Quotes

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, it is my clear duty, under the present circumstances, to issue the recall code, upon my own authority, and bring back the wing. If you'll excuse me sir. [Mandrake tries all exits and finds them locked] I'm afraid sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. Have you got them handy sir? Gen. Ripper: I told you to take it easy, Group Captain. There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now. I'm the only person who knows the three letter code group. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me. GP Capt. Mandrake: Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun? Gen. Ripper: Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting here so enjoyably, a decision is being made by the President and the Joint Chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing, there will be only one c

Dialogue

President Muffley: Right. Now, General Turgidson, what's going on here? Gen. Turgidson: Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes ago, General Jack Ripper, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Russia. The, uh, planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes. President Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons. Gen. Turgidson: That's

Dialogue

Gen. Turgidson: General Ripper called Strategic Air Command Headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. I have a phone transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to read it. President Muffley: Read it. Gen. Turgidson: Ahem... The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he had issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and nobody can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation." Uh... "My boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now." Uhuh. Uh... "So let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all." And he hung up. Gen. Turgidson: Uh, we're... still trying to figure out the meaning of

Dialogue

Gen. Turgidson: Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth, both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless distinguishable, post-war environments: one where you got 20 million people killed, and the other where you got 150 million people killed! President Muffley: You're talking about mass murder, General, not war. Gen. Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks. President Muffley: I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler. Gen. Turgidson: Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American people, than with your image in the history books.

Dialogue

Gen. Turgidson: Is that the Russian ambassador you're talking about? President Muffley: Yes it is, General. Gen. Turgidson: A-A-Am I to understand the *Russian* ambassador is to be admitted entrance to th-the War Room? President Muffley: That is correct, he is here on my orders. Gen. Turgidson: I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!

Dialogue

Gen. Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Well, I can't say I have, Jack. Gen. Ripper: Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes. Gen. Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Oh, eh, yes. I, uhm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack. Gen. Ripper: Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven tenths of this Earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that 70% of you is water? And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water - to replenish our precious bodily fluids. Are you beginning to understand? Gp Capt. Mandrake: [nervously] Yes. Gen. Ripper: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water or rainwater? And only pure grain alcohol? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes. Gen. Ripper: Have you eve

Dialogue

Russian Ambassador: When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive fallout so that within ten months, the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon! Gen. Turgidson: Ah, come on DeSadeski, that's ridiculous. Our studies show that even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks. Russian Ambassador: You've obviously never heard of cobalt thorium G! Gen. Turgidson: [pauses] Well, what about it? Russian Ambassador: Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive half-life of ninety three years. If you take, say, fifty H-bombs in the hundred megaton range and jacket them with cobalt thorium G, when they are exploded they will produce a doomsday shroud. A lethal cloud of radioactivity which will encircle the earth for ninety-three years! Gen. Turgidson: Ah, what a load of commie bull. I mean, after all...! President Muffley: I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexei. Is the Premier threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack? Russian Ambass

Dialogue

President Muffley: [about the Doomsday Machine] How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger? Dr. Strangelove: Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.

Dialogue

Dr. Strangelove: The whole point of the doomsday machine is lost if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh? Russian Ambassador: It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

Dialogue

Gen. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream. Gp Capt. Mandrake: [very nervous] Lord, Jack. Gen. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began? Gp Capt. Mandrake: I... no, no. I don't, Jack. Gen. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory? Gen. Ripper: Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Hmm. Gen. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: I'm sure they died thinking of you, every man-jack of them, er, Jack. Anyway, so what if a little water did go up? Can't be too careful, I always say… but look at me: do I look all rancid and clotted? Do I, Jack? Huh? Huh? And I drink lots of water. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack; that's what I am. And I swear to you, my boy;–– swear to you;–– there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids! Not a thing, Jackie. Gen. Ripper: Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner-of-war?

Dialogue

Col. Guano: Put your hands over your head. Gp Capt. Mandrake: What the devil do you think you're doing, shooting away in here? Who are you? Col. Guano: I said, put your hands over your head. What kinda suit you call that, fella? Gp Capt. Mandrake: What do you mean, "suit"? This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir, and I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. I'm General Ripper's Executive Officer. Col. Guano: Where's General Ripper? Gp Capt. Mandrake: He's dead, in the bathroom. Col. Guano: Where's the bathroom? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Next to you.

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody March Hare, and sent the whole wing over to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that?! Col. Guano: What are you talkin' about? Gp Capt. Mandrake: I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'm going to pick up this red telephone, which is connected directly to SAC, and I hope-- [tries but the phone is dead] --blast. Blast! Shot away, I expect, by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting! Right! [picks up another phone only to discover the cord connecting it to the receiver has been severed] Col. Guano: All right, Charlie. I've been wastin' too much time on you. I got a lot of wounded men outside. Start walkin'.

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here! Col. Guano: You wanna know what I think? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Yes! Col. Guano: I think you're some kinda deviated prevert. I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizin' some kinda mutiny of preverts! Now move!

Dialogue

Col. Guano: All I was told to do was to get General Ripper on the phone with the President of the United States. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Now just one second. You just said, "The President". Col. Guano: What about the President? Gp Capt. Mandrake: Now, the President wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not? I am General Ripper's Executive Officer, so the President will bloody well want to speak to me, won't he? [gestures at a payphone booth] There's a telephone box over there, and the line may be open. Col. Guano: You wanna talk to the President of the United States? Gp Capt. Mandrake: I don't want to talk to him, Colonel, I've got to talk to him. And I can assure you that if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of inquiry on this will give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: Just one second, op-operator. [to Col. "Bat" Guano] They won't accept the call. Have you got fifty-five cents? Col. Guano: What, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do ya?

Dialogue

Gp Capt. Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there. Col. Guano: That's private property. Gp Capt. Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit! Col. Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you? Gp Capt. Mandrake: What? Col. Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.

Dialogue

Dr. Strangelove: I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. It would be quite easy...heh, heh...at the bottom of ah...some of our deeper mine shafts. Radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep, and in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided. President Muffley: How long would you have to stay down there? Dr. Strangelove: Well let's see now ah...cobalt thorium G....Radioactive half-life of uh,...I would think that uh... possibly uh... one hundred years. President Muffley: You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years? Dr. Strangelove: It would not be difficult, Mein Führer! Nuclear reactors could, heh...I'm sorry, Mr. President. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plant life. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country, but I would guess