The Guru

Dwain: Next! Ramu Gupta: I'm here for the audition. Ramu Gupta. Dwain: Tell me something I don't know. Ramu Gupta: My mother comes from Hyderabad. My father wanted to marry a Muslim girl, but his family wouldn't let him. Dwain: Everybody's a comedian. What'd you say your name was? Ramu Gupta: Ram Chandra Gupta. Actor. Dancer. Dwain: Okay, Rammy, what would you say your specialty is? Ramu Gupta: Well, I move smooth. I take instruction easily. I'm not afraid to try new things. Dwain: Good. We like that. How big are you hard? Ramu Gupta: Yes, I work very hard. Dwain: No. Your johnson. How big is your johnson? Ramu Gupta: Johnson? Dwain: Your wand. Your pork-sword. Your baloney pony. Ramu Gupta: Would you like to see my Macarena? Dwain: Is that what you call it in your part of the world? Let me see your Macarena. Ramu Gupta: [Ramu hums melody and starts dancing] Hey, Macarena! Dwain: All right, you wanna lose the pants? Ramu Gupta: Is that part of the movie? Dwain: Could be. Ramu Gupta: I

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0

Ramu Gupta: I'm telling you. I'm the star, like John Travolta. Roommate 1: "Pulp Fiction" Travolta or "Urban Cowboy" Travolta? Ramu Gupta: "Grease" Travolta. Roommate 1: How many lines do you have? Ramu Gupta: I haven't seen the script yet. Roommate 1: I know your lines, just like your lines in the restaurant. "Would you like chutney with your chapatis or poppadums with your paneer?" Roommate 2: "Do you want nachos with your Big Gulp?" Ramu Gupta: Piss off, man. Roommate 1: Oh, I'm sorry. Good for you, yaar. Come on, so tell us about it. What role are you playing? Sanjiv: Man in turban working in gas station. Ramu Gupta: You guys joke all you want, but this is a real movie and I am the star.

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0

Vijay: Name one famous Indian in America. Sanjay: That guy from the Simpsons. Vijay: He is a cartoon!

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0

Chantal: [Edwin in her bedroom] What's wrong? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration. Edwin: [undresses] It's Bush time. [Chantal freaks out]

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0

Lexi: Mother, when you realize that not all people of color were put here to serve you? Chantal: Lexi, darling, how can say that? I've served food to the homeless. Good food. Food I'd eat myself if I still ate carbs.

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0

Rusty McGee: [Ramu pretends to be fixing toilet after Rusty gets home early and surprises them] Why doesn't he have any tools? Sharonna: He's a holistic plumber.

The Guru, CC BY-SA 4.0