Time Bandits

Evil: What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent? Baxi Brazilia III: But He created you, Evil One! Evil: What did you say? Baxi: Well He created you, so He can't be totally— [Evil blows him to bits] Evil: Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long before good. I made myself. I cannot be unmade. I am all powerful! [Minions applaud] Cartwright: But why, if that's the case, are you unable to escape from this fortress? [Evil obliterates him] Evil: It's a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness? Robert: Because you— Evil: Shut up. I'm speaking rhetorically. Robert: Oh, of course. Evil: I let Him keep me here in order to lull Him into a false sense of security.

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0

Evil: When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding. Minion: Uh, understanding of what, Master? Evil: Digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being! God isn't interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how He spends His time! Forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men! Robert: Slugs. Evil: Slugs! He created slugs. They can't hear! They can't speak! They can't operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic?... If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, day one! [accidentally zaps a minion, who screams] Sorry.

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0

Wally: Vermin, that is not meant to be eaten. Vermin: You never know 'till you've eaten it!

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0

Evil: Oh, Benson! I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins, filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong! I feel so bad, Benson! Benson: Good! Good! Evil: Yes, it is good, for this is the worst kind of badness that I'm feeling!

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0

Robin Hood: The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all? Randall: Who? Robin Hood: The poor. Randall: The poor? Robin Hood: Oh, you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor!

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0

Robin Hood: Oh yes, and believe you me, the poor are going to be, well not just absolutely thrilled, but also considerably less poor. Aren't they Redgrave? Redgrave: [Gibberish] Robin Hood: You see- what did he say? Marion: He says yeah, what with Christmas coming up and all.

Time Bandits, CC BY-SA 4.0