Quotes

Others

Magnus Buchan: I always wanted to be in one of your fuckin' plays. Bert Fischer: [to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache? Mr. Littlejeans: Best play ever, man. Rosemary: Nihil Sanctisne?, Is nothing sacred? Found on Max Fischer's Mother's Grave Stone: All paths of glory lead but to the grave. Found in the book Diving for Sunken Treasure: When one man, for whatever the reason, has the ability to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.

Dialogue

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation. Max Fischer: And what does that entail? Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore. Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled. Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct. Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please? Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying. Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it... Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: - We don't offer a post-graduate year. Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.

Dialogue

Max Fischer: What was your major? Rosemary Cross: I didn't have a major, but my thesis was on Latin American economic policy. Max Fischer: Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear that they're not going to teach Latin anymore? Rosemary Cross: This was more like Central America.

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Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy. Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs. Max Fischer: Oh, are they?

Dialogue

Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max? Max Fischer: The secret? Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out. Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.

Dialogue

Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam? Herman Blume: Yeah. Max Fischer: Were you in the shit? Herman Blume: Yeah, I was in the shit.

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Herman Blume: Dirk? Dirk: I know about you and the teacher. Herman Blume: Does Max know? Dirk: No, and I don't want him to know, ever. I just want it to stop right now. You're a married man, Blume. You're supposed to be his friend. Herman Blume: Look Dirk, I am his friend. Dirk: Oh yeah, and with friends like you who needs friends? (spits on Herman's car)

Dialogue

Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future. Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship. Max Fischer: But we're friends. Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're going to be. Well, yes... Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

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Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore, Max. Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.

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Max Fischer: How the hell did you get so rich? You're a quitter, man! Herman Blume: I spent eight million dollars on this. Max Fischer: And is that all you're willing to spend?

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Max Fischer: So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross? Dr. Peter Flynn: We went to Harvard together. Max Fischer: Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.

Dialogue

Ernie: What kind of fish? Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi... Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really? Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Dialogue

Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way? Herman Blume: I don't know. Max Fischer: Over ten million? Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so. Max Fischer: Good, good. Herman Blume: Why? Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.

Dialogue

Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark! Max Fischer: Is that Latin?

Dialogue

Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school? Herman Blume: They love it. Magnus Buchan: Lucky bastards.

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Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon. Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.

Dialogue

Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business. Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit by a car and I'm feeling a little confused.

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Rosemary Cross: [tending a wound on Max's forehead] Is this fake blood? Max Fischer: Yes, it is.

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Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door. Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.

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Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings? Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play! [pause] And I'm in love with you.

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Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me? Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

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Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex? Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it. Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.

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Dr. Peter Flynn: [To Rosemary] I didn't know we were going to dinner. Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.

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Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Buchan. Magnus Buchan: Don't get nasty, brother.

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Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here? Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you. Herman Blume: That big one? Max Fischer: Yeah. Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.

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Max Fischer: And I’m going to stick a knife in his heart. And I’m going to send him back to Ireland in a bodybag. Tommy: He's from Scotland. Max Fischer: Well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today. I’m going to pop a cap in his ass.

Dialogue

I don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it! I'm building it anyway.

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Max Fischer: You're supposed to say, “Forget about it, Sanchez" ,The old man likes his canoli' lines- Frank: I made a mistake, all right? It doesn’t make any difference, anyway. Max Fischer: Hey, I'm letting it go. But don't tell me it doesn't matter. Every line matters. Frank: Get off my back! Max Fischer: Don't fuck with my play!

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Herman Blume: Come work for me. Max Fischer: What do you mean? Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you. Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.

Dialogue

Herman Blume: So you've changed your mind and you want the job. Max Fischer: No, I've got an idea and I need some money.

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Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea. Max Fischer: Yes, that's true. [pause] But I've been out to sea for a long time.

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Herman Blume: How much money do you want? Max Fisher: Thirty five thousand dollars, for the initial plans. Herman Blume: I'll give you twenty five hundred. Max Fisher: Okay.