Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Mr. Tall: [Whisper kind of voice] Are you boys 21? Are you 21?... Say yes! Darren Shan: Yeah. Steve: Yes. Mr. Tall: [Same whisper voice] Good, you don't have a tendency towards panic, sudden cardiac arrest, or crippling anxiety do you?... Say no! Darren Shan: No. Steve: Nope. [shakes head] Mr. Tall: Good, go right in, the show is about to start.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, CC BY-SA 4.0

Larten Crepsley: Now, are you mentally unfit? Didn't you hear me threaten you at the show? Steve: I did. It was awesome. You see, I want this. I want you to make me into a vampire. Vampires- they don't take crap from anybody. They live by their own set of rules. Larten Crepsley: It's true; they do have their own rules. We wrote some of them. Gavner Purl: And one of those rules is: "Children can't become vampires." Steve: Look- blood! [Holds out a small cut on his hand] Larten Crepsley: [Wide-eyed] Blood! You see Gavner! Blood... [Crepsley drops the act and gives Steve a deadpan expression.] Look. If you become a vampire, you have to leave your friends, and your family; it's deeply depressing. Trust me. Now get out of here! Steve: I haven't seen my dad in years. My mom's drunk all the time. I absolutely hate my life! I've never actually said it before, but it's the truth. This is what I was meant for. Larten Crepsley: What you were meant for? Well, if that's the case, let's test your bl

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mr. Tiny: Careful. The first step is a big one. Oh, I know. You miss- the one known as Darren. You feel betrayed, abandoned- you're a loyal friend. [Pauses] Unlike him. Steve: Darren was a loyal friend. Mr. Tiny: Oh, really? What if I told you he's still alive? He's taken your place, stealing your dreams! Oh, I know. You dream of killing people, drinking their blood! You dream of leading a great, bloodthirsty army! Steve: Who the hell are you? Mr. Tiny: I'm Mr. Tiny. Steve: Are you a vampire? Mr. Tiny: Oh, I'm not a vampire. I'm not a vampeneze. I'm... an aficionado. I want to see a marvelous war! Steve: What do you want from me, you freak? Mr. Tiny: [Visibly annoyed] Oh, I'm not a freak. I despise freaks! Can a freak travel back and forth between life and death? I think not. Can a freak create new life from rotting flesh and souls? Please! Can a freak bring about the Apocalypse, and rule the world? No. Sadly neither can I. [Looks pointedly at Steve] Not without help.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, CC BY-SA 4.0

Darren: Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody. Steve: Who cares what you meant to do? What you did was take my place. That was my dream. Darren: Steve, what are you doin' with him? Steve': Who? Murlaugh? Come on, man, he's not as bad as he looks. For one thing, he didn't say I had bad blood, like Crepsley. And for another thing, they didn't lie to me. And you know what? They think I'm awesome! They say I have a destiny, or whatever. Look at you. Who wants to be a vampire anyways? Vampires suck. Vampeneze rule! Murlaugh: [Looking at Mrs. Shan] Juicy! Steve: First guy I killed, Mr. Kersey. Blood, just gets me goin', you know what I mean? Darren: I wouldn't know, I haven't been drinking any. Steve: I know you; always trying to look Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, all the time. I bet you'll resist drinking blood, and resist drinking it, and resist drinking it. And then at the last second, you'll become this total bloodhound! All right, man, here's the deal. See, the fact guy, he still wants you on the

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, CC BY-SA 4.0

Larten Crepsley: You want to stay alive? You haven't been drinking blood yet; I doubt you'd be much good in a fight. Darren Shan: Well, what if they hurt someone? Larten Crepsley: People can look out for themselves. Darren Shan: You've been looking out for me. Why? Larten Crepsley: Why? Because I'm an idiot, that's why. Only an idiot would spit in the eye of Mr. Tiny. Because he doesn't just kill people; he brings them back, as well. And when I finally die, I plan on staying dead. Life might be meaningless, but death I still have hope for. Darren Shan: Life isn't meaningless. Larten Crepsley: Tell me that after two hundred years of it, kid.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, CC BY-SA 4.0