Quotes

Dialogue

[first lines] Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. The enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis, and a chopper.

Dialogue

Scott: What's your problem, man? Hey, get off me! Zoe: Oh, my God! What are you doing, you spaz? That's my boyfriend! Shane Wolfe: So you're the one that has been breaking in! Go back inside! Zoe: No! Mrs. Chun: [speaks Korean] Shane Wolfe: [speaks Korean] Mr. Chun: Oh, we speak English, buddy. Mrs. Chun: Look, about the sirens and the strobe lights. We own a bakery, so we're up kind of early. Would you mind? Shane Wolfe: Sorry. [sirens stop] Mr. Chun: Oh, and we found this in our pool filter. Try to keep that zoo reined in, huh, babysitter? Scott: Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head. Zoe: Okay. Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on. Shane Wolfe: [pulls Scott back] No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. [Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20] I meant push-ups. Scott: Zoe? Shane Wolfe: Drop down! Do 20! [Scott does push-ups] Zoe: Okay, this is not the Army or the Navy. Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth. He'll pr

Dialogue

Shane Wolfe: Got them here. My fault. Murney: Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time? Seth: [low] Sasquatch. Murney: You got something to say, boy? Seth: No. Murney: No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you? Shane Wolfe: Eh. Seth: [low tone] Woolly mammoth. Murney: All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator! Shane Wolfe: Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days. Murney: Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me "Little Puppet". I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man. Shane Wolfe: You're the vice principal. Murney: A

Dialogue

Seth: Hey! Shane Wolfe: Enough. Murney: All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself. Shane Wolfe: Six against one? Murney: Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? [Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him] Shane Wolfe: Ooh, whoa. Murney: You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you. Shane Wolfe: I'm on duty. Murney: You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's

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Seth: What are you doing? Shane Wolfe: You're burning daylight. Move! Seth: It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am. You're insane!

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Shane Wolfe: Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it. Murney: They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy. Shane Wolfe: Has he been skipping class again? Claire Fletcher: Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but... Murney: All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat. Shane Wolfe: Go ahead. Murney: Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? [holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's "Young Rolf" costume] Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick. Shane Wolfe: All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi. Claire Fletcher: This is not normal. We're very concerned. [bell rings] All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to tal

Dialogue

Lulu: Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute. Shane: [stunned] Thank you. Lulu: Do you know kung-fu? Shane Wolfe: Yes. Lulu: Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off? Shane Wolfe: No. Lulu: Why are your boobs so big? Shane Wolfe: [shocked] They are not... boobs. Lulu: Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day? Shane Wolfe: You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land. Lulu: Do I look like I'm five to you? Shane Wolfe: What did I say? Lulu: Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you. Shane Wolfe: Okay, troops! Breakfast! What are you waiting for? Dig in. Feel free to mix and match. Stay away from the cheese. It'll back you up. Don't worry about running out. I can get lots more of these. I've survived months off this stuff. Zoe: Okay, like, I'm really gonna eat all of these carbs? Lulu: I can cross my eyes. Wanna see? Shane Wolfe: No. Tyler: [cries] Lulu: Tyler hates it when I do that. Shane

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Zoe: Come on, Seth. You've been in there for an hour. Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser. Now I'm gonna be the school joke. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends. Shane Wolfe: You call those people your friends? They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You have no respect for yourself. Zoe: I do, too, respect myself. Shane Wolfe: Company downstairs. And that means you too. Zoe: You're not my dad. In case you haven't noticed, this family is going through a really hard time, and you're just making everything a lot worse. You have no feelings. We hate you, and you hate us. So why don't you just leave us alone? Shane Wolfe: Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone. [crash] Now what? Zoe: Scott.

Dialogue

Helga: [to Shane] Tell me, are you licensed to kill? Shane Wolfe: No, ma'am. Helga: Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy. Shane Wolfe: Where's the baby? [Lulu points to the kitchen] Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word "discipline"? Helga: Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. [Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries] Thank you, Peter.

Dialogue

Murney: I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to. Shane Wolfe: Seth? Murney: Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes? Seth: Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit. Murney: You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer? Seth: I'm not scared. I want to act. Murney: And I want to take up origami. Seth: I'm in The Sound of Music. Murney: Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house. Seth: There is a man in the house. It's me. Murney: [laughs] Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough? Shane Wolfe: Where did you wanna do this? Murney: What are you talking ab

Dialogue

Lulu: Shane. You can't do this. You can't leave a man behind. Seth: Hold on, I got it. [opens bottle with milk and pours it on Shane] Zoe and Lulu: Shane! Zoe: Where's Mom? Shane Wolfe: Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help. [four kids running in Julie's car.] Hurry! Lulu: Are you sure you're gonna be okay? Shane Wolfe: Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.

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Zoe: Oh, my God! What do we do? Seth: Find a cop.

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Zoe: He's gaining on us. Seth: I'll handle it.

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Julie Plummer: I knew Howard; you haven't a chance! Shane Wolfe: [slowly] "When you're low… lower than the floor… and you think you haven't got a chance… don't make a move 'til you're in the groove: do the Peter Panda Dance!".

Dialogue

Bill Fawcett: Any last words, Shane? Shane Wolfe: Say good night, Peter Panda. Julie Plummer: Shane, are you okay? [Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face] She was never a good neighbor.

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Seth: Zoe, you're going too fast. You're not gonna have time to stop. Zoe: Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking.

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Shane Wolfe: Gary, now! Mr. Chun: AAAHHH!!!!!!!!! Claire Fletcher: Couldn't let you have all the fun.

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Claire Fletcher: Looks like you have a hit on your hands. Shane Wolfe: You think so? Claire Fletcher: Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. [She and Shane chuckle] It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling. Murney: [singing] Climb every mountain/Ford every stream… Shane Wolfe: It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.