Quotes

A Whole New Whirled [1.1]

Peacemaker: I killed Rick Flag for you people! Emilia Hartcourt: No one ever told you to kill Flag. Peacemaker: Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could. Hartcourt: Funny, for you, how often "the only choice" and "killing people" coincides.

A Whole New Whirled [1.1]

You think I'm handsome?

A Whole New Whirled [1.1]

I don’t care about the quality of the knife, as long as the blade is sharp.

Best Friend, For Never [1.2]

Vigilante: Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them? Peacemaker: I don't know... Vigilante: When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure? Peacemaker: [sighs] No... Vigilante: Well, it does! [laughs] It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac?

Best Friend, For Never [1.2]

Peacemaker: Do you read the news? Vigilante: No. What for? It's depressing.

Better Goff Dead [1.3]

Just remember, even if they end up being okay to "work with", they’re still not gonna be good friends. And none of them is the type to be a best friend!

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

Murn: Peacemaker, in my office. You sure your head is in this? Peacemaker: What? Murn: You choked last night. Peacemaker: Are you kidding me? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you put a goddamn dove of peace on the sniper rifle! One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon. Murn: That's bullshit and you know it! Peacemaker: You also told me to kill kids. You didn't say why! Yeah, okay, one was homely. That didn't make it better, it made it worse! I started to feel sorry for it. Murn: Yeah, I may have pushed you too hard on that one. Peacemaker: I made a vow to have peace at any cost, no matter how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it. But I'm not fucking killing kids just because you say so! Murn: You're sure that's all it is? Peacemaker: Yeah. Murn: Good... 'cause right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.(Looks out at Vigilante) Well I guess him now, too. Vigilante: Fuck it

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

Old Man: Batman doesn't kill people! Peacemaker: Because he's a pussy! Old Man: He's a dark creature of the night! Peacemaker: He's a jackass who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people! Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass to not kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck!

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

Vigilante: Shouldn't you kill him, then? Peacemaker: No! I'm not gonna kill my dad! Vigilante: Why not? Peacemaker: Because I love him. Vigilante: Oh!

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

Peacemaker: Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower... not a shower. Auggie: What? Peacemaker: I don't mean like a dіck! I mean, like, a... a person, like, a guy, who you... like more as time goes on. An individual you don't like and then... you... you learn to like. Auggie: You're comparing yourself to a choad! Peacemaker: Not in a bad way!

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

Vigilante: I'm grateful that Black people gave us rock and roll music. Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, 38 Special... All those guys owe everything to Black American folk and blues musicians. I mean, they wouldn't exist without 'em, and then white redneck music would just sound like... well, what it sounded like before black people, which was the wet, sloppy sounds of fucking your sister. Okay, so that's my turn. Which one of you dumb, sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying, Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking pieces of sh¡t wants to go next? Inmate: Who the fuck are you? Vigilante: You're first? Cool! Okay, wait. No, let me guess. Your favorite contribution to Black American culture was all the black guys who fucked your mom in the ass while you watched from the closet, jerking off?

The Choad Less Traveled [1.4]

[to Auggie] You're a bad dad.

Monkey Dory [1.5]

Economos: Dude, I didn't mean to put your father in prison. Peacemaker: Then why'd you put him there, you fat fuck?! Economos: Because I couldn't think of anybody else! Peacemaker: Well, what about Ariana Grande, or Drake?! Economos: What?! Peacemaker: Brad Pitt or Payne Stewart or Doug the Pug... Khloé Kardashian, the red tiger from Voltron, Tinky-Winky, Mariska Hargitay, Mario, Super Mario, fuckin' Luigi! Yoshi, the Princess, Bert, Ernie, Grover, Snuffleupagus, Burger King, Grimace, Ronald McDonald, the two old guys on the balcony from The Muppets? Fran Tarkenton, Joe Montana, Joe Mantegna... Economos: What the fuck?! Peacemaker: ...Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan, BTS? Eugene Levy?! Economos: Fuck, dude, half...! Peacemaker: Jon Lovitz? Shut the fuck up and listen, man. I'm giving you a list of people you could've done! Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, Jim Morrison, any one of the fuckin' Beatles! Pete Best? George Carlin. Economos: Dead! Peacemaker: Danny Glover! Mel Gib

