It's a Gift

Norman: What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me anymore? Harold: [pulling back his arm as if to swat his son] Certainly I love ya. Amelia: [shrieking] Don't you strike that child! Harold: Well, he's not gonna tell me I don't love him.

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0

Amelia: Harold, I want one thing settled. If you get any money from your Uncle Bean, you are not going to buy an orange ranch with it. Harold: Oh, no, no, no, no. Amelia: Don't try that innocent look with me. We need things in the house. I haven't a STITCH to my back! The children need clothes. And we should have a car...I don't know where you get the idea you can make money raising oranges when you can't even run a corner grocery store. Harold: [distractedly salting his food] I know a lot about raising oranges. Amelia: What are you so nervous about? You haven't eaten a bite. Harold: I'm not hungry. Amelia: Well, that won't be worth eating if you put any more salt on it. Harold: Oh, no, no, no, no. [picks up roller skates] How much did it cost to fix these skates? Amelia: Wait, I'm not through with you. Now I KNOW you've got something on your mind. You're CONSTANTLY doing things behind my back and I know nothing about them till you're in some sort of a SCRAPE and I have to get you out.

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mildred: You're just trying to ruin the lives and future of everybody in this family. Harold: Me? Mildred: You don't care how much you take me away from people I like. Amelia: Harold, are you listening to me? Harold: Oh yes, yes, dear, go on, go on... Amelia: What did I say last? Harold: Yes, yes, every word of it, yes.. Mildred: I never knew such an ungrateful father. Harold: [to Mildred] Listen, you've all got to realize one thing that I [he tentatively glances in the direction of his wife, and then whispers so his wife won't hear] am the master of this household. Amelia: HAROLD! Harold: Yes, dear? Amelia: I don't know why it is that every time I want to talk to you, you're off in some other part of the house. I have to shout, SHOUT, SHOUT! No wonder the neighbors know all about our private affairs. I get little enough opportunity as it is to find out what's going on, without you running away as if I had the SMALLPOX or something. Every time I open my MOUTH...

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0

Harold: Open the door for Mr. Muckle. Everett: What? Harold: Open the door for Mr. Muckle, the blind man! Fitchmueller: HOW ABOUT MY CUMQUATS? Everett: Whadya say? Fitchmueller: CUMQUATS!

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0

Harold: What can I do, uh... [retrieving the ear trumpet] WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? Muckle: Have you got any chewing gum? Harold: Uh, yes we have. [Shouting into the earpiece] YES WE HAVE! YES! YES WE HAVE! Fitchmueller: HOW ABOUT MY CUMQUATS?! Harold: Coming, coming, coming, coming, coming.

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0

Fitchmueller: C-u-m-q-u-a-t-s. Harold: Oh yeah, C - U - M - Fitchmueller: q-u-a-t-s, quats, quats. Harold: Two quats? Fitchmueller: No, one quat. Harold: Oh yea, Q - U - A - Fitchmueller: t-s, t-s. Harold: T - Fitchmueller: s, s, s. Harold: Oh yes, yes, I've got it. S - S - is cumquats. Yes. Now uhm, let me see, uh?

It's a Gift, CC BY-SA 4.0