Quotes

Others

I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? [to her squirrels] I was talkin' to Vera!

Dialogue

Shawn Kent: Wait - what's this $110? Employee: Uh, those are your in-room movies. Shawn Kent: No, I didn't watch any movies. Employee: Okay, let's see..."Afro Whores". Shawn Kent: "Afro Whores"? Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times. Shawn Kent: No, I didn't watch that. Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores". Shawn Kent: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record. Hotel Clerk: It's not a record, sir. Shawn Kent: It... It's a delete. Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times did you watch it? Shawn Kent: Uh, none! I didn't watch it! Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...” Shawn Kent: No, I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows] I did

Dialogue

Duane Cody: Okay, see that shot glass? Walk across the lobby, slip on the glass, let gravity do the rest. Blaine Cody: I-ight 'eak y eck! Duane Cody: It's true, you could break your neck, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Blaine Cody: Hy ont u oo it? Duane Cody: Because, Einstein, one of us needs to be the victim and one of us needs to be the witness! What kind of witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. How's your tongue, let me see. Blaine Cody: Ows it ook? Duane Cody: ...It looks good, getting better.

Dialogue

Randy Pear: [seeing Blaine's infected tongue] Oh my God! You ought to sue somebody! Blaine Cody: Ay id it y-elf! Randy Pear: What? Duane Cody: He said he did it himself. Sent away for a kit.

Dialogue

Donald Sinclair: [after explaining the game] The first one there, keeps it all! Oh, by the way, I put little tracking devices on your key rings so I'll always know where you are and...that's it! Go. Owen: Y-You can't just pick people at random! Donald Sinclair: I can do anything I like, Owen! I'm eccentric! [Growls] Go! Randy Pear: Wait. So, it's like a race? [Sinclair points to him with an "Ah-ha!" expression] Enrico Pollini: A race! It's a race! I hope I win! Duane Cody: Uh, what are the rules? Donald Sinclair: There's only one rule. Are you ready? Here it is: There are, no rules! Go! [Nobody moves] Go!! Merrill: So, when you say "go", you mean, just go? Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving, [looks at his watch] theoretically you have been racing for about forty-five seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.

Dialogue

Owen: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Wait! This is crazy! Listen, if we're all going to go for it, why don't we go for it together? You know, split the money fifty-fifty? Blaine Cody: Fifay-fifay? Owen: Oh, you know what I mean. Fifty-fifty; whatever! Vera: Yes, yes, that's a good plan. Enrico: [Running down the stairs] It's a race! It's a race! [Goes past everyone on the landing] I am winning! I am winning!

Dialogue

Kimberly Pear: Dad, I'm prairie-dogging it!! Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean? Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground. Randy Pear: Oh...Oh, God, I do not want to picture that!

Dialogue

Randy Pear: That's Hitler's harmonica; you can't play Hitler's harmonica. Jason Pear: Well, you're driving his car. Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not sucking on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!

Dialogue

Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry? Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked. Vicki: So far so good. Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails and you shave my buttocks.