Better Off Dead

Jenny Myer: [ladling an unidentifiable gelatinous substance onto dinner plates] I got the recipe from a magazine. The mail got wet in the rain, so some of the pages ran together, but what I couldn't read I just... improvised with my own little... creative ideas. It's got raisins in it. You like raisins. Barney Rubble: [on TV] Hey there, Lane. I know this is a little awkward, me being a cartoon and all, I was just wondering how you'd feel if I took out Beth? [laughs] Tree Trimmer: [After Lane falls into a dump truck when trying to commit suicide off of a bridge] Man, that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Jenny Myer: How was your day? Lane Myer: Beth just dumped me. Jenny Myer: Oh, that's nice.

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Lane Myer: Johnny... Johnny: Four weeks, twenty papers, that's two dollars. Plus tip. Lane Myer: Gee Johnny, I don't have a dime. Johnny: Didn't ask for a dime. Two dollars. Lane Myer: Well... it's funny see... my mom, had to leave early to take my brother to school and my dad to work cuz... Johnny: Two dollars... cash. Lane Myer: See... the problem here is that... my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh... my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of... penguins, so it's kind of a family crisis... so come back later? Great.

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Monique Junot: I thought if Casanova and I in there had nothing to say to each other, he'd get bored -- go away. Instead he uses it as a chance to put his testicles all over me! Lane Myer: Uh, his what? Monique Junot: Uh, how you say... octopus... testicles. Lane Myer: No, tentacles. N-T. Tentacles. Monique Junot: Tentacles. Lane Myer: There's a big difference.

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Lane Myer: I have a great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop and the fair housing committee condemned it. I can't. Monique Junot: "I cannot do it" is your middle name.

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Yee Sook Ree: [imitating Howard Cosell] Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once great champ, now, a study in mopishness. No longer the victory hungry stallion we've raced so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion. Lane Myer: Alright let's go!

Better Off Dead (film), CC BY-SA 4.0