Murn After Reading [1.6]

Kid With the Sad Eyes: You said the Blackheart Ruby weighed thirty pounds. Peacemaker: Yes. Kid With the Sad Eyes: And Kite Man was riding a kite? Peacemaker: That's right! Kid With the Sad Eyes: Wouldn't he have crashed anyway, due to gravity? Peacemaker: [long pause] No.

Murn After Reading [1.6]

Gender-Swapped Alfred E. Neuman: Have you ever met the Flash? Peacemaker: Yeah, I have met the Flash. Like everybody else who's ever met him, I thought he was an unbearable d-bag.

Murn After Reading [1.6]

Dude. My advice? Cut it out with the introspection. The mind is a den of scorpions better left running from, not towards.

Murn After Reading [1.6]

Leota: You took over someone? "Murn": Yes. Leota: Yeah, you killed someone, whoever "Murn" really was! "Murn": I needed to stop them! So I inhabited the worst person I could find. This man, Leota, he's... he's a murderer. But still, I know his thoughts. He's... Even he could have changed. I know that. I took that from him. I took his freedom and his face. And every day, I dread waking up to his memories.

Murn After Reading [1.6]

We used to go out, kill bad guys. Boom, boom, boom. No problem. We accidentally kill the wrong person? "Aw, shoot. Bummer. That stinks". Then we move on! Now, suddenly, you've got this weird, new-age belief that all life is sacred!

Murn After Reading [1.6]

School wasn’t my bag. It’s for dorks.

Stop Dragon My Heart Around [1.7]

Peacemaker: [to Auggie, while punching him] You killed my brother! You killed Keith! And you're only right about one thing, I am a piece of shit! I'm a piece of shit for listening to you for all those years! I'm a piece of shit for not killing you in your sleep! Auggie: [laughs] You hit like a girl! Auggie: Well go ahead and do it, you fucking pussy! [Peacemaker hesitates.] I knew you couldn't do it, you faggot. 'Cause I control you! Whether or not I kill you, you'll never be able to get the fuck away-- Vigilante: Dude, this is a really weird time to do your face exercises. I mean, I guess you don't get a totally sick, jacked face like yours without dedication, but... Economos: He's crying, asshole.

Stop Dragon My Heart Around [1.7]

Economos: [to Vigilante] So you're compassionate about tape, but not brutally murdering people? Vigilante: Yes.

It's Cow or Never [1.8]

Auggie Hallucination: The fuck are you doing? Peacemaker: Getting my poison blowgun, fucko! Auggie Hallucination: Well, why don't you just go for your piece, cumstain?! Peacemaker: You're metaphorical, douchewad!

It's Cow or Never [1.8]

Butterfly: Why did he do that to his beard? Economos: Do what? Butterfly: Why did he color his beard all strange like that? Economos: He thought it made him look younger and more handsome. He never had a girlfriend, so he thought dyeing his beard might help. But he was also lazy, and busy with his job... and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly. And when he did, he used the cheapest brand because he was incredibly underpaid. Mostly, though, he never thought anybody noticed. Until recently, when one guy said it to him all the time.

A Man Is Only as Good as His Bird [2.2]

To the 11th Street Kids. We came, we motherfukcin' rocked it! No matter how far away we are from each other, even our boy Economos, no one will ever break us apart.

Another Rick Up My Sleeve [2.3]

Economos: [sees his phones to see Sasha Bordeaux calling him] Fuck! Vigilante: Who is it? Economos: [answers] Hello? Bordeaux: Why didn't you tell us Smith has some kind of superpowered duck? Langston: A meta duck. Economos: He doesn't have a superpowered duck. He's got a regular eagle. Bordeaux: That regular eagle just took down five agents. One's in the ICU. Another lost an eye. Another one needs to have a reconstructive facial surgery. Economos: Fuck. O-okay, I'll be right in. Bordeaux: Make it fast. [ends the call] Langston: He told me duck. What kind of man takes advantage of another man's bird blindness? [Bordeaux walks off] Right. [another nurse passes by] Sorry, excuse me.

Back to the Suture [2.5]

Leota: [reading the note] "Ads, I'm trusting you to tell the others goodbye for me. I know you won't agree with what I'm doing…" Peacemaker: [voice-over] "…but I feel like it's the right thing. I've tried again and again to make up for my mistakes, but I'm not sure redemption is something that's truly possible, at least not here. So, I'm going to make a life in the other world. I'm going to be a brother to my brother, a son to my dad. And I'm going to tell Emilia, 'Yes. We'll work on this.' I'll cherish life and overcome my trauma and be the good man there that I was never able to be here. Don't be bummed. I love you all, even Harcourt after all that fucked-up, cunty bullshit she did, but I don't belong here. I think that if you and Harcourt and Economos turn this alien-dimensional-canister thing over to A.R.G.U.S., you'll be in their good graces enough to all get promoted. Then, everyone will be happy. Love, Chris and Eagly."

Ignorance is Chris [2.6]

Lex Luthor: Last time I saw you, you were denying Metahumans were a threat. And now, it seems they're taking over the world. Rick Flagg: Sort of, yeah. Luthor: Yeah, the Justice Gang and Superman determining international politics. Meanwhile, I'm here in Belle Reeve listening to a bear-sized man with dragon skin butt-fucking a glowing twink with cartoon eyes in a cell beside me every night.

Ignorance is Chris [2.6]

Luthor: What is the United States government willing to give me to stop this clown? Rick: An opportunity for redemption. Luthor: I'm listening.

Ignorance is Chris [2.6]

Peacemaker: I know you don't hate me. Harcourt: I know you know I don't. Peacemaker: But I'm in love with you, Emilia. Harcourt: Yeah, I know. Peacemaker: Yeah, I figured. Y'know, can we just talk about that then, maybe? Just tell me the truth. Do you have feelings about me or not? Harcourt: So what? So you're gonna stay here if I don't and come home if I do? Peacemaker: See? You just keep talking around it! Harcourt: Chris, I'm a fucking nightmare! Peacemaker: I don't care. Harcourt: I do, okay? I don't have access to my feelings like you do. So-- So you're right, what you said on the roof the other night. What I do is, I go and I get in bar fights... Peacemaker: I know. Harcourt: ...just so I can fuckin' feel something. Peacemaker: And I still love you. Harcourt: Are you coming back or not? Peacemaker: I can't! Harcourt: Yes, you can. Peacemaker: Emilia, my dad. My brother. Y'know, I like the other you! Y'know, she's nice, she's not you, but... I can't just run out on these people! H

Like a Keith in the Night [2.7]

You don't want to be a minority here. Or gay. Or Buddhist. Or anything I am, really.

Like a Keith in the Night [2.7]

I'm not so sure this Nazi world is as different from our world as we wish it was.

Like a Keith in the Night [2.7]

Peacemaker: STOP! Get off him! Get off him, please! Stop! What's wrong with us? What the fuck is wrong with all of us?! I'm sorry, I'm so fuckin' sorry. Auggie: [flashback] You killed your brother, you piece of shit! Peacemaker: It's me. This is me, everything I touch. It's not your world that's wrong or mine. It's me. Oh, fuck!

Full Nelson [2.8]

Peacemaker: No, I don't wanna see anyone. Guard: Why not? Peacemaker: Because maybe I'm the Angel of fuckin' Death.