Quotes

Dialogue

Mrs. Teasdale: As chairwoman of the reception committee, I extend the good wishes of every man, woman and child of Freedonia. Rufus T Firefly: Never mind that stuff, take a card. [Fans out a deck of playing cards] Mrs. Teasdale: [Picks one from the fan] Card? What do I do with the card? Firefly: You can keep it. I got fifty one left! Now, what were you saying? Mrs. Teasdale: As chairwoman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms. Firefly: Is that so? How late do you stay open? Mrs. Teasdale: I've sponsored your appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia. Firefly: Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You'd better beat it; I hear they're gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You m

Dialogue

Trentino: Your Excellency, haven't we seen each other somewhere before? Firefly: I don't think so; I'm not sure I'm seeing you now, it must be something I ate. Trentino: Look here, sir, are you trying to-?! Firefly: Don't look now... but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.

Dialogue

Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh, I see. Then, it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. Mrs. Teasdale: He left me his entire fortune. Firefly: Is that so? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you! [jumps into her arms] Mrs. Teasdale: Oh, your Excellency! Firefly: You're not so bad yourself.

Dialogue

Mrs. Teasdale: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.

Dialogue

Trentino: Have you been trailing Firefly? Chicolini: Have we been trailing Firefly? Why, my partner he's got a nose just like a bloodhound! Trentino: Oh really? Chicolini: Yes, and the rest of his face don't look so good either.

Dialogue

Treasury minister: Your Excellency, here's the Treasury department's report. I hope you'll find it clear. Firefly: "Clear?" Huh! Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report! (aside as he passes the report to Bob Roland) Run out and find me a four-year-old child; I can't make head or tail out of it. And now, members of the Cabinet, we'll take up old business. Trade Minister: I wish to discuss the tariff. Firefly: Sit down, that's new business. [pause] No old business? Very well, we'll take up new business. Trade Minister: Now about the tariff- Firefly: Too late, that's old business already. Sit down. Secretary of War: Gentlemen, as your Secretary of war- Firefly: The Secretary of War is out of order! Which reminds me, so is the plumbing. Make a note of that. Never mind, I'll do it myself. Labor Minister: The Department of Labor wishes to report that the workers of Freedonia are demanding shorter hours. Firefly: Very well, then we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cu

Dialogue

Chicolini: He's some smart dog. You know, he went with Admiral Byrd to the Pole. Firefly: I'll bet the dog got to the pole first.

Dialogue

Chicolini: I think we should have a standing army. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army? Chicolini: Because that way we save money on chairs!

Dialogue

Lemonade Vendor: I'll teach you to kick me! Chicolini: You don't have to teach me—I know how! [kicks him]

Dialogue

Vera: Oh, for heaven's sake, don't make a sound. If you found, you lost. Chicolini: Oh, you crazy. How can I be lost if I'm found?

Dialogue

Mrs. Teasdale: But I saw you with my own eyes! Chicolini: [in disguise as Rufus T. Firefly] Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?

Dialogue

Chicolini: Hello, boss! Firefly: Chicolini, I bet you eight-to-one we find you guilty. Chicolini: At's-a no good; I can get ten-to-one at the barbershop. Officer: Chicolini, you're charged with high treason, and if found guilty, you will be shot. Chicolini: I object. Officer: [scoffs] Oh, you object? On what grounds? Chicolini: I couldn't think of anything else to say. Firefly: [raps gavel] Objection sustained. Officer: Your Excellency, you sustained the objection?! Firefly: Sure, I couldn't think of anything else to say, either. Why don't you object?

Dialogue

Mrs. Teasdale: Ambassador Trentino is here on a friendly visit. He's had a change of heart. Firefly: A lot of good that'll do him! He's still got the same face.

Dialogue

Prosecutor: Something must be done. War would meant a prohibitive increase in our taxes. Chicolini: Hey, I've got an uncle that lives in Taxes. Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes. Money. Dollars. Chicolini: Dollas! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollas, Taxes!

Dialogue

Chicolini: I wouldn't go out there unless I had one of those big iron things that go up and down. What do you call those things? Firefly: Tanks. Chicolini: You're welcome.

Dialogue

Firefly: You're the Secretary of War. Why don't you do something? Chicolini: I've done it already. I've changed to the other side. Firefly: You're on the other side, eh? Then what are you doing over here? Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.