But you on the other hand are... Paige: Did you just say future mate? Simon: No! No, that was..It came out wrong apologies. Paige: Ok, here's the deal, we're actually super super busy right now, so it'll be fabulous if you could just orb yourself off now. Simon: Immortal? Very impressive. Paige: (in English voice) No....Not immortal...(Normal voice) A mortal! As in non-magical!

Generation Hex

Christy: Piper didn't call me. It was you, wasn't it? Candor: I did what was necessary. Christy: They were my parents! Candor: They were distracting you from taking the final step. Now, thanks to me, they no longer are. Christy: Bastard! (Christy kills Candor.) Candor: (coughing) Congratulations. You just passed... the final... test. Christy: Uh!

The Jung and the Restless

Piper: Did she say what she wanted? Paige: She just said she wanted to speak to us. Piper: This could very well be a trap. Did she call Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah, she did. Piper: Well, at the risk of your wrath, I'm going to tell you that this could be a very bad idea. Phoebe: I know, but please, let's just listen to what Billie has to say. Piper: I just spoke with an Elder, and she confirmed that those two could be very big trouble for us. Paige: What? Piper: She wasn't 100% sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later ... Piper: You know, considering you want to kill us, maybe you should use the front door. Billie: I don't want to kill you Piper, I just want to find out the truth. Phoebe: Well, how do we help you find that? Billie: Like this. Billie: You promise not to hurt them, right? Christy: Not until you see what you need to see.

Gone with the Witches

(gasps as she notices the ring) Oh crap. This place is a mess.

Kill Billie Vol. 2

Paige: Watch it, guys! Wait for me. This thing's heavy. Piper: We gotta keep moving. Phoebe: I think we're going in circles because this looks very familiar. Paige: Yeah, it looks the same to me too. Piper: Well, of course it does. It's the Underworld. It all looks the same. How many looks can they come up with? Paige: No wonder they wanna take over our world. This is ugly. Phoebe: They've already taken our world. That's why we're stuck down here. We gotta do something. Come on! Piper: I'm open to suggestions. Phoebe: Maybe we should talk to the leprechauns again? Paige: No, I've had it with the leprechauns. Piper: I think they made their allegiance pretty clear. Phoebe: They wouldn't even give us a chance to explain. Piper: I don't think it would have mattered. Billie and Christy have everybody thinking that we're the threat. Phoebe: We gotta get out of here. Christy: Where'd everyone go? Billie: Oh, I sent them home. I thought they'd be safer away from us. Christy: But we might need

Forever Charmed

Patty: It's okay, Mom, you just fainted. Grams: Well of course I fainted, you're dead! Phoebe: Are you getting any of this? Paige: Whatever...as long as we're alive again that's all I care about. Plus, it's really nice to see you guys again! Patty: Actually, we've never met. Paige: Yes, we have, but you were ghost. (the look on Patty's face suddenly changed) Oh, does she know? Grams: Yes, we know, we're both dead by now. We're over it. Patty: Speak for yourself. Phoebe: Wait, you guys went to the future, too? Paige: We sure did miss a lot when we were dead. Coop: (to Piper) Hey... (he turns and sees Phoebe.) Phoebe? Phoebe: Hi. Coop: Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive. Piper: You're welcome. Adult Wyatt: (surprised) Uncle Coop! Phoebe: Uncle Coop?! What!? (she stutters stunned as Chris shakes his head at Wyatt who covers his mouth.) Christy: We're gonna need Dumain's help if we're gonna finish what we started. Billie: Haven't you been listening to me? He's been manipulating us, pr