Quotes

Dialogue

Border Agent: When you're visiting the Great White North of Canada, you got your Canado's and your Canadon'ts. Right there, top shelf, number one: don't go tellin' a Canadian you don't follow hockey. Wallace Bryton: Of course. I should have known that. It makes them sad, right? Border Agent: Canadians don't get sad. Sadness was made by the USA. Wallace Bryton: Oh, c'mon, what does that mean? Border Agent: Take off, it's true! Right there, on our flag. It's right there when you look at it, and you see past that sacred maple leaf, you know what you see? Wallace Bryton: A white wall. Border Agent: You see that, in America, you're red white and blue, but in Canada, you're red, white, but never blue, eh? Ever. Wallace Bryton: Gotcha. That's actually... I never thought of it that way before. I just thought of Canadians as, you know... nice. Border Agent: Well, that right there is another Canadon't. We're not nice, we're optimistic. There's a difference.

Dialogue

Wallace Bryton: How far is Bifrost from here? Girl Clerk #1: [in a Canadian accent] It's aboot two hours from here. Wallace Bryton: [laughing] It's "aboot" two hours away. Girl Clerk #2: I hate American guys.

Dialogue

Howard Howe: Never be ashamed of fear, Mr. Bryton. Fear is the unelected governor that keeps our actions moral. Wallace Bryton: Who said that? Howard Howe: I did. Just now.

Dialogue

Wallace Bryton: A walrus saved your life? Howard Howe: The walrus is far more evolved than any man I've ever known. Present company included. Wallace Bryton: Thank you! Howard Howe: [poker face] You're welcome.

Dialogue

Ally Leon: [of the killer's victims] Did they have anything... sexual done to them? Guy LaPointe: No, he doesn’t touch them like that. He butchers them. Amputates limbs, cuts out the teeth and tongue...but he don’t do nothing sexy with them. Teddy Craft: You say you don’t have any leads, but you keep saying "he". Guy LaPointe: Who else could it be but a fucking man? A woman, she makes life. But a man? Angry he cannot make life? He only know how to take life. The boys on the force nicknamed our mystery killer "The First Wife". Guy LaPointe: Because the first wife doesn’t let you talk, doesn’t let you go anywhere, and doesn’t fuck you. It’s funnier if you’ve been married a few times.

Dialogue

Howard Howe: You’re not eating? Wallace Bryton: I can’t move my arms. Howard Howe: That would be the morphine. It is capital for the leg pain, and dare I say the only thing keeping you from howling in agony. However, it tends to leave one a bit sleepy. Wallace Bryton: I’m not sleepy. I’m...immobilized. Howard Howe: The melancholy that accompanies losing a limb must be akin to that of mourning a close friend you too often took for granted. Wallace Bryton: There was no spider, was there? Howard Howe: Of course there was. A brown recluse. Colloquially known as the hobo spider. Wallace: And you saw it? Howard Howe: Yes. Wallace Bryton: You saw the spider? Howard Howe: I only wish I had spied the creature before it so viciously attacked you. Wallace Bryton: What’d it look like? Howard Howe: The arachnid assailant? Wallace Bryton: Yeah. Howard Howe: Well...a typical spider. A legion of legs, et cetera et cetera. It was very small, though. So small you might even call it...itsy bitsy. [singin

Dialogue

Teddy Croft: We should call the cops or the Mounties or whatever the fuck. We need pros, Ally. [to LaPointe] No offense. Guy LaPointe: Go fuck yourself. No offense.

Dialogue

Kevin Smith: Welcome to SmodCast, I'm Kevin Smith. Scott Mosier: I'm Scott Mosier. Kevin: [after talking a little to Scott] There's a website called Gumtree. Scott: Gumtree. Kevin: Gumtree.com. It's sort of like a Craigslist for rooming and living arrangements. There's a house...and the guy who lives there, he writes an ad. He'll tell you. I mean, he'll tell you what he wants. The arrangement states that it's not available to couples and the seller type is private. Scott: Okay, so this is the official advertisement. Kevin: [laughs a little with Scott] This may sound (or seem) too good to be true. (reads the ad) Hello, I am looking for a lodger in my house. I have had a long and interesting life and have now chosen Brighton as a location for my retirement. Among the many things I have done in my life is to spend 3 years alone on St. Lawrence Island. These were perhaps the most intense and fascinating years of my life, and I was kept in companionship with a walrus whom (or who) I named G