The Absent-Minded Professor

First Referee: There's nothing in the rule book that says one team can't jump higher than the other. Biff Hawk: Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.

The Absent-Minded Professor, CC BY-SA 4.0

Fire Chief: [shouting through a megaphone] Mr. Hawk! This is the Fire Chief speaking! We'll have everything under control in just a moment. Now Mr. Hawk, try to relax. Alonzo P. Hawk: Relax? How can I relax, you fat-head?

The Absent-Minded Professor, CC BY-SA 4.0

Fireman: I told you we needed a new one. Fire Chief: You told me? What do you think I've been telling the town council? How am I supposed to buy a new net without an appropriation? Fireman: Well, don't get hot. I only mentioned it. Fire Chief: Well, you just keep the kinks out of the fire hose. That's all I want from you. I'm the Chief!

The Absent-Minded Professor, CC BY-SA 4.0

Prof. Shelby Ashton: [as he and the two officers get out of their crashed cars] Officer! Help me! It's after me! Help me! Officer Hanson: I do hope that you will excuse my appearance, but I was just having a cup of boiling hot coffee. Prof. Shelby Ashton: But it's after me! Officer Hanson: What's after you? Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know, some kind of a... thing! Officer Hanson: A thing? Can you describe it? Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know. I didn't see it. But it flies. And it made a noise, like, uh, "Aaa-OOO-gah! Aaa-OOO-gah!" And then it banged down on the top of my car! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! And when I looked, there wasn't anything there. Officer Hanson: Oh, that kind of a thing.

The Absent-Minded Professor, CC BY-SA 4.0

Alonzo P. Hawk: Well, I guess we shook them up a little, huh? Nobody's gonna push us around. Biff Hawk: You're kidding, aren't you, Pop? I mean, about closing down the college and turning the grounds into a housing tract? Alonzo P. Hawk: Son, I'm gonna teach you some of the facts of life. The small college, like the small country store and the little drug store, they're all in the same boat. Well, they're sinking. Today is the day of the supermarkets, the super colleges. The little man is gonna get squashed. Biff Hawk: But you graduated from Medfield. It's your college. Alonzo P. Hawk: All right, so what do you want? Some total stranger to close it down? Or some loyal, friendly alumnus to take care of things? Biff Hawk: But isn't there something you could do? I mean, give 'em some more time on the loan or something? Alonzo P. Hawk: Now, look, son, I'm sentimental about Medfield just like you, but it's like shooting a horse that has a broken leg. I want to do it to put it out of its mis

The Absent-Minded Professor, CC BY-SA 4.0