Quotes

Others

[to Will] You're a selfish bastard.

Others

[to Marcus] When you sing, it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.

Others

'Sheikh Yur Az' [Shake your ass]... is he Moroccan?

Others

Are we having duck? Delicious!

Others

[to Marcus] What did you just say to me? You heard me, squitty little shitty snot-nosed bastard!

Dialogue

Will: You must be joking. I couldn't possibly think of a worse godfather for Imogene. You know me. I'll drop her at her christening. I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th, when I'll take her out and get her drunk and possibly, let's face it, you know, try and shag her. I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice. Christine: We know, I just thought you had hidden depths. Will: No. No. You've always had that wrong. I really am this shallow.

Dialogue

Suzie: May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all? Will: Sorry, I didn't catch your name. Suzie: Suzie. Will: Suzie. She doesn't see much of him, no. Suzie: How does he cope with that? Will: He's a very good little boy. Very, very brave. They've got amazing resources, don't they? Just the other day I was thinking about my ex. He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms around my neck, and he said: "You hang in there, Dad." Suzie: God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old! Will: Is it? Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special. Sometimes I think, you know, he's the one taking care of me. Teaching me the ways of the world.

Dialogue

Suzie: You miss him, don't you? Will: Who? Oh, Ned! Yeah. Yeah, very much.

Dialogue

Marcus: I got the letter. Thanks. Fiona: Oh my God. I'd forgotten. Marcus: You forgot? You forgot a suicide letter? Fiona: Well I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I? Did you read the part where I said I'd always love you? Marcus: It's a bit hard for you to love me when you're dead, isn't it? Fiona: I can understand why you're angry, Marcus. But I don't feel the same as I did yesterday, if it's any help. Marcus: What? It's all gone away? All that? Fiona: No, but, for the moment, I feel better. Marcus: The moment's no good for me. I can see you feel better at the moment. You just put the kettle on. What happens when you finish your tea? What happens when I go back to school? I can't be here to watch you all the time!

Dialogue

Marcus: I'll come if you take my mom, too. She hasn't got any money, so either we'll have to go somewhere cheap, or you'll have to treat us. Will: Well, listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus. Marcus: Why should I? We're poor, you're rich, you pay. You can bring your little boy if you like. I don't mind. Will: That's really big of you.

Dialogue

Marcus: [voiceover] If Mum was going to get Will to marry her, she'd have to quit making jokes. At least she looked good. I had her put on that nice hairy jumper and the earrings she got from her friend that went to Zimbabwe. Will: [voiceover] The kid seemed to think this was a date. As for his mum, she was clearly insane and appeared to be wearing some kind of Yeti costume.

Dialogue

Christine: You will end up childless and alone. Will: Well, fingers crossed, yeah.

Dialogue

Will: It's a CD, Marcus, by Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them. Fiona: What kind of music is Mystikal? Will: It's sort of, um, world music . . . Marcus: [reads a song title] "Shake Ya Ass." Will: ...Slash rap-type thing.

Dialogue

Ellie: You like rap? Marcus: A little. It's by black people mostly. And they're pretty angry most of the time. But sometimes they just want to have sex.

Dialogue

Will: I want to go out with her, OK. I'd like her to be my girlfriend, here I said it. Marcus: How brilliant!

Dialogue

Ali: If your dad goes out with my mum, you're gonna be dead, really dead. Marcus: I don't think it's really up to me, now is it? Ali: Well it better be... or you're gonna die.

Dialogue

Marcus: Oh, don't worry, I think your mum is keen on him. Ali: [Shouting] She's not keen on him! She's only keen on me!

Dialogue

Rachel: Ali didn't get along with the last bloke I went out with. Ali: [Loudly] He was a liar! Rachel: All right, Ali.

Dialogue

Fiona: You cannot stop someone from expressing themselves. Will: He's not expressing himself! He's expressing you, okay?

Dialogue

Fiona: Will, am I a bad mother? Will: No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic.

Dialogue

Fiona: I mean, he's a special – very, very special boy and he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it. Will: Oh, please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.

Dialogue

Marcus: I used to want Will to marry my mom. Ali: You serious? Marcus: Yeah, but that was when she was depressed and I was desperate. Will: Thanks, mate